**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
From the Back of the Book: Madly in love...No one at Sweet Valley High can believe that football star Ken Matthews has fallen in love with super-sophisticated Suzanne Hanlon. Suzanne likes poetry, gourmet food and art films, while Ken's idea of a good time is listening to rock 'n' roll and eating pizza. Two people couldn't be more different. Elizabeth Wakefield knows that snobbish Suzanne is wrong for Ken. But Ken seems to be blindly in love with Suzanne and is willing to do anything she wants. Can anyone help Ken come to his senses before he gets hurt?
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag former boyfriend currently exiled to Vermont
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1986 and this is my first time reading it. The model portraying Ken on the cover looks familiar to me but I don't know why. He also looks WAY too old to be in high school but that's par for the course.
In the last book, Regina and her parents were being held hostage and the Scooby gang consisting of the twins, Bruce and Nicholas had to save them. Shenanigans ensued but, in the end, the Morrows were freed and Regina decided to move back home permanently now that her hearing is 90% restored.
Missing, Presumed Dead: Robin, George, DeeDee, Bill and Patty are still very much missing. I fear we may never see some of them again. To my surprise, both EvilNed and Steven also vanished.
Released from the Wakefield Dungeon: Olivia and Cara showed back up in Sweet Valley despite reports that they had probably been erased from existence. We tried to reach Cara for comment on her boyfriend Steven but she was reluctant to speak out of fear of reprisal. I can't blame her. The rest of the town seems to have been released as well. I'm sure our Fab Five (plus EvilNed and Steven) are thankful for the extra room.
We begin with Jess and Liz out by their pool. Jess is excited because Bruce asked her to plan the picnic for the Centennial event that's coming up. I feel like we've been talking about this event for three books now. I hope it finally happens so I can stop reading about it. Liz isn't as enthusiastic as her sister. For one thing, Ken might not be able to play in the game because he's failing English. If Ken doesn't play, the team won't win and that will ruin the entire Centennial event. Sounds a bit dramatic but that's Sweet Valley.
Ghostie takes a break from current events to remind us that the twins are physically perfect in every single way and nearly impossible to tell apart by sight. She describes Liz as a “sweet, sincere and friendly person” and then says Jess only cares about herself. Neither of these descriptions are the truth and I'm starting to wonder if she even reads what she writes. I bet Pascal had her write in these descriptions. Pascal's always had it out for Jess.
The twins deviate from Centennial planning and gossip a bit about Ken. He's started dating Suzanne who is the school's rich, snobby bitch. I thought that was Lila. I swear we can't get one original character in this series. They're all the same people with different names. Jess doesn't like Suzanne because she's a pretentious pain in the ass but Liz doesn't have any opinion of her. Probably because Liz is a pretentious pain in the ass as well and she's blind to the similarities. She thinks that Ken and Suzanne make an unlikely pair but that doesn't really mean anything.
Jess is freaked out about Ken not being able to play football so Liz volunteers to help him out with his short story assignment. She goes inside to give him a call and he agrees to come over and talk to her about it as soon as he's done with practice. Liz feels she can school him on proper writing by showing him some of the papers she's done previously.
Odds we're setting up a cheating storyline where Ken steals her paper: 75%
Ken is getting changed after practice and feeling sorry for himself. He still can't believe that creepy Mr Collins is being such a tight ass about this grade thing. Not only that, but Mr C insisted on having the discussion about it with Coach AND Bruce who never should have been there. Ken says it's because Bruce is the head of the Centennial event and the game is a big part of that, but it's still an egregious violation of student privacy. The only way Ken can play in the game is if he gets a good grade on his next assignment. Coach, Bruce and Ken begged Mr C to wait until after the game to take any action since only a few days separate them but Mr C declared that no exceptions could or would be made.
Ken leaves the school and gets flagged down by Suzanne. He tells us that he's aware of how the school sees her but he knows she's a warm, kind person underneath. She asks him to wait with her for her ride and he agrees. She invites him to dinner that evening with her family and he knows he should stay home and work on his story but he doesn't want to let her down. He figures he can go there after meeting with Liz and then work on his assignment later.
Ken tells us that he isn't really interested in art and classical music like Suzanne is but he loves to listen to her talk about them. I get this. My husband and I don't share a lot of interests or hobbies but I love to listen to him talk about things he's passionate about. Ken feels like he has to pretend to like the same things as Suzanne in order to keep their relationship. That's the unhealthy part. He can be interested in listening to her talk about classical music without pretending to like it. Suzanne doesn't do either and it bothers him that she won't even try to see the merit in the things he enjoys.
Liz and Ken sit out by the pool and discuss his difficulties in English. He tells her that he has no problems writing reports because that's just taking facts and lining them up in the proper order. He struggles when it comes to anything creative and unstructured. He thinks he might be able to figure it out if he could see the step-by-step process of it all. Liz hands over a folder with a short story she's written. It has her outline and all her notes with it so Ken will be able to see the process she followed to get from point A to point B. She cautions Ken not to show it to anyone else because she's not ready to share it with anyone. She acts like no one knows she writes in her spare time but I feel like this is a well known fact.
Ken leaves Liz's house and heads to Suzanne's. She lives in the same area as the Patman's and the Morrow's. A man answers the door and Ken introduces himself, thinking it's Suzanne's father. It's the butler and Ken is hella embarrassed. Suzanne rescues him and takes him to meet her parents who seem like lovely people. So far. As they're going in to eat, Suzanne pulls Ken aside and asks him not to mention he plays football. Her dad thinks schools spend too much money on athletic programs and she doesn't want things to get awkward. Ken reluctantly agrees.
During dinner, talks turns to Shakespeare because Suzanne's younger brother is doing a project on the Globe Theater and her father is a massive Shakespeare nerd. Ken is dismayed when her dad goes on a rant about how schools spend too much money on athletics and not enough on “real education” that might turn out something other than “stupid athletes”. Ken is hurt that Suzanne says nothing to disagree with her dad and wonders if she just sees him as a dumb jock.
Later, Ken asks her about it. She tells him that she thinks he has a great mind and he's the sweetest person she knows. Then she kisses him and all rational thought seems to flee. He leaves and runs into Bruce and Regina who are out jogging. Bruce reassures Ken that everything will be fine and he's being super cute and affectionate with Regina but I'll never forget what he did to Liz. You're not going to erase that, Pascal. Ken feels better after seeing them. Bruce and Regina are super different as well and they're working out just fine. He takes that as a sign that he and Suzanne can work out too.
Ken goes home and tries to get to work on his creative writing assignment. He can't focus, however, and ends up doing his math homework instead. Then he goes all shiny squirrel and gets distracted by a dozen more things before he falls asleep, having written absolutely nothing.
It's Tuesday now and the paper is due on Wednesday.
At school, Suzanne rocks up and invites him to dinner and a "film" that night with some of her friends. He knows he should say 'no' but he doesn't want to disappoint her. Right after that, a teammate comes up to tell him Coach said practice was probably going to run late that afternoon. Ken has no idea when he's going to work on his story.
We skip ahead a bit. Ken's working on his paper until 2:00am. Well, he's staring at blank paper until 2:00am trying to come up with something. He's done an outline but he can't seem to translate that into actual writing. His mind keeps wandering back to his disastrous evening with Suzanne. He felt out of place and dumb amongst them and he felt like Suzanne was embarrassed of him. Not only that, but one of her friends (Mark) spent the whole night hitting on her and she didn't seem to mind.
Ken is frustrated and upset and he can't focus on anything. He looks at Liz's story and wishes it was his. Suddenly he finds himself typing out a new cover page for it with his name instead of hers. He reasons that she'll never know and it won't hurt anything but it keeps him up for hours.
We hop ever so briefly into Liz's head to witness a fight between Jess and Lila. Jess is upset that Lila is going to be in New York next week visiting her aunt and therefore can't help her plan the picnic.
Wait. I'm confused.
In the beginning we were told that Ken's paper was due a few days before the big game. And the picnic is on the same day as the big game. Since the paper is due on Wednesday, I'm assuming the game is either Friday or Saturday so why does it matter that Lila's leaving next week? This timeline makes no sense.
After two whole paragraphs, we hop back into Ken's head. Liz catches up with him on Wednesday morning and asks if she can have her story/notes back now that Ken is finished with his assignment. He feels so bad about what he's done that he starts to hand the story over to her but Jess interrupts to complain some more about Lila's desertion.
Mid-paragraph we hop back into Liz's head. This is just sloppy, ghostie. Ken tells her that he left her story/notes at home and then he bolts. Jess asks Liz to help with the picnic but she refuses, saying she'll be much too busy with the special centennial edition of the Oracle.
Later that evening, there's a special poetry reading that Suzanne organized. Liz sits and watches the performances which include both Winston and Olivia. I'm glad to see Olivia topside again. Liz judges all the other participants, saying their work is “silly”, “laughable” and “boring”. This is our “sweet, sincere, friendly” person, ghostie? You could have fooled me.
Naturally Liz gets the most applause for her poem because the Wakefields 📣MUST BE WORSHIPPED. People just can't wait to praise her and she receives it as her due.
We make it to Thursday. I think. This timeline sucks. Jess appears with a new crisis – the date on the posters for the picnic is wrong. Liz volunteers to help her white it out and fix it on the huge stack but never actually does so Jess is on her own again. Penny comes rushing in with “Ken's” story. Did Penny exist before this? I can't remember her at all. Mr C wants the story published in the Oracle despite the fact he has neither Ken's knowledge nor permission. I really hate that guy. Liz balks, saying they should get Ken's permission at least. Penny's already made copies for the entire staff and she hands one to Liz, insisting she read it.
Cheating aside, if I were Ken, I'd be so pissed. No one should be reading this without his permission.
Liz recognizes it right away. She rushes to Mr C to tell him the story can't be published but she doesn't tell him why because she wants to talk to Ken about it first. Mr C orders her to put it in the paper so she runs off to track down Ken. He's horrified and embarrassed. He apologizes to Liz and says he always planned to come clean after the game but clearly he's going to have to do something sooner. He takes off to make things right.
Ken runs into Suzanne before he can get very far. She's heard about “his” story being published in the Oracle and she's very excited. She can't wait to tell her family and her friends about it. She wants Ken to enter it in some kind of writing contest and then suggests he give up football to focus on his writing. He's freaked out because he knows she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out the truth.
Ken heads home feeling horrible. One rash decision has affected every aspect of his life and he doesn't know what to do. He knows he has to do something to stop the story from being printed and he only has until Monday morning. While he's trying to come up with a plan, Suzanne calls and invites him to the Centennial celebration that evening that's kicking off the massive event.
Wait. I thought the big game was kicking off the event. I'm so
confused.
Ken tells her that he can't go because he has too much work to do and she gets pissed and slams down the phone.
We skip to Monday.
Wait. Wasn't the game supposed to be over the weekend? And the picnic? Surely we didn't skip those. So now ghostie is telling us that there was more than a week between when the story was due and the game? That's not what she told us initially. Also, if the paper is going to the printers on Monday and the picnic is obviously not being held until the following weekend, why exactly couldn't Liz help Jess? Oh, she was just being a bitch? Cool cool.
Anyway....Ken catches Liz before she leaves to take the paper to the printer. He gives her something to replace the story. She's hesitant but he insists.
We skip ahead again. The Oracle has been circulated and everyone has read the story Ken submitted. It's about a guy who steals a story to save his grade so he can play football. Everyone knows it's autobiographical and the entire school is buzzing. Liz hears Ken is being called into the principal's office and she runs to help. She encourages him to lie and say that he wrote both stories but he says it's time he did the right thing.
We hop into Ken's head at the start of the next paragraph. I hate this shit. POV's should be separated by chapters or there should be some *********** or something separating the sections to let us know when we've shifted.
Ken is brought into a meeting with Coach, the principal and Mr C again. This time they leave Bruce out of it. Ken explains everything that happened and is praised for his courage. Um.....what? Mr C says that he would have earned a “A” on the story that was published but since he tried to turn in a fake story first, he's going to be given a “C” instead. The grade is still high enough for him to pass the class so he can play in the big game.
So no punishment at all then? Cool cool.
Suzanne, however, isn't as forgiving. She breaks up with Ken, calling him a common thief. He's worried the team will feel the same way but they all praise him and treat him like a hero. Okay then.
It must be nice to be one of Pascal's favorites.
We skip to Saturday. Liz is excited to go to the game and get the Centennial celebration kicked off.
Fucking wait. IT WAS ALREADY KICKED OFF NINE DAYS AGO WITH THAT EVENT SUZANNE ASKED KEN TO GO TO. This timeline is so fucked.
Have I used this one too much? Fuck it.
Before Liz can go to the game, Jess rushes in with another crisis. Jess's only function in this book is to have crises. This time it's the catering for the picnic. She forgot to call and confirm with the caterer so there isn't going to be food at the event. Liz is too busy to help yet again so Jess is left to figure it out on her own yet again. We see you, Liz. We know who you really are.
Liz goes to the game with Enid so she's walking topside as well. I'm glad to see most of the town made it out of the dungeon after last book. A lot of football talk takes up the next few pages and none of it matters. SVH wins in the last second because of Ken.
Suzanne rushes onto the field after the game and apologizes to Ken. They kiss and all seems well for a few seconds. Then Suzanne asks him to come to a history lecture with her. He says he wants to go to the picnic and she gets pissed again. He realizes they're all wrong for each other and then proceeds to tell her that he finds art films, history lectures, her friends and her boring. He kisses her cheek and says “see you around”.
The final kiss was a dick move.
Cara shows up at the picnic sans Steven. We haven't seen her in awhile. The Droids are playing at the picnic so every one of them is present and accounted for as well. It's a relief, really. Liz points out a junior named Lynne who seems mesmerized by the music. Lynne's never existed before today and will likely cease to exist like Patty once Pascal and ghostie are done with her. Liz says Lynne is painfully shy and she hasn't actually seen her outside of school before.
The food at the picnic turns out to be PBJ's and chips. People seem to be amused by it and Bruce praises Jess for saving so much money on catering.
These people get way too much praise.
The book ends there.
Coming Up Next: we have another Super Edition as the girls go on spring break. After that, Lynne's getting a book.
