**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
From the Back of the Book: Separate ways... Elizabeth Wakefield has always dreamed of visiting the beautiful mountains of Switzerland, so she's thrilled when she has a chance to attend an exclusive Swiss boarding school. As much as she loves Sweet Valley, Elizabeth is positive the romantic, snow-covered Swiss countryside would provide the perfect inspiration for writing. The thought of losing her sister has Elizabeth's identical twin, Jessica, in a panic! How would she survive without her very best friend in the world? Jessica just can't let Elizabeth go, so she devises a plan to make sure her twin won't leave Sweet Valley. Will Jessica's scheme to keep Elizabeth home work – or will it end up driving her away forever?
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag former boyfriend currently exiled to Vermont
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
*Jeffrey French – Liz's new victim....I mean love interest
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1987 and this is my first time reading it. The cover looks really bad to me. Why do they always make the twins look so old?
In the last book, rumors swirled around Susan's parentage. At first everyone assumed her mother was rich and famous and had just abandoned her due to being too busy. Then Lila spread a rumor that Susan's mother was an insane criminal in hopes of breaking up Susan and Gordon. It turns out Susan's mother was the woman who was raising her (but didn't want to admit she had a child out of wedlock) but her father was a famous director who knew about her all her life but didn't contact her until his other child died and he needed a replacement. Oh, and the twins thought VileAlice was pregnant. It was dumb.
Missing, Presumed Dead: Susan joins Joanna, Patty, Eddie and Michael who only existed for one book and then were promptly forgotten, remain missing. I fear we may never see them again.
Released From the Wakefield Dungeon: Bruce and Roger are seen at Winston's so they've escaped the dungeon. Let's hope they can stay free this time. Lynne, the songwriter (who I forgot even existed) also poofs back into SV. Man, she must have some tales to tell after being underground so long.
We begin with the twins and Enid on the beach. Jess has binoculars for some reason and she's perving on some surfer. We launch right into a description of our twins – the words “model slim” and “sun-streaked” are used. Liz is called “sensible” and “deeply loyal”.
Right. Sure she is.
The only thing ghostie has to say about Jess is that she's “impetuous” and “likes to live for the moment”. Once again, we lie about Liz and nail Jess.
You know, I find this trend pretty insidious. Book after book, they show us who Liz is but continue to try to gaslight us into thinking she's some kind of saint. Do they think we're not paying attention? Do they think the readers are too dumb to form their own opinions on a character based on evidence? It's like they think we'll blindly believe what they say rather than what they show us. Liz has never been "deeply loyal". She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had. She's betrayed her friend Enid several times. She's left clubs in the lurch, failed to do her job for the newspaper, and even ducked out on actual paying jobs for anything she deems more important. The only one Liz is loyal to is herself and we all know it.
We learn that Jess has been casually seeing a senior named Randy. Enid seems oddly interested in him. I hope we're not going to have a B-plot of the two of them fighting over a boy we don't even know or care about. {{{Note from future me: that B-plot would have been WAY better than the one we got.}}} We also learn that Liz is obsessed with looking at the brochure that Regina gave her in the last book. Ghostie gives us a review on who Regina is but I'm not going to insult your intelligence by doing the same. You've read these recaps. You know who Regina is.
Liz thinks that Switzerland is an “enchanting, romantic” utopia and she's dying to go. Of course, Jess doesn't want her to leave Sweet Valley and I'm sure we can all see this book unfolding in front of us. Jess is going to act selfishly and not care about what Liz wants. Liz is going to end up changing her mind to stay in Sweet Valley. Why are we even pretending this is a thing? We all know it's not going to happen. It seems like a waste of a good tree to me.
Liz wants to spend her senior year in Switzerland at a school that offers a special creative-writing program that welcomes American students. She's practically orgasmic as she thinks about writing with a view of the Alps outside her window. Jess and Enid are unenthused.
We skip ahead to that evening. The Wakefields drive north to meet Steven for dinner at a restaurant halfway between his college and the compound. Steven also thinks Switzerland is a terrible idea but I don't know why. Having Liz out of everyone's hair is only going to be a positive thing. She's pretty much poison.
We skip to the next day at lunch. I'm not sure what the point of that dinner was. Did we really need pages of nothingness to tell us that Steven is against Switzerland? Seriously, ghostie, stop padding out the page count. Maria, Winston, Lila and Jeffrey are eating lunch with our dynamic duo. Maria seems pro-Switzerland but Jeffrey is in the anti camp. I think Lila is pro-Switzerland as well because she jokes about starting a fund so Liz can afford to go even if she doesn't get the scholarship. It's kind of funny and I think Lila is the only one thinking clearly here. A Liz-less Sweet Valley can only be a good thing.
Winston introduces what I desperately hope isn't going to be our B-plot. He pulls a lottery ticket out of his pocket and declares that he's about to be a very rich man. He says he'll send Liz to boarding school if he wins. That's one more in the pro-Switzerland column. Man, people really want her gone.
Liz notes that the first three numbers are the card are Jeffrey's birthday. I'm sure that won't be important later. Winston invites everyone to come over to his house to watch the lottery drawing at 10:00.
After school, Liz goes to the mall with Jeffrey so he can get a birthday present for his mother. She's distracted and keeps mentioning Switzerland which depresses Jeffrey. She's too blind and self-absorbed to notice until it gets REALLY obvious. Finally she asks if anything is wrong. Is she dumb? Why wouldn't he be upset by the idea of his girlfriend leaving for an entire school year? Not only that but she's acting like she won't miss anyone which probably makes him feel like shit. Liz just pats him like he's a cranky toddler and tells him that they'll be able to maintain a long distance relationship. He snorts and says that she and Todd couldn't do it.
Jeffrey is my hero for saying what we were all thinking.
Liz says it's different because she's not going away forever like Todd did. She knows the separation will have absolutely no impact on their relationship at all.
Please, Liz. Every time you get even twenty miles away from Jeffrey you start flirting with other boys. You'll be dating some Swiss boy before the plane lands.
Liz dismisses all of Jeffrey's feelings and goes right back to dreaming about being in Switzerland because no one matters but her. She even tells herself that “deep down Jeffrey really felt the same way she did about the Interlochen School” which is just such bullshit. Liz really does live in her own little world. She invites him back to her house to show him a book about Switzerland that she checked out from the library because she's really that fucking clueless.
We land in Winston's head so I guess the lottery nonsense really IS the B-plot. They're shopping for his lottery party later. Maria asks who's coming and Winston spouts off a list: the twins, Jeffrey, Lila, Enid, Roger, Olivia, Bruce, Nicholas and Regina. Does that mean Bruce and Roger are out of the dungeon? I'll have to see proof of life before I mark them. Also, Nicholas is a blast from the past. I hadn't been marking him as a dungeon dweller because he doesn't go to Sweet Valley and I've just assumed he was at boarding school or college or whatever.
So what is he doing in Sweet Valley in the middle of the week? I think ghostie forgot he wasn't supposed to be there.
They see a little girl ask her grandfather for cookies but he can't afford them. Winston grows uncomfortable at the idea that people are poor for some reason. I hate Sweet Valley. The grandfather is wearing a jacket nearly identical to Winston's and somehow....kind of ridiculously....they get switched. Of course the lottery ticket is in the pocket of Winston's jacket and now the poor grandpa has it. Naturally Winston discovers that the grandpa also had a lottery ticket in his pocket. So now they have each other's tickets.
I feel a psychic vision coming on......
So the grandpa's ticket is going to be a winner, right? And then Winston will have to decide whether to return it or not. And Liz will know it's been switched because of Jeffrey's birthday. Man, these books are predictable.
Sure enough, the number is drawn and it matches the ticket currently in Winston's possession. Liz is perplexed because she knows that's not the number he had earlier. Everyone else celebrates except Maria who seems freaked out at the thought that Winston now has $25,000.
What would be the equivalent of that win today?
According to Google, that would be a little over $69,000 today. That's a lot for a junior in high school.
Winston is freaked out. He isn't sure what to do.
Back with Liz. She finds out the school in Switzerland has a special scholarship for 15-17 year old girls from California who want to study writing.
This is so ridiculous.
Liz has to send off her transcript, three letters of recommendation and three writing samples as soon as possible. Then an alumni from the school and a member of the Sterne family that funds the scholarship will have to interview her in person to see if she's suitable.
Liz's parents aren't too thrilled about the idea. They think she should finish school in Sweet Valley and then maybe go abroad for college. Liz is distraught and asks them to call the school to talk to the headmaster or whatever he's called. She thinks he might be able to persuade her parents that this is a great opportunity for her. They agree.
Liz can't understand why everyone is so against her leaving the country for a year. She's hurt that they can't see what this means to her.
Back to Winston and the B-plot. He's struggling with the knowledge that he is going to get thousands of dollars that really belong to someone else. He gets the grandpa's address from the store clerk (why the hell does the store clerk know where this guy lives???) and heads over to his house. The old man is happy to get his jacket back. Winston notes that the man lives in poverty and feels bad again about the lottery ticket mix up. The old man mentions that he buys a ticket every week but he hasn't been paying attention to the numbers because he never wins. This makes Winston feel better. He figures if the old man doesn't care if he wins, it's okay to keep the money.
What?
That's the dumbest thing I've heard yet.
Can we discuss for a minute how none of this is even logical. First of all, who even takes off their jacket at the grocery store and lays it on the counter next to the jacket of the person in front of you in line who has also inexplicably taken off their jacket and laid it on the counter? No one would do this. This is odd behavior. Secondly, I know it mentions that Winston's dad bought him the ticket since he's under age but then Winston is somehow going to be allowed to claim the prize? That makes no sense. He's not 18 and therefore cannot play the lottery. The ghostie tried to address this by saying that although he can't buy a ticket, he's still legally allowed to play and claim prizes. That's not how that works. Not a single bit of this plot makes any sense. It's worse than the pregnancy plot in the last book.
Back to Liz. She wants to rehearse for the in-person meeting because she doesn't trust her family not to fuck it up. Neither do I, but that's because Jess and Steven are probably going to fuck it up on purpose. Her family basically laughs at her for being concerned about it. Huffing, she goes to call Jeffrey. He wants to take her somewhere special the next night but she says that she has to work on her short story for the application. She tries to go over what he might say if anyone asks him any questions about her and he turns it into a joke. She's pissed that no one is taking this seriously.
The next day, Liz tries to coach Enid on what to say if the interviewer asks her any questions and I'm confused. I thought they were doing a home interview? Does Liz plan to have all these people over at her house when they come? Or does she think they'll interview her friends when they come to the school to talk to her principal? That seems like it would be a HUGE waste of time. Her principal and teachers might tell the truth about her but her friends and family probably won't. Under normal circumstances, they would want to make her look like the best candidate for the scholarship even if she isn't. Here in SV, they'll probably try to sabotage her. Either way, the interviewer isn't going to get an accurate description of Liz from these people.
Hell, even the author can't manage to give an accurate description of her.
Enid flat out tells Liz that she's being a little obsessive about this entire thing. Liz counters that she can't understand why no one is supporting her. Enid says no one wants her to go and Liz calls that selfish. She says her best friend should want what's best for her. Enid says she doesn't think this is what's best for Liz. She thinks Liz is making it into something life-changing when it's just going to be school in another country. Liz is furious and storms away.
We're in Enid's head now. It's the next day and she feels bad about her fight with Liz. She tries to go apologize but Liz isn't home. Somehow she ends up at the mall and runs into Jeffrey. She asks Jeffrey if there's any way to change Liz's mind and he says that he thinks they should support her because this is something she really wants. Enid decides he's right and tells him that she's going to make a scrapbook for Liz to take with her when she leaves. She's going to include pictures of all Liz's friends and all the good memories they've had so Liz won't feel so homesick while she's away. He thinks that's a good idea and offers to help.
If I were Jeffrey, I would still feel pretty awkward around Enid. I mean, she tried to buy him with an entire wagon of canned peas once.
We're back with Winston and the B-plot that shouldn't even exist because IT MAKES NO SENSE. He's calling the lottery office to find out what would happen if someone won the lottery with a ticket they didn't own. He says he's asking for a school project so the person entertains his absurd question. She tells him that they can't verify ownership and whoever is holding the ticket is the winner. He thanks her and hangs up. Part of him wanted a different answer, I think, because he feels so bad about keeping the money.
After that absolutely useless page, we hop right back into Jess' head. She calls Steven to whine about Liz leaving and he says that he's come up with a plan. They'll act like a “obnoxious twin sister and a depraved older brother” to sabotage Liz's interview.
Depraved seems like an odd choice of words here.
But maybe not for Steven who is a GROWN ASS MAN DATING A 16-YEAR-OLD.
Steven figures if the interviewer thinks Liz comes from a family with “so little moral fiber” than she must not be as “wholesome” as she appears. To be fair, the Wakefields have absolutely no moral fiber that I can see so he's not far off with this but it's still dumb. Jess likes it though, and offers to get some of the people at the school to play along when the interviewer goes to talk to the principal. Steven says he'll rope his girlfriend Cara into this stupidity so I guess it's all systems go.
#someonesaveCara
We hop over to the other twin now. I think we went forward a few days too because last I knew it was Saturday and now she's in the school cafeteria. Clear timelines have never been a thing in this series so why start now? Liz is waiting for Jeffrey but Lila tells her that she saw him and Enid getting into his car a few minutes before. Liz is perplexed. Lila reminds her about how Enid was madly in love with Jeffrey when he first came to town and now Liz is troubled.
Did everyone forget about the wagon of canned peas???
We get a recap of that book now but, again, I trust you remember.
Liz tries to convince herself that nothing is happening between the two of them but Lila fans the flames by saying she's seen them together several times lately. Now Liz is freaking out.
We land in Jeffrey's head again. Apparently he and Enid needed to run to the store to get glue for the scrapbook during lunch. He left a note in Liz's locker to explain he had to miss lunch with her because he needed to run an errand but someone pulled it out of the vents and threw it away so she never saw it. This is dumb.
These ghosties really need to learn to create tension without having to rely on 'the big misunderstanding'.
Back to Winston and the ridiculous B-plot. He's accepted the money and it was put into a trust for him to access when he turns 18. In the meantime, he can spend the interest it earns. And somehow he has some interest money already despite the fact that the money has been in the bank for about a day.
Also he tells us that he'll be earning $200 dollars in interest every single month. Where the hell did he find these rates?
Winston goes to a toy store to find a doll for the poor man's granddaughter. He asks to have it delivered anonymously and pays for it with his magical interest. Winston feels guilty for keeping the money but he doesn't want to be a “laughingstock” if he returns it.
Seriously? This is so dumb. We know Winston and we know he would NEVER keep this money. Jess might. Bruce would. Lila would. Hell, Steven would probably keep it but Winston wouldn't. This is the dumbest B-plot ever.
Also, he should have thrown some cookies in with that doll.
Back with Liz. She's entertaining the idea that she and Jeffrey should break up if she goes to Switzerland. She decides it wouldn't be fair to ask him to sit around and wait for her and part of her wonders what it would be like to meet a “glamorous European boy at Interlochen”. There's that deeply loyal Liz we all know and love. She immediately backtracks on the idea and says that she wants to stay with Jeffrey and vows to tell him how much she loves him.
What the hell was the point of that?
She's waiting for Jeffrey when he comes walking in with Enid. Both of them look flustered to see her which causes her worry. She wonders if they've been doing something they don't want her to know about. To make things worse, she bumps into the two of them together two more times that day. She goes home feeling depressed.
Are you the same bitch that just said it might be nice to meet a glamorous European boy?
We skip over into Jess' head now. She's headed to an emergency cheer meeting when that guy Neil that she occasionally dates flags her down. He introduces her to a random new kid named Kirk who is trying out for the tennis team. Jess thinks he's cute but he immediately starts bragging about how he's the best tennis player in the state. He leers at her and looks her up and down a few times and says that maybe they can improve the social scene in SV. She decides he's a creep.
I don't know what the point of any of that was either. Unless Kirk's going to be in the next book.
We slide back into Liz's head. She tells VileAlice that she thinks Jeffrey and Enid are falling in love. VileAlice asks for proof and Liz says they've been spending a lot of time together lately. Her mother makes the point that it could be perfectly innocent but Liz is convinced they're cheating on her. VileAlice tells her that she isn't being very fair to Jeffrey. Liz gets pissed and demands to know what her mother means. VileAlice reminds her that she's insisting that Jeffrey accept this whole Switzerland thing because it's what's best for her but she doesn't really seem to care how he feels about it. Liz says she assumed he was excited about the idea because she was. VileAlice says Liz is taking Jeffrey for granted and it isn't fair.
She's not wrong but I still think she's a lousy mother.
Later Steven joins them for dinner. Liz starts dictating what they can wear and what they can talk about during the home interview the next day. She's really taking insufferable to new levels in this book. She tells them that the interview will be at 4:00. Apparently she never told her dad this and EvilNed won't be home until 6:00. Liz literally shrieks that the interviewer will think they have a broken family if he isn't there.
EvilNed promises to rearrange things so he can be there but Liz remains pissed. She's also mad that Steven's home because it will look like he doesn't take college seriously. I hate her. Seriously.
Liz calls Jeffrey after dinner but his mom says he's at Enid's house. Forgetting everything her mother told her earlier, she decides that Jeffrey is in love with Enid.
I'm exhausted. This book is exhausting.
We skip to the next day. Liz goes to meet the interviewer who's name is Mr Sterne. He asks her to tell him about herself. She goes on and on about what this would mean to her and how much she wants to learn creative writing from the teacher at the school. He's impressed by her research. He tells her that they're going to be paying a lot of attention to how she behaves around her friends and family because “so few young ladies really exhibit good manners these days” and character is so important to the foundation that offers the scholarship.
Sigh.
Sterne takes her to meet Ms Crawford who is the alumni she has to meet. We don't get to go with her so I don't know how it goes. Then Sterne and Liz head for the compound. He's going on and on about how they have to “keep our standards up” and how they can't let just anyone have the scholarship since it bears their name. He's as insufferable as she is. He mentions that families reveal a lot about a person's character and I'm ready to burn the entire book down.
In case you need to hear this....YOUR FAMILY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR CHARACTER. Yes, they can influence it, but who they are is not an accurate reflection of who YOU are. You are not them.
Liz is surprised to see a motorcycle in the driveway since none of them drive one. She reminds us about her horrible motorcycle accident way back in like book six or something. Steven meets them at the door and Liz is horrified to see that he hasn't shaved.
Seriously?
Liz asks where the parents are and Steven says that their mom had an emergency and their dad is late as usual. Liz says that their dad is never late but Steven says the entire family has no concept of time. Sterne asks Steven what he does and Steven replies he's in college but he comes home often because he can't bear to be separated from his family. He says the entire family is that way, implying that Liz won't be able to function in Switzerland.
This is dumb.
Jess shows up in a mini skirt and a bunch of makeup, horrifying Sterne. Liz vows to kill them all.
Oh, good, we've thrown some casual slut shaming into the mix. That's what this book was missing.
We skip to later that evening. The family is having a meeting to discuss things. Liz is FURIOUS. She yells at Jess. She yells at Steven. She yells at her parents. It's a lot. EvilNed threatens to punish both Jess and Steven who is a WHOLE ASS GROWN MAN and doesn't even live there anymore.
Later Liz finally thinks about what going to Switzerland would be like. Not only would she potentially lose Jeffrey but her friendships would probably fade out as well. She wouldn't see her sister or her parents for long periods of time and, as appealing as that might be right now, she knows she'd miss them. She still wants to go, though, and hopes the scholarship opportunity isn't gone forever.
We slip into Jess' head. She and Steven are still scheming. Jess says they need to make Liz look “kind of schizophrenic” meaning “crazy and unstable, a real basket case”.
Fuck you, ghostie. And fuck you extra, Pascal.
Jess decides she'll dress like Liz and keep bumping into Sterne during the school visit the next day with a different boy each time. Because apparently talking to a lot of boys makes you “crazy”.
Steven is going to constantly call the office to ask for Liz during the interview so Sterne and Crawford will think all her boyfriends are trying to reach her.
Seriously. Not only are we slut shaming here but we're calling girls who date more than one boy “crazy and unstable”. Not cool. Not cool at all.
I'm so pissed we're going to bullet points.
*Jess puts her plan into action, making sure Sterne knows how important “men” are to her (I mean Liz)
*Jess as Liz tells Sterne that she's madly in love with the slightly pervy Mr Collins. She then insinuates that the family member who started the Sterne scholarship died of scandalous circumstances.
*Steven holds up his end of the plan.
*Liz figures out what her siblings did and there's more yelling.
*Steven and Jess apologize. Liz doesn't forgive them.
*Jess gaslights Steven into believing this was all his idea.
*Liz starts to feel like Switzerland might not be the best idea. She realizes she's been caught in a fantasy world and real life won't live up to it.
*Liz jogs over to Jeffrey's house and finds Enid's car there.
*Winston comes clean and turns the money over to the grandpa. He's called a hero.
*Jess and Steven confess to Sterne and Crawford.
*Liz is offered the scholarship.
*Jeffrey and Enid show up with the scrapbook.
*Jeffrey tells Liz he loves her and he's proud of her and he'll wait for her while she's in Switzerland.
*Liz turns down the scholarship, saying she thought Switzerland was a magical place but clearly SV is the most magical place of all.
*EVERYONE FUCKING CLAPS. I wish I was kidding.
*The newspaper prints a story about how Winston is a hero for returning money that never fucking belonged to him in the first place.
*Lynne reappears from nothingness all of a sudden. She wants the school newspaper to start a page for personal ads and they ask her to manage it. I think she was the one who won that song writing contest back in the day. I forgot she existed.
*The book ends there.
I hated this one. They just keep getting worse.
Coming Up Next: Personal ads cause chaos at Sweet Valley High.
