**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
From the Back of the Book: Time for a change... Jessica Wakefield is sick and tired of being an identical twin. Her parents make jokes about it and recently people at school have been mistaking her for her sister, Elizabeth. So Jessica's determined to make sure no one mixes up her and her twin ever again: she's going to create a new Jessica! She gets a complete makeover and dyes her hair black. Then she starts to wear outrageous clothes and read European magazines. Soon everyone at Sweet Valley High is talking about the new, sophisticated Jessica Wakefield. But one person isn't thrilled with Jessica's transformation. Elizabeth feels as though she's lost her twin sister forever. Is the old Jessica gone for good?
So I'm confused. Hasn't Jess always worn outrageous clothes and read European magazines?????
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag former boyfriend currently exiled to Vermont
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
*Jeffrey French – Liz's new victim....I mean love interest
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1986 and this is my first time reading it. When I made that joke in the last recap about Jess dying her hair and solving all her problems, I had no idea that's what this book was actually going to be about. I have a feeling we're in for a #nothingburger yet again. The cover is so ridiculous. Is that what the author thought was “outrageous clothes”?
In the last book, Enid and Lila were determined to date poor Jeffrey French who didn't want to date either of them. Liz was so set on helping Enid “win” Jeffrey that she completely steamrolled over her and didn't stop even when Enid begged her to. In the end, Jeffrey asked out Liz. Oh, and Jess was awful to her cousin Jenny who came to stay with them for a couple of weeks and ended up walking away with Jess' man.
Missing, Presumed Dead: George is still gracing the sides of milk cartons. He has company in Patty, Lynn, Sandra, Jean and Eddie who only existed for one book and were never seen again.
Released From the Wakefield Dungeon: Cara and Regina made a daring escape and were spotted topside.
We begin with Liz writing in her diary about Jeffrey and how she's head over heels in love. Already. William wastes no time in describing the twins to us. I won't bore you with the physical because you know they are just absolutely perfect, sun-kissed blondes. Liz is described as working “slowly and steadily at her goals”, taking her “friendships very seriously” and thinking before she acts. I have to ask how seriously she took her friendship with Enid in the last book when she was ignoring everything Enid said and doing the exact opposite. And since when does she think before she acts? I refuse to let William and Pascal gaslight me like this. Anyway....Jess is described as “hotheaded”, loving parties and changeable. The authors clearly only know one of these twins.
Jess comes in to borrow one of Liz's dresses and then quickly leaves again. I'm not sure how borrowing Liz's clothes is going to lessen her being mistaken for her sister but whatevs.
Liz spends endless paragraphs reminding us about Todd and their boring relationship and then she reviews the last book for us. Frankly she's an unreliable narrator and my recap was more accurate. She really tries to rewrite a lot of her behavior as “helpful”.
We skip to dinner. EvilNed refers to his daughters as his “carbon copies”. Jess asks him not to call her that so he laughs and calls her “Twin Number Two”.
VileAlice says that Jess must be “kidding” about being annoyed that she's not seen as an individual person. Jess replies that she and Liz are separate humans and shouldn't be treated as two halves of a whole and everyone mocks and laughs at her. They're all awful.
We skip to later. Jess meets Lila and a newly released Cara at the ice cream shop, hoping for sympathy. Cara says she's lucky to have a sister and that Jess takes Liz for granted.
Way to miss the fucking point, Cara.
Jess says she's losing her sense of self but her friends laugh at her and tell her she's over-reacting and being dramatic. Jess is definitely using dramatic language here but she has a very valid point that everyone is ignoring. It's not secret that twins are often treated as half a person rather than their own, separate being. I think it's even worse for identical twins. What Jess is feeling is a very real emotion that lots of twins feel and no one is taking her seriously.
I hear you, Jess. I'm listening.
We skip ahead to the next school day. Jess wears Liz's dress to school and is predictably mistaken for her all day long. I know William shoved this in here to further Jess' irritation at being identical to Liz but it feels contrived. Jess has been annoyed with being mistaken for Liz for awhile now. There's no way she'd wear Liz's clothes and cause herself further issues. It doesn't make sense. She expresses her feelings to Lila who minimizes them again. Jess asks Lila how she'd feel if she was being constantly mistaken for someone else and Lila rather heartlessly replies that it would never happen because “there's only one Lila Fowler”. Jess morosely wishes she could be unique too.
Jess and Lila go to the mall where they see a sign for a free makeover. It gives Jess an idea of how to prevent being mistaken for Liz.
We skip ahead to that weekend. Lila's dad is out of town again so Jess is staying over to keep her company. Jess asks Lila to help her with a makeover so they go buy a box of black hair dye and then Lila does her makeup and loans her some of her new French clothes. Jess isn't sure at first but Lila goes on and on about how “exotic” Jess looks which boosts her confidence.
Liz freaks out when Jess comes home with her new look. She feels like Jess has “betrayed” her and she starts to cry which is just a bizarre reaction. She runs upstairs to write in her diary. “I can't believe Jessica would do a thing like this to me.”
Huh?
What exactly has Jess done to you, Liz. You're being a weirdo.
We skip to Monday morning. Everyone at school freaks out about Jess' new look. These bitches have some strong reactions to hair dye.
We immediately skip ahead an entire week. Liz moans to Enid about how awful it is that Jess wants to look different. She cries and pouts and Enid agrees with every single thing she says like a brainless puppet. When Jeffrey has the audacity to say he thinks Jess looks nice, Liz immediately takes it as an insult and can't believe how insensitive he is.
Liz goes to the newspaper office to write in her diary about how Jeffrey clearly is more attracted to Jess and how awful Jess is for wanting to be her own person. Penny, the editor or whatever, comes in to clean up and Liz closes her diary (which is just a composition notebook, by the way) and pretends to be working on an article. In her tidying, Penny cleans up Liz's diary and puts it in the storage room with all the rest of the notebooks lying around. Liz doesn't notice and goes off to her next class without it. When she finally remembers it, she goes back to look but doesn't find it.
Jess, meanwhile, is enjoying her newfound independence. She thinks about quitting cheerleading because it feels like an “old Jess” thing and she's determined to embrace new Jess fully. Someone mentions that she should try modeling and Jess thinks it's a fabulous idea.
Liz continues to frantically look for her diary. Jeffrey comes in and says something about how he's glad he isn't confused about which twin she is anymore. Liz decides Jeffrey doesn't love her after all and she starts to give him the cold shoulder without even talking to him about her feelings or asking him to clarify what he means by what he's said. Again, how is this her thinking before she acts or taking her friendships seriously? Liz is just as impulsive and self-absorbed as William is always trying to tell us Jess is.
We skip ahead a few days. Jess goes to meet with some photographers to see about getting some headshots done. Mr Avery meets with her and, when she tells him she's a model, he says he can represent her because he's also an agent. Sound sus, but whatevs. Avery says a local store is going to be doing a fashion show soon and they need a teen to model some clothes. Jess will need a portfolio which will cost her $125 but, if she gets the job, it will pay $500. Jess is super excited at the idea of all that money.
EvilNed and VileAlice agree to loan Jess the money for her portfolio which surprises me a little. I expected more of a fight. EvilNed reminds her that there's some kind of county fair coming up that the Wakefields always attend but Jess doesn't want to go this year. She thinks she's too old for hayrides and pumpkin throwing. When Liz finds out that Jess doesn't want to go, she cries again.
At school the next day, Liz accuses Jeffrey of being in love with Jess. He gets pissed which is the logical reaction. Liz cries some more.
After school, Jess casually mentions that she might want to cut her hair a little shorter and Liz cries over that too because long hair was the last thing they had in common. Which isn't even remotely true. They still have the same fucking face and the same fucking body. Liz is being ridiculous. She tearfully tells Jess that Jeffrey is her biggest fan and Jess should go be with him. Jess is understandably confused. Liz says they're broken up and Jess can have him.
Real mature, Liz.
Just so you know, we're 63% through this book and all that's happened is Jess dyed her hair and Liz cried about it.
We skip to Monday. Jess has an appointment after school to get her photos taken for her portfolio and she's super excited. She runs into Jeffrey at lunch and he tells her that he misses Liz. Jess thinks Liz is a dumbass for ever thinking Jeffrey preferred Jess. (She's not wrong.)
For some reason, ie a plot device, Liz goes with Jess to get her pictures taken. The owner of the store is there to meet her and tells Jess that her look is all wrong for his show. He points to Liz and says that she has the look he wants. Jess argues that they're identical twins but the guy says that Jess' look isn't wholesome enough. Jess is torn. She wants to change her look back so she can get the job but she doesn't want to be seen as Liz's clone again.
That evening, Penny arrives at the Wakefield compound to give Liz her diary back. She heard Mr Collins mention it and realized that she probably moved it to storage with the other notebooks. Jess answers the door and accepts the diary for Liz. Naturally she reads it, because Jess is Jess. She realizes that Liz has been struggling with not feeling close to her anymore and it makes her feel sad.
Jess gives the diary to Liz and tells her that Jeffrey misses her. Liz starts feeling very smug about her life and how everything just seems to work out for her. The smugness intensifies when Jess changes back to her original look in order to get the modeling job. Liz is truly insufferable.
Liz writes in her diary that Jess changing her look was “one of the worst things that's ever happened to me”.
Really, Liz? What about when you had the horrible accident and got a traumatic brain injury that led to you being sexually harassed by Bruce? What about when you got kidnapped? What about that time the kid you were supposed to be nannying went missing and almost died because you were too busy having a romance with a man you thought was five years older than you?
It was just a box of hair dye for fuck's sake.
We skip to the next day. Liz apologizes to Jeffrey. He calls her a “stupid girl” which is the best thing that's ever happened in one of these books. Unfortunately, he meant it affectionately but I choose to see it my way instead. Jeffrey tells her that he simply liked being able to easily tell them apart. I guess they're back together. I don't really care.
Jess is back to blonde. Everyone freaks out. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
The B-plot finally emerges at 89%. Dana of the Droids tells Liz that her cousin Sally is going to move to Sweet Valley soon. She'll be permanently living with Dana's family.
Jess goes back to the photographers and pretends to be Liz. She gets the modeling job. We immediately skip to the day of the fashion show. Liz wears a dark wig to pretend to be Jess while Jess is pretending to be Liz. A lot of their friends from SVH are there to watch and Winston ends up de-wigging Liz in front of the owner of the store. He's amused and asks her to model along with Jess. He isn't offering more pay so the girls will have to split the $500 down the middle. For some reason, Jess is okay with this. They're a hit because of course they are.
We go back to the B-plot for the last few pages. We learn that Sally's dad is an alcoholic and her mom put her in foster care when she was younger. Dana's parents tried to fight for custody but the case dragged out for years while Sally bounced around the system. Finally the courts settled in their favor and Sally is due to arrive in Sweet Valley soon. Dana is thrilled but her older brother Jeremy hates the idea. The book rather abruptly ends there.
I don't know, y'all. This book was just boring. Nothing really happened. Jess dyed her hair and Liz cried. I have no fucking idea how William managed to get an entire book out of that.
Coming Up Next: Will Sally get to stay in Sweet Valley or will Jeremy chase her away? Honestly I think the bigger question is: Will Sally exist for more than one book or will she end up in the dungeon in perpetuity like Patty and Lynne?
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