**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
From the Back of the Book: Secret Song...Lynne Henry is tall, awkward, and painfully shy. The one bright spot in her life is her songwriting. In her room, playing her guitar, Lynne forgets how lonely she is and becomes someone special. When The Droids, Sweet Valley High's most popular rock band, announce a songwriting contest, Lynne enters it. But she is so insecure about her talent that she submits her song anonymously. As soon as they hear Lynne's song, The Droids know they've got a winner. Guy Chesney, the attractive lead guitarist for the band, vows to find the songwriter, no matter how long it takes. Only Elizabeth Wakefield knows Lynne's secret. Can she persuade Lynne to come out into the open and share her talent, or is Lynne destined to remain unnoticed?
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag former boyfriend currently exiled to Vermont
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1986 and this is my first time reading it. The cover annoys the fuck out of me for some reason. I hate the look on Elizabeth's face. Maybe I just hate Elizabeth. I should point out that the back of the book says that Guy plays guitar but the book itself says he plays keyboard. I'm not sure which is accurate.
In the last book the twins went to France. Liz did her usual sanctimonious shit while Jess fell in love with a guy we'll probably never hear mentioned again. Meanwhile in SV, Steven blew off Cara to hang around with a Tricia lookalike but she somehow forgave him.
Missing, Presumed Dead: We never see Bruce or Regina during the course of this book so I have to assume they're residing in the dungeon again. Poor Regina. It's so soon after her awful kidnapping ordeal too. George remains on the milk cartons and Patty has simply ceased to exist as predicted.
Released from the Wakefield Dungeon: To my shock, Bill and DeeDee both showed up in this book. I'd long given them up for dead. Roger, Olivia, Caroline and Winston also made their escape back into the poisonous air of Sweet Valley. I'm not sure which is worse - the dungeon or the town. I think it's 50/50. Maybe that's why Patty refuses to reemerge.
We begin with Jessica who introduces our B-plot right on page one. The cheerleaders need new uniforms so they have to hold a fundraiser to get the money. Jess suggests they have a “Rock Around the Clock” relay where they'll take pledges for each hour they spend rocking in a rocking chair in the school gym. This was actually a popular fundraiser back in the 80's believe it or not. She wants to have a dance with live music going on while they're rocking so people will come and enjoy the event. The idea is for each girl to rock for an hour at a time and then switch off. Someone suggests they get the Droids to play and Liz immediately introduces the C-plot to us. The Droids are having a contest to find a new songwriter and everyone is welcome to enter.
I can't believe we have two additional plots before we even catch sight of the main reason for this book. I guess Pascal knew the A-plot wasn't enough to carry the story so she buries it immediately.
Everyone agrees to the rocking chair thing so Jess leaves to book the school gym for the weekend after next and then we finally get around to the A-plot. Enid points out Lynne who is sitting across the cafeteria eating alone. She says she's never seen Lynne talk to anyone. Liz immediately feels like it's her job to fix Lynne but she doesn't do the very basic, bare minimum by going over there to have lunch with the lonely girl. No, that would make too much sense. Liz would much rather meddle in her life and make her feel like shit about herself than actually help her.
We land in Lynne's head. She feels self-conscious in the cafeteria as she's eating her lunch. Maybe it's because Liz is silently staring at her from across the room, judging her entire existence. She tells us that she's lonely and unpopular. She also has a mega crush on creepy Mr Collins. Lynne likes to play guitar and sing and she hopes to become a songwriter some day. Her original dream as a child was to become a performer but her low self-esteem has made that feel impossible now.
I don't think we need to read this book, y'all. Obviously she's going to write a song for The Droids' contest, it's going to win, she isn't going to want to perform, Liz is going to force her to perform and her problems will all instantly be solved by the Wakefield magic. Then she'll go in the dungeon and we'll never hear from her again.
Sigh.
Lynne goes on to describe herself for us – plain, tall, skinny, frizzy hair. Her mom sells beauty products in some kind of health spa (later it's referred to as a salon) and her dad is dead. She teaches guitar on Saturdays at a shop in town but no one knows. Not even her mom.
On her walk home from school, she runs into Guy who is the keyboard player for the Droids (not the guitar player mentioned on the back cover). Guy introduces himself but she already knows who he is because she idolizes the Droids. He's recently moved into Lynne's neighborhood so he's walking the same way. They talk about music and Lynne is shocked that they like a lot of the same stuff (mostly Linda Ronstadt who Guy thinks is talented and hot). Lynne enjoys their brief interaction and can't stop thinking about him for the rest of the day.
Lynne oversleeps the next morning. She participates in some negative self-talk in the mirror when she gets up, calling herself pathetic and ugly and sub-human. Her mom wants her to come to the spa on Saturday to get her hair done but Lynne snaps at her that she'll never be pretty and she's tired of her mom pointing it out. Her mom is hurt because she never said Lynne wasn't pretty.
Lynne misses the bus and has to walk to school. She runs into Guy on the way which makes her super happy. He seems genuinely happy to see her as well. He says she's a really good listener – mostly because she barely talks. They're halfway to school when Jess zooms up in the Fiat. She tells Guy to get in because she needs to talk to him about the B-plot. He hesitates but Lynne urges him to go ahead.
When he gets in the car and zooms away, she feels like a fool for thinking he could possibly be interested in her.
We land in Liz's head. She's finishing up her gossip column for the week before heading out for the annual junior class softball game. Jess is trying to hurry her along because they're all carpooling out to the lake. I don't know why they play softball at the lake. They just do. When they finally get out to the parking lot, we see DeeDee and Bill for the first time in ages. Congrats on your escape from the Dungeon!
I honestly thought we'd never see them again.
On the way to the lake, Jess tells Liz that everything is all set for the B-plot rock-a-thon. There will be a dance and the Droids are going to play. Liz barely listens. When they get to the lake, Liz sees Guy talking to Lynne and she's smiling. Liz thinks that Lynne looks “almost pretty”.
Liz is such a bitch.
We land in Lynne's head again. She tells us that Guy offered her a ride to the lake in the van with the Droids and it was the best 20 minutes of her life. When they get to the lake, neither of them join the softball game. They sit on a blanket beside the water and talk. Lynne doesn't tell Guy about her songwriting or the fact she plays guitar because she's afraid he'll laugh at her. He does most of the talking. He wants to go to Juilliard after SVH and then join another band. While she listens to him talk, Lynne fantasizes that they have a successful band together and that they're madly in love.
Since the entire junior class is there, the Droids use the opportunity to officially announce the songwriting contest. It's the first time Lynne is hearing about the C-plot and she's hella excited. The winner will have their song performed at the Droids' next gig and she figures she can submit something anonymously. Hearing them play her song would be a dream come true.
Later, back at home, Lynne's mom tries to talk to her about how school is going. She can tell that Lynne hasn't been happy in awhile and she wants to check in and see if there's some kind of help her daughter needs. It's super rare to have an involved parent in this series and it confuses Lynne as much as it does us. She resents the attention her mom is trying to give her and shuts her out. Internally, she desperately wants her mom's comfort, but externally she's a bitch to her mom until her mom leaves the room.
Great character you created here, Pascal.
Really sympathetic.
Lynne sits down and writes a song in one go – recording it and putting it in an envelope for anonymous submission. I know I'm not a songwriter but I have trouble believing it happened that quickly.
We land with Jess while she's having a meeting with the cheerleaders about the B-plot. She finds out that one of the cheerleaders, Helen, is set to move away from SV any day. I'm pretty sure Helen didn't exist before this chapter so it shouldn't be a great loss, but Jess is annoyed at the idea of having to audition a new member. Before we leave Jess' head, Cara pops up to introduce the D-plot already. Lila's super cute cousin Christopher is set to arrive in SV in a couple of weeks for a visit.
We didn't need 4 plots, Pascal. You aren't even making the 3 you already had work.
We land back in Lynne's head on Wednesday morning. She turns in her entry to the contest. Nothing else happens.
Now we're with Liz on Friday at lunch. The Droids are listening to submissions for the C-plot out in the courtyard and a crowd has gathered. They play Lynne's song and everyone is automatically transfixed because of course they are. The lyrics are too long to quote out here but believe me when I say they're super dumb. Everyone thinks they're genius, of course. Guy vows to find the girl on the tape and now I'm having a Camp Rock moment here.
Lynne literally runs into Guy after school. She asks how the contest is going and he plays her his favorite submission. She's shocked when it's hers. Guy says the girl is probably really special and Lynne thinks that he'll be really disappointed when he finds out it's her.
We're with the twins now. Goody. Jess wants to find the mystery singer and “unveil” her during the rock-a-thon. Nothing really comes of it. They go to the Beach Disco that evening and Liz dances with Winston who was recently released from her dungeon. Enid keeps dancing with someone named Brent who didn't exist before now and will probably never be heard from again. Guy talks to Liz about anonymous, saying he thinks this girl might be his soulmate.
Seriously? You don't even know who it is. This is ridiculous.
Later Liz tells Enid that Guy is in love with anonymous. Enid thinks it's romantic.
We hop into Lynne's head. She decides she doesn't want to be plain anymore so she spends the entire weekend experimenting with her hair and make up and clothing. She also decides to wear the contacts she's had for ages.
We're back with Liz. It's Saturday morning and she wants to go to the music shop to get a record. When she gets there, she hears a music lesson going on and recognizes the person singing as anonymous. She peeks in the door and is stunned to see it's Lynne. Lynne sees her and freaks out. She begs Liz not to tell anyone. Liz says that Guy is in love with the singer and Lynne replies that he'll be broken hearted when he finds out it's just her and not someone who looks like Linda Ronstadt. Liz tries to change her mind but Lynne is adamant.
The rock-a-thon happens that evening and it's wildly successful. The cheerleaders make enough for new uniforms so the B-plot concludes. The Droids play Lynne's song. Everyone is deeply affected by it.
Lynne and her mom have a conversation about her dad. He also loved music but he was afraid of success so he never pursued it beyond hobby level. Lynne decides she wants to be brave and make music and performing her life.
We are hopping around a lot in this book and it's mostly worthless. NOTHING IS HAPPENING. We have four fucking plots and nothing is happening.
Guy finds Liz and asks if she's heard anything about the identity of anonymous. I guess he figures she might know something because she writes the gossip column for the paper. Liz lets it slip that she knows who anonymous is but says she can't tell him because anonymous is shy and feels like people will be disappointed that she doesn't look like Linda Ronstadt. Guy figures out immediately that Lynne is anonymous because they talked about Linda Ronstadt that one time after school.
Sigh.
I get that Linda Ronstadt wasn't a huge star in the mid/late 80's but lots of people knew who she was. Pascal is treating this like Cinderella's glass slipper. Only the true princess would ever know about Linda Ronstadt. It's so fucking dumb.
Then again, the idea of only one girl in the kingdom fitting that damn shoe was pretty dumb too.
We're back with Lynne. On Monday morning she does her hair and makeup and wears her contacts and a nice dress that shows off her figure. Guy calls and asks if they can walk to school together. When they meet up, he tells her she has pretty eyes without her glasses.
Fuck you, Guy.
Guy tells Lynne that Outside Looking In (her song) won the contest. He says he listened to the song so many times, he feels like he knows what the singer looks like so he described her to an artist and had a drawing done. Lynne asks to see it, thinking he probably drew Linda Ronstadt whose name I'm sick of typing out, but Guy says he wants it to be a surprise. He is making fliers that will be passed around during the formal announcement of the contest winner.
First, this whole thing with the drawing is really dumb.
Second, fuck him in particular for not getting her consent before he “outs” her as the songwriter. She wanted to be anonymous and he should allow her to make the decision of coming forward or not.
This entire town is awful. There must be amoebas in the water or something.
At lunch, Winston hands Lynne a flier of her own face. She's shocked. Guy invites her up to perform her song and she does. Everyone claps. Guy pulls her aside and kisses her, also without her consent I must add. He tells her he loves her.
This is so fucking dumb. No, you don't. You don't even know this girl. You're in love with a fucking song.
I'm so over this. Luckily Pascal pretty much is too. The A-plot and the C-plot are now concluded.
We land with Jess who wants to discuss the D-plot now that all the others are wrapped up. Lila says she'll throw a huge party when Christopher arrives. Jess is excited.
Liz arrives with an E-plot. I really wish I was joking. Apparently her best friend from Middle School – Amy Sutton – is moving back to Sweet Valley. Enid is immediately angsty about it.
This book was so dumb. None of this needed to happen.
Coming up Next: Amy comes back. Enid is annoyed.
I wonder if Christopher will show up as well or if that D-plot was just a fever dream.
