**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
From the Back of the Book: Love on the run...Roger Barrett has always had a hopeless crush on glamourous, wealthy Lila Fowler. The only attention Lila ever pays to him, though, is to make fun of him in front of her friends. But why shouldn't she, he thinks. After all, he's clumsy and shy and works secretly as a janitor after school. When Rogers wins the qualifying heat for a big race, he becomes a school celebrity overnight. And to his surprise, even Lila starts to chase after him. But Roger knows if he runs in the race finals, he'll lose his job. Will Lila still notice him when he's no longer a star?
This book was published in 1984 and this is my first time reading it. I tended to skip any book that didn't focus on the twins when I was younger. I don't know why. Now I'm just hoping that we'll get a little break from them. The cover is pretty unobjectionable. I thought Lila had shorter hair but maybe I just haven't been paying attention. That would be on brand for me.
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
(((Note from future me: I want to warn you that at some point while reading this recap you're going to feel like you've read it before. You have, but the last time you read it the character names were Jess/Bill/DeeDee (or whatever her name was). This time the character names are Lila/Roger/Olivia but it's pretty much the same thing. I can't believe we're on book 9 and we're already recycling plots.)))
In the last book, Jessica toyed with Bill's affections until he finally saw the light and found a much nicer girl named DeeDee to like. Liz thought that Todd was cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend Patsy but that turned out not to be the case. In a very tiny subplot, we learned that Roger works as a janitor because his family needs money.
We begin with the twins in their parents' bedroom. Jessica is trying on one of her mother's business suits and rambling on about planning for the future and getting a head start on life. Liz is pretty confused. She thinks Jess is just looking for something to do since she's a single pringle at the moment but Jess says she's serious. To prove how serious she is, she marches downstairs to tell Ned and Alice that she wants to get an after school job.
We skip to Monday morning at school. Jess informs Lila that she'll be working at Ned's law offices after school from now on. Lila is horrified and worried that Jess's social life will suffer as a result. Jess is pretty confident she can manage both but tells Lila that she wants to be single for awhile. Lila is horrified again and asks if Jess is still planning to go to the big dance the following week. Jess is but doesn't know who she is going to go with. Lila doesn't either.
(((Note from future me: as I'm rereading this to edit it, I realized how fucked up the timelines are in this book. In the beginning we're told the race/dance are a week away but I'm pretty sure several weeks pass by during the story. Pascal isn't keeping track of her story again. Sigh.)))
As they walk down the hall, Roger appears. He slips in a puddle and falls rather dramatically, flinging his books all over the hall. Jess tries hard not to laugh but Lila sneers at him and says “What's up, Doc?” because I guess she calls him Bugs Bunny behind his back. We hop into Roger's head just long enough to learn that he's completely humiliated because he has a huge crush on Lila.
We hop back into Jess's head as they walk away. Jess asks Lila why she calls Roger Bugs Bunny and Lila gives the incredibly lame explanation that it's because he bugs her. She knows about his crush on her and she finds it annoying because he's so far beneath her on the social ladder. Jess says that maybe Lila should go out with Roger and make him over so that he's more acceptable. Lila finds the idea repulsive.
Now we're back in Roger's head. I'm getting dizzy.
Roger is beating himself up over falling in front of Lila. Olivia rocks up to ask him what's wrong. Roger tells us that she's one of the few people who is nice to him or even notices that he's alive so you'd think he'd be super nice to her. Well......not so much. Roger tells her that he was up until 3am studying and he's pretty tired. Then he tells her she has bags under her eyes and that her clothes are weird and she should stop at the mall like everyone else. I was hoping to have someone to root for in this book but I guess that was too much to ask.
We hop into the boys' locker room which isn't as exciting as you'd think. We're taking up headspace in both Todd's and Bruce's cranium simultaneously and it's a little too kinky for me. I prefer one head at a time, Pascal. Anyway, they're talking about some big race that's coming up. Bruce is sure he's going to win but Todd is feeling salty about it. He's still mad at Bruce for something he did back in book seven and upset that if Bruce wins the race, he'll get a scholarship he doesn't even need, taking it away from someone who does.
The boys gossip a bit. Bruce tells them that the coach threatened to quit at the last school board meeting because they didn't approve his raise. Rando Tony who has never had a line before, grumbles that it would be better if the coach did quit. He's okay as a football coach but sucks at coaching track which is Tony's main sport. There's really not much else to say about that, so they start talking about who they are going to take to the dance after the race. Bruce hasn't decided who to bring yet. Rando Tony says he thinks he'll ask Annie and the boys proceed to slut shame Annie for the rest of the section. It's pretty disgusting but about what I expect from Pascal.
We skip from that to Jess's first day at the law offices. She has grandiose ideas of being assigned to a case and helping her father in the courtroom. She plans to be just like the lawyer on Hill Street Blues. I never watched Hill Street Blues so I have no idea who she's talking about but I know there's no way Ned's assigning her to a case. Sure enough, he introduces her to the business manager Trudy who immediately puts Jess to work making copies. Jess is instantly bored and plans to quit at the end of the day.
At one point, Trudy sends her to a supply store to pick up some new forms. On the way, Jess runs into the hunk from across the hall. Dennis is around her age but he goes to the rival school. He's working for his dad's ad agency and he seems pretty taken with Jess right off the bat. She does some heavy flirting but then walks away “leaving him wanting more”.
The next chapter starts at the qualifying round for the big race. Pretty much our entire cast is either present in the stands or on the track. Liz asks Roger why he hasn't joined the track team which is kind of a dick move since she knows the answer. He can't go to practices because of work. Which she knows. Which he doesn't want anyone else to know. Roger is annoyed because it seems like Liz is trying to force him to reveal his secret. He tells her that he's just not interested in being on the track team but she refuses to let it go. She says that the scholarship would be totes beneficial to him – you know, because he's so fucking poor.
What. A. Bitch.
Lila overhears the conversation and decides to have a little fun. She calls out to Roger and tells him that she also thinks he should join the team. When he tells her that it's impossible, she gives him a pretty pout and says that she thought he was a strong, forceful alpha male but clearly she was wrong. That's all Roger needs to motivate him onto the track. He tells the coach he wants to run and I guess it's an open race because the coach tells him to get in place. He's wearing pants but there's no time to change.
Back in the stands, Lila is laughing herself sick. She really thinks that Roger is going to fail big time and humiliate himself in front of everyone. Liz is shocked when she sees Todd out on the track. Apparently he never told her he was considering running in the race. She thinks there must be some secret reason that he's taking part and vows to get to the bottom of it. Liz really fancies herself a Nancy Drew, doesn't she? I don't remember Nancy being this annoying but it's been a long time since I've read one of those books.
Do NOT suggest a Nancy Drew blog, people. Don't do it.
On the track, Bruce is doing his level best to bully Roger into leaving. Roger ignores him. Todd tries feebly to intervene but doesn't put much effort into it because Todd really doesn't care about other people very much. Roger is determined to beat Bruce if it's the last thing he does.
In the stands, Liz and Enid are talking about the coaching scandal. Apparently after the coach's little fit at the school board meeting, he was read the riot act. Rumor is, if one of the SVH boys doesn't win the big race in a few days, the coach will be fired and replaced with someone much younger. SVH hasn't won this race in more than 30 years and their odds aren't good this year either.
The race starts and Bruce takes an early lead. It seems like no one is going to be able to catch him but ¾ of the way through, Roger begins making his move. As he gains on Bruce, the crowd in the stands begins to chant his name. Jess points out to Lila that the winner of the race will be pretty popular and that she might want to rethink her stance on 'Bugs' before it's too late. Lila seems to take her advice, because after Roger wins the qualifying round, she runs onto the field to throw her arms around him. He can't believe his good luck. Olivia is crushed because she's been secretly in love with Roger for ages.
You know, like DeeDee (or whatever her name is) was secretly in love with Bill even though he had a crush on Jessica in the last book. It's annoying how similar these plot threads are, especially since they came in back-to-back books. Maybe if Pascal had spaced them out a little better we wouldn't have noticed so much. Being in consecutive books just makes it glaringly obvious that she's recycling plots already in the series.
Sigh.
Roger is on a high from winning but it all comes crashing down when he's reminded that practices conflict with work. He tries to explain things to the coach who refuses to let him even get a complete sentence out. Roger doesn't know what to do. He can't miss work because his family needs the money but winning the big race would mean a scholarship that he desperately needs. He goes to talk to Olivia but she's too hurt by seeing him with Lila to even say more than 'congratulations' before she runs off to lick her wounds.
Roger is shocked when he finds out he ran the mile in 4 minutes 5 seconds. I'm shocked too. Not many people run a four minute mile. Especially without training and/or preparation. He didn't even stretch first. The principal calls him into the office to fawn at his feet for a few minutes. He's given a special SVH warm-up suit to change into so he doesn't have to wear the clothes he ran in to class.
Wait.
What?
Wasn't this after school? I remember one of the twins mentioning coming from a class. Did they really have the race trials in the middle of the school day? Why would they do that? I swear this school makes no sense at all.
Roger dreams of running in the race and achieving notoriety so he can go to college and perhaps run in the Olympics someday but he can't figure out how to manage practice and work at the same time. He doesn't bother to mention this to anyone who might be able to help him figure it out, though. He just decides to angst about it internally because that will solve the problem.
Roger changes into the warm-up suit and suddenly everyone at the school treats him better. I hate this fucking place. Lila is surprised at how cute he is with a better outfit and says she might try to get with him for real. She invites him to eat lunch with her and flirts with him pretty heavily. He's completely gobsmacked by her and can't believe his own dumb luck. This isn't luck, Roger. This is the opposite of luck. But since you're a horrible person too, I'm not even that sympathetic.
John, the sports reporter from the school paper, comes over to interview Roger during lunch. Roger tells him that he started running to build up his heart because heart disease runs in his family. Apparently his mom has some kind of heart problem that forced her to stop working and that's why he has to, but he doesn't tell anyone that. John makes some crack about him knowing his own biology which is just stupid and Roger responds that he wants to be a doctor when he grows up. This increases Lila's interest in him yet again.
We hop over to Liz's lunch table where she's eating with Todd and Enid. Todd tells her that he heard the coach is really sick and going to retire after the race. Liz finds that confusing since she heard that he was about to get fired. Todd says the rumor mill is now saying that the coach has cancer.
Back with Roger, he sees Olivia eating by herself and goes over to see if she's okay. She lies and says she's fine even though she's feeling jealous and hurt. He picks up on her mood and probes a bit to see if something's wrong but she won't confess her feelings to him. It's actually a sweet moment and I almost like him again before he starts bragging about how much people love him now. He's really clueless to the fact that it's not a good thing that people just like him because he might win a race for the school.
We hop into Jessica's head at work. She's been planning a way for her to see Dennis again that involves sabotaging the copy machine so she'll be forced to go across the hall to the ad agency to make the copies her dad needs. It works like a charm and she ends up in a locked copy room with Dennis in no time at all. They do some flirting and he definitely implies that he'd like to collate Jess's copies if you know what I mean but Jess stops it before it gets too far. He asks her out after work and she asks him to meet her at her dad's office instead.
Back at the office, Jess tells her dad that she has a lot of homework to do that night and she'd like a quiet place to do it. She gets permission to stay at the office after everyone else has left. Ned's only condition is that she get the night security guard to walk her to the car. This is some top tier parenting here. Ned knows who is daughter is and how her mind works. He should be suspicious right now but he's far too clueless.
Or maybe he just doesn't give a fuck. Even odds.
We time hop to 9:30 that evening when Jess gets home. She tells us that they did some pretty heavy making out but didn't go too far with it. She plans to meet him again the next evening after everyone else leaves the office.
We skip ahead two more days. Lila is annoyed that Roger isn't paying enough attention to her. She thinks he should be falling at her feet now that she's decided he might be good enough to date.
I hate all these people.
We skip ahead another few days. Roger has spent an entire week avoiding the coach because he doesn't want to tell him that he can't practice after school. Finally coach has enough of him missing practices and calls Roger down to his office. Roger screws up his courage, fully intending to explain everything to the coach but he never gets the chance. Coach goes into this long spiel about how Bruce is showing more dedication and how important the race is and how much Roger could benefit from the scholarship. Roger literally can't get a word in before the coach just abruptly leaves the room. It's a frustrating few pages to read and a very lazy plot device. I hate it when the whole conflict of the book could be solved with one simple conversation that the author refuses to let the characters have.
Roger is torn about what to do. He finally decides that it's not in his best interest to run the race. He has a good chance of getting an academic scholarship anyway and his family needs the money from his job to pay the bills. If he quits the job to practice and then doesn't win the race, he'll be left with nothing. So I guess he's decided to not run. Except he doesn't tell anyone so I really think it was just page filler.
Lila tracks down Roger to read him a poem she wrote about him. I'm just going to quote it.
“Roger Barrett, a boy so fine.
His speedy running is so divine.
In school, too, he is very smart.
He'll walk away with the trophy at the Bart.
In everything he operates at the highest stratum.
We at Sweet Valley are so proud we have him.”
To be fair, it's supposed to be awful. Roger thinks it's awful. He thanks her, though, and tells her it was very thoughtful of her to write a poem about him. She asks him over to her house after school but he tells her he can't. She's upset at being turned down again.
We skip to the end of the week. I think. Jess has been spending every evening at the closed law offices. She's telling Ned she's doing homework and telling Liz that she's organizing the supply room. Liz is suspicious and goes one evening to check up on her. She stands outside the door and eavesdrops. Somehow she can see everything too which makes very little sense but whatevs. I'm so done with Pascal at this point.
Jess and Dennis are making out again. Jess hints that she'd like to see Dennis outside of the office but he tells her that he wants to take things slow and get to know her better. Which is so sus it's ridiculous. He probably has another girlfriend stashed somewhere. Jess pouts and Dennis offers to take her out to dinner that night. She tells him she'll need a ride home after but he says his car is in the shop. On their way to the elevator, Jess crosses paths with Roger and Liz knows that his secret will be all over school the next morning.
(((Note from future me: in this scene Jess mentions how frustrating it is that Dennis won't take her out on the weekends and he'll only spend time with her during the week. This implies that at least one weekend has passed right? Which means at least a week has passed during the course of the story? I don't know. I just think that if you add up all the time we skipped ahead a few days, it's been way more than a week but what do I know about the linear passage of time?)))
Roger is in a panic by the time he gets home. He calls Olivia and explains everything to her. She doesn't understand why he thinks he has to hide the fact he has a job and tells him that if people tease him about it, they aren't his friends. He also admits that he's not going to be able to run in the race because his boss won't give him the time off. Olivia asks him if he talked to his boss about it but Roger says he's too afraid to approach him. He had to take time off a week ago to take his mother to a doctor's appointment and his boss told him any further requests for time off would mean termination. Olivia is angered that his boss is so unreasonable and vows to find a way to help him.
In the meantime, Liz is blackmailing Jess. If Jess tells anyone about Roger's job, Liz will tell their dad about Dennis and the real reason Jess is staying late at the office every night. Jess is pissed that Liz is using her own tactics against her but reluctantly agrees to keep Roger's secret. She has no intention of actually doing so, however. She's planning to find some way to spread it around without Liz knowing it was her. She can't wait to see how humiliated Lila - HER BEST FRIEND - is when everyone finds out she's trying to date a janitor.
Lila calls Jess to get advice on how to land Roger. Jess thinks that she can use this to her advantage somehow in her janitor reveal. She suggests that Lila throw a party for the coach after the race but before the dance. That will be a sure way to get Roger to Lila's house. I'm not sure how getting him to Lila's house is going to make him more inclined to date her but there's no use looking for logic here. Pascal doesn't know what it is. Jess figures once everyone is there, she can casually whisper to someone that it's amazing that Roger had time to practice what with his janitor job and all and the secret will spread from there. It's a dumb plan. Liz is going to know it came from Jess. The person who spreads the gossip will naturally tell who she heard it from. I guess Jess hasn't met logic either.
Olivia calls Liz and fills her in on everything. Liz ends up taking the case to Ned who agrees to talk to Roger's boss on his behalf. This is all so stupidly complicated and I really don't care. Do you care? I mean really? Do you care if he runs in the race? Do you care if Dennis is married? Do you care if Todd is secretly running a prostitution ring out of the alley behind the Dairi Burger? No? Me neither.
The next day, Roger is headed into the coach's office to tell him everything when he's waylaid by Lila. She wants some of his attention but instead he tells her all about his job. She's as horrified as we all imagined she'd be and instantly decides that the party isn't happening. She just hopes the word hasn't gotten out and no one else knows about his job because that would be just awful for her.
Roger never goes to the coach because Pascal needs to drag this nonsense out for another chapter or two.
Eventually everything gets sorted. Ned talks to Roger's boss who agrees to let Roger come in to work an hour late for the rest of the week so he can practice and gives him Saturday off to run in the race. Which is super cool except for the fact that Pascal has told us at least twice that the race is on Sunday. Sigh. KEEP TRACK OF YOUR FUCKING STORY, YOU NO-TALENT, LAZY HACK OF A WRITER WHO MAKES STINE LOOK LIKE A LITERARY GENIUS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I could say I felt better after that but only the ending of this book will make me feel better.
Roger goes to Olivia and pours out his feelings just like Bill did to DeeDee or whatever her name was in the last book. I swear it was the same exact scene. Maybe Pascal thought we wouldn't notice. Olivia is happy to forgive him for being an asshole for some reason and the two of them end up an item.
Jess confronts Dennis about why he won't go out with her on weekends. She assumes that he has another girlfriend too but it turns out he's just 15 and doesn't have a driver's license. Jess knows that everyone will tease her if they find out she's dating a baby so she tells him she's breaking up with him because he lied to her.
I hate everyone.
Roger ends up running the mile in 3:59 which is almost world record speed and totally believable. I mean, I believe it. You believe it too, right? Pascal wouldn't just throw some ridiculous number out there if it wasn't believable. She's way too good of an author for that. He totally almost smashed a world record as an untrained 16 year old. Totally.
Lila comes up to Roger after he wins and gives him a big kiss. I don't know why. I think Pascal forgot she finds him repulsive now because of his job. Or maybe she just wanted to throw one more wrench in the plot. It was a miss, though, because it made NO sense. He rejects her and goes to make out with Olivia instead. Lila is humiliated which she definitely deserves for being such a bitch.
The book ends with Annie approaching Jess about cheerleading tryouts. Jess takes the opportunity to remind us all what a slut Annie is and I'm really dreading the next book.
Why were these things so popular? I thought the girls of the Canby universe were awful but the Sweet Valley hellscape trumps it big time. I've never read a more unlikable cast of characters in my life and I've read more than my fair share of Young Adult fiction. The only person I can even remotely stand is Enid and that's probably because she has less than three lines per book these days.
Sigh.
No comments:
Post a Comment