**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
From the Back of the Book: Split personality..... Jessica Wakefield is head over heels in love with handsome AJ Morgan. She knows he likes her, but Jessica's convinced he'd really fall in love with her if she were studious and reserved, like her twin, Elizabeth. So Jessica sets out to change her personality completely. But her plans are threatened when she hears about a fashion contest she just knows she could win. How can she compete and still be the shy, sweet girl that AJ thinks she is? When the contest turns into a battle to keep AJ as well as a competition for a designer wardrobe, Jessica has to make some difficult decisions. Will the old Jessica reappear – and risk losing AJ – or is the quiet, serious new Jessica here to stay?
Sigh. Pascal never shies away from repeating content. Why give us something new to read when she can just recycle a couple of plots and cash her check?
📢TRIGGER WARNING📢: Weight is brought up several times in this book. We've come to expect that from Pascal. Protect your mental well-being, y'all. Skip this one if you need to. I promise you won't miss much.
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*CreepySteven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag former boyfriend currently exiled to Vermont
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*DisgustingBruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
*Jeffrey French – Liz's new victim....I mean love interest
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1988 and this is my first time reading it. Is that a new model for Jess on the cover? She looks different to me. It's a boring cover overall. Not much to talk about.
In the last book, the entire school went crazy over slam books. Liz cheated on Jeffrey because she thought he was falling in love with Olivia. Roger broke up with Olivia (not over Jeffrey). Olivia started a literary magazine. Lila made a play for Jeffrey but he was too clueless to notice. Jess wanted to shed her 'biggest flirt' label so she started acting all serious which attracted the attention of the new boy in school AJ.
Missing, Presumed Dead: I've decided to declare Patty, Eddie and Abby legally dead so this will be their last appearance on the milk carton. RIP. We hardly knew you. Kirk the Jerk, Julie and Josh continue their stint in the Dungeon. I feel so bad for Julie being stuck with those two. At least she gained company this time. The entirety of The Droids and Jean seem to be missing now.
Released from the Wakefield Dungeon: The remaining members of the nonce squad – CreepySteven and DisgustingBruce – have finally made their escape. EvilNed came with them. He should keep better company.
We begin with Liz and most of the cast at the beach. She reviews the last book for us and glosses over the fact she cheated by simply saying she acted like a “dope” because of the slam books. Liz loves to revise history.
The slam books are still a thing, by the way. They're mentioned a few times but I chose to ignore it.
We immediately launch into a description of the twins' physical perfection. This time the ghostie makes sure to point out that everyone is envious of how lovely they are. Liz is described as “mature” and “practical” which is just bullshit. What exactly was mature about her behavior in the last book, Pascal? I'll wait.
Nothing?
That's what I thought.
It gets worse, though, because she's also described as “dependable, honest, and fair-minded and admired by everyone in Sweet Valley”. First of all, that last thing doesn't count. In order to live in Sweet Valley you have to worship the Wakefields. It's in the bylaws. But I will die on the hill that Liz is one of the most undependable, dishonest, self-absorbed people in the entire fucking town. If you were unsure about this at all, last book should have proved it to you.
Jess is described as “regal”, “self-involved”, “willful”, “impetuous” and “thoughtless”. Those are all pretty accurate to be fair. They've never shied away from calling Jess on her bullshit. If only they'd do the same to Liz.
To prove how far up the twins' asses this town is, we get this.... “So it was no surprise that the Wakefield twins had tied for Most Popular. Between them they represented every exciting, lovable quality a sixteen-year-old could have.”
That has to be the most delusional sentence I've ever read in a book in my entire life.
We slide over to Jess who reminds us that she's madly in love with AJ despite only having one or two conversations with him in total. She thinks he likes her too but he has the wrong impression of her. You see, Jess was so smitten with him that she got all tongue-tied and shy in his presence and now that's who he thinks she is. He likes them shy and subservient. Jess is afraid to correct his impression of her so she's just pretending to be who he thinks she is.
AJ rocks up and Jess is glad she wore a one-piece instead of a bikini because AJ wouldn't want her to show that much of her body.
Jess dials her personality down to a whisper so she doesn't scare fragile AJ too much. She vows to do whatever it takes to hold on to him, even if it means changing her entire personality.
Because that's worked so well the other times she decided to do that. I swear I'm tired of reading the same plot over and over in these books. It's exhausting.
Jess asks AJ if he wants to go to the library with her. She says she has homework to do but she really just wants him to think she's studious. When they get there, she reads him some poetry from the book Liz recommended. It's Emily Dickinson and Jess reads it “in a voice throbbing with emotional intensity”.
I didn't like that sentence at all.
After Dickinson, she starts to read him some Walt Whitman. His interest fades fast and he interrupts her to say he really needs to read poetry with his own eyeballs to understand it. Just hearing it read doesn't resonate with him as much. She's a little disappointed. He asks her if they can leave to go to the Dairi Burger and she says 'yes' even though they just sat down.
What if she really had homework, AJ? Clearly he doesn't care at all and just wants to do what he wants to do.
They get to the Dairi Burger and a ton of classmates are already there. Jess wants to sit with them so she can hear all the gossip but she doesn't want AJ to think she's frivolous. Luckily Winston waves them over and AJ is happy to go. Everyone teases Jess about her new quiet personality and DisgustingBruce says he can't tell the difference between her and Liz lately. Jess gets all pouty thinking everyone is trying to sabotage her.
AJ notices that Jess seems quiet and asks her about it. She says she was thinking about nuclear war. He seems pretty taken aback by that but says nothing. Seriously. Was that the best she could do? She couldn't have just said she was listening to everyone?
We skip to Monday afternoon. Liz is concerned that Jess is acting odd around AJ. She decides to confront her about it. Jess says that AJ is more attracted to serious girls so she's just trying to be what he wants. She says that there's no way AJ would like the real her. Liz says she's never given AJ the chance to know the real her. Jess points out that he didn't like Liz when Liz was acting like Jess so that's a pretty big clue. She doesn't want to take the chance that he might dump her if she acts normal. Liz gives up.
Later the only redeemable character in the whole of Sweet Valley makes an appearance.
Well, technically this is Recorder II. Liz has upgraded from the cheap plastic one that Jess bought. I like to think Recorder I has been given a place of honor on a shelf or something where he can watch over Recorder II's progress. Anyway, Liz practices after supper until she's interrupted by Jess. Jess has written a poem and she wants Liz to look it over. Liz is instantly PISSED that Jess dared try to write a poem. She whines that Jess is taking things too far now and thinks “Writing poetry wasn't Jessica's style and it never would be. There was no sense pretending.”
Liz is awful. She reads the poem and all she can think is that it needs to be burned. It's honestly not that bad. I didn't bother to copy it into my notes but it's better than anything we've seen Liz write. Jess wants to show it to AJ but Liz encourages her to write something happier before she shows it to him. (The poem was about how painful and bleak life is without love.) Liz thinks she should just write the poem for Jess because she's the Superior Wakefield.
We skip ahead an unspecified period of time. Everyone is going to the lake for a picnic. Jess and AJ are going early to hike. The hike is super boring. Jess babbles about world hunger in an effort to seem more serious and empathetic. It's so hard to read.
Later Liz and Jess have the exact same conversation about Jess being herself with AJ again. It's only been a few pages, Pascal. We didn't need to read it again.
Winston shows up and introduces the C-plot. We got the C-plot before the B-plot. Wild. Anyway, the school is going to do a musical/dance variety show to raise money for something. I didn't pay attention. Lila immediately recognizes that we went out of order and brings up the B-plot. A designer named Nadine who sells her clothes in a store called Lisette's is holding a contest. Contestants will walk in a fashion show in the mall featuring Nadine's clothes and the girl that best exemplifies Nadine's image will win a wardrobe. It sounds pretty stupid. Lila isn't interested in entering because she already has a ton of Nadine's clothes. Amy says she isn't going to enter because Nadine's clothes make her look fat. Jess thinks that she'd be okay to enter because, unlike Amy, her figure is perfect.
Fucking hell, Pascal. You couldn't resist could you? You just had to do it.
We land in AJ's head on a new day. Every time he mentions liking an activity, Jess suggests that they do it. It's wearing him out. He just wants to hang out and do nothing for awhile but he's afraid to mention it because he doesn't want Jess to think he's a slacker. He was initially attracted to her seriousness but now he finds her depressing and boring and so virtuous that he feels like he can't be himself around her.
Today they are jogging along the beach. Suddenly he hears someone yelling for help out in the water. He immediately jumps in to rescue them and pull them to safety. The struggling swimmer turns out to be a beautiful teenage girl named Pamela. She goes to a private school which explains why we've never met her before. She's starts to flirt with AJ and he seems pretty dazzled by it. He's usually not attracted to the forward type but he's so bored with Jess that Pamela feels like a breath of fresh air.
We skip to the next day. Pamela calls AJ to tell him that she accidentally went home with his towel after his rescue the day before. She invites him to come over and get it but he hedges because he's supposed to meet Jess at the library after she's done with cheerleading practice. Pamela tells him it won't take long for him to retrieve the towel and besides, her parents want to meet him and thank him for saving her life. He decides that he needs a little excitement in his life so he tells her he'll be right over.
When AJ gets to Pamela's house, her parents aren't even home. She's says they're in Denver but they'll be back soon. Like how soon? Because Denver isn't exactly just down the road from Sweet Valley, California. He's kind of annoyed that she lied to get him to the house but she's so hot that he decides to forgive her. Pamela flirts a bunch and then invites him to get in the hot tub with her. He says he needs to leave. She invites him to go to a school dance with her and he says maybe before he runs from the house.
Back with Jess. She's agonizing over whether to participate in the B-plot or not. She really wants to but she's afraid AJ will find it frivolous and she'll lose him. She can tell he isn't exactly happy in their relationship and blames it all on the fact that she's just not being perfect enough for him.
AJ shows up late to meet her and she has to pretend to be unbothered about it. He actually tells her that he went to Pamela's to pick up his towel and that makes her seethe inwardly but she shows no reaction.
We slide over into Liz's head. She's having some quality time with...........
Jess once again interrupts her to wail about Pamela trying to steal AJ. Liz says that it's time for AJ to meet the “real Jess”. Jess sobs that he won't like her and we go around and around that conversation again. Liz encourages her to enter the fashion show contest. Jess frets that AJ won't like it but Liz says he'll be proud of her.
She doesn't know that.
It's Saturday now. Lila, Jess and Amy head to Lisette's so Jess can sign up for the fashion show. I guess she's going to participate in the B-plot after all. They're in the Fiat so Amy is riding on Lila's lap.
My manager made that one for me. 👆
Lila asks if Jess is going to try out for the C-plot. Jess isn't sure. Someone named Jade Wu gets brought up. Apparently she's a really good dancer but I'm pretty sure she didn't exist before this book. Why does Pascal keep adding characters instead of using the ones she already has? Before they get out of the car, Lila calls Amy fat because Pascal gets off on it.
In Lisette's they run into Pamela. She's also signing up for the B-plot. Lila says she has an ego the size of Rhode Island and an ass to match.
We skip ahead an unspecified amount of time. Jeffrey and Liz are double dating with Jess and AJ. So Liz is on a date with her boyfriend and the boy she cheated on him with?
It doesn't go well. I don't know why any of them thought it would. At one point, Jess and Jeffrey get up to go to the jukebox and AJ confesses to Liz that he's bored of Jess. She wants to tell him that Jess isn't being herself but doesn't.
We skip ahead to Monday and land back in AJ's head. Pamela calls again. She says she's bored and he tells her to find a hobby. She asks if he's coming to her dance and he tells her that it's complicated right now because he's still dating Jess. She calls Jess a dishrag or something which irritates him but he gets over it fast because Pamela's hot. He knows that he shouldn't be talking to her but he's bored with Jess and craving a little excitement in his life.
If that all sounds familiar it's because we've heard it before. Several times.
Now it's Thursday and we're with Liz. Olivia makes an appearance to suggest Liz do an Eyes and Ears column about the C-plot. Liz does, speculating on who might enter and mentioning JW. Lila shows up to discuss her concerns about Jess with Liz. She says she has a plan to get Jess back to normal.
Not another plan. These people suck at plans. I can't take it.
Lila says that Jess will snap out of it if she has to fight Pamela for AJ. She suggests they talk about Pamela a lot over the next few days to irritate Jess in the hopes that Jess will want to fight Pamela the next time she sees her.
That's it? That's the plan? It's so stupid.
We skip to Friday evening now. There's a rehearsal for the fashion show, so Jess, Lila and Amy head back to the mall. Jess looks over her clothes and is pleased by the selections. Lila and Amy keep mentioning how nice Pamela is going to look in all her clothes. Jess gets pissed but not enough to pick any fights with Pamela.
We skip to Saturday. Everyone is back at the mall for the fashion show competition. Jess gets in her first outfit which is a knit dress. Pamela 'accidentally' bumps into her and snags her bracelet on the dress. When she pulls it away, the dress snags and some yarn comes loose in the back. Jess walks up the catwalk fine but knows she can't turn her back to the cameras on the end so she just dances her way backwards down the runway. The crowd loves it.
Her second dress is denim with two zippers that run up the sides. The zippers have been tampered with so there's a gap in the waist area. Jess covers it with a huge belt and then goes down the runway. Three more of her outfits have been sabotaged but she makes do and no one is any wiser.
The last outfit is a swimsuit and cover up. They haven't been tampered with so Jess thinks she's in the clear. As she's waiting to go out on the runway, Pamela runs up and pours a huge glass of water over her. Jess immediately lets her have it with both barrels. She yells at Pamela for tampering with all her outfits and for trying to steal her boyfriend. The crowd overhears all this. Pamela ends up bowing down to Jess' alpha energy.
No seriously. The entire crowd literally claps for Jess. Nadine declares Jess to be the kind of woman her clothes need. Jess wins the contest and Pamela slinks away in shame.
Later Jess and AJ meet up to talk. She tells him that she thought he wouldn't like the real her. He confesses that he finds the real her more exciting than the fake version. They go up to Miller's point to make out.
I guess that successfully wraps up the A-plot and the B-plot. I wonder how long AJ will be a thing.
We land in Jade's head. She reads the Eyes and Ears column and is stunned to see her initials mentioned. She really wants to try out for the variety show but her traditional Chinese father won't allow it. She's mad at him for being so stuck in the old ways.
The book ends there.
This book was just 176 pages of absolutely nothing. We all knew how it was going to end before it began.
Coming Up Next: Jade probably tries out for the variety show.
It's going to be racist, isn't it? Pascal never does this well.
