**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
*NOTE: I am very aware that these books were written by ghost writers but since Pascal put her name on the cover, I'm holding her solely responsible for everything that happens on these pages.
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From the Back of the Book: People are always telling Shelley Novak that she has everything going for her. She’s one of the best basketball players at Sweet Valley High, and she’s as tall and graceful as a model. The problem is, being so tall makes Shelley feel like a freak. Until she meets Jim Roberts. He has a way of making her feel special. But when Jim, a photography buff, starts taking pictures of her, Shelley makes him promise never to show them to anyone. Then the Sweet Valley News sponsors a photography contest and Jim thinks he could win with a photograph of Shelley. But if he’s wrong will Shelley ever forgive him?
Dude, whether he wins or not, she shouldn’t forgive him for doing something she EXPRESSLY asked him not to do. I hate this stupid universe. I haven’t even read the book yet and I’m already annoyed.
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*CreepySteven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag former boyfriend currently exiled to Vermont
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*DisgustingBruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
*Jeffrey French – Liz's new victim....I mean love interest
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1989 and this is my first time reading it. The cover isn’t bad. The model they used for Shelley is really pretty and the guy only looks 25 instead of 35. We take our victories where we can find them.
In the last book, Jess cheated on AJ with some random guy she met on the beach. Of course, random beach guy turned out to be a little on the unhinged-stalker side and she spent the entire book afraid AJ would find out. In the end she broke up with him because she wasn’t ready to get into a serious relationship. Oh, and Liz found herself in peril again. You know, a thing all teenage girls can relate to.
Missing, Presumed Dead: Kirk the Jerk, CreepySteven and Roger remain captive underground. I don't miss any of them. Jade and Penny also continue to take up residence under the Wakefield Compound. They have supervision this time because VileAlice and EvilNed made zero appearances topside. Unfortunately, Prince Albert was also missing yet again. He's the only one I truly care about. #freethedogorelse
Escaped From the Wakefield Dungeon: Olivia and Maria were spotted out and about in Sweet Valley so they must have made their courageous escape from the depths of the dungeon. It's about bloody time.
We begin with Liz and Enid looking for Jeffrey at lunch to tell him about a photography contest the Sweet Valley News is sponsoring. Sweet Valley really loves their dances and their contests. Liz is sure he can win because he’s her boyfriend and Wakefield-adjacent enough that the town must worship him. Jeffrey has already heard about the contest and plans to enter but he wants to shoot some more stuff rather than go with something he’s already done.
We launch right into the twin description portion of our book and it’s a little underwhelming. Liz is described as organized and serious and I only agree with one of those things. Jess is described as social. That’s it. Ghostie doesn’t even bother to insult her.
We leave Liz and land in Jess’ head. Suddenly it’s after school and she’s getting ready for cheerleading practice along with Amy. Amy announces that some guy named Patrick is hoping to open a dance studio in SV and to promote it, he’s holding free ballroom dancing lessons at SVH on Wednesdays after school.
Great. Like we needed another character in this universe. My spreadsheet is currently sitting in the 120’s by the way.
Also, I guess this guy Patrick is going to be our B-plot.
Amy is excited but Jess thinks ballroom dancing is lame. Amy reminds her about the upcoming varsity dance. Jess tells us that she wants to go with Kurt who is a random senior I refuse to believe exists since no one has ever mentioned him before.
Cheer practice happens. Robin is there so I guess she’s still walking around SV and not locked up in the dungeon. She reminds everyone that they are expected to cheer at the basketball playoff game happening that weekend.
Practice ends. Jess and Amy start talking about Shelley while they get changed. I’m not even sure why she’s on their radar. Amy makes some more bitchy comments about her height and how “unfeminine” she is. I really hate Amy. Jess thinks that Shelley is beautiful with her long legs, model-toned body and coppery curls.
Neither of them mention that bet they made at the end of the last book. Did Pascal forget to put that in Ghostie’s outline?
We're with Shelley now to introduce our A-plot. She’s talking to her very non-descript friend Cathy who has never existed before and will probably never exist again. Why is Pascal making me add so many people to my spreadsheet???????? Cathy is also on the basketball team but she’s only 5’9” which 6’0” Shelley is very jealous of and mentions CONSTANTLY. Cathy asks Shelley if she’s going to the dance and Shelley says she couldn’t possibly because she’s TOO TALL. She asks if Cathy is going. Cathy is dating some college guy and he can’t make it down so she suggests that she and Shelley go stag together. Shelley is sure that everyone will stare at her because she’s TOO TALL.
In the same conversation, we learn that Shelley has a crush on her next door neighbor Greg. The two of them have been friends since they were in grade school. The whole reason she even plays basketball is because she used to play with Greg and his brothers in their driveway. Greg has been dating some girl named Carol but they recently broke up so Cathy encourages Shelley to make her move. Shelley laments that she’s TOO TALL and also Greg sees her as a sister.
Too more names for the spreadsheet. Sigh.
I'm tempted to add Shelley's height because it's being mentioned so much it's practically a character.
They talk about Patrick’s free dance lessons and Shelley says she might check them out. She feels clumsy off the court because she’s TOO TALL and she thinks dance lessons might help her.
Seriously, this girl mentions being TOO TALL every other sentence. It’s her only personality trait. Pascal really sucks at writing nuanced characters.
Shelley leaves the school and heads for home. Greg rides by on his bicycle and stops to walk with her the rest of the way. He congratulates her on making the playoffs. Shelley is pissed that he only seems to care about her abilities on the court and wonders if he’ll ever see her as anything other than a buddy. Then she reminds herself that she’s TOO TALL and it’s hopeless.
I’m tired of her already.
We skip to Wednesday afternoon and land back in the twinsies’ heads for the B-plot. Jess has decided to take ballroom lessons after all and she’s bummed that there aren’t many guys there to pick from. Jeffrey is there with Liz, Greg is there with Carol who he supposedly broke up with, Bruce and Winston are there for some reason (Maria is NOT) and then somebody named Jim who just poofed into existence.
Grumble. Spreadsheet. Sigh.
Hmmmm. I have an entry for a Jim on the spreadsheet already. It says he was Patty’s boyfriend. Patty ceased to exist after that single book she was in so there’s no mention of her in this one. I don’t know if it’s the same Jim or not. I’m going to say ‘not’ because Pascal does this a lot. She forgets she already used a name and she uses it again. I’ll refer to him as Jim2.
Patrick comes in and he’s so gorgeous that Jess immediately forgets all about Kurt who may or may not exist. She and Amy immediately start fighting over him even though he’s a grown ass man (senior at local college) and they’re minors. Pascal always does this. It’s so inappropriate but she doesn’t care.
Patrick gets the class started and chooses Shelley to dance with him to demonstrate the steps. He’s actually taller than her so Amy can’t even snark about her being TOO TALL. Jess and Amy bicker about who is going to dance with him next. Jess says Amy just has a “silly crush” whereas this is “the beginning of a serious relationship” for her and Patrick.
We’re back to the A-plot with Shelley who is mortified at being the center of attention. She’s also bummed to see Greg with Carol again. When they break off into pairs, Jim2 asks her to dance with him. She’s sad it wasn’t Greg but at least Jim2 is her height so she isn’t TOO TALL. He turns out to be a terrible dancer but he seems pretty smitten with Shelley who doesn’t notice because she’s too busy feeling TOO TALL and sad about Greg not asking her to dance instead.
Shelley is thrilled when Greg asks if she wants to walk home together. She asks about him and Carol and he sighs and says Carol is giving him confusing signals but they aren’t technically back together. She’s happy with that even though it sounds pretty wishy-washy to me. She asks him who he’s taking to the dance (apparently he lettered in tennis) and he says he doesn’t know. She says: “I guess you haven’t really thought about taking me” which is just about the most awkward way she could have possibly phrased that.
Greg laughs and says she knows she’s TOO TALL for him and they’d look absolutely ridiculous together.
I would simply never recover.
Shelley is devastated and decides she isn’t going to the dance at all.
We skip to Friday. Coach asks to talk to Shelley after practice because he’s noticed she’s been super distracted and not playing her best. It’s all because of Greg but Shelley lies and says she’s just nervous about the playoffs. Coach decides the best thing to do in this situation is to heap more pressure on her by saying they’re all counting on her not to let them down and there will be college scouts at the game. Her future – and the futures of all her teammates – depend on how well she plays.
Shelley goes on a multi-page whine fest about being TOO TALL and I’m so fucking over it.
We skip to Saturday morning which is the first game of the playoffs. Shelley is playing horribly and making mistakes that eventually cost her team the game. I guess it must be double elimination or something, though, because Coach says they have a chance to redeem themselves on Tuesday. Shelley notices Jim2 in the crowd taking pictures of her and stomps over to demand he erase them. He isn’t sure why she doesn’t want her picture taken but it’s because she’s TOO TALL of course. Sigh.
When Shelley comes out after getting changed, Jim2 is still there. He asks her out for a soda. Greg and Carol conveniently happen to be passing by at that exact second so she accepts the date, hoping they will hear and Greg will be jealous. To her surprise, she actually enjoys spending time with Jim2. They talk about his photography and she mentions how much she hates having her picture taken AGAIN. Jim2 says it’s a shame because she’s so graceful. Shelley is gobsmacked by the compliment.
We land with Liz. She and Jeffrey are in the Oracle dark room looking at some photos he’s taken. He’s not satisfied with any of them. Jim2 knocks on the door and asks if he can use the dark room to develop his own roll. Have none of these people ever heard of One Hour Photo? Liz immediately starts interrogating him about photography. I think she can sense some competition for Jeffrey. Jim2 says he likes to take pictures but he can’t really afford to send his stuff off to be developed and he doesn’t have a dark room so Questionable Mr Collins said he could use the Oracle dark room.
Liz and Jeffrey snoop as Jim2 works and they both quickly realize that Jim2 is crazy talented. His portrait work is amazing. Liz notices one of Shelley during the playoff game and tells him how fantastic it is. Jeffrey encourages him to take more photos of Shelley for some reason. This doesn’t really make any sense but I guess the author couldn’t think of any other way to make Jim2 ignore Shelley's wishes.
Jeffrey asks him if he’s going to enter the photo contest and Jim2 says his work isn’t good enough even though it clearly is. Jeffrey encourages Jim2 to enter and Liz chimes in because she knows she’s supposed to. Secretly she thinks that if Jim2 enters, Jeffrey won’t win though and we can’t have that. Jim2 says photography is just for fun and he isn’t really interested in making it competitive. Liz gets kind of annoyed at this and thinks to herself that she just can’t understand why Jim2 won’t seize this opportunity.
Not everyone is like you, Liz. Some people are okay not winning everything and having everyone adore them.
We land in Shelley’s head. She and Jim2 are up on Miller’s Point but they aren’t making out. Yet. Jim2’s taking pictures. Ghostie tells us it’s Tuesday but there’s no mention of that second playoff game that Coach said was Tuesday. Did they forget? Jim2 snaps a picture of Shelley and she’s instantly upset. She gets pissy and tells him that she has a “phobia” about having her picture taken.
Not liking something is not the same as having a phobia.
Shelley makes him promise not to show pictures of her to anyone else. He does. He says he wouldn’t have taken her picture if he knew it would bug her so much.
I’m pretty sure she told you at the game, dude. You.👏 Have.👏 To.👏 Listen.👏
Shelley takes a paragraph or two to tell us that she doesn’t want anyone to see her pictures because she’s TOO TALL.
YES. WE KNOW. YOU KEEP SAYING IT.
Jim2 calls her beautiful and she doesn’t know how to react. He asks her to a movie on Friday night and she just nods at him like a weirdo.
We skip to the next day at lunch. Shelley fills Cathy in on all things Jim2. Shelley is convinced that Jim2 just wants to be friends, plus she’s still a little hung up on Greg. Cathy offers no words of wisdom or advice. I think she’s tired of Shelley’s whining too because she just abruptly announces that she needs to go to the library to do some research.
Jim2 appears and Shelley goes to talk to him. He shows her the pictures he took out at Miller’s Point. She refuses to look at any of her and gets pissy with him again about it. He reassures her that he won’t show them to anyone else.
Back with Jess and the B-plot. Word has spread about how gorgeous Patrick is and now lots of girls suddenly want to take ballroom lessons. Like 50 of them. Including Lila who was probably taught to ballroom dance before she could walk. Patrick picks Jess to help him demonstrate the tango and she’s so nervous that she steps all over his feet. Jess is embarrassed and not sure ballroom dancing is right for her.
It’s Thursday and we’re back with Shelley for the championship game. Hmmm. Was it supposed to be Thursday and I read it wrong? I don’t know. I’m not going back to check. Shelley plays beautifully and the team wins. Jim2 asks if he can take her out to celebrate and she’s thrilled. They go for pizza and a moonlight walk on the beach (gasp:::on a school night!). Jim2 tells her she’s gorgeous and they end up making out.
It’s the next day. I think we’re in Jim2’s head but it might be Jeffrey’s. It’s so not clear. They’re in the darkroom together again and Jeffrey is badgering him about entering the contest. Jeffrey particularly likes a photo of Shelley shooting a basket that Jim2 secretly took the day before during the game. Jim2 really wants to see Shelley’s picture published because she looks so graceful and beautiful. He wonders if it would help her see how special she is.
We end up with Liz. She’s having lunch with Olivia who finally escaped the dungeon! She was down there for so long she’s probably severely Vitamin D deficient. Olivia asks if Jeffrey entered the photography contest and Liz confirms that he did. While they’re talking, Jim2 shows up to drop off his submission. Liz is surprised. Olivia walks over to see the photograph and tells him how awesome it is.
We slide into Olivia’s head with no warning. She wonders why Jim2 has never submitted a photograph to be used in the Oracle. She notices Shelley walking by with her lunch tray and….y’all….I swear to fucking Odin that Pascal takes this opportunity to put in some more of her diet bullshit. I’m not even going to bother but it pisses me off. It’s so unnecessary. Anyway, Olivia mentions the photograph she just saw of Shelley and tells her how graceful she looked in it. Shelley is instantly irate. She stomps off leaving Olivia wondering what the hell just happened.
Back with Jim2. He tries to catch up with Shelley before practice but she ignores him. We slide into her head and she’s fuming at his audacity. She thinks he’s trying to embarrass her on purpose.
God she’s a miserable bitch and she’s determined to make everyone around her miserable too.
Shelley screeches at him that she trusted him and he betrayed that trust. He apologizes and tries to explain why he did it. To be honest, his reasons aren’t good enough. He made a promise and he broke it. The idea that he did it “for her own good” is up for debate. She doesn’t listen to his explanation. He then tries to say it wasn’t even his idea to submit it - that he was fucking coerced into doing it by Jeffrey.
This guy is delusional. Jeffrey might have been a little pushy but he did not force you to do anything.
Shelley asks him if he submitted the picture so the entire world could laugh at her. He says she’s being ridiculous. The word just pisses her off more. She says she can never trust him again which is kind of valid.
We skip to after practice. Shelley tells Cathy everything that happened. Cathy thinks Shelley is overreacting to the entire thing. She encourages her to talk to Jim2. Shelley just keeps repeating over and over that he broke a promise and betrayed her trust. Which is true but I’m sick of hearing it. Shelley is INSUFFERABLE.
Cathy asks why Shelley hates having her picture taken. Shelley starts to cry and says that she’s a freak because – you guessed it – she’s TOO TALL. Cathy says so are fashion models. Shelley says Jim2 took the picture so everyone would laugh at her. Cathy says Shelley needs to work on her self-esteem.
I like Cathy. I’m sad she’s probably temporary.
Shelley begins to wonder if she overreacted.
I mean….yeah. She did. I don’t know why she assumed Jim2 wants everyone to laugh at her. That was a little out there. BUT he did make a promise and he broke that promise. He submitted her picture to a city-wide newspaper without her consent and then, instead of taking accountability for it, he tried to blame it on someone else. Those are red flags.
We skip to later that evening. Shelley is feeling bad for flipping out and decides to call Jim2. Before she can say anything, he apologizes for submitting the photo and says he told Questionable Mr Collins to withdraw it from the competition. She starts to protest but he cuts her off. He apologizes again and hangs up.
Clearly not the greatest communicator and he doesn’t care enough about her to let her talk. More red flags.
To be fair, Shelley is practically a red flag factory herself.
We skip to the next afternoon. The basketball team wins again. Shelley is sad that Jim2 didn’t bother to show up. After the game, she goes to Questionable Mr Collins’ house to ask if Jim2’s picture can be resubmitted. At first, QMC says he can’t do that without Jim2’s consent but then she explains why he withdrew the picture in the first place. She waxes poetic about how, as a competitor herself, she now knows she can’t deny Jim2 the right to compete. It’s super dumb but QMC says he’ll see what he can do.
We skip right over to Monday. Shelley is anxious to talk to Jim2 at school but he just kind of nods at her and walks on past. She gets pissed off because she’s the only one allowed to be angry in this situation. She decides that she’ll just give him the cold shoulder back.
THIS BOOK IS EXHAUSTING!
They continue to ignore each other for the rest of the day. Shelley decides they are “totally over” because he’s being so childish.
I wish they were totally over because then this book would be finished. We’re only at 66%.
We land back in Liz’s head briefly. QMC calls Jeffrey and Jim2 into his office later that day. Liz tags along because she’s nosy and knows no one will dare stop her. QMC announces that Jeffrey won second place which doesn’t seem to come with a prize so I don’t know why they bother awarding it. Jim2 wins first price which means he’ll get his picture published, he’ll be interviewed for an accompanying article and he wins a camcorder. Jim2 panics and says his picture was supposed to be taken out of the contest. QMC tells him about Shelley’s visit and her insistence that it be reentered. Jim2 is extremely distressed but no one seems to care.
Unfortunately we land back on Shelley. Jim2 comes up to talk to her the next day before practice. He tells her he won the contest. She congratulates him. He expresses confusion for her change of heart and this pisses her off because he isn’t falling all over himself to thank her for the “huge sacrifice she made for him”.
Girl.
You are fucking unhinged.
Shelley says she realized she was being a “poor sport”. He seems upset by this answer. Maybe he's wondering if she felt obligated to do something she didn't want to do in the name of sportsmanship? I don't know. Pascal doesn't really bother to explain it.
We’re back with the twinsies and the B-plot. Patrick comes to watch the pep rally for some reason. It’s giving creep. Jess and Amy are so busy trying to impress him that they’re throwing off the other cheerleaders. Robin yells at them to straighten up but they don’t. Amy bets that she can get Patrick to dance with her first at the varsity ball. Jess says he’ll definitely dance with her first. Loser has to buy the winner an expensive outfit.
WHY IS PATRICK GOING TO THE BALL?
Back with Shelley and the A-Plot. She tells her mom about her picture being published in the newspaper and Mrs Novak is naturally excited. This makes Shelley mad. She asks why her mom wants her freak daughter’s picture plastered for the entire world to see.
Girl, it’s a local paper. Get over yourself.
Mrs Novak has had it up to HERE with her daughter at this point. She says the next time Shelley complains about being a couple of inches TOO TALL, she’s going to drag her down to the children’s hospital so she can meet some kids with real problems. Shelley feels like she’s been slapped across the face.
If only.
I’d like to do it myself.
We’re back with the twinsies. Lila, Cara, Amy and Jess are looking at the paper. Everyone except Amy comments on how beautiful Shelley looks. Jess and Amy continue to bicker over Patrick which Lila finds very tiresome. She says for all they know he’s married. They’re both traumatized by the idea.
HE’S TOO FUCKING OLD FOR THEM ANYWAY. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, PASCAL? THIS IS SO INAPPROPRIATE. THEY ARE MINORS!
We’re back with Shelley. Why won’t this book end??? Everyone fusses over her. Lila says she should be a fashion model. She’s surprised by their reactions and eventually admits that the picture is nice. She's touched by the interview Jim2 gave about the picture as well.
We skip to the playoff game which is the fourth one against the same team. I’m confused. Since when has high school basketball been a ‘best of five’ situation? It’s usually single, maybe double, elimination. Whatever. Pascal never bothers to check her sports facts. Shelley is distracted again because she’s suddenly decided she’s in love with Jim2.
YOU WENT OUT WITH HIM TWICE! This is so stupid.
Jim2 shows up at halftime and Shelley writes him a note. I’m just going to put it here because it’s….special.
“Thank you for the most beautiful picture in the world. You said in the interview you couldn’t throw it out because you’d fallen in love with it. That’s exactly how I feel about you. Is there any way in the world we can make up? I want to take you to the dance with me tonight.”
She signs it “Poetry in Motion” because that was the title of the photograph.
You can tell Pascal thought she ate with that one.
Shelley asks Maria to deliver it for her and I just about fell out of my chair. MARIA ESCAPED THE DUNGEON????????
She was down there so long I was about to give her up for dead. She should ask Winston why he hasn’t been looking for her.
Shelley watches as Maria delivers the note to Jim2 and he reads it. He smiles and I guess that’s that. She goes on to play the best second half of her life – setting a scoring record. Greg comes up afterwards to hug her. He says she looked like a movie star in the newspaper and then asks her to go to the dance with him. She turns him down, saying she’s going with Jim2.
He hasn’t really confirmed that yet but whatever. It’s not like anyone's permission has mattered at any point in this book.
Shelley and Jim2 take a walk on the beach before going home to get ready for the ball. She admits that she let her poor self-esteem get in her way. He apologizes again for not respecting her boundaries. They say “I love you” and make out.
I guess all’s well that ends well.
I mean, not for these two. There’s no way they last more than six months. They can’t communicate and they don’t care about consent or boundaries.
We’re with Liz now. She asks Jeffrey if he minds that he didn’t win the contest.
That was announced two days ago. She’s just now asking him how he feels about it? She really doesn’t care about this boy.
Jeffrey is very mature about the entire thing and says Jim2 clearly deserved to win.
There’s a scene with the twins fighting over the shower but I just don’t care. The only notable thing is that Jess seems to think she and Patrick are going to get engaged.
Fuck my life….we’re back with Shelley. She looks amazing. Jim2 is suitably impressed. I really don’t care.
Back with Jess. Amy shows up in the exact same dress. Lila thinks it’s hilarious. Patrick shows up with a date. Both girls admit defeat and the B-plot ends.
Shelley. She wins a scholarship for being a great athlete. Or something. I don’t care.
Patrick announces a dance off. {{{Why is he allowed to do this at a school function? He doesn't go to this school. He doesn't work at this school. HE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE THERE!!!}}} The winners will get a free class when he opens his studio. It comes down to Jess and Kurt (who barely exists) and Shelley and Jim2. Shelley and Jim2 win.
We finish the book with Jess on Monday. Her science teacher announces a field trip to Anacapa Island that weekend and tells Jess and Amy that they are required to attend because they desperately need the extra credit. They will be observing marine life and taking water samples. Amy vows to get out of it but Jess thinks it could be interesting.
The book ends there.
This one was tough to get through. Shelley is simply the worst and that’s saying a lot considering we’re in Sweet Valley.
Coming up Next: Well, it’s called Lost At Sea so that can’t be good.
