**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
NOTE: I am very aware that these books were written by ghost writers but since Pascal put her name on the cover, I'm holding her solely responsible for everything that happens on these pages.
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From the Back of the Book: Reunion… Todd Wilkins and Elizabeth Wakefield are back together! After living in Vermont for several months, the Wilkins family have returned to Sweet Valley. Now it’s just like old times between Elizabeth and Todd – only better! In fact, they’ve never been so much in love. But before long, Elizabeth notices that Todd is different now. His family has a lot more money. Todd lives in a mansion, attends an elite private school and drives an expensive car. He even has a whole new set of friends and some of them don’t like Elizabeth. Can Todd and Elizabeth’s love survive the changes in his life?
I love how that blurb expects us to be thrilled that Todd and Liz are back together. I hate Todd. I hate Liz. I could care less.
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*CreepySteven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz’s douchebag boyfriend
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*DisgustingBruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1989 and this is my first time reading it. I guess the cover’s okay. The models still look too old but I don’t think that’s ever going to change.
In the last book, Todd came back and Liz agonized over her Big Choice because of course he wanted her back. #allhailElizabethWakefield In the end, she fucked over poor Jeffrey and took back the douchebag.
Missing, Presumed Dead: Roger, Prince Albert and Recorder are still buried deep under the compound. They’re joined by CreepySteven, DeeDee and Caroline. Is it time to assume that Roger no longer exists? I’ll never give up on Prince Albert or Recorder but I’m ready to admit that Roger is lost to time and space now.
Released from the Wakefield Compound: No one. That place is locked down tight.
#FREETHEDOG
We begin with Jess, Lila, Amy and Cara recapping the last book for us. None of them (except Jess who knows her sister on a molecular level) can believe Liz screwed over Jeffrey like that. They discuss Todd’s new circumstances in life (he’s filthy rich now) and that leads to a discussion of Lovett Academy where he’s now going to school. Amy asks Lila why her father doesn’t send her to the prestigious private school and she says her daddy wants her to live like a regular person.
But they don’t.
They live in a fucking mansion with a butler and a bunch of servants.
She gets more in allowance a month than Questionable Mr Collins probably makes teaching English.
This makes no sense.
Whatever.
Jess suddenly decides she wants to go to Lovett – even if it’s just for a year. She’s really bored of Sweet Valley High and all the people in it.
We launch right into twin descriptions from here. Ghostie rhapsodizes about their physical perfection for a bit (direct quote – “Blond, slender and unusually pretty.”) and then says that Jess is carefree or careless depending on who you ask. Liz is popular and responsible.
Responsible?
The Liz lies are always astounding.
Liz resents Jeffrey’s sadness because he’s making her feel bad when all she wants to do is revel in the sensation that she’s “madly in love” for the first time in a long time. She doesn’t want to own up to the devastation she caused so she just ignores him completely.
Also, wasn’t she just madly in love with Jeffrey? Is Pascal trying to rewrite things as if Liz never loved Jeffrey at all? #bullshit
You know, I just realized Pascal cheated us out of the break up conversation. We ended the last book with Liz and Todd going back to the party and Liz saying she needed to tell Jeffrey it was over and then picked up in this book several days later. We have no idea what she said to him. I doubt it was very sympathetic or caring. Liz isn’t good at either of those things.
We skip to later that evening at dinner. Jess brings up Lovett Academy to her parents and says she thinks she’d really benefit from transferring there. EvilNed says they’ll consider it if Jess does more research and presents her case to them.
After dinner, Liz goes to Todd’s mansion. She’s freaked out by his new lifestyle and wonders if he could truly be the same boy that she’s always loved.
I swear we’ve already done this storyline. Didn’t this happen when Roger found out he was a Patman and Olivia couldn’t deal with the fact he was suddenly rich? Pascal isn’t even trying anymore. I’m not sure she ever did.
Todd wants to spend every afternoon and evening with Liz to make up for the fact that he doesn’t see her in school. When she says she has an Oracle meeting the following afternoon, he pouts until she agrees to leave the meeting early to spend time with him.
He’s pissing me off already. This is peak douchebag behavior.
By the way, we are 20% through this book and I’ve only written one page of notes front and back. With my extremely large and loopy handwriting. NOTHING IS HAPPENING. Pascal just keeps telling us everything that happened in the last book over and over.
The next day, Liz goes to the Oracle meeting after school. Jeffrey is there and she feels awkward. The awkwardness increases when Olivia mentions how Liz got embarrassed in front of the entire class that morning because she didn’t do her math homework. Apparently responsible Liz was with Todd so long that she just skipped all her homework and then was unprepared for the day. Imagine that. We also see Penny at this meeting and Rod from two books ago who is now dating Olivia.
Penny suggests getting rid of Liz’s Eyes and Ears column and replacing it with something else. She wants to brainstorm ideas but Liz cuts her off and says she has to leave the meeting early. She asks if she can brainstorm at home and then present some ideas to Penny the next day. Penny is pissed but agrees.
We hop over to Jess and the B-plot. She’s dismayed to find out that Lovett Academy has entrance exams but figures they can’t be too hard.
After that riveting content, we go back to Liz and the A-plot. Todd tells her all about his new friends at Lovett (I’m going to start abbreviating it to LA because I’m tired of typing it out). One of them regularly dines with Michael Jackson. That’s…..concerning. Liz asks if Todd has talked to his dad about transferring back to SVH. Todd says his dad would be really disappointed if he stopped going to LA. Liz is irritated that he’d “make such an important decision just because he thought his father wanted it” because she never takes other people’s feelings into account.
They go to the lake and lay on a blanket together. Todd leans over her and caresses her jaw, saying “you make me feel so good, Elizabeth Wakefield. Do you have any idea how good?”
First of all…………
We don’t need to hear about your erection, Todd.
Second of all……..who the fuck calls their significant other by their first AND last name in a romantic moment?
We skip ahead to the weekend. Penny calls Liz in after school to tell her that her work has been subpar lately. Her last column went to print with four typos in it.
Um.
Penny….isn’t it YOUR job to edit the paper?
Just sayin’.
Liz apologizes and says it won’t happen again. She meets Todd and he tells her that if he misses another basketball practice, he’s going to be kicked off the team. Liz tells him that she’s been blowing off her job at the Oracle. They decide not to see each other in the afternoons anymore.
Suddenly we’re in Courtney’s head. Not gonna lie, I’d hoped we were done with her. She’s with some chick named Dominique that I’m going to have to add to my spreadsheet.
They see Todd and Liz together and Courtney curses Liz’s entire bloodline. I enjoy it. Then she recaps the last book for us AGAIN, telling us how Todd betrayed her and she was too good for him anyway.
Everyone is too good for that douchebag.
Courtney swears revenge on both of them and I wish her success.
Later at dinner, Courtney’s dad tells her that his boss wants to sponsor a competition between all the schools in the area. There will be different events (some athletic, some not) and eventually the best school will be chosen. The winners will appear in a shoe commercial.
It’s a C-plot. We haven’t had one of those in awhile.
Back to the twins. We hit the B-plot first and watch Jess study for a bit. Then we abandon that and go back to the C-plot. The Battle of the Schools competition is announced and SVH will be participating. The events are swimming, running, track and field, tennis, replay races, obstacle courses, a spelling bee and a quiz competition that they call a “mini college bowl”. Liz is dismayed that she’ll have to compete against Todd. Jess says she can’t compete because of moral reasons. It wouldn’t be fair to LA to compete against them when she wants to join them.
We skip ahead a few days and get back to the A-plot. Liz picks Todd up after basketball practice at LA. Courtney rocks up and invites Todd to a party that weekend but makes sure he knows Liz wouldn’t be welcome. He says he won’t go without her so Courtney relents and says she can come. Then she invites Todd to play a “private game of golf” with her and the douchebag accepts. I can’t with this man.
We skip to the party. Pascal spends the entire time trying to tell us that Liz is super uncomfortable being in a country club and talking to kids who come from wealthy families because it’s not “her world”. Excuse me, bitch.
Liz is extremely privileged. For fuck’s sake, her parents are going to be able to send Jess to LA if she passes the entrance exams. This is so ridiculous and it doesn’t even make sense.
We meet Courtney’s date Campbell and I have to add another name to the spreadsheet. If you’re curious, we’ve been introduced to at least 135 people during this series so far. Maybe more. I don’t add people unless they get speaking lines and I might have missed a few minor characters over the last 59 books. Campbell seems like a douchebag so I’m sure he and Todd will become fast friends. Birds of a feather and all that.
Liz sulks the entire time and doesn’t want to participate in any of the activities because she’s so out of place. #eyeroll Todd gets irritated with her and I can’t blame him. She sees someone named Ben (UGH 136) from SVH working as a caddy and gets made fun of when she talks to him. Todd lives up to his douchebag status and pretends he doesn’t see Ben at all. To be fair, I’m not sure Ben exists. I mean, he’s there but Pascal just invented him and he’ll probably never be seen again.
Liz has an awful time as she gives us judgmental commentary about all the people at the party. Campbell really annoys her because he won’t leave her alone and he keeps trying to touch her. Todd does nothing to keep Campbell away from her even though she’s clearly upset by the attention. In fact, he largely avoids Liz entirely. When they leave the party, he morphs back into the Todd Liz is used to. She is so happy to have his attention again that she doesn’t call him out for abandoning her to Campbell.
We skip to Monday morning. Liz laments to Jess that she thinks Todd’s “values are changing”. He wants to play polo for fuck’s sake.
Let’s just throw the whole man away.
No, seriously. Let’s.
When they get to school, Winston announces the competitors for the C-plot. DisgustingBruce and Kristin (who I had definitely forgotten and had to look up) will be playing mixed doubles in tennis. I thought she’d left the country or something. Bill will be swimming. Aaron and Shelley will be doing track and field events. I’ve definitely forgotten who Shelley is and my spreadsheet just says “random girl in the library”. Not helpful, past blogger. Not helpful. The quiz team is Patty (she still exists!!!), Peter and Winston. Olivia is doing the spelling bee. Liz, Jeffrey, Robin and Ken will be doing a relay race.
Man, Roger is never getting out of that dungeon. And what about DeeDee? Where was she?
In a stunning coincidence, Todd is chosen for LA’s relay team. I couldn’t have possibly seen that coming.
Todd immediately asks Liz to either switch to a different event or to withdraw from the competition entirely because one of the things he likes best about their relationship is that they don’t compete with each other. So why doesn’t he switch or withdraw? Why does he expect her to do it? Liz asks him the same thing and he says “I don’t like the tone of voice you’re using, Liz” and “you don’t have to make an issue out of every little thing I say”.
Liz lets that go. I could never. Those are MASSIVE red flags. He’s talking to her like she’s a child and making her feel like she did something wrong by calling him out on his bullshit. I fucking hate Todd.
We skip ahead a few days. Todd shows up 30 minutes late for their date and doesn’t apologize. He just expected her to wait for him and not complain about it. He brags about how cool his new, famous friends are for awhile. I didn’t listen. He brags about how great LA is and all the amenities. I didn’t listen to that either. Liz asks if they can change the subject. He gets pissed. He says he needs her support during this difficult adjustment period and all she does is give him grief.
Liz isn’t having it and says his newfound money should console him during this difficult time. He tells her to “cut it out” in a menacing tone. I didn’t like that. Then he calls her out for being judgmental. That I was okay with. He says they should probably break up. She doesn’t argue with him.
I wish that was it. We’re only at 61% though.
Back to Courtney who has decided against participating in the C-plot because she considers it beneath her. She’s watching the relay team practice though. She invites Todd to a Lakers game and he says maybe.
Courtney’s dad is one of the judges of the competition which feels like a conflict of interest since he has a child enrolled in one of the schools. She’s confident this means LA can’t lose.
Back to the twins. Jess has been studying constantly for the B-plot and Liz barely recognizes her anymore. Liz tells Jess about breaking up with Todd and Jess encourages her to try to talk things out with him. Liz dismisses this and sulks.
We skip to competition day and switch to the C-plot. It’s being held at LA because they have the best facilities out of all the schools. Amy starts paying a lot of attention to Ken all of a sudden and Jess notices. SVH and LA advance to the finals being held on Saturday. Todd doesn’t bother to tell Liz how amazing she was in the rope climb but Jeffrey does.
We skip to Friday and go back to the B-plot. Jess has an interview with admissions. The place starts to lose it’s appeal when she’s told about the course expectations and the dress code. She isn’t sure it’s the right place for her but she doesn’t want to lose face by backing out. She runs into Todd afterwards. He asks about Liz and Jess pretends that her sister is doing just fine without Todd. He’s crushed.
Jess goes home to tell Liz that Todd asked about her. She again encourages Liz to call him. Liz says that Todd should “make the first move”. Jess tells her she’s being stupid.
Liz and Todd need to stay away from each other. And Pascal needs to stop pretending that this toxic relationship is goals. She’s doing a massive disservice to her young audience.
Back to Courtney. She’s trying to come up with way to cheat in the competition. Dominique says they should just win fair and square. Courtney offers to give her a sweater if she’ll help make sure LA wins. I guess it’s a pretty fucking amazing sweater because Dominique immediately abandons all her moral convictions and agrees.
We skip to the competition. Bill loses at swimming. Bruce and Kristin win at tennis which makes sense because she’s on the fucking pro circuit. It actually feels a little unfair that she was allowed to compete. The quiz bowl is entirely made up of true/false questions which feels very weird to me. I did quiz bowl. We rarely had true/false questions during a meet. Dominique and Courtney have a book of the questions and answers and they signal their team. Jessica notices and suddenly we’re in her head.
Do better, Pascal.
Jess tries to decide whether to call LA out for cheating. She doesn’t want to jeopardize her chances of being admitted to the school. She decides to keep quiet.
The relay race is going to decide who wins because of course it is. I bet you didn’t see that coming at all. We’re back in Courtney’s head somehow. She sabotages the rope that SVH is going to have to climb during the race.
We’re officially with Jess now. She watches in horror as Liz’s rope breaks and she falls. Todd abandons his team and rushes to Liz. She’s fine. DisgustingBruce suggests a tug-of-war to decide the winner. Jess takes Liz’s place on the team. Todd also pulls out of the competition so he can hold Liz. SVH almost loses the tug-of-war but then Todd screams “go sweet valley” and that’s all they need to rally and win. Todd’s magical, y’all.
Todd announces that he’s going to ask if he can come back to SVH. Jess announces that she no longer wants to go to LA. Todd and Liz get back together naturally. They go to the Dairi Burger and everyone fucking gives them a standing ovation. I wish I was kidding.
We get the set up for the next book at the end. Amy is pursuing Ken and Jess is worried that she’ll break his heart. The book ends there.
I don’t have anything to say about this one. It was nothing laced with toxicity. Pascal needs to do better.
Coming up next: It’s called “That Fatal Night”. I fear we may be getting clickbaited.
But if Pascal wants to kill off the douchebag, I’d be okay with it.
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