**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
*NOTE: I am very aware that these books were written by ghost writers but since Pascal put her name on the cover, I'm holding her solely responsible for everything that happens on these pages.
From the Back of the Book: John Pfeifer, popular sports reporter for the Sweet Valley High Oracle, is worried that his good friend Jennifer Mitchell is becoming too involved with dropout Rick Andover. When he finds out that Jennifer plans to run away with Rick, he enlists Elizabeth Wakefield’s help to stop them. Then Rick is arrested. Jennifer is convinced that her father turned him in. Furious, she refuses to speak to her father. John is the one responsible for Rick’s arrest but there’s no way he can admit it now that Jennifer has turned to him for comfort. Then Mr Mitchell becomes seriously ill, and John is faced with a terrible dilemma. Should he tell Jennifer the truth and risk losing her friendship or let her go on thinking her father is to blame.
All these people are fucking awful.
And why does everyone ask Liz for help? That girl is evil.
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*CreepySteven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag former boyfriend currently exiled to Vermont
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*DisgustingBruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
*Jeffrey French – Liz's new victim....I mean love interest
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1989 and this is my first time reading it. The cover is okay but at first glance I thought Jennifer was one of the Wakefield twins. I like the color of it. {{{shrug}}}
In the last book, Ronnie got into some gambling trouble and tried to make Jeffrey enforce a point spread….somehow. It was supposed to be dramatic but it was stupid and 100% out of Jeffrey’s control the entire time. In the end, Ronnie turned informant. I don’t really care what happened to him because he’s an asshole and a sexual predator. In the B-plot, Jess made and designed earrings. She spent a little too much of her parents’ money on supplies so I’m interested to find out whether that has consequences in this book or if Pascal forgot it entirely.
{{{Note from future me: She forgot it entirely. Of course.}}}
Missing, Presumed Dead: Believe it or not, Kirk the Jerk, Questionable Mr Collins, CreepySteven and Josh are all still confined under the Wakefield Compound. To be honest, the women of Sweet Valley are safer with that group tucked away. Caroline, Roger, Jade, David and Ronnie join them. It’s good riddance to Ronnie but I feel bad for Caroline and Roger at this point.
Released from the Wakefield Dungeon: Maria made her great escape in this book. I’m sure she’s relieved not to be down there with the nonce convention anymore.
We begin with Liz in The Oracle office working on her “Eyes and Ears” column. Jess rushes in which triggers our “exactly the same but totally different” segment of the book.
Jess gets called “flighty and inconsistent” in this one which I can’t really argue with. Liz gets called “steady and thoughtful”.
They make sure to point out that everyone seeks out Liz for advice because she’s just the wisest most empathetic person at SVH.
Jess has been assigned laundry duty for the week and she’s expected to have it done before VileAlice gets home from work but she really wants to go to the Dairi Burger after school with AJ who surprisingly still exists. Liz pretends to hesitate but eventually tells her she’ll do the laundry because….all together now….she’s a massive fucking martyr. She loves to pretend she’s sacrificing her own life for others in order to prove how saintly she is.
Jess leaves. John the sports guy comes in. He seems distracted and moody and Liz nags at him until he finally says that he’s thinking about Jennifer (a sophomore at SVH). His family and Jennifer’s family have been friends since the dinosaurs roamed the earth and he’s developed feelings for her that she doesn’t return. I don’t know why he’d tell Liz – the author of the school’s gossip column – all that but whatever. Liz scours her brain for Jennifer’s presence and all she can come up with is that Jennifer’s “cleft chin made her attractive in an unusual but memorable way”.
What is a cleft chin? I’ve heard of a cleft lip and a cleft palate but never a cleft chin.
Apparently it’s one of these. They can be surgically repaired if the person finds them bothersome.
Leave it to Liz to focus on a physical attribute to the exclusion of everything else.
John tells Liz that Jennifer is dating Rick Andover. You remember Rick. He’s 18-ish and a drop out that’s continually in trouble with the police. He once took an underage Jess to a bar where he sexually harassed her and then got into a violent bar fight. He’s Sweet Valley’s resident bad boy. Liz points this out to John and says that Jennifer can’t possibly know how much trouble Rick has been in but John says she’s very much aware. Jennifer’s dad is a lawyer who often works with “juvenile delinquents” and he’s come across Rick in that capacity a few times. Jennifer doesn’t believe Rick is bad, though. She says he’s just lonely and she can fix him.
Liz tells him that all he can do is be a good friend to Jennifer so he can be there if she needs him. He sighs and says he’s worried Rick might get Jennifer into some serious trouble.
We hop over to Jess at the Dairi Burger. Dana (the Droid) asks the group – Winston, Tom, Ken, Cara, Lila, Jess, AJ, Maria (who finally made it out of the dungeon!!!) and Neil (who used to date Jess off and on) – if they’re coming to her party Friday night. Jess immediately says ‘yes’ but then AJ reminds her that they’re having dinner with his uncle that night. Jess says they’ll just go to the party after dinner but AJ says his uncle’s house is 2 hours away and there’s no way they’ll be back in time. The crowd takes sides with the girls urging Jess not to give up her rights (weird way to put it) and the guys urging AJ not to let Jess boss him around. They decide to table it and discuss it later in private.
Which is surprisingly mature of Jess, I'd like to point out since Pascal won't. She'd rather eat broken glass than throw any praise Jess' way. (Except for her appearance which is really just praise for Liz in disguise.)
Rick walks in and they all start talking about him instead. Dana says that he tried out for the Droids but he had no talent and he was always high. Ken says he works in a music store now and tells everyone that he was cheated out of his big break. AJ is still fairly new to SV so they fill him in on some of the bad things Rick has done. Jess leaves out what he did to her though because she doesn’t want AJ to know she dated Rick.
Jess and AJ leave. On the way to her house, she gives him a “melting look” and begs to go to Dana’s party because “it means so much” to her. He doesn’t really want to cancel on his uncle but she pouts and flirts until she gets her way.
What do you think a melting look is? Is it this? It’s this, right?
We switch over to Jennifer now. She thinks about how much she loves Rick and how no one understands the real him.
She’s frustrated about how unsupportive her parents are about her relationship and she wishes she could confide in them about her life like she used to. She’s got some kind of secret plan with Rick that she keeps hinting at but doesn’t tells us about.
Back with Liz after school on Thursday. For some reason she’s at soccer practice even though season should have ended since they played the championship game in the last book. I guess Pascal forgot about that too. John comes over to sit next to her in the bleachers. She tells us that she normally respects people’s privacy…..
...but she can sense that John is bottling things up so she starts to nag him to talk to her again. John gives in and says Jennifer called him the night before to tell him that she and Rick are going to run away to New York to start a band (she plays keyboard and he plays bad guitar). He tried to talk her out of it but was unsuccessful. Liz is stunned at Jennifer’s shocking display of bad judgment. John asks her what he should do and Liz tells him that he has to let Jennifer make her own mistakes.
Girl.
Please.
If this was Jess, you’d already be concocting one of those stupid plans with your entire family.
Liz warns him that he’ll lose her friendship forever if he “turns her in” and he has to just let her go.
SHE’S 15 YEARS OLD, LIZ. NO, HE SHOULD NOT JUST LET HER RUN OFF WITH SOME 18-19 YEAR OLD CRIMINAL. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?
No one – NO ONE – should be going to this idiot for advice.
John decides he’ll just watch Rick from now on and try to catch him doing something shady so he can turn him into the authorities before they have a chance to run away.
We take a tiny hop down onto the field and into Jess’ head. The cheerleaders are 'practicing' which amounts to flirting with the players on the field. Amy lusts after Aaron’s thighs and Jess banters with Michael #3. AJ takes notice.
We hop back over to Liz. Jeffrey takes her home after practice and tells her that he can’t go to Dana’s party because his aunt and uncle are visiting from Oregon. He tells her she should go without him though. She says she’ll just stay home and write.
We skip to the next evening. Instead of staying home to write, Liz drives over to her favorite bookstore in the mall. I miss when malls had bookstores. She ends up buying “a heavy bag of books” and heads home to curl up with some Hemingway. Because of course it’s fucking Hemingway. Liz would never be caught dead reading one of these books. On the way she passes Dairi Burger and decides to go in for a cold root beer. She finds Ken, John, Sandra, Manuel and Neil sitting at one of the tables. They ask Liz if she’s going to the party but she says ‘no’.
Liz asks John if he’s going to do an article for the paper about their newest tennis star and he has no idea who she’s talking about. I don’t either. WE DON’T NEED NEW CHARACTERS, PASCAL. YOU’LL JUST FORGET ABOUT THEM AFTER ONE BOOK ANYWAY. Liz tells him that Kristin Thompson is an amazing player but she doesn’t have time for friendships.
Sigh.
She’s the next book, isn’t she?
Yep. I just checked. And Bruce is involved again. I swear I want to burn this entire universe to the ground.
John recognizes Kristin's last name because there was a famous tennis player named Elise Thompson who died in an accident a decade before and Mr Thompson owns the tennis club in Sweet Valley. Liz tries to get him interested in the topic but he just turns away from her.
Rick walks in and John says he’s going to follow him. He asks Liz to go with him. Where? Rick walked IN. He’s in the Dairi Burger. Where are they going to follow him to? Liz tells the group that she and John are going to go do something for the paper and then they walk out to the parking lot. Rick soon follows. They get in John’s car to tail him.
Rick ends up driving to the music shop where he works. It’s closed. They watch as he goes down the alley behind the shop. A second later they see a shadow in the store and then a hand taking one of the guitars off the display. Rick comes back out of the alley with a guitar case in hand. He goes to a corner phone booth and then makes a call.
John wants to call the cops right away but Liz advises him to call the store owner instead. There could be a legitimate reason Rick took the guitar and they need to find out before they report him. Rick drives off. John and Liz head for the pay phone and use the phone book to find the owner’s number.
We hop over to Jess after that. The party is over so I guess we weren’t invited. AJ takes her home and walks her to the door. They kiss and say goodnight and then he takes off. Jess goes upstairs to find Liz still awake, writing in her journal. Jess complains about Liz not being at the party and asks why she couldn’t just make Jeffrey change his plans. Then she gives Liz her philosophy about men. “My theory about men is you have to make them do what you want. Otherwise they’ll never think of it themselves.”
#profound
Jess goes to bed so we slide back into Liz’s head and she reads her journal to us. Apparently she’s confused about reporting Rick for stealing the guitar. She feels like they betrayed Jennifer. THE 15 YEAR OLD WHO WAS ABOUT TO BE TAKEN ACROSS STATE LINES BY A 18-19 YEAR OLD CRIMINAL. I can’t with this bitch, y’all.
We hop over to Jennifer who is waiting for Rick to show up so they can run away together. He’s instructed her to go to a specific corner at 11:30 and he’ll pick her up there. She’s taken her mother’s car (leaving a note behind telling her mother where to find it). The problem is, it’s now 12:15 and he hasn’t shown up. She ends up waiting until 2am but he never shows up. Finally she goes home.
The next morning Jennifer goes downstairs in a fog. She can’t figure what happened to Rick and why he didn’t call. Her dad informs her as soon as he sees her that Rick was arrested for burglary. He tells her that Rick stole a guitar and some cash from the music store. Jennifer doesn’t believe him. She tells her dad that it must be a mistake. She yells that he was framed. Her father scoffs at that and it makes her suspicious for some reason.
Jennifer decides that her father eavesdropped on her phone call the previous evening and then set Rick up so they couldn’t run away together. It’s dumb but she’s 15. She yells at her father for ruining her life and then tells him she hates him. He has no idea what she’s talking about.
We’re back with Liz. She’s at the beach with a bunch of people. Amy runs up to announce Rick was arrested for burglary. She says he was turned in by an anonymous tip. Liz gets upset and walks down the beach for a minute. She still feels responsible for ruining Jennifer’s dream.
I don’t even have the spoons to yell about this anymore.
Liz comes back to find AJ and Jess arguing over what constitutes the perfect vacation for some reason. I think AJ is headed for the dungeon. Or Vermont.
Back with Jennifer in school on Wednesday so we’ve rocketed past three whole days. People keep giving her curious looks because of Rick’s arrest. The only person who isn’t looking at her funny is John. She’s thankful for his nonjudgmental friendship. She still blames her father even though it doesn’t even make sense when you think about it.
Clearly she isn’t.
We land with Jess after school. She’s trying to get AJ to play tennis with her. He’s never played but she isn’t letting that stop her. They run into Kristin and Jess tries to talk to her. Kristin blows her off.
Back with Jennifer. She’s still ignoring her father. He keeps complaining of heartburn. We know where this is headed because the back of the book told us.
Now we’re with John in the Oracle office. It's the next day. He’s surprised when Jennifer shows up to talk to him. She tells him all about her father framing Rick for a crime he didn’t commit. John doesn’t want to tell her the truth because he doesn’t want to lose her. She goes on and on about how he’s the only one she can trust which just drives the knife of guilt in deeper. Before he can say anything, she gets called to the office. She asks John to come with her.
The school secretary tells Jennifer that her father has been taken to the hospital and she’s excused from school for the rest of the day. John offers to drive her but she tells him she isn’t going. She hates her father and never wants to see him again. John is horrified but doesn’t know what to do.
This is so dumb.
Everyone is Sweet Valley is evil.
Back with Jess. I still haven’t figured out the B-plot. Is it her relationship with AJ? Amy suggests they add some new categories to those stupid slam books because they’re all so bored. Lila suggests that maybe they should conduct a study to see who the best kisser in school is instead. They start talking about all the boys they’ve kissed and comparing notes. AJ walks up and seems unamused at the topic. Jess tries to soothe him by saying he’s the best kisser she’s ever been with. He turns red and walks away. Jess expresses frustration with how easily embarrassed he is.
We’re back with John after school on Tuesday. He and Jennifer are headed up to Secca Lake after school. He’s hoping she’ll fall in love with him now that Rick’s in jail.
John thinks about kissing her even though she’s given him absolutely zero indication that she’s into him. Luckily he doesn’t. She thanks him again for being a good friend. Her dad is still in the hospital dealing with a heart issue and she hasn’t been to see him once. Nothing happens. He moons over her and she’s oblivious.
Back with Liz and suddenly it’s Wednesday afternoon. Time is flying. She grabs….
...and heads for the back patio. She practices for a few minutes but then gets interrupted by AJ. He was supposed to pick up Jess but she isn’t home. He asks Liz if Jess is getting bored with him. Liz says she doesn’t think so. Jess gets home before they can talk more. Liz goes back to practice but gets interrupted by the phone this time. It’s John. He asks her to meet him at the school so they can talk.
Poor recorder. He just gets neglected.
Then again, the less time he spends with Liz the better.
John is sitting in the bleachers when she gets there. He tells her that Jennifer’s dad is having bypass surgery the next day and Jennifer still believes he turned in Rick. Liz tells him that he has to tell Jennifer the truth. He just looks at her so she threatens to tell Jennifer herself if he doesn’t. She knows she’ll never forgive herself if Jennifer’s dad dies thinking his daughter hates him. John refuses because he doesn’t want Jennifer to hate him.
At this point, I hate him.
Liz offers to drive him over to Jennifer’s house immediately…..
Haven’t we done this before? Like I remember another book where there was this big secret and Liz drove someone over to someone’s house to set the record straight. Julie? Was it Julie? I can’t believe how recycled these plots are.
Liz drives him there but tells him to go in alone. We slide into John’s head as he goes up to the house. He feels sick because he knows there’s no way he’ll ever be with Jennifer now. She answers the door and he just fesses up, telling her the entire story of how he saw Rick steal the guitar and he told the owner of the store who called the police. She’s instantly filled with regret over how she treated her father and furious with John for letting her believe a lie for so long.
Liz ends up driving them to the hospital. Jennifer has to ride on John’s lap.
When they get to the hospital they find out that Jennifer’s dad has taken a turn for the worse and he’s in surgery now. Jennifer punches John in the chest and tells him to leave.
In the car, John throws himself a massive pity party. Liz drives him home and then goes back to the Compound. Jess is making dinner and she starts chattering away about this concert that’s happening in a few weeks. The tickets sold out almost immediately but Lila’s dad managed to get two. Lila is willing to let Jess have one but Jess is worried that AJ is going to feel left out if she goes without him. Liz basically tells her to solve her own problems because she tired of people asking her what to do.
Me too. You suck at it.
We skip to Thursday morning. Enid meets Liz before school and asks her to be part of the Big Sister’s program her mom’s office sponsors. Liz says she isn’t sure she has enough time. Enid says they just need help matching little girls with high school girls who have similar interests. So far there are seven little girls waiting to be matched. Liz agrees to help. Enid asks her to run something in the paper to seek out volunteers.
We’re back with John. Jennifer isn’t in school and he has no idea if her dad is still alive or not. Liz offers to call EvilNed since he’s a lawyer too and has mutual friends or colleagues or something with Jennifer’s dad. EvilNed checks with the other firm and finds out that Jennifer’s dad pulled through surgery and is stable.
After school, John and Liz head back to the hospital. When they get there, he refuses to go in. Liz goes in alone, stopping off at the gift shop to buy a small bouquet of flowers. She writes something on a card that we don’t get to see and then she heads upstairs.
We’re with Jennifer now. Her dad is sedated and her mom is getting something to eat so she’s alone in the room. She gets up to stretch and sees Liz in the hallway. Liz gives her the flowers and says she just found them at the nurses station and brought them up. Jennifer reads the card (that Liz wrote). “Dear Mr and Mrs Mitchell and Jennifer, I wish you all the best, and my thoughts are with you. I hope you’ll always think of me as your friend. Love John Pfeifer.”
Well, that’s lame. And she thinks she’ll be a famous writer someday.
Jennifer starts to throw the flowers away, saying she’ll never forgive John, but Liz stops her. She says that John only wanted to be a good friend to her.
I mean, that’s not true, Liz. John wants to date her. Don’t lie to the girl.
Jennifer says that she realizes she never should have even thought about running away with Rick and she knows he really did steal the guitar and the money. If it hadn’t been for John, something awful could have happened to her.
Well, that was fast. All because Liz wrote her a lame card and told her not to throw the flowers away?
Liz talks about how awesome John is for wanting Jennifer to have the chance to “forgive” her father before his surgery. Except….no. Liz forced him to come clean. He wasn’t going to. He was just going to whine about it.
Sigh.
The constant rewriting of history is exhausting.
Whatever. We move. There's only 9% to go.
Jennifer says that John is the best friend she’s ever had and Liz offers to go down and fetch him.
We’re in John’s head. He’s agonizing over everything when Liz appears and tells him that Jennifer wants to talk to him. She hints about the flowers but doesn’t bother to tell him outright that she pretended he bought flowers and wrote a lame note. I feel bad because poor John is going to be associated with that note forever and he probably could have written a better one.
John goes upstairs and manages not to falter too much when Jennifer thanks him for the flowers. He asks her if she wants to go down to the cafeteria with him so they can get a Coke and talk and she smiles and says ‘yes’.
I guess that's the A-plot all wrapped up. I bet we never see Jennifer again.
Back with Liz. She gets home and sees AJ and Jess on the patio. They look like they’re getting along better than they have been lately and she thinks to herself that “Jessica had manipulated the situation in an underhanded way” to make AJ infatuated with her again.
She opens the door in time to hear AJ praising Jess for starting the Big Sister’s program. How did Jess even know about that? Liz doesn’t call her out on it but she thinks to herself that Jess and AJ are doomed.
The book ends by setting up the next one. Liz tries to get Kristin to join the crowd at the beach but Kristin refuses, saying she has to practice. Liz wonders if anything can tear Kristin away from tennis and that’s the end. Thank the stars.
I feel like this was just an entirely recycled plot with a stupid premise and way too much Liz. I’m sure the next one will be just another “we have to save the sweet girl from Bruce” book. Been there, done that.
At least I didn’t have to trigger warning this one.
Coming Up Next: Oops. I already told you. We have to save the sweet girl from Bruce.
