**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
From the Back of the Book: A tangled web.... Elizabeth Wakefield is stunned when Nicholas Morrow asks her for a date. A newcomer to Sweet Valley, Nicholas is fabulously wealthy and extremely handsome. Even though Elizabeth would never cheat on Todd Wilkins, her steady boyfriend, Nicholas is so attractive and sincere that she agrees to go out with him just once. To make matters worse, Jessica, Elizabeth's scheming twin, announces that Nicholas Morrow is the boy for her. Suddenly Nicholas is the only thing on Jessica's mind. Elizabeth is terrified to think what will happen if Todd or her twin finds out about her date with Nicholas. But who can keep a secret from Jessica Wakefield?
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1984 and this is my first time reading it. I swear the guy on the cover looks like someone but there's no way I'll ever be able to figure it out. Can we talk about the blurb though? I mean how does Pascal even say “Elizabeth would never cheat on Todd but she fucking cheats on Todd by accepting a date with Nicholas” with a straight face? Does she even read what she's writing? I know, I know...maybe someone else wrote the blurb but surely she approved it. Also we're clearly set up to take Liz's side right from the beginning because Jess is referred to as “scheming” It sets her up as an unsympathetic character right out of the gate. To be fair, Jess has never really been a sympathetic character but I still find “scheming” to be a little manipulative, Pascal.
In the last book.......I mean, I'm not going to recap here what I bullet-pointed there. Liz was missing and then she wasn't. A new boy named Nicholas moved to town with his sister Regina. Jess fell head-over-heels for him immediately but he seemed to have eyes for Liz. Oh, and Max passed his English test. I actually forgot to mention that in my bullet point recap. Oops.
This book starts with Nicholas arriving at the Wakefield compound. Liz answers the door and notices that Nicholas is fatally hot. Pascal makes sure to tell us that Liz is definitely hot enough to match his hot. She describes the twins as being “perfectly proportioned” and “the envy of every other girl in Sweet Valley”. Do you hear that, Nicholas? You might be Prince Charming in human form but these girls are worshiped by absolutely everyone and you best not forget it. Pascal goes on to describe Jessica as “devious” and Liz as “fairness and honesty personified”. Seriously? Pascal, have you even met Liz? Because what you just described is not the girl we've spent 14 books with.
Liz brings Nicholas into the party where the Droids are playing. They switch to a slow song which is apparently about Liz and how happy everyone is to have her home safely. Because of course the local band would be singing songs about Liz. They worship her. We've already established that. Nicholas asks Liz to dance and she thinks she has to accept in order to be a good hostess. As they dance, he blurts out that she's very pretty and it makes her feel weird so she changes the subject. We learn that Nicholas is taking a gap year between high school and college. He'll be working in his father's computer business. It's super vague.
The song ends and Liz excuses herself to go talk to Allen and Robin. Pascal makes sure to point out that Robin is drinking Diet Coke and not partaking of the party food. Fuck you, Pascal. Liz talks to them for maybe 30 seconds before Nicholas comes over to ask her for another dance. He's really coming on a little strong here and Liz should definitely nip it but she doesn't. You know, because she has to be a good hostess. When the song ends, she tries to extricate herself to go talk to her actual boyfriend but Nicholas says he wants to introduce her to Regina. Liz goes along to......you guessed it......be a good hostess.
Apparently, to Pascal, being a good hostess means putting yourself in situations you are uncomfortable with so you don't offend anyone else. This is a good way to end up dead. #fuckpoliteness
Liz meets Regina and is surprised to find that she's pretty. Apparently Liz thought being deaf meant you can't be pretty???? It's gross and made even grosser by the fact that Jess calls Regina a “poor thing” again. What is it with Pascal and deaf people?
Or people in general?
Later, Nicholas corners Liz again and tells her that he's falling in love with her. Despite the fact that he just met her like an hour ago. Sigh. Liz tells him that she's dating Todd but he's not really deterred by that. He tells her that she's too young to focus on only one guy and demands to know if she finds him attractive. She admits that she does and he takes that as a victory. He asks her to go out with him once and she tells him that she can't. He whines that it isn't fair and that she's rejecting him without giving him a chance. I'm having an r/niceguys moment here. This is disgusting behavior. No means no, Pascal.
Liz is torn. She wants to be loyal to Todd but clearly the idea of not dating Liz is really making Nicholas despondent. She feels like it's her duty to go out with him because she's an empathetic person. ((((((SINCE WHEN?????)))))) She justifies it in her head by saying that it isn't really a date. She's just having dinner with a new friend. She doesn't say that part out loud, however, so Nicholas very much thinks it's a date she agrees to.
Everyone sucks here.
Liz scans the room and sees Jess talking to a boy named Randy. Liz tells us that Randy is hopelessly in love with Jess because everyone in town is required to be immediately and hopelessly in love with the Wakefield twins, but Jess doesn't normally pay attention to him because he's tall, thin and wears glasses. Liz figures Jess is up to something because there's no way she'd be talking to Randy otherwise.
Because those are the thoughts of an empathetic person.
Now that she's done being judgey about her sister, Liz turns her attention back to Nicholas. He asks her to go out the next Saturday but she has a date with Todd so they agree on Sunday instead. Liz figures that will be fine because Todd will be spending the day with his mom for her birthday. She's already regretting accepting his dinner invitation but decides it would simply be bad manners to back out now.
Nicholas leaves so Liz finally goes to look for Todd. She finds him sitting out back by himself. He's obviously upset that she spent the entire night with Nicholas and demands to know why. Liz tries to dance around the subject by saying Nicholas is just new in town and he doesn't know many people but even Todd knows that's #bullshit. Nicholas didn't really know Liz either before the party. Todd throws a little jealous fit which Liz soothes him out of with kisses. It's all very toxic. In the end, she decides not to tell Todd about her date with Nicholas.
#fairnessandhonestypersonified
After the party, Jess tells Liz that she's in love with Nicholas. Liz asks her what she was doing with Randy if she loves Nicholas. Jess reminds Liz that Nicholas works in his dad's computer business and Randy knows a lot about computers. Jess figures if she learns more about them, she and Nicholas will have more things to talk about. After listening to Jess rhapsodize about Nicholas for a very long time, Liz also decides not to tell her that she's going on a date with him.
#fairnessandhonestypersonified
The next day, Jess won't shut up about wanting to date Nicholas and it's freaking Liz out. Jess even picks up on the fact that Liz gets all out of whack whenever Nicholas' name is brought up but Liz denies it.
Jess meets with Randy after school to learn some computer jargon to impress Nicholas. I guess Randy/computers is going to be our B-plot. Jess flirts heavily with Randy even though she thinks he is way too nerdy to ever be with a girl like her. Too bad Jess doesn't know that the smart boys are the best.
In order to make the B-plot feel intentional, Pascal crams in a couple of paragraphs about a computer being donated to SVH. It will be their very first and it will be used to keep track of the students' grades. Liz does a story on it and adds that there are “hackers” breaking into school computers all over the state to change students' grades. This gives Jess ideas. She thinks maybe Randy could be a hacker and maybe he'd be a good asset to keep in her back pocket for awhile.
Hackers.
Sigh.
I know this recap seems a little choppy but that's because the book is really choppy. It's like Pascal is writing from an outline without filling in any of the middles. I know later on that they are largely written by ghostwriters. I'm not sure when that started but I wouldn't be surprised if someone else wrote this one from a rough outline or set of notes. There's just no flow. We just move from incident to incident. It's not a fun read for reasons other than the usual ones.
Jess definitely wants Randy to hack into the school computer to change her math grade but she doesn't bring it up right away. Instead she asks him for a little extra tutoring. He agrees and they set it up to work after school later in the week.
Suddenly it's Wednesday night. Liz is expecting Nicholas to call to set up their date but when the phone rings, it's Randy to set up his tutoring sesh with Jess. Liz is a wreck. She can't concentrate on anything and she just feels awful inside. I don't feel sorry for her.
Nicholas eventually calls and Liz is full of butterflies even though she keeps trying to convince herself that she isn't attracted to him. He give her an easy out and asks if their date is still on but she says 'yes'. He suggests a super fancy restaurant for dinner and she eagerly accepts, thinking no one from school will be there to recognize her. She arranges to meet him there so he won't come to her house to pick her up and then goes into a general panic trying to figure out what to wear.
#fairnessandhonestypersonified
Liz calls Enid and pours out the entire situation. Enid agrees that Liz must go on this date so she doesn't hurt Nicholas' feelings but encourages Liz to tell Todd.
I have to pause here. YOU DO NOT ~ EVER~ HAVE TO AGREE TO A DATE WITH A PERSON YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH IN ORDER TO SPARE THEIR FEELINGS. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO MANAGE THEIR FEELINGS OR EXPECTATIONS. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH. YOU CAN SAY NO TO ANYONE. It's awful for Pascal to imply otherwise.
Jess meets up with Randy. He gives her a tutoring session over their current math chapter and then Jess steers the convo back to computers. She asks him how easy it is to “tap into” another computer. He tells her that it isn't hard but it's illegal. She bats her eyes and presses her boobs into his arms a little and he agrees to show her how to hack into some local businesses. It literally says this: “He plugged in a cable and pressed a couple of keys. The screen lit up, and the question 'Password?' flashed across it. Then he typed out something. In no time flat the screen was loaded with information about the sales of a real estate company in the valley.”
Okay.
A couple of things.
First of all, I'm impressed that this teenage boy has a computer in his room when the school – a school in a very rich area of town no less – just received their first one. This boy was very blessed. None of my friends had computers in their homes in 1984. My neighbor got a computer in 1989 and it was the most exciting thing that happened on my block. I didn't have one in my home until 1992. I typed all my papers on an actual typewriter. So the fact this random teen has one of his own is truly amazing.
I'm further impressed that this computer had a modem. You see, you can't do what he did by simply plugging in a random cable. He would have to have had a modem. I don't know how many home computers had those in 1984. I don't think they were standard back then. I could be wrong. Technology existed way before most people think it did but the average home didn't have it right away.
Also, the fact that he guesses the password right on the very first try is nothing short of miraculous. Did the real estate agency use 1234 or what? Not only does he get it right on the first try for this site, he repeats this three more times, easily guessing the password for each. How did he do this? Is he psychic? Does everyone in town use the same password? This makes no sense. I think Pascal watched 'War Games' and decided that was all the research she needed to do.
Randy hacks into several businesses somehow and then Jess asks him if can get into the school computer. He tells her that it's possible but he wouldn't feel right about it. She legit pouts until he gives in. Again, he guesses the password immediately and finds the file with all the students' grades. I'm telling you that the staff of SVH must have worked around the clock with no breaks to get that all entered in so quickly. They just got the damn computer a couple of days ago and someone would have had to sit and manually put in all that data. And you know Agnes the school secretary has probably never used a computer before in her life. How did she do this so quickly? I hope she's okay. Has anyone checked on Agnes? Does she need IV fluids or anything?
#saveAgnes
Randy and Jess discover that she is getting an 'F' in math. She starts sobbing into her hands that her parents are going to ground her and make her quit the cheerleading squad. She asks Randy to change the grade but he isn't so sure about that. She sobs some more and he relents again. He quickly changes her grade to a C-. I call major #bullshit on this one. I know I've been calling #bullshit on this whole thing but this really pushes it over the edge. I don't think there's any way he'd be able to actually alter anything on the school's computer. It isn't as easy as TV would lead you to believe, Pascal. Getting into something to look at it is one thing. Being able to alter things on another computer in 19-fucking-84 is another ballgame entirely. NONE OF THIS IS RIGHT.
Randy asks her to go to Dairi Burger after altering her grade but she says she needs to go home. This has all been too much for poor little Jess to handle. She barely gets home when Randy calls her to ask her out again for some reason. She turns him down again and hangs up the phone with a bang. It rings again and this time Liz picks up. It's Randy and before Liz can hand the phone to Jess, Randy blurts out that he's feeling guilty about changing her math grade. He realized that it could fuck up his entire future so he decided to change it back but the school had changed the password. He thinks this means that the school is on to them and he's in a major panic.
Randy tells her that he's going to go turn himself into the principal and he wants Jess to go with him. Liz assures him that “she” will be there and then stomps off to confront Jess. Jess wails that it isn't fair and she shouldn't have to go but Liz forces her. When they get to the school, Randy is already meeting with the principal. Jess tries to play the entire thing off as her and Randy just playing around on the computer and not really knowing what they were doing but the principal doesn't buy it. He threatens to suspend them both but Liz steps in and gives him an impassioned speech about how human beings make mistakes and ruining their lives over this is excessive and how they learned their lesson and will never do this again. The principal tells them that they aren't suspended because Liz's amazing speech changed his mind.
Sigh.
So Jess and Randy get zero punishment for this crime they committed and that part of the plot is all wrapped up. That was fast.
We rush past another school day and suddenly it's Saturday night. Liz goes out on a date with Todd, intending to tell him about her date with Nicholas the next day but gets distracted when Betsy and some dude come into the Dairi Burger drunk. Betsy is Tricia's sister and is always described as “trash”. After Betsy and the dude leave, Liz brings up Regina in the most awkward way possible in an effort to segue into a conversation about Nicholas but Todd shuts it down pretty quick. He doesn't want to talk about the Morrow family so Liz just decides to drop it. She asks him what his plans are with his mom the next day and Todd just says they're all going out. Liz is suspicious that he won't give her details but she's the one with a fucking date so I don't know what her actual problem is.
We skip to the next night. Liz puts on a silk dress and heels to get ready to meet Nicholas at the restaurant.
Fucking hell. I just realized what's going to happen. She's going to end up at the same restaurant as Todd and his family. That's why Pascal wouldn't let Todd tell Liz where they were going. This is so damn dumb.
When Liz gets to the restaurant, Nicholas is wearing a fucking ascot. What 19-year-old wears a fucking ascot? Does Pascal actually know any teenagers? Liz asks Nicholas to order for them both so he orders “smoked salmon followed by tournedos Rossini, puffed potatoes and haricots verts”. I know what salmon is but I looked the rest up. The tournedos thing is a fancy steak topped with duck liver and black truffles. Haricots verts are essentially green beans only longer and skinnier. I think I'd skip both the meats and only eat the veggies.
The two of them have dinner and talk. Nicholas manages to mention how hard it is to be rich an alarming number of times. It's pretty gross to be honest. But Liz finds him charming. At the end of the meal she firmly friendzones him and he accepts it graciously since she gave him the chance to woo her that he asked for. She's feeling pretty satisfied about everything when she sees Todd and his parents walking across the restaurant toward them. Todd catches sight of her and stops in his tracks so Liz pretends she's Jessica. Luckily Nicholas seems to catch on pretty quickly and he doesn't fuck it up for her. Todd seems skeptical but moves on.
#fairnessandhonestypersonified
Liz thinks she's out of the woods but there's still 30 pages left in the book. Todd is feeling so bad about thinking that Jess was Liz that he gets it into his head that he needs to immediately go over to Liz's house to apologize to her. There's no logic to this but Pascal has never bothered herself with logic. As soon as they get home, Todd jumps in his car and drives straight to the Wakefield house. Jess answers the door in a towel and Todd kisses her thinking it has to be Liz. When he realizes it's Jess, he clings to the hope that she simply got home before him since her dinner was ending just as his family was going to their table. He mentions going to the restaurant to see if she'll say “duh” but she sighs and says she wishes someone would take her. Then it all comes crashing down.
Todd tells Jess that he obviously saw Liz on a date with Nicholas and Jess is instantly furious. She's been telling Liz how much she likes Nicholas for days and she can't believe her own sister would betray her like this. Todd is also feeling betrayed and he slams his fist into the door frame and yells at Jess that things are over between him and Liz. Sigh. Just Todd being violent when he's angry again. That's our leading man, y'all. One half of the couple we're supposed to be shipping.
When Liz gets home, Jess confronts her. Liz is surprised that she got found out and insists that she didn't mean to hurt anyone. Jess tells her that she has a funny way of showing that. Liz whines that she felt like she owed it to Nicholas to get to know him but Jess counters that Liz owed it to Todd not to cheat and to her not to steal the boy she liked. Liz tries to call Todd but his mom says he isn't taking calls so Liz goes to bed miserable.
Todd ignores Liz at school all the next day. To make things worse, Mr Collins, the questionable journalism teacher, assigns Liz to cover the championship basketball game that evening. I don't know why the championship game is on a Monday but whatevs. This is Pascal's fucked up world and I'm just blogging about it. Liz tries to get out of covering the game but the questionable Mr Collins won't hear of it and forces her to go.
Todd plays horribly all through the first half and Liz knows it's all her fault. At halftime, Nicholas comes over to talk to her and she spills out the whole story. He vows to set things straight with Todd and heads for the locker room.
You know, Nicholas doesn't even go to school there. How the hell does he know where the locker room is? And furthermore, why would anyone let this man go into the locker room where high school boys are doing whatever they do during halftime?
Sigh.
Nicholas tells Todd that he basically forced Liz to go out with him which isn't exactly true. He put a lot of pressure on her but she was free to say 'no'. Pascal pretty much wrote it as if Liz wasn't free to say 'no' but she absolutely was. Nicholas wasn't threatening her. There was no real power imbalance or consequences for Liz if she'd refused. She made the choice. But apparently Todd also things that girls are just required to say 'yes' when asked out because this makes perfect sense to him. Nicholas assures Todd that he's been friendzoned and Todd decides that everything is just fine. I guess it didn't really matter that Liz wasn't honest with him. Nothing matters because she's Elizabeth fucking Wakefield.
#fairnessandhonestypersonified
Todd goes back out and saves the game because of course he does.
Liz doesn't feel like going to the after party so she gives Jess the keys to the car even though Jess isn't allowed to drive it anymore due to parking tickets. Super responsible, Liz. She's moping away from the school when Todd chases her down and kisses her senseless. He tells her that he knows she was forced to go on the date and all is forgiven. SHE HAD A CHOICE!!! He convinces her to go to the after party because he wants to bask in the adoration from his classmates.
They're barely at the party when Alice Wakefield calls. She asks Jess and Liz to come to the hospital right away because Tricia is near death. The book ends there.
This book is infuriating. I hate how Pascal paints Liz as this big victim who had no choice but to cheat on her boyfriend because another boy asked her out. Liz had choices and she made those choices. She 100% betrayed her boyfriend. No one forced her to do that. She could have said 'no'. She should have said 'no'. I can't believe everyone is just going to let her get away with that shit.
Coming up next: Tricia dies or something.
No comments:
Post a Comment