Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
Tag Line: What Jessica wants, Jessica gets - even if someone gets hurt!From the Back of the Book: Beautiful and ruthless Jessica Wakefield is determined to be chosen queen of the fall dance at Sweet Valley High. If she can win the contest, she's sure to win Bruce Patman, the most sought after boy in school. The only person standing in Jessica's way is Enid Rollins. When Jessica discovers the truth about Enid's past, she knows the crown is within her grasp. She doesn't care that Enid is her twin sister Elizabeth's best friend or that revealing the secret may cost Enid both her reputation and the boy she loves. Only Elizabeth can save Enid from Jessica's vicious gossip but can she stop her scheming twin in time?
This book was published back in 1983
and I'm sure I read it at some point. I read most of the early ones
in late elementary/middle school. I don't remember anything about
it. I do remember the episode of the TV series that loosely followed
this book though and I think we're in for a real banger.
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield –
identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical
twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*Ned Wakefield – patriarch of
the clan and successful lawyer
*Alice Wakefield – matriarch
of the clan and an interior designer
*Steven Wakefield – older
brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best
friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's
douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's
self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick
and representative of SV old money
*Ken Matthews – star
quarterback and resident jock stereotype
*Winston Egbert –
stereotypical school nerd
There are more, but these are the main
characters that plague us book after book.
In the last book, we met the entire
Wakefield clan and most of Sweet Valley. The twins were convinced
that their father was having an affair because he was busy trying to
save the school football field from both the Patmans and the Fowlers
who wanted to build on the land. Steven was suspected of dating the
bad girl in town but it turns out he was trying to get in the pants
of her sister instead. Jess went on a hot date to a bar with an
older boy that nearly turned into an episode of Law and Order SVU and
then let everyone believe it was Liz who got brought home in a cop
car instead. Liz wanted to date Todd but he couldn't be seen with a
delinquent so he asked out Jess. By the end of the book, Liz
got her man but I don't know why she still wanted him. And the book
ended with Enid worried that her new boyfriend would find out about
her horrible secret and break up with her. P.S. I already forgot his
name. I guess we'll find out in a second.
We pick up right after the last book
left off with Jess fuming about getting dunked in the swimming pool.
I guess I forgot to add that part to the section up there. Opps.
The student body found out that Liz was the writer of the gossip
column and threw “her” in the pool only she had swapped places
with Jess and Jess took the dunk for her. Anyway, Jess is getting
ready for a date with some dude named Tom who I bet we never
hear from again and venting to her friend Cara who wasn't in
the last book at all. She can't believe Liz would betray her like
that even though she betrayed Liz plenty last book. Normally Liz
just takes it like a champ.
Jess tells us that she's been in love
with Bruce all her life which is news to me because last book she was
in love with Todd. #fuckcontinuity I'm so glad I got to bust out
that hashtag again. Jess switches topics again to tell us that the
fall dance is coming up and she really wants to be named queen
because she's sure Bruce will be named king. She begins to scheme
about how she can make sure she gets the votes to win and Pascal give
us this....
“With her bewitching
looks and beguiling ways, few people ever realized they'd been had by
Jessica until it was too late.”
Sigh.
Meanwhile Liz and Enid are having a
slumber party and they're in the Wakefield kitchen making cookies.
Somehow they've managed to get the batter all over themselves like
they're five or something. Enid is clearly upset and she keeps
bursting into tears at the slightest provocation. Liz finally
decides that maybe she should ask Enid what's wrong instead of
ignoring her friend's obvious distress and Enid dissolves into
borderline hysteria. She says she has a secret and Ronnie
(((that's his name!))) will break up with her if he finds out. Which
would be fine if the last book hadn't ended with her saying THE EXACT
SAME THING on Liz's front porch when she arrived at the house. Liz is treating it as
new information so I have to slap another one of these on there.
#fuckcontinuity
Enid tells Liz her sordid past. Two
years ago in the midst of her parents' divorce, Enid fell into a bad
crowd. She started dating George who introduced her to the
sweet oblivion of alcohol and drugs. One day they were driving under
the influence and ran over a little boy. Luckily he only had a
concussion and a broken arm but George and Enid were arrested and put
on probation. George got sent to boarding school and Enid did a
stint in rehab and emerged a different person.
Pascal takes a moment from this very
serious tale to remind us about how beautiful and physically perfect
Liz and Jess are. I mean, it's important to the fucking story,
y'all. We have to recognize that these two are simply the most
flawless humans who ever walked the face of the earth.
#allhailtheWakefieldtwins
Liz very graciously bestows her favor
on poor Enid and tells her they can still be friends anyway. Enid
practically falls all over herself in gratitude. Liz encourages her
to tell Ronnie because it was a long time ago and Enid has made
amends but Enid is too afraid to lose the boy she's been on three or
four dates with. Enid tells Liz that Ronnie doesn't even like her to
mention or look at other guys. If he knew that she was still
occasionally writing to George he'd lose it. Just a few days ago he
went completely mental when he saw her going over an assignment with
a male classmate.
Um.
Enid.
Liz's solution to this fucking obvious
toxic relationship is to tell Enid to just hide the letters from
Ronnie. That will solve everything and maybe he won't murder Enid in
a jealous rage. Enid says it isn't that simple because in his last
letter, George mentioned he was coming to SV to visit her. Again,
she repeats that Ronnie will be enraged if he finds out she's been
talking to George which is VERY BAD but Liz tunes that out and starts
telling us about how she's going to be Hemingway someday because
she's the most awesome writer that SVH has ever seen.
Timing, Elizabeth. Learn it.
Enid produces George's letters to let
Liz read them and one accidentally gets left behind on the floor.
I'm sure that won't turn out to be important or anything.
We skip ahead to Monday and land with
Jess who is in French class. The only really important thing we find
out from this section is that Ken is in love with the French teacher
and he's been getting extra tutoring from her after practice. I
really hope that's literal and not a euphemism. He's probably out of
luck though, because the French teacher is dating Lila's dad. While
Lila is in her class. This feels wrong.
Lila is irritated by Ken's crush on Mrs
Dalton because Ken is supposed to take Lila to the fall dance
and she wants his mind only on her. She and Jess are discussing it
when Cara overhears. Cara thinks that Mrs Dalton is dating Ken now
which I'm sure won't have any repercussions.
Jess is worried about the dance too.
Ronnie is head of the dance committee and Enid is also up for Queen.
She's worried that Ronnie will use his influence somehow to get Enid
elected and Jess simply can't have that. She turns all her scheming
powers on how to get Ronnie to endorse her instead of his girlfriend.
We skip ahead to after school. Jess is
furious when she finds out that Enid came home with Liz to work on
dance posters. She wants all of Liz's attention for herself and she
literally bursts into tears and throws a tantrum in her kitchen
because Liz is busy. Alice doesn't even react to it at all which
just tells you how involved of a mother she is. It's probably the
reason Jess is who she is. In a grim pout, Jess stomps up the
stairs and goes into Liz's room because Pascal desperately needs to
move the plot along and she couldn't think of a legitimate reason for
Jess to go in Liz's room and discover George's letter. Which Jess
does. And then Jess makes photocopies of it.
If it was that easy to discover, why hadn't Liz found it?
It's a new day now. I'm not sure what
day, but a new one. Todd, Liz, Ronnie and Enid are double dating at
the movie theater. Liz and Todd took their seats long ago but Ronnie
and Enid are still in the lobby for some reason. Liz tells us that
Ronnie has been acting strange all day and she's worried he might
have discovered Enid's secret. Todd asks Liz if Ronnie is on a
“jealousy trip” again and reminds her of the time Ronnie got
enraged when Enid talked to a waiter. Who was taking her order.
Seriously.
Honestly, it's kind of irresponsible
for Pascal to be writing this and not having one character
consistently saying that this behavior is bad. Young girls read
these books. They can't be allowed to think this is okay.
Instead of going to check on her friend
who is clearly in the presence of an irrational person, Liz makes out
with Todd for awhile. I'm talking neck kissing and the whole bit.
Eventually Ronnie shows up but Enid isn't with him. Liz finally gets
up to check on her and finds her crying in the bathroom. Enid says
Ronnie has been acting weird and she's afraid he might know about the
letters. Liz reassures her that there's no way he could know and
they go back to their date.
After the movie, they drop Todd and Liz off at
home. Ronnie takes Enid to a popular makeout spot and parks the car. He's immediately
pretty aggressive with her and she asks him to slow down. He pulls
away and then tells her he doesn't think he'll be able to take her to
the dance because his dad might need him to work at the store they
own. She knows this is a crap excuse and when he comes in again to
kiss her aggressively, she almost gives in because she thinks maybe
having sex with him will make him stay with her. She eventually
decides that's a bad idea and stops him again. He's pissed and goes
off about some people being two-faced when it comes to love and then
he grabs her again. She starts crying and manages to get away from
him and he sneers at her that he just wants some of what she's giving
to George.
Ronnie yells that she's probably
fucking the entirety of SVH and Enid gets upset. She tries to
explain George to him but he won't listen. He tells her that she's
not the person he thought she was and he can never trust her again
and then he drives her home in silence.
Enid, you're better off.
Enid naturally suspects that Liz told
Ronnie about George since Liz is the only one who knew about him. The entire SV universe conveniently forgets about Jessica. Every. Damn. Time.
We skip to Saturday night. Jess is
partying at Lila's house with some expensive red wine. They're all
talking about the Mrs Dalton/Ken rumor that's going around and about
Ronnie breaking up with Enid. We meet a new character named Dana
who is part of SVH's resident garage band The Droids. Pascal tries
to tell us they're practically the Rolling Stones but I'm not buying
it. Jessica is pretty pissed when she realizes Bruce isn't there.
Not only that, but she hears he's taking a college girl to the dance.
This sends her into a spiral of narcissism and drama and she
decides the best thing to do to stop it is to drunkenly hit on Ronnie
who is also there for some reason. I mean, how the fuck did a nerd
like Ronnie get invited to Lila's? This doesn't make sense, Pascal.
Jess practically sits on Ronnie's lap
and purrs sympathetically in his ear as he tells her all about Enid
being a huge slut. She tells him all the things he wants to hear
while stroking his....ahem....ego. Then she asks him to go to the
dance with her. He's a little gobsmacked at the idea she wants to go
with him but he accepts. They go to slow dance so Jess can keep
rubbing her body on him. She has to keep the pheromones high so
he'll make her queen.
By Monday, the gossip about Mrs Dalton
and Ken has spread far and wide. Most people are just accepting
their affair as fact but Liz is sure it can't be true. When she gets
to French class she finds that someone has written “If you don't
know what a french kiss is ask Ken Matthews” in huge letters across
the board. When Mrs Dalton comes in and sees it, she bursts into
tears and leaves the room.
Liz tries to talk to Enid but Enid is
having none of it. She yells at for ruining her life and
won't listen when Liz denies telling Ronnie anything. Honestly, Enid
should be thanking the person who blew up her relationship because it
was toxic and abusive. Fight me, Enid.
Jess sees that Liz is upset and
volunteers to try to talk to Enid for her. Liz doesn't seem to
realize this will probably go horribly wrong. Or maybe she wants it
to since she thrives on being a martyr. Jess starts out by telling
Enid that Liz probably didn't mean to tell Ronnie about George. This
just cements everything in Enid's mind because Jess pretty much
admitted Liz did it. Then she tells Enid that no one will believe
all the things George is saying about her. When Enid asks what he's
saying about her, Jess blushes and demurely says she couldn't even
repeat most of it. It's pretty masterful. She has a way of leading
people to believe things without actually saying much. Enid is
devastated at that and tells Jess that she will never forgive Liz.
Jess thinks to herself that she probably did everyone a favor because
none of them really needed to be around each other anyway. I mean,
she DID do Enid a favor by getting her away from Ronnie so I guess
she's half right.
Jess later tells Liz that she's making
a huge sacrifice and taking Ronnie to the dance in the hopes that
when he sees Enid there, the two of them will get back together.
It's pure fabrication of course but Liz swallows it for some reason.
She says the only flaw in the plan is that Enid probably won't go to
the dance at all now and Jess encourages her to think of a way to get
Enid there.
The next day at school Liz goes to talk
to the faculty advisor of the newspaper that she has an alarmingly
close relationship with. She explains the entire thing to him and Mr
Collins says she needs to look for a motive. Someone must
have had a reason to break up Ronnie and Enid and Liz will get closer
to discovering who that is when she finds out why they did it. It's
good advice but the man still gives me major creepy vibes. Liz
remembers that George and Winston used to be friends and she wonders
if Winston might be the culprit.
Liz goes to talk to Winston about it
after school. He says he knew George was writing to Enid but George
had asked him to keep quiet about it so he did. He hasn't told a
single person. Liz questions him a bit to see if his story will
change but Winston is so sincere that she ends up believing him.
We skip ahead to the night of the
dance. Todd has gone all out and taken Liz to the Dairi Burger
before the dance. The last thing I'd want to eat before a dance is a
messy burger. I'd have that ish all over my dress. No, wait.
That's not true. The last thing I'd want to eat is spaghetti. I
admire people who can eat spaghetti on a date. I'm not that brave.
Oh, wait. She's not actually eating a
hamburger in her dress. They went to dinner and then went home to
change. That's weird. Anyway, when she gets back home, Jess tells
her that Alice isn't going to let them go to the dance if they don't
get their rooms cleaned first. Honestly this is kind of a dick move.
She should have told them in advance if this was a condition. Liz
isn't too worried because her room is pretty clean. Jess is in a
frenzy.
Liz goes to straighten her room and she
sees George's letter in a stack of papers on her desk. She realizes
that Enid left one behind and just like that, she knows exactly what
happened. She wants to strangle her sister. Which would be fun to
watch but we all know that's not going to happen.
We hop into Enid's head again. She's
dropped in on Mrs Dalton which is something you should never do. Mrs
Dalton is in her bathrobe and explains to Enid that she hasn't been
feeling well but Enid insists on talking to her. She pours out the
entire story and Mrs Dalton tells her that she just doesn't think the
perfect saint Liz could have done such a thing. Enid begins to doubt
herself but doesn't come to the OBVIOUS conclusion that Jess is
responsible. Seriously, everyone in SV has a very short memory and
virtually no common sense. Mrs Dalton urges Enid to talk to Liz and
encourages her to go to the dance even though she doesn't have a
date. Then she tells this student that she's considering resigning
because of the rumors. Enid angrily blasts her for running away from
her problems and then “stumbles blindly toward the door”.
Why stumble? Why blindly? Pascal, you're just throwing words on the
paper at this point.
We skip ahead some time. Enid is
getting ready for the dance when her mom announces that George is
there to see her. This is how Pascal describes George to us.....
“A tower of tanned muscle topped by a
gorgeous white smile and the sexiest eyes that Enid had ever been
hypnotized by.”
Glurg.
George has been brought up to speed by
Winston and he apologizes that his letters got Enid in trouble. He
thanks her for being an inspiration to him to get clean and to start
taking life seriously. He asks Enid to go to the dance with him and
she happily agrees. #Ronniewho #butseriouslygoodriddance He pretty
much kisses her right on the spot and she doesn't protest.
Back with Jess and Liz. Jess is
wearing a “slinky red formal with a wide embroidered belt” which
sounds pretty hideous to me. Liz is wearing something ruffled and
voile which is pretty much a transparent fabric so I guess this round
goes to naked Liz.
Naked Liz doesn't confront Jess at all but
whispers something in the ear of just the right person at the dance
and soon it's all over the place. Don't ask me what it was though
because no one bothers to tell us. Enid rocks up and apologizes to Naked Liz. Naked Liz tells her not to worry because the real culprit will get
what she deserves but she doesn't bother to tell Enid who it is.
Enid is apparently too dumb to come to the very obvious conclusion on
her own.
Jess is announced as queen but to her
utter mortification, Winston is named king instead of Bruce. This
means she and Winston will be each other's dates for the rest of the
school events that semester. Apparently the rumor that Naked Liz spread
was that Jess was in love with Winston and wanted him to be king so
everyone voted for him because they wanted Jess to have what she
wanted. That was incredibly cruel of Naked Liz. How could she think it
would be okay to do that to poor Winston? Winston has loved Jess for
most of his life and Naked Liz doing this is way worse than what Jess did.
It's disgusting.
Jess confronts Naked Evil Liz about it and Naked Evil Liz is
so high up on her pedestal that I'm surprised she can breathe. She
says that Jess deserved it for what she did to Enid which.....I mean, Naked Evil Liz is treating Winston like he's some kind of punishment here which is
majorly bitchy. Fuck you, Naked Evil Liz. AND she's probably dashing his heart
to bits in the process. But she thinks she's in the right. She
takes it one step further into sociopathy when she blackmails Jess
into kissing Winston by telling her if she doesn't, she will publish
what Jess did in the school paper. This is BEYOND evil and I will
fight anyone who tries to tell me that Jess is the bad twin from here
on out. Poor Winston.
This book ends by setting up the next
book which seems to be a pattern. Jess vows to do whatever it takes
to win over Bruce.
I still can't believe Naked Evil Liz did that to
Winston and she doesn't even recognize that it was a very shitty
thing to do. I knew she was a martyr and played up the Saint
Elizabeth thing a bit too much but I did not remember that she was
bone-chillingly evil.
