**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
From the Back of the Book: The last chance..... Sally Larson is thrilled when she moves in with her cousin Dana's family. After years of living in foster homes, Sally longs to have a real home, and she's determined to make a good impression. As long as Sally lets Dana control her life, she feels she'll be accepted. After all, her cousin is pretty, popular, and the lead singer for The Droids, Sweet Valley High's smash rock band. Sally even hopes to overcome the resentment of Dana's brother Jeremy. But when Dana begins to resent her too, Sally's afraid she'll have to leave – and she knows this is her last chance to make a life for herself. Will Sally ever be able to call Sweet Valley home?
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag former boyfriend currently exiled to Vermont
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
*Jeffrey French – Liz's new victim....I mean love interest
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1986 and this is my first time reading it. The cover is.....odd. I really don't know what the art people were thinking with this one.
In the last book, Liz was tired of having a sister and pissed at Jess for shirking all her chores and responsibilities. There was a winter carnival and Todd came back for some reason. Liz and Jeffrey broke up briefly because they're really fucking bad at communicating and super childish. It was a couple hundred pages of absolutely nothing and I'm still kind of mad about it.
Missing, Presumed Dead: George and Robin haven't been seen for awhile so I think we have to conclude they've been dungeon-ized. Winston has joined them so hopefully they have a little entertainment at least. Patty, Sandra, Jean and Eddie who all existed for exactly one book and then were never mentioned again are still vapor as far as Sweet Valley is concerned.
Released From the Wakefield Dungeon: Lynne went on a date with Guy so I guess she's finally been released from the dungeon. It's been awhile since she was topside.
(((Note from future me: This is hands-down the saddest SVH book I've read. It deals a lot with feelings of abandonment from parental figures, foster families and the system in general. I found it to be a tough read and some of you might as well. If you need to skip this one for your own mental health, please do. I'll see you in the next one.)))
We begin with Dana at band practice. She's distracted because her cousin Sally is coming to live with them. Sally was surrendered to foster care by her mother when she was just a little girl. She's spent years being bounced around the system, never really having a home. Dana wants to tell her bandmates about Sally but she finds the whole situation embarrassing because Sally has “a father who was a bum, no real home” and because she got held back a year in school due to being moved around so much.
None of those things are embarrassing, Dana, you rabid bitch.
{{{It was at this point that the blogger knew the character of Dana was going to be unredeemable. She was not proven wrong.}}}
Dana knows she can't avoid the topic forever so she finally tells the band that Sally is going to come live with them and attend school at SVH. They show mild interest. Emily asks how old Sally is but Dana is too embarrassed to tell her, so she simply says that Sally is a junior.
Dana goes home to find her older brother Jeremy sulking about. He isn't happy because his parents made him give up his room for Sally and now he lives in the attic. He's not really thrilled to be adding another person to his household and his parents have been hammering it in that they all have to be extra nice to Sally because she's had a hard life. It's left him feeling a little resentful.
We go the Wakefield compound for the B-plot. Jess came across a man giving away puppies at the store and she's brought one home. The ghostie refers to it as a “golden labrador” which could mean one of three things. One, it's actually a yellow lab. Two, it's actually a golden retriever. Three, it's a cross between a golden retriever and a lab. We'll never know for sure. Liz tells her that she needs to take it back because Jess doesn't have a good track record with dogs. When she was in 6th grade, she had a disastrous experience while dog sitting that no one in this family will ever let her fucking forget. Jess reminds Liz that she's grown a lot since then and she'll take good care of the puppy.
Clearly VileAlice and EvilNed aren't going to let her keep it but they're out of town for the weekend doing their usual neglectful shtick. Jess figures she can just hide it when they come back because they're so absent and clueless that they never know what their children are up to anyway.
We land in Sally's head now. She's on her way to the Larson house with her uncle and she's all anxious inside. She desperately wants to have a home and she vows to do whatever she has to do in order to stay. In the back of her head, though, she's sure she'll fuck it up and they'll make her go back into the system.
The first thing she learns when she gets to the house is that she's unknowingly kicked Jeremy out of his room. She's instantly dismayed and offers to switch with him. Dana insists that Jeremy is better off in the attic because it's more private. Jeremy is cold to Sally, though, and it panics her. She really doesn't want to have to leave again.
The next day, Dana takes Sally to the mall to shop for new clothes because Dana has decided that Sally's second-hand wardrobe is embarrassing and can't possibly be seen at school. Sally has a more conservative, quiet style but she lets Dana pick her out some loud, colorful clothes because she's too scared to voice her own opinion. She thinks if she does everything Dana says, she'll get to stay.
Liz and Jess buy a collar and a leash for the B-plot. That is all that happens. It was really a waste of a head hop.
You know, I just noticed that the ghostie never got around to gaslighting us with the twin introductions. Weird. How will we know who is who?
Sally tells Dana that the Larson house is the nicest she's ever lived in. Dana cuts her off because it's too embarrassing to listen to Sally talk about her foster kid life. She tells Sally to just forget about her past because it's over. Bitch, if only it were that simple. Then she tells Sally not to bring up her past at school ever and to lie and tell everyone she's 16 so they won't know she had to repeat a year. Sally is a little stunned by the directive but goes along with it because she doesn't want to upset Dana.
I officially hate Dana more than Liz.
This book is heartbreaking. Sally is deeply traumatized by her years in the system and she's constantly panicked that her family is going to kick her right back into it. It has to be exhausting for her. She can't be herself because she's too worried they won't like her and they'll make her leave.
Dana tells Sally that she needs a complete makeover. In order not to embarrass Dana at school, Sally will need to cut her hair, style it differently and wear make-up. When she's made over into Dana's specifications, she doesn't really recognize herself and she's super uncomfortable. She says nothing. Dana thinks to herself that she just needs to change everything about Sally to make her into a new, less embarrassing person. Dana fucking worries about being embarrassed way too much. It borders on neurotic.
The twins decide to name the B-plot Prince Albert. Again, this was a complete wasted head hop.
I think the author is trying to inject some levity into this heavy book by making the twins run around like idiots to hide this puppy. I'm sure they thought it would make things easier but it just feels monumentally disrespectful.
We skip to Sally's first day of school. She's really tired and just wants to go home to rest but Dana insists on taking her to band practice. I don't know why. When she gets there, someone in the band asks her if she plays an instrument and Sally replies that she never had the chance to learn. This is a completely innocent statement but Dana freaks out about it because she thinks everyone will find out that Sally was a {{{GASP}}} foster kid. She quickly says that Sally can be their manager. They need someone to keep track of their gigs. Sally agrees because she wants everyone to like her. She's not very excited about it, though. In her heart she wants to join the school paper instead.
The band starts to talk about writing a new song and Dana suggests they do one called “The Ballad of Maria and Michael”.
Who, you ask?
The C-plot and likely the subject of the next book. I haven't checked yet but I would bet my weird furry deer Barbie that I'm right.
Maria and Michael are SVH's version of Romeo and Juliet. Their families have been feuding for years over some business deal or something (if this were a romance book they'd definitely be mafia) but Maria and Michael are totally in love. They have to hide their relationship and the entirety of SVH apparently thinks it's ever so romantic.
Well, except Guy. He's apparently over the entire thing and tells Dana that it's a stupid idea. Emily suggests they do a song about Romeo and Juliet instead and everyone agrees. They get right to work, totally ignoring poor Sally who just sits there bored out of her fucking mind but too scared to leave.
Eventually the girls go home and Sally rushes to do everyone else's chores because she's so desperate to make them like her. Mr and Mrs Larson notice and chastise their kids for taking advantage of Sally and then they tell Dana that she should be more like her cousin. This makes Dana instantly resent Sally as well.
Way to go, Mr and Mrs Larson. They're really mishandling this entire situation and making everything worse.
The next day, Jeremy's friend Mark comes over. He flirts with Sally and she's really enjoying it until she notices how pissed off Jeremy's getting. That makes her panic and she rushes off upstairs.
Hey, Mark, have you ever heard of the bro code?
Jess has been keeping Prince Albert in the basement during the day while she's at school and then moving him into her room for the night. Her parent aren't paying attention to their children as usual so they never notice. One afternoon, Jess brings Lila to meet the puppy. While they're down in the basement, they find a chewed up hose. It turns out Prince Albert has chewed it off the washing machine. Jess calls a repairman in a panic but they can't come out for a few days. She figures it will be okay because no one will do laundry anytime soon.
But of course VileAlice announces at dinner that she needs a particular black skirt washed for the next day. Jess panics and offers to do the laundry for her which should have made her extremely suspicious but, let's face it, she's not paying that much attention. Liz notices it though. She follows Jess down to the basement and sees her standing on the washing machine so she can climb out the window with the laundry. Her plan is to do it at the neighbor's house so VileAlice won't find out about the broken hose.
I'm not really enjoying the B-plot much but that cracked me up.
Mark calls to talk to Sally and Jeremy isn't very happy about it. Mark asks Sally on a date and she really, really wants to go but she turns him down so Jeremy won't be mad at her. She's really afraid the Larsons will ask her to leave because Jeremy and now Dana are so unhappy with her being there.
My heart breaks for Sally. Truly.
The next afternoon Dana wants to go to a movie but her mom orders her to clean her room instead. When Dana throws a fit about it, her mom tells her to be more like Sally. Dana is sick to death of hearing how perfect and helpful Sally is. She and Jeremy get together and start bitching about how Sally is ruining their lives. Dana says she doesn't know why their parents are insisting they be so nice to Sally because “It's not as if Sally was abused or anything.”
Dana, you self-centered little twat, child neglect and child abandonment ARE ABUSE. There are actual laws on the books that define them as such. You're such a bitch.
Sally comes across them and can feel the irritation they're directing at her. The irritation that Mr and Mrs Larson are definitely making so much worse by comparing their children to Sally constantly. She leaves the house and ends up at the school where she decides to check out the newspaper room. Liz is there working on her 'Eyes and Ears' column. She asks Sally if she's ever thought about joining the paper. Sally says she really wants to but she has to manage The Droids so Dana won't be mad at her. When Liz asks why she has to please Dana, Sally lets her entire story spill out.
To her credit, Liz actually listens compassionately. When Sally is done, Liz tells her to just relax and be herself because her family will love her for who she is. Sally thinks there's way too much at stake for that.
Later, Sally tells Dana that she met up with Liz and that she truly thinks that Liz might end up being a good friend. She's expecting Dana to be happy that she's made such a popular friend but Dana gets all weird about it. It's pretty clear that she doesn't want Sally to hang around with Liz because there's the risk that Sally will embarrass her. She reminds Sally that she made a commitment to the band and that she won't have time to hang out with Liz. Sally feels angry at first but then talks herself out of this very reasonable emotion. She decides not to pursue a friendship with Liz in order to keep the peace with Dana.
To be fair, Liz is an AWFUL friend so you're kind of dodging a bullet with this one.
Liz calls up Sally to invite her to go to the mall. Sally tells her she can't go and Liz detects sadness in her voice. Liz is sure that something must bepreventing Sally from going because no one turns down an opportunity to spend time with a Wakefield.
At supper, the twins ask their clueless parents if they can get a dog. EvilNed brings up the dog-sitting incident from a century ago but Jess assures him that she's fully capable of taking care of a dog now. The parents say they'll think about it.
Mark comes over to the Larson house. It's clear that he wants to see Sally but Jeremy tries to talk him out of it. Sally overhears and stays upstairs until Mark leaves.
The twins take the B-plot for a walk. He slips the collar and runs off. They're unable to find him.
It's suddenly Monday. Mrs Larson tells the kids to come home directly after school because Mr Larson has a meeting that day and he'll have something extremely important to tell them afterward. Sally is convinced that the meeting is about her and that she's going to be returned to foster care. Jeremy and Dana come to the same conclusion and don't seem broken up about it because they're awful people.
Well, Dana more than Jeremy. He's honestly had pretty understandable reactions to the situation. He's not happy he got kicked out of his room, he's not happy he's being constantly compared to his cousin and found lacking, he's not happy that he's constantly getting lectured about having feelings and he's not happy his friend wants to date his cousin. I know he has no right to control who Mark or Sally date but I can see where he's worried something might go wrong in their relationship and it will end up costing him his best friend. Yes, he's being an asshole about it but his reactions seem to have less to do with embarrassment and more to do with how his parents approached this entire situation. Dana, however, is gross.
They all go to school and then head home afterwards. For some reason THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE, Jeremy decides to pick up a couple of hitchhikers two blocks from his fucking house. Sally warns him not to because they look like trouble but he doesn't listen.
Um....ghostie.....what was the fucking point of this? I know you had to come up with some big climax and all but is Jeremy going to drive them two blocks and then let them out again? It makes no sense that hitchhikers would be in a residential area to begin with and even less sense that Jeremy would pick them up when his destination is coming up so soon. This is dumb.
As soon as they get into the car (one on either side of Dana in the backseat), they get handsy with Dana and insist on being driven to that seedy biker bar outside of town that Jess ended up in a few books ago. When Jeremy refuses, they get threatening. Jeremy agrees to drive them to the bar.
When they arrive at the bar, one of them demands Jeremy's wallet. He refuses and they threaten to sexually assault Dana. Jeremy gives them his wallet but they demand that the girls get out with them. Sally can tell that things are going to get very bad from here – because they've already threatened sexual assault – and she wants to protect Dana. She tells the guys to leave Dana alone because she's a bore and then offers to show them a good time. She gets out with them and tells Jeremy and Dana to just go home so she can party with the guys. Jeremy suddenly gets hit with an idiot stick because he just drives off, thinking she was serious.
Dana figures out what happened and tells Jeremy to stop. She explains that Sally was just trying to save her and that they need to go back. Jeremy stops being unnaturally stupid and says that he needs to get reinforcements first. He drives to Mark's house where Ken and John the sport's editor are conveniently hanging out.
Dumb. This is so fecking dumb. It's such an obvious plot device that it hurts my soul.
They all go back to save the day. Mark gets Sally away from the bad guys and retrieves Jeremy's wallet, minus a little cash.
Jeremy and Dana vow to try to convince their parents to keep Sally. Mark decides to go home with them so he can voice his opinion too. (Why would they listen to Mark???) It turns out to be unnecessary because the meeting was about the Larsons formally adopting Sally. Everyone celebrates.
The twins have been unable to find Prince Albert and they're both sad. EvilNed comes home from work with a puppy he adopted from the animal shelter and, of course, it turns out to be Prince Albert. The twins are in raptures.
Why would he just go and adopt a dog without getting any input from the rest of the family?
And what are the odds that he'd choose the exact puppy that the twins had lost?
Cara runs in with news of our C-plot to transition us into the next book (I WAS RIGHT!). Maria and Michael are now engaged despite the fact they're still in high school.
This will turn out well.
So....my thoughts. I will never forgive Dana for this book. The way she acted like Sally was an embarrassment has tarnished her forever in my eyes. It was hideous. I empathized with Sally a lot in this book which made it a tough read for me. I also turned into a people pleaser because of my childhood trauma. I also try to do too much for people in order to make them like me. I also worry constantly that people will stop loving me if I don't do everything exactly right. I understood Sally on a level that went way deeper than what the author put on the page. I think I only felt for her so deeply because I was projecting myself on her. I don't think I felt deeply for her because the author took me there with their writing. Do you know what I mean?
I still stand by my assessment that the B-plot felt extremely disrespectful in a book with this subject matter.
Coming up Next: Michael and Maria. Yay.
