**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
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From the Back of the Book: See no evil.... Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield are thrilled when their cousin Kelly Bates arrives in Sweet Valley. Kelly's mother is planning to remarry and hopes that living with the Wakefields for awhile will prepare Kelly for life with a new stepfather and two stepbrothers. As soon as Kelly arrives, she shocks her cousins by going out with troublemaker Kirk Anderson. Then she announces her plans to stay in Sweet Valley and live with her father. She says he's the perfect dad, but that's not the way it looks to the twins. Their cousin seems to have a blind spot when it comes to her father, as well as to Kirk. Will Kelly find out what's keeping her from seeing the truth?
📢TRIGGER WARNING📢: This book contains what I consider to be an attempted sexual assault. I'm not sure Pascal saw it that way because it isn't addressed AT ALL but I'm going to call it like I see it. It also contains a scene of domestic violence that happened in the past. If these topics will upset you in any way, please do not read this recap. I'll catch you next time.
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*CreepySteven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag former boyfriend currently exiled to Vermont
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
*Jeffrey French – Liz's new victim....I mean love interest
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1988 and this is my first time reading it. The cover is.....spooky. Why does Kelly look more like Liz than Jess does? That makes zero sense.
In the last book, Cara and CreepySteven were having issues because he had sniffles and couldn't deal. Eventually CreepySteven turned his attentions to another underage girl named Abbie. The Wakefields treated Abbie like absolute garbage but she ended up thanking them in the end because of course she did. #allhailtheWakefields
Missing, Presumed Dead: Johanna, Patty and Eddie are all still deep underground. They are being kept company by Abbie who only existed for one book and will probably never be seen again.
Released from the Wakefield Dungeon: You're never going to believe this but ROGER MADE IT OUT ALIVE!!! I know. I was as shocked as you are. I really thought we were never going to see him again.
We begin with the twins and get their descriptions right away. Liz is called steady, thoughtful and practical. Jess is called daring, headstrong and reckless. As always, I agree with ghostie's take on Jess but Liz is wildly off base. Why do they continually try to gaslight us about who Liz is? We're reading these books. We know she's self-absorbed, egotistical and thoughtless.
As we learned in the last book, cousin Kelly is coming to stay with the Wakefields because she isn't getting along with her mom. The main conflict is that her mom is getting remarried and Kelly will soon have a stepfather and two stepbrothers to deal with. She still isn't over her parents' divorce and the remarriage is bringing old hurts to the surface. Kelly is acting out and her mom thinks a few weeks with the Wakefields will straighten her out.
Jess and Liz discuss how much Kelly looks like them which explains the bizarre cover. They think she is going to make a big impression on SVH. She's going to be sharing Jess' room for the first half of her visit and then she'll move into Liz's room. They're eager to see her because it's been eight years since she left Sweet Valley. Her mom – VileAlice's sister Laura – moved to Tucson after leaving her husband. None of them have a good opinion about Greg but VileAlice tells them that they can't say anything negative about him to Kelly. Laura wants Kelly to form her own opinions about her father.
We jump into Kelly's head as her plane lands in SV. She's super happy to be back in California because she hates Arizona with a passion and blames her mom for making her leave paradise. The Wakefield clan minus CreepySteven meets her and she immediately decides that EvilNed is the perfect father because he offers to carry her bags for her.
The bar is in hell.
Kelly thinks her own father would have been as perfect as EvilNed if her mother had given him half a chance. The only memories she has of him are happy ones. I mean, that's usually the case when you have an absentee, non-custodial parent. They never have to be the bad guy. They never have to make you eat your vegetables or do your homework or clean your room. They get to breeze in for a day or two and do all the fun things and fill you full of junk food and then drop you back off at home for your custodial parent to deal with.
Jess and Liz tell Kelly that they've set up an introduction with Nicholas in hopes that the two of them might start dating. Why? She's only going to be there for a few weeks so why would she want to get into a relationship with someone? Nicholas is in college and way too old for Kelly. He's also deep in grief right now and probably should focus on healing.
We skip forward a few days. Apparently Kelly's been enrolled in SVH for the duration of her visit. It seems weird to me but whatever. On her first day, the three girls wear matching denim skirts, pastel t-shirts, colorful socks and sneakers. They call themselves 'the triplets' and think they are the most clever people to ever be born. They drive the Fiat to school. The Fiat is a two-seater and Kelly has to ride on Liz's lap the entire way. This book was published in 1988. Seatbelt laws were definitely a thing by then in California (and most states). There's no way this was legal.
But do I remember doing it in the 80's? Yeah. It was a wild decade.
When they get to the school, Liz makes sure to tell Kelly that she “weighs a ton” because Pascal needs to call at least one person fat in every book. She really had some issues and they're pretty clear from her books. People instantly start swarming around them because they're all dressed similarly and no one can believe their eyes. It's so stupid.
After school, Kelly goes to The Oracle office with Liz where she meets Questionable Mr Collins and some of the newspaper staff. She thinks Mr C is hot and Liz agrees. There's nothing weird about a teenage girl having a crush on a teacher. It's weird that he seems to enjoy it though. Penny learns that Kelly worked on the school paper in Tucson and asks her to write an article about how much Sweet Valley has changed in the eight years she's been gone. Kelly is embarrassed to admit that she doesn't really remember much about Sweet Valley which is news to me. She keeps going on and on about how much she loved it here and how it's better than Arizona. Make up your mind, Pascal. Kelly agrees to write an article about her impressions of SVH as a visitor.
I'm sure it will be riveting.
We get another earful about how happy Kelly was when her dad came to see her and how much she resents her mom for separating them. It's so repetitive already.
Twinsies again. Jess tells Liz that Kelly is having nightmares. Liz is worried she's traumatized in some way and tells Jess that they need to make things extra easy on Kelly. I'm not sure what that means exactly. It's not like they have her doing hard labor at the Compound.
It's finally time to introduce Kelly to Nicholas, so the three of them head to the Dairi Burger. Kelly seems really reluctant to meet him but the twins are being super pushy as usual and not listening to her at all. They know best and she just needs to get with the program obviously. This is yet another example of Liz being very thoughtless and unconcerned with the feelings of other people. If she thinks she's right, she'll steamroll over anyone.
Nicholas arrives and mentions that he's working for his father's business. Kelly says she wishes she could work with her dad but when Nicholas asks what he does, she has no fucking idea. She knows he's some kind of consultant but doesn't know what he consults on or with what kind of businesses. Undeterred by her lack of knowledge about her father, she goes on and on about how wonderful he is and how much fun they used to have. The twins are puzzled because they've heard nothing but bad things about Greg from VileAlice. Liz wonders if her mother could be wrong.
Clearly Liz doesn't have custody of the brain cell today. Kids often see their parents through rose-colored glasses. It's not odd for Kelly to have a different impression of her father than VileAlice does. Kelly is seeing him as the person who played with her and fed her sweets and gave her presents (even if he wasn't around much). VileAlice sees him as the man her sister divorced and fled from and the man who didn't make an effort to see his child as often as he should. It doesn't mean either of them are wrong.
Kelly pulls a picture of her dad out of her wallet to show the others. It's a little weird. Both Liz and Jess comment about how hot “Uncle Greg” is. That's weirder. Kelly mentions that Greg is coming to Sweet Valley at the end of the next week to spend her birthday with her. She's super excited. Nicholas naturally asks about her mom, but Kelly's mood crashes and she shuts down. Sensing he stepped into something complicated, Nicholas changes the subject. The country club is hosting yet another dance (HOW MANY DANCES DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE?) and he invites Kelly to go with him. Jess and Liz have been invited by Lila.......wait......why the hell aren't the Wakefields members of the country club? They're widely worshipped in Sweet Valley. EvilNed is a prominent attorney and VileAlice is a sought after designer. They live in a house with a massive in-ground pool for fuck's sake. You'd think they'd be on the board of the country club.
Nothing in Sweet Valley makes sense.
Anyway, the dance is a costume party for some reason. The timeline in this universe also makes no sense. Nicholas encourages the girls to wear some kind of group costume. He suggests three blind mice which they immediately reject.
Nicholas takes off. Kelly agrees that he's cute and seems really nice which prompts Jess to declare that this is the start of an epic romance. Liz finally seems to remember that Kelly is just visiting and that dating Nicholas might not be the best idea. I guess she didn't think that one all the way through before. Try to tell me how thoughtful and practical she is again, Pascal. Kelly says that she's determined to stay in Sweet Valley. Her dad doesn't live in town anymore but she thinks she can convince him to move back.
Um.....why? Why would he just uproot his entire life to move back to Sweet Valley? He's living in LA at the moment and I have to think that he must prefer it to the abyss that is SV. She's confident that he'll move back for her even though he's made very little effort to even visit her over the last eight years.
Kelly goes on a mega rant about how awful her mom is and how she's kept her from her father all these years for no reason. Liz doesn't like to hear the Aunt Laura slander but she keeps her mouth shut for once, not wanting to upset delicate Kelly and potentially cause more nightmares.
This book is so dumb.
We skip to the next day. Jess and Kelly decide to play a round of tennis on the school courts. Kelly is beating Jess because she doesn't realize that NO ONE MUST EVER DEFEAT A WAKEFIELD. She's going to end up in the dungeon for sure. Kirk shows up. I guess he still exists then. Damn. Jess reminds us that he's super hot but a massive jerk. Then she reviews the book where Kirk and a bunch of his asshole friends catfished Penny.
Kirk must have mentally reviewed that book as well, because he's reminded of how he was supposed to go on a date with the twinsie's cousin but she stood him up. He tells Kelly that, as a Wakefield cousin, she needs to make it up to him. He asks her to dinner and Kelly happily accepts. She seems more eager to be with him than Nicholas. Maybe it's because he's her own age and not a college man creeping on a sixteen-year-old. Jess considers warning her about Kirk but decides that she'll figure out what he's like all on her own. I guess she subscribes to the Aunt Laura line of thinking.
None of these people are girls' girls.
We skip ahead again. Kelly goes to dinner and then comes home to report to the twinsies. She seems really smitten with Kirk. The twins are shooketh. Kirk must have known that they'd give her the low down because he did a preemptive run around them and told her that he acted like a jerk when he first came to SV because he was insecure and afraid of being rejected.
It sounds dumb to me but she bought it. Kelly is very credulous.
Kelly says that Kirk invited her to the costume party as well and she'd rather go with him. Liz scolds her, saying she can't accept a date when she already has one. Kelly just shrugs it off because Liz isn't her mother. Liz demands that Kelly call Nicholas immediately to tell him she's going with someone else. Kelly blows her off and says she'll do it later.
I always enjoy it when people stick it to Liz.
We're in VileAlice's head now which is just a jump scare. Seriously, Pascal. What did we do to deserve this shit? EvilNed is bitching about how much his kids spend and VileAlice is just rolling her eyes at him. The phone rings and it's Laura. The sisters talk for awhile about how things are going with Kelly. Laura reminds her sister that the purpose of shipping Kelly off to SV was so she could “get used to Tony and me and his kids”.
How does that make any sense? How will she get used to them when she isn't there? This is a complete nonsense book written so Pascal get some more sweet, sweet cash from her fans.
EvilNed goes upstairs to get Kelly so she can talk to her mom. He returns without her because she refuses. VileAlice is shocked and doesn't want to hurt her sister's feelings. She tells Laura that the girls are all tied up watching a movie and Kelly can't come to the phone. It's not even a good excuse but Laura accepts it and says she'll call back another day.
VileAlice hangs up and tells EvilNed that Kelly deserves to know the truth about her father and her parents' divorce. EvilNed reminds her that they promised Laura not to discuss it.
I'm so glad Pascal is telling us the exact same things over and over. It's riveting.
We're back with Kelly and it's the next day. She's sitting with Jess and Lila at lunch and everyone is admiring Lila's outfit. Lila mentions that the belt was a gift from her father who is currently in Paris. This prompts Kelly to launch into another recitation about her perfect father. She talks endlessly about how her mom broke her dad's heart and how he had to leave his job because he couldn't function through the heartbreak. She says her father doesn't make her follow rules and doesn't care who she dates but her mom is all up in her business 24/7. I'm sure Lila is wondering when the hell she asked.
We skip ahead a day or two. I have no idea. Kirk comes to Kelly's locker to talk to her. Liz is there and she give Kirk the cold shoulder before stomping away. Real mature, Liz. Kelly isn't too fazed by it. She just thinks no one knows Kirk the way she does. It's a common thing said by people when they don't realize they're in a bad relationship and people try to warn them. Kirk asks her to the Beach Disco and she's excited.
It's 1988, Pascal. Who the hell is still going to a disco in 1988? No one. Absolutely no one.
When Kelly gets back to the Compound, she has a letter from her dad waiting for her. He says he'll be arriving at 5:00 on her birthday to take her to dinner. She's ecstatic.
Laura calls again that evening and VileAlice forces Kelly to talk to her because that always helps. Laura asks questions about school and Sweet Valley and Kelly gives her one-word answers. Laura says she wants to visit for Kelly's birthday but Kelly says she'll be busy with her father. They end the call and Kelly goes to get ready for her date. Kirk ends up being 30 minutes late, saying he ran out of gas. At the disco, he ditches her to talk to a female friend for way too long. She excuses him because he assures her that he and the girl are just friends.
Credulous. Very credulous.
Back with the twinsies. They're working on their costumes with Kelly in the back yard by the pool. They've decided to go as the 'no evil monkeys'. You know, these guys.
The costumes are described in excruciating detail and I'm not going to subject you to that. Basically leotards, tights, ears and a tail. They stuff the tail with all of EvilNed's socks, by the way. I'm sure he won't miss those. Liz is going to be 'Speak No Evil' which feels like something she should definitely take to heart. Jess is 'Hear No Evil' and Kelly is 'See No Evil'.
Liz asks Kelly if she's called Nicholas yet to let him know she's going to the party with Kirk. She hasn't. Liz is judgmental about it. Honestly, I am too. She should have done this by now. Nicholas is one of the few semi-okay people in SV (except for the fact that he's okay with dating underage girls). But I also have to point out that if Liz were the perfect friend that Pascal tries to pretend she is, she would call Nicholas herself.
Jess says she's heard around school that Kirk is dating someone named Marci that has never existed before and will probably never exist again. It turns out Marci is the friend he ditched Kelly for at the disco. Kelly says Kirk and Marci are just friends and the gossip is wrong. Jess shrugs it off and says they need to get ready for the beach party they're suddenly going to.
Kirk was supposed to pick Kelly up but he's late again. Liz convinces her to ride illegally in the Fiat. I really think Liz is trying to kill Kelly. VileAlice says she'll let Kirk know that they're at the beach when he shows up.
Why aren't these "perfect parents" worried about the fact that they're cramming three people in a two-seater? My parents would have said something about it and they didn't like me that much.
They get to the party and an hour passes before Kirk finally shows up. He's with Marci and it's unclear whether he went to pick up Kelly or not. He tells Kelly that he has to spend some time with Marci because her parents are getting a divorce and she's having a really hard time with it. Kelly melts because she knows exactly how that feels and she's glad Marci has such a good friend to help her through. Kirk flatters Kelly pretty heavily and she eats it up like she's starving. Which she is. Because she doesn't have a dad in her life to give her the attention she needs so she's going to seek it out from some other boy. It's pretty textbook.
Kirk ends up taking Marci home so Kelly has to ride back with the twins. Liz is really suspicious about Kirk and Marci and even makes the parallel between Kirk and Greg because Greg was unfaithful to Laura.
Suddenly we're in study hall and I have no idea what day it is. Kelly keeps hearing rumors about Kirk and Marci so she asks him about it. He gets annoyed and says that he and Marci are just friends. He tells her to stop listening to rumors and to trust him. She ends up apologizing to him for doubting him. (Also she finally calls Nicholas to tell him about going to the party with Kirk but we don't get to hear that conversation so we have no idea how he took it. I doubt he cared. He was just being nice to the twins' cousin.)
Kirk beats a hasty retreat after study hall. Cara rocks up and warns Kelly that Kirk has a reputation for....well, for having sex basically. It's worded very conservatively but she basically implies that Kirk goes all the way and expects his dates to as well. Kelly gets upset and says that Kirk has always been the perfect gentlemen.
Sigh. I can feel where this is going in my bones.
Kelly has another nightmare. She's in a small, dark place with the sound of crashing and screaming. She doesn't know what's happening in the dream but it scares her until she wakes up gasping. Jess asks if she's okay and she says she is.
It's suddenly Kelly's birthday. She's super excited about seeing her father. The plan is to have cake and presents at the Compound with the entire Wakefield clan and then she and her dad will go to dinner. I'm not sure if her dad knows about this plan since Pascal hasn't shown Kelly communicating with him in any way. Five o'clock comes and goes with Kelly getting increasingly freaked out. VileAlice and the twins try to convince her to have her cake and open her presents but she refuses to do it without her father. He eventually arrives at nearly 7:00 saying he got stuck in traffic. Liz reminds us that he's super hot and it's still weird. He charms the twins easily and they soon see why Kelly loves him so much.
Um. She loves him because he's her dad, you weirdos.
Greg apologizes for not bringing a present, saying he found an antique writing desk that Kelly would have loved but it would have taken too long to ship.
So he just got nothing then? He could have gotten her something else.
Kelly doesn't mind that he didn't get her a birthday gift. She blurts out that she wants to live with him and she wants them to move to Sweet Valley. VileAlice nearly has a stroke. Greg says that it's a nice idea and they can talk about it later but he has to run. He has a business dinner back in LA that he wasn't able to reschedule. He tells Kelly he'll call her sometime and then he takes off. VileAlice is furious. Kelly is devastated. Jess says he should have stayed for her birthday and Kelly immediately gets upset and says it wasn't his fault. Then she starts ranting about how this is all her mom's fault. Liz points out that Laura isn't even in the same state and Kelly says if Laura hadn't kept them apart, she would have spent plenty of time with her father when he wasn't busy with work. It's not super logical but teenagers aren't known for their logic.
We skip to the next afternoon. The girls finish their monkey costumes. CreepySteven arrives with a list of professors who need babysitters. Jess is hoping to make some extra cash. {{{Note from future me: I thought this might be our B-plot but it's never brought up again.}}}
We skip ahead again to dance time. The girls all ride in the Fiat again because who cares about the potential of flying through a windshield or being crushed against the dash? Not Pascal, EvilNed or VileAlice that's for sure. We don't spend much time at the country club – just long enough for Jess to note that Robin is acting really weird. I can't figure out what she's doing there. I don't remember her parents being rich enough to be members and George's parents definitely aren't. I think Pascal forgot this was an exclusive event.
Kirk offers Kelly some beer but she turns it down. He asks her to go to Miller's Point with him and she agrees. He drinks a beer on the way and there's absolutely nothing in the text to tell the reader that this is something they shouldn't do. Pascal's just out here condoning all kinds of unsafe driving.
When they get to Miller's Point, Kirk produces a blanket and asks Kelly to lay under the stars with him. He brings the bottles of beer with him. When they're settled, he starts leering at Kelly and telling her how sexy she is in the leotard and tights. He kisses her and then tries to work his hand under her leotard. Kelly says 'no'. He tells her she needs to “start showing some appreciation” for him taking her out. He calls her a tease and then forces several kisses on her and tries to get on top of her. She pushes him off and asks him to take her home. He grabs her to forcibly kiss her again and she kicks him in the shin.
Aim higher, baby girl.
Kirk gets super pissed and starts shouting and throwing the beer bottles around. The sound of breaking glass and shouting triggers a flashback and a panic attack. Kelly runs off and Kirk gets back in the car to chase her down. He pulls up beside her and orders her to get in the car but she's still panicked so she just runs off again. He drives off and leaves her out there.
Kelly curls up beside the road and has a flashback about hiding under the kitchen table while her father screamed and threw things at her mom. He broke every dish in the house before the neighbors called the police.
Liz and Jeffrey pull into the driveway of the Compound. They're planning to get some ice cream and watch a movie. I guess the dance was too lame for them. Jean and Tom pull up behind them and say they found Kelly on the side of the road up by Miller's Point. Kelly is crying too hard to communicate so Liz and Jean just get her upstairs and into bed. Jean, Tom and Jeffrey take off. Eventually Kelly calms down enough to tell Liz what happened but she focuses on the memory and not the fact that Kirk tried to sexually assault her. That's never brought up. It's like Pascal didn't think it was a big deal.
Kelly cries herself to sleep and Liz goes downstairs to wait for the rest of her family to come home. The parents arrive at the same time as Jess conveniently and Liz tells them about Kelly's memory. VileAlice calls Laura to let her know what happened.
We skip to the next day. Laura arrives in SV to talk things out with Kelly. Kelly decides to go home with her and the A-plot concludes.
At 99% we finally get the B-plot. Jess goes over to Robin's house to discuss some new cheer routines. Robin warns her that she might not be at SVH next year. Her aunt wants her attend Sarah Lawrence (it's a college in New York) so she applied and got early acceptance which means she'll skip her senior year and go right into college.
Um.
No.
That's not what early acceptance is, Pascal. Did you do any research? Robin would still have to complete her senior year. Or at least complete all the credits she needs to graduate before going to Sarah Lawrence. It would mean taking extra classes or even summer school in order to get everything she needed. There's no discussion of that at all. Just Robin saying she's leaving SV. She doesn't seem happy about it.
The book just ends there.
No talk of reporting Kirk for attempted sexual assault. No PSA about driving under the influence or about riding on someone's lap in the car. No discussion of Kelly getting therapy for her repressed childhood trauma.
Coming up next: Will Robin's aunt force her to leave SV in order to attend Sarah Lawrence? Will we care?
