**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
From the Back of the Book: Hanging on for love...Bill Chase and DeeDee Gordon have been happy together for a long time. But lately DeeDee has become too dependent on Bill. She wants to do everything and go everywhere with him. Bill feels that he doesn't have any room to breathe and decides it's over between them. Elizabeth doesn't know why DeeDee is acting the way she is, but she knows DeeDee's strange behavior is killing her relationship. Can Elizabeth help DeeDee regain her strength and independence before it's too late?
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1985 and this is my first time reading it. The cover looks really weird to me. Something about her hand position is really throwing me off for some reason. Plus, the proportions are off. Either he's super tall or she's super short.
In the last book, a handful of SVH students went on a bike tour. Liz and Todd broke up because he was being a complete douche and paying way too much attention to Courtney, the spoiled princess with an agenda. Jess pursued a guy named Robbie October who wasn't really interested in her. They had a brief encounter with an angry bear but were rescued. Courtney started a forest fire that they put out with towels and water bottles and then Liz and Todd got back together. I'm not expecting any of that to be mentioned in this book, however. After not existing for several books, Bruce was released from the dungeon to go on the bike tour and the world rejoiced.
Missing, Presumed Dead: George and Robin are still residing below the Wakefield compound somewhere. I'm starting to think we'll never see them again.
Released From the Wakefield Dungeon: Winston made his grand escape this book. I think he only had one actual sentence of dialogue but he appeared in the background of several scenes. Good to see you topside again, Egg man.
We begin with Liz and Jess telling EvilNed about the B-plot. Why are we beginning with the B-plot you ask? I don't know. Pascal doesn't know how to structure her books. Anyway, the slightly pervy journalism teacher Mr Collins has asked Liz to put together a talent show and Jess is uber excited. Pascal takes a break from praising Liz on her event planning genius to remind us that the twins are physically perfect in every way but very different people. You know....the whole town thinks Liz is perfect but she's a demon in disguise and Jess acts out because everyone treats her like she's broken.
As I predicted, this book is acting like the special edition never happened. Jess in fact tells us that she just ran away from home a few weeks ago despite the fact they spent the entire summer bicycling. I hate it when the series ignores the special editions. It's super annoying.
Wait......Bruce was released for the special edition. If the special edition didn't actually occur in this timeline, did Bruce ever really get released at all? This is a philosophical question that I'm not prepared to answer. I guess we'll wait and see if he shows up anywhere in this book. If he does, we'll count his release in the special edition. If he doesn't, I'll add him back to the dungeon.
VileAlice and EvilNed cut off the conversation about their precious daughters' talent show to inform them that they are going on a short vacation. EvilNed has to go to Mexico City to pick up some documents for a court case and VileAlice has decided to go with them. VileAlice wants to get the girls a babysitter but the twins quickly convince her that they don't need one. Since neither VileAlice or EvilNed really care about their offspring, they agree to leave their mostly irresponsible teenage daughters alone while they skip the country. Shouldn't they be staying around to help Jess work through the issues that made her run away a few weeks ago? Personally I'd be so freaked out that they both forgot they spent the summer bicycling that I wouldn't leave their sides. They're clearly having some sort of neurological or psychological event that's making them forget forest fires and bear attacks. It can't be good.
Pascal remembers she's supposed to introduce the A-plot in the beginning of the book so she has Liz go upstairs to call DeeDee. Mr Collins suggested DeeDee as a set designer, so it's Liz's job to get her on board. DeeDee is hesitant about taking on a job of this size but Liz blows enough smoke up her ass that DeeDee promises to consider it. She says she has to check with Bill first before she can give a definite answer and Liz is perplexed. Her first thought is that DeeDee doesn't want to do anything without Bill but my first thought would have been that Bill was being controlling. Liz and I come from different places. Since I've read the back of the book, I know where Pascal is going with this but she's not setting it up very well right from the beginning.
We jump into DeeDee's head. She's gone to Bill's house to talk to him but he isn't there. His mother says he's at the library. DeeDee's concerned that the two of them are growing apart because Bill doesn't try to make plans with her anymore and when they're together he seems distant. It scares her because her parents are divorced and her mom always says it happened because they didn't spend enough time together. DeeDee vows not to let that happen to her and Bill.
We jump to the next day at school. DeeDee is having lunch with her best friend Patty who did not exist until this book. Patty asks about the design classes DeeDee was taking at the community center and DeeDee admits she stopped going. She didn't want to take up time she could be spending with Bill. They speak briefly about a double date they're going on that weekend and then the scene ends. I don't know why it was there. It made no difference to anything. We already knew DeeDee quit those classes because it was mentioned at the end of book 21.
Now it's after school. Bill comes out of swim practice all excited because he made regionals. DeeDee is very proud of her hunky, athletic, talented boyfriend but a tiny, insecure part of her wonders what he sees in her. The meet is on the day that their double date with Patty and Jim is supposed to happen and DeeDee is crushed. Patty and Jim are a very affectionate couple and she thinks spending time with them will lead Bill to be more affectionate to her. She very unreasonably suggests he shouldn't go to regionals because it wouldn't be fair to cancel the date. Bill is irritated. Rightfully so in this case.
Bill suggests that she go on her own and she throws a little tantrum about it. She says they never spend time together and he reminds her that they see each other every single day. She says they should be spending their Friday and Saturday nights together as a couple but he refuses to cancel his swim meet. He tells her to go to dinner with Patty and Jim and maybe he'll be able to meet up with them after the meet. She reluctantly agrees because she can tell that he's not liking her behavior too much and she doesn't want to push him further away.
Have I ever mentioned that Pascal doesn't actually write these books? I can't remember if I put it in the last blog or not and I'm too lazy to go check. She writes the outlines and decides the stories for every single one of them but they are actually written by an uncredited ghost writer. I'm not sure if the same ghostie writes every book but I kind of suspect not. The ghostie for this book is doing a slightly better job of fleshing out DeeDee and her motivations. We know that she's insecure in general because she thinks Bill is so awesome and her self-esteem isn't great so she can't figure out why he likes her. We also know she's insecure about relationships in general because of her parents' divorce. Because of these insecurities she's trying to hold on tight to him which is making him pull away. She can tell he's pulling away so she's holding on tighter and it makes a horrible feedback loop. That's more character building than we usually get, so I actually feel like I know why she's doing the things she's doing. I still don't like her and I hate reading from her point of view but at least it makes a little more sense than usual.
I brought you back just in time for a.........
We're back with Jess. It's like a ray of sunshine in the darkness. EvilNed and VileAlice are planning to be in Mexico City for 10 days because apparently it takes them that long to pick up some documents from some random lawyer. Jess naturally wants to throw a party because she's a normal teenager and that's what normal teenagers do when their parents are out of town. Liz immediately starts wailing (literally the word used) that they can't do something so irresponsible but Jess won't be deterred. She agrees to make it more of an intimate get together and because Phineas and Ferb hasn't been invented yet and Liz doesn't know that song, she's reassured.
#candaceparty!
I guess the party is going to be our C-plot.
Now we're with Liz and the world is a little darker. She's at an organizational meeting for the B-plot barking things at everyone. Nothing is really coming together for this event and Liz isn't really doing anything to change that. Despite Pascal telling us what an organizational wizard Liz is, she's doing a real crap job here. This section is mostly useless other than a surprise appearance by one of our core characters. WINSTON finally made it out of the Wakefield dungeon, y'all. I'd give the man up for dead. He's been gone so long I almost took him off the character list.
Patty, who didn't exist until this book, comes up to Liz and Todd to bitch about the A-plot after the meeting. She's pissed because DeeDee used to be so independent but now she won't do anything without Bill. Pascal uses words like “bitterly”, “angrily” and “furious” to describe how Patty talks about her supposed best friend and it feels a little extra to me. Why is she so damn mad? I can understand being worried, concerned or frustrated but why furious and bitter? Ma'am, you're really doing the most here. Anyway, Patty says DeeDee probably won't do the sets because Bill isn't going to participate in the talent show and DeeDee can't do anything without him anymore. Liz is very judgmental through the entire conversation which is typical of her.
We're with DeeDee now. She's waiting for Bill after swim practice hoping to go to the Dairi Burger but he tells her he's celebrating his mom's birthday with his family that evening.
In the middle of the fucking paragraph we hop into Bill's head instead. He can tell that DeeDee's about to cry because he isn't going to spend time with her that evening and he's frustrated about it. When he fell in love with her, she was independent and fun to be around. Now she's clinging to him and crying all the time. He can't figure out what happened. He knows if he tells her he's doing anything without her she's going to throw a tantrum and cry about it and he's reaching the end of his rope with her behavior. He's planning to go to an old movie with his friend Dana (the lead singer of that stupid SVH band) on Saturday afternoon for instance, but he doesn't want to tell DeeDee because he knows she'll make a huge scene. He offers to drive DeeDee home and she's so happy for this small nugget of his time that he calls her “pathetic” in his head.
Look, I don't like DeeDee much in this story but Bill's a dick.
And I'm not sure I buy that his movie with Dana is platonic since he described her as “pretty” and “dynamic”.
I think he's been hanging around the people from Canby Hall and he's picked up a little something.
He really should have washed his hands after hanging out with Jane and Dana.
It's Friday night now. Somehow DeeDee has convinced Patty, who didn't exist until this book, and Jim to come to Bill's swim meet with her as their date. I don't think Jim is super happy about it. He lives in another town and doesn't get to see Patty much. We don't either since she didn't exist until now. Jim asks DeeDee what she's been up to lately and she admits she's pretty much dropped all her activities so she can be available to see Bill whenever he had free time.
DeeDee can feel the judgement radiating off them and wishes they would leave her alone about her choices. She has a good reason for making them. Her mother's marriage fell apart after her mother went back to school and got a job and therefore couldn't spend as much time with her dad. An art teacher even confided in DeeDee once that her marriage had ended because her husband wanted someone who would be at his beck and call 24/7. Right after their divorce, he remarried a very meek, quiet woman who made him the center of her universe.
Um.
There's no reason for a teacher to have a conversation like that with a student and it actually made me a little uncomfortable. DeeDee tells us that this female teacher asked her to have coffee with her after class one day and then started sharing intimate details about her private life. This feels really icky to me. Maybe it was innocent but it has shades of grooming and I don't like it.
Anyway, DeeDee's take away from this conversation with her art teacher and her mom's situation is that she needs to be with Bill all the time or he'll leave her for someone else. She's determined to show him that he's the only thing that matters to her.
Bill wins the race and DeeDee rushes toward him, screaming his name. She wants him to know how proud she is of him but he seems really embarrassed by her display. She tries to hug him but he pulls away. She tells herself that she just needs to try harder.
Thank fuck, we're back with Jess and the C-plot. She and Lila are planning her #candaceparty. I'm glad to see Lila. She was missing entirely from the first half of the book. I was worried she might be down in the basement with Robin and George and that just wouldn't be a good situation for anyone. Lila's been dating a college guy named Drake and she suggests that he should invite some of his frat brothers to liven up the guest list a little.
Jess agrees to the plan but she's a little worried. She reminds Lila that the guest list needs to stay small because she's not really supposed to be having this party at all. Lila scoffs at her and says everything will be fine.
Odds that everything will be fine: 0.5%
Unfortunately we're with Liz so Pascal can introduce a D-plot. She's with Todd and she can tell he's distracted. She asks him what's wrong and he says he overheard something at his father's office that has him a little worried but he refuses to tell her what it was. She presses but he resists so she drops the subject. I don't know why he brought it up at all if he was just going to refuse to talk about it. I hate it when people do that. He hugs her and says he doesn't know what he'd do without her and she thinks to herself that being separated is something they never have to worry about. Sigh. This just feels like a big, smelly pile of foreshadowing to me.
I don't know if Pascal thinks she's being subtle about these things or what. She's not. Obviously the next book is going to be about Liz and Todd being separated by something. This scene was just sandwiched in and it's so discordant that it draws attention which is the exact opposite of subtle.
We're with Bill and it's the next morning. He tells us that he and DeeDee went out for Chinese food with Patty (who didn't exist until this book) and Jim after the swim meet. He thought things were going well but afterwards, DeeDee cried in his car about how she felt left out of the conversation. Bill knew that she wanted him to reassure her but he was just too tired. He can't understand why she doesn't trust his feelings anymore and why she requires so much external validation. She's not the girl he started dating and he's getting sick of the entire situation.
Bill reminds us about his first love Julianne. We learned all about her in the book where Jess was trying to get with Bill. They had a fight one night and she went off with some friends. There was an accident and Julianne was killed instantly. When he moved to SV he met Jess who resembled Julianne and he tried to use her to replace the hole in his heart. Now he's wondering if he did the same thing with DeeDee.
That afternoon he goes to the theater with Dana and they discuss their favorite movies. Dana mentions that she likes Hitchcock and “The Birds”. Bill is impressed because he doesn't know anyone who can watch “The Birds” without getting petrified.
Bitch, please.
“The Birds” isn't even scary. I stayed up late one night to watch it because I heard it was scary and I was extremely disappointed. The only thing that was scary about that movie is what happened to the lead actress during filming.
Dana says she comes to the movie theater all the time to watch classic movies and foreign films because it helps her unwind. Bill thinks she's literally amazing for going to a movie by herself. I get it. A lot of people hate to watch movies by themselves but I love to go alone. I used to go alone all the time and I enjoyed the experience more that way. When I go with other people I feel tense because I'm worried they might not like it and then they might think I'm lame for suggesting it. It's a whole thing.
After the movie, Bill suggests they go to lunch but Dana declines. She's supposed to pick up the guy she's dating from the train station. She tells him about a concert the next week, though, and invites him to come along. I don't know if this is all truly platonic or if she caught the cheater fever from sharing popcorn with Bill.
#washyourhands
Jess and Cara rock up much to Bill's horror. He knows Cara, the school gossip, will tell everyone that she saw them together. He knows DeeDee isn't going to like it and he's going to have to deal with the consequences of that.
You dug your own grave on this one, Bill. No one handed you the shovel.
Back with Jess. It's Sunday afternoon and the parents are finally gone off on their little trip to Mexico City where it's going to take EvilNed ten days to pick up some papers. Because Pascal wants to throw a little bit of excitement into this exceptionally dull book, she decides to make poor Jess look like an idiot again. Jess goes to do some laundry which is so out of character that even Liz is confused by it. She gets the washer started and then comes upstairs to try out a new recipe for mini pizzas. If it's good, she'll make them for the party. She starts heating up the oil to saute the mushrooms when the washer starts making a horrific sound. They go downstairs to find the entire floor covered in suds. While Jess is turning off the washer, the pan upstairs catches fire. Jess douses it with flour while Liz uselessly shrieks in the background.
Sigh.
This was unnecessary. Why does Pascal hate Jess so much? Why does she strive to make Jess look stupid at every turn? It's pathological. Worse, it doesn't even make sense. This is Jessica Motherfucking Wakefield we're talking about here. She's an icon but she would never get up early on a Sunday morning - the first morning her parents are gone - to do laundry. That's not who she is. Hell, even saintly Liz was still sleeping. Pascal can't even stay true to the characters she created.
VileAlice calls with our next plot device. She's left some important floor plans on her drafting table and she tells the twins it's EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that nothing happen to them because it's the only copy. Not very responsible of her to just leave it laying around like that, I'm just sayin'.
Odds something happens to the floor plans: 99.9%
Again, Pascal is NOT subtle.
Later that afternoon, Liz remembers there's a B-plot and invites the committee over to meet at the house. Jess seizes the opportunity to pull DeeDee aside. She's still pretty bitter than Bill threw her over for DeeDee and wants to get a little revenge. She tells DeeDee about running into Bill and Dana outside the movie theater the previous afternoon and DeeDee is distraught and runs out.
We're with DeeDee and it's the next day. She's been trying to talk to Bill since she left Liz's house but she hasn't been able to get in contact with him. To her surprise, he's waiting for her outside her first class. He apologizes for not getting back to her the previous evening but says he was working on his history research project and didn't have time. DeeDee accuses him of cheating on her with Dana. Pascal throws words like “hysterical” and “shrieks” like confetti to make sure we understand that DeeDee is unhinged here. Bill gets mad and says there's nothing between him and Dana and the reason he didn't tell DeeDee is because he knew she'd overreact. She's still shrieking at him so he tells her it's over and he walks off. She's devastated.
We're with Bill at lunch. He's eating with Ken and Winston, talking about the magic act they're going to do for the B-plot, when DeeDee walks up. He reluctantly gets up to talk to her, afraid she's going to make a scene in front of the entire lunchroom. The two step outside and DeeDee begs for another chance. She admits that she's been holding on too tight because she sensed that he was pulling away from her but she swears she'll work on it. Bill tells her that maybe they can try again someday but, for right now, he just wants to take a break from being in a relationship.
It's the next day and we're back with Liz. Everyone is in the gym or the auditorium or something working on getting the B-plot set up. DeeDee is driving Liz absolutely bonkers because she can't make one single decision without seeking Liz's approval. Liz grumbles to Todd that she would be better off designing the sets alone. On top of DeeDee's lack of confidence in her abilities, she's latched onto Liz as a shoulder to cry on about Bill. Liz feels smothered already and it's only been a day.
I feel like we're head-hopping much more in this book than usual. It's ridiculous. We're back with DeeDee and the A-plot. She's feeling sorry for herself and wondering why she changed from a confident, independent girl to a nervous mess. It started with art. Once people knew she was good at it, they seemed to expect things from her and it freaked her out. It made her not want to do it anymore because she felt like she'd disappoint them. When she started dating Bill, she threw herself into supporting him in a way that I think she wanted to be supported herself. He liked the attention at first but then seemed to resent it. She decides he's just as much at fault for their relationship problems as she is because he liked the attention at first and made her think that was the right thing to do and then he flipped the script on her.
Girl, what?
Nah.
That's not even.....wow. Your levels of deflection are kind of scary.
Back with Liz. She asks Patty's advice on how to deal with DeeDee. I don't know why. Patty didn't even exist until this book so there's no way she has a good grip on the situation. Patty says they need to come up with a plan that will give DeeDee her confidence back.
Anytime one of these idiots mentions a plan I get nervous. They're always ridiculous.
Later Liz calls DeeDee and pretends to be sick. She asks DeeDee to take over the planning meeting the next day. I guess this is part of the brilliant plan. DeeDee is freaked out but agrees to do it. That done, Liz invites Todd over for a little math homework. He's acting odd again, telling her he doesn't know what he'd do without her and that he's afraid of losing her. She tries again to get him to tell her what's wrong but he refuses.
This has to be the most irritating D-plot we've ever had.
We're back with DeeDee. She's finished the set backdrop for Patty's dance number and it's the best thing she's ever designed. She can't believe what she created and she's so caught up in it that when Bill calls, she tells her mom to tell him she'll call back later. Her mom comes down to see the backdrop and gushes over it a bit. She tells DeeDee that it's nice to see her creating again and emphasizes how important it is to have something you're passionate about that belongs just to you. DeeDee realizes she's made some big mistakes in her relationship and I guess everything is just solved now. With a snap of her fingers, Pascal has solved a deeply rooted problem that DeeDee probably actually needs counseling for.
Later, DeeDee heads the committee meeting and everything is a fucking mess. The lighting and sound are all fucked up, the person sewing the costumes broke her sewing machine, Liz never designated someone to sell the tickets and apparently she didn't even make sure the auditorium was actually free on the day she wanted to have the talent show. I thought Liz was supposed to be the competent one here. Securing the location should have been the very first thing she did. DeeDee does her best to calm everyone down but figures Liz will handle everything when she's feeling better. I don't know why she thinks this since Liz was obviously handling nothing up until now.
DeeDee goes to the Wakefield compound after the meeting to talk to Liz but Jess heads her off. She tells DeeDee that Liz has laryngitis and will be out of commission until after the talent show. DeeDee is freaking out but she drives back to the school to see if she can solve some of the issues that Liz let develop. She sees Bill talking to Dana but doesn't even feel jealous. She's too busy doing the job Liz fucked up.
Pascal puts a couple of paragraphs in about Liz skipping school since she's supposed to be sick and Jess forgetting her key so she has to crawl in the window. Someone sees her and calls the cops to report a robbery. It's all meaningless and adds nothing to the plot. We've been spending so much time with Bill and DeeDee that I think Pascal was just trying to remind us that the twins exist.
DeeDee puts out all the fires that Liz was just letting burn. She secures the venue, finds someone to fix the lighting and the sound, gets extra sewing machines for the costume people and finishes designing all the sets. She's so busy that when Bill asks her to the Dairi Burger, she turns him down. He seems impressed at how she's doing lately and she wonders if a reconciliation might be in their future. She vows not to lose herself this time though.
We're with Jess at her #candaceparty now. Everything is going okay – other than an nose complaint from a neighbor – but then Drake arrives with his frat brothers and they're all sloppy drunk. The party quickly gets out of control. The frat brothers bring beer into the house and there's a lot of underage drinking going on. The place is getting trashed and Liz is freaking out but there is one thing to rejoice about. Bruce is dancing around in the background so I guess he truly escaped the dungeon. Way to go, Bruce! Finally the cops show up. They say if someone over the age of 18 doesn't show up to take responsibility for the twins and the party, everyone is going to have to come down to the station and parents will be called. Miraculously, Steven shows up right then and claims responsibility.
Everyone leaves and the Wakefields are left facing a huge mess. Liz goes into the study to find that someone has spilled beer all over the precious floor plans. I bet Pascal thought that was going to be a huge surprise since she assumes all her readers are dumb.
The next morning Jess goes to DeeDee's house to beg her to help them fix the floor plans. DeeDee is confused and says she doesn't see how she could possibly help but Jess begs so she agrees to come to the Wakefield compound to take a look. When they get there, Liz announces that her parents are at the airport and will arrive in an hour. DeeDee can clearly tell Liz lied about the laryngitis but she still agrees to look at the plans. Miraculously, she is able to fix them and all is well. She also forgives Jess for being a bitch to her and forgives Liz for lying to her about the laryngitis.
I really hope she made it out of the house and didn't get transported into the dungeon.
Jess fesses up to her parents about the washing machine, kitchen fire, the party and the crystal vase that Winston apparently broke trying to turn it into a hard boiled egg. They're pissed at first but decide to let it slide.
The talent show is wonderful because of course it is. DeeDee fixed all Liz's fuck ups. Bill and DeeDee decide to give their relationship another try but they're going to take it slow so DeeDee can continue to find herself again.
Todd is supposed to do a comedy act for the talent show even though he's never remotely been funny but instead he reads a poem called “Remember” by Christina Rossetti. Because D-plot. It's all about remembering someone who is going away. Liz is frantic to find out why he's reading that particular poem, so she races backstage to meet him when he's done. He tearfully tells her that his dad is being transferred to Vermont. Yes, folks, we are at the end of our first Todd era and about to enter Jeffrey territory. I didn't even know this was a thing until my manager told me. I can't say I'm sorry to see him go. I hope the new guy is less of a douche.
This book was weird. Nothing really happened and we spent most of the book with DeeDee or Bill. It was the first one where we spent so much time away from the Wakefields. I honestly didn't mind not being around Liz much but DeeDee was insufferable. I'm just glad to have this one done.
In the next book......Liz learns to live without the asshole I guess.
