**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
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From the Back of the Book: Summer's here, and the Wakefield twins can't wait to join Lila Fowler in fabulous, beach-lined Malibu. Elizabeth and Jessica have arranged jobs as mother's helpers and are looking forward to a dream vacation filled with Hollywood stars and gorgeous guys. But the girls soon find out things aren't always as they seem in sunny Malibu. Elizabeth's heart is won by someone much too old for her. Even though she feels guilty about it, she begins to see him secretly. While Elizabeth tries desperately to keep her sister from finding out, Jessica is busy trying to get bronzed Cliff Sherman to notice her. Can the girls straighten out their summer romances, or will Malibu's magic be only an illusion?
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag former boyfriend currently exiled to Vermont
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1986 and this is my first time reading it. The cover is pretty standard – two models looking much too old to be the Wakefield twins wearing horrible clothes.
In the last book, Amy returned to town, making Enid fear she was losing her friendship with Liz. Jess and Cara briefly handed out love advice in the school paper and Lila's cousin came to visit. It was a pretty boring book. None of that is going to matter for this one, though, because these books exist in an alternate universe.
Missing, Presumed Dead: Not applicable for this alternate universe.
Released From the Wakefield Dungeon: See above.
We begin with the twins at the beach. Jess is going on about a musician named Tony Sargent who is her latest obsession. Liz is being #notliketheothergirls and pretending she doesn't know who he is even though she totally does. God Liz is annoying and it's only the first page.
We get our usual description of the twins as devastatingly beautiful and physically perfect in every way before we veer off into their separate personality descriptions. This time Liz is described as “dependable” and “non-judgmental”. She is neither of those things. Jess is described as “liking the spotlight” and “hungry for change” this time around which is pretty accurate and also much nicer than usual. I wonder if there's a different ghostie for this book.
Talk shifts away from Tony and onto the main plot of this book – Jess wants to spend the summer in Malibu. Lila's gotten a job as a mother's helper in Malibu for a rich family and Jess wants to do the same. EvilNed and VileAlice won't let her go without Liz, though, and Liz is determined to stay in Sweet Valley to intern for the local newspaper. Jess has been trying to convince Liz to change her mind but Liz won't budge so Jess asks Lila for help.
As planned, Lila comes up to the pair on the beach and Jess leaves to go get a soda. While she's gone, Lila works on Liz's martyr complex and tells her that Jess might do something “desperate” if she doesn't get to go to Malibu that summer. Jess is kind of known for doing rash, desperate things so this doesn't really feel like an empty threat. She also calls Liz selfish for ruining Jess's only chance for happiness. It works like a charm and she agrees to go as long as Jess makes all the arrangements.
Also, Liz judges Lila for wearing a “mature” swimsuit so that non-judgmental thing lasted exactly 4 pages. Seems about right.
The first step is to interview with the nanny company. For some reason, Jess goes alone even though Liz will need to interview as well. Jess figures that caring for a baby will be the easiest.....
…..so she tells the owner that she's experienced with infants. The owner says she has an opening in Malibu with the Sargent family. Despite it being a fairly common last name, Jess gets all excited and asks if they are related to Tony Sargent. The owner says she believes they are cousins. Jess immediately starts weaving fantasies of meeting Tony and falling in love. The owner only has one other placement in Malibu. Liz will be assigned to an older child who is a bit of a problem. She's already run off several nannies and the owner is reluctant to assign her to such an inexperienced teen. Jess assures her that Liz is great with problem children and there won't be any issues. The owner tells her that the twins will have to interview with the Sargents and the Bennets separately but unless they fuck those interviews up horribly, they have the jobs.
She still hasn't even met Liz.
Whatever.
Jess goes back to the compound and tells Liz about the assignments. She makes it sound like she's taking the worst job as a favor to Liz. Liz buys it despite having lived with Jess her entire life.
The individual interviews get scheduled for Saturday which causes a huge problem for Jess who has cheer camp that day. She's the co-captain so she can't get out of it. She begs Liz to do her interview for her because it can't be changed either and if she doesn't go, she won't get the job. Liz refuses for awhile but ends of doing it because of course she does.
The first interview is with the Bennet family. This is for Liz's placement. She's stunned to find they live in a mansion with a private beach. The housekeeper, Maria, ends up interviewing her because the Bennets aren't home. She tells Liz that it's an unhappy house and that Taryn's parents don't spend much time with her. The little girl is lonely and ignored which makes her difficult at time. Liz is confident she can “fix” Taryn.
The next interview is with the Sargent family for Jess' placement. It's just a regular house situated four blocks from the public beach. Instead of having her own luxurious room like Liz, Jess will be sharing a room with baby Sam. Both of the Sargents work so they need a lot of help from Jess. Liz is surprised to find that Jess actually gave her the easier job after all.
Too bad Jess doesn't know that. lol
Liz does well enough on the interviews that the twins get offered the jobs. We take a little time hop here and go right to their first day of work. Jess drops Liz off at the Bennet mansion and then drives to the Sargent house. She's going to be keeping the Fiat because the Bennets have extra cars that Liz will be able to drive if necessary. Jess is dismayed to see how small the Sargent house is. She's further crushed when she asks if Tony ever visits and she finds out they haven't seen him in years.
More time passes. Lila has a lot of time off because the baby she's assigned to has a nurse and another nanny. She mostly just puts him to bed at night. Jess has arranged to have a couple of hours off every afternoon while Sam naps. They both make a habit of going to the Bennet's private beach each afternoon to hang out with Liz and Taryn. One day while they're there, Jess sees a dreamy blonde jog by. Liz introduces him as Cliff, the Bennet's next door neighbor.
Jess decides she wants to switch jobs with Liz. Taryn has an awful attitude and she's rude to everyone but Jess figures that's a small price to pay for a mansion with a private beach and Cliff next door. She floats the idea by Liz but Liz says it wouldn't be professional and she won't even consider it. Jess doesn't give up, though. She just figures she'll need to be more sneaky about it.
Liz continues to have trouble relating to Taryn but the little girl takes an immediate liking to Jess. Kids can always tell. Jess bonds with her by telling her little secret stories about what happens to “wicked” girls. It's the same kind of story that EvilNed used to tell Jess when she was little. Taryn absolutely loves them and she and Jess get closer while Liz watches with jealousy.
Cliff invites all the girls to a party Saturday night. Lila can pawn her charge off on the nurse and Maria will watch Taryn so Lila and Liz are good to go, but Jess needs to get permission from the Sargents. Unfortunately, they're going out and they need someone to watch Sam that night. Luckily Liz doesn't care about the party and she volunteers to come sit for Sam.
There's a B-plot here about Lila falling for some windsurfer but it barely matters. All you need to know is that Lila originally thought he was older and was bragging about landing an older man but later she discovered that he's 15 and therefore younger than her. She's embarrassed at first and Jess definitely teases her but she ends up getting over it because he's a nice guy and she likes him. There, I summarized the entire B-plot for you in a few sentences and we can get back to the main plot.
When Liz gets to the Sargent's to babysit Sam, she finds out that they have a houseguest named Jamie staying with them for awhile. He's 21 and an English major at Yale. Also, he's cute in a nerdy way. Liz is instantly smitten because Yale is her type. They spend the evening talking and Jamie eventually tries to kiss her. Liz pulls away and tells him that SHE'S ONLY 16 but he doesn't care and asks her out anyway.
Also......
Odds the Sargent's houseguest will turn out to be rock star Tony: 85%
When Jess gets back to the house, Liz tells her about Jamie but she makes sure to make him sound like a boring nerd so Jess won't be interested in him. She also doesn't tell Jess that she agreed to go out on a date with him.
Ma'am, you're 16 years old. He's a whole ass adult. This is illegal.
We do a little time hop so we can land right at Liz's date with Jamie. When he gets flirty with her, she tells him she's not comfortable with their age difference but he brushes that off like a true predator.
We briefly jump into Jamie's head and learn that he's keeping a secret and using a secret identity. Yep. He's definitely Tony. Which makes this all even worse. Tony definitely isn't an English major at Yale. He's told Liz nothing but lies. He's apparently hiding from the dangerous boyfriend of some girl he talked to at a bar once. Pascal makes sure we know that he didn't actually date her but she told her boyfriend that Tony made moves on her and the boyfriend vowed to kill him. He justifies all his lies to Liz as important for keeping her cover. Besides, he wishes he was an English major at Yale so that makes it all okay.
This is troubling on so many levels. Why is Pascal writing this? I know a lot of authors try to bring light to things that teenagers actually face in the real world and you could make that argument for a 21-year-old man trying to date a 16-year-old girl because disgusting predators absolutely exist but this secret identity nonsense isn't something a teenager will deal with. By adding this garbage, she's trivializing this predator going after Liz and making it seem like kooky, zany fun. It's okay that he's trying to date a child because he's actually secretly a rock star and what teenage girl wouldn't dream of dating a rock star? Do better, Pascal.
Jamie/Tony eventually gets an apartment in Santa Monica and Liz starts getting Maria to watch Taryn so she can sneak off and spend time with him. You know, because she's SO RESPONSIBLE. They do a lot of making out and I seriously just want him to go to jail at this point. Pascal continues to tell us that Liz is super uncomfortable with the age gap but Jamie/Tony is ever so dreamy so she ignores it.
One day while Liz is off being victimized, Taryn hears her parents having a huge fight. Her dad threatens to leave and her mom tells him to go. Taryn is so distraught that she decides to run away to Nebraska where her grandparents live. She doesn't know where Nebraska is, but figures she can walk there. Meanwhile, she also develops a horrible cold because Pascal thinks she needs more drama here. She doesn't. A small child running away is enough drama. I swear.....I'm so done with Pascal at this point.
The next day, Liz yet again pushes her responsibilities off on poor Maria and goes to meet Jamie. Because Pascal doesn't think a small child with a horrible cold running away is enough drama, she also throws in a severe thunderstorm and some coastal flooding. Liz knows the weather is going to be bad but goes anyway, taking Maria's car.
Taryn sneaks out while Maria is busy.
Jess hears that they're evacuating the homes along the beach and tries to call Liz to make sure they're okay. She doesn't reach her, so she drives over to check on them. Maria answers the door and she's freaked out because Liz has her car and she can't drive Taryn to safety. Jess offers to take them both in the Fiat (which only has two seats) but when they go to get Taryn, they discover she's gone.
We suddenly jump into Mrs Sargent's head for the first time. A man comes to her door claiming to be Tony's manager. Mrs Sargent directs him to the cafe where Tony is meeting Liz. How does she know he's meeting Liz there when they are keeping their relationship a secret?
Odds the “manager” is the bad guy: 99%
Jess and Maria call the police, of course, and eventually get word that Taryn has been spotted on a broken bridge not far from the house. Jess and Maria race to the scene. The bridge is in bad shape and the adults can't get close enough to Taryn to bring her to safety but she's too scared to come to them. Jess coaxes her off the bridge by telling her another one of those little secret stories. She's saved just as the bridge collapses but her horrible cold has turned into pneumonia or something and she's taken away by ambulance. Jess ends up going with her.
We jump back into Mrs Sargent's head. The real manager shows up to tell them that the bad guy has been spotted in the area and Jamie/Tony is in mortal danger. They all race to the cafe.
Taryn is very sick and might not make it. The doctors plead with Jess to give her the will to live. This is so fucking dumb. You didn't need this, Pascal. It was dramatic enough that she ran away. Just deal with that and with her parents realizing how awful and neglectful they've been. She doesn't need to be at death's door here. You're just padding out the story here.
The bad guy shows up at the cafe with a knife because Pascal didn't want him to be able to actually kill Jamie/Tony. He goes into a whole bad guy monologue so Liz learns who Jamie/Tony really is, and that she's been lied to the entire time. The bad guy stabs Jamie/Tony but Liz hits him over the head with a heavy vase. What kind of cafe has vases heavy enough to knock someone out? The police show up, having been called by the Sargents. It's all so stupid.
While he's bleeding on the floor, Jamie/Tony tells Liz everything, including the fact that's actually only 17. Pascal thinks that makes everything okay because he's not an actual predator but it doesn't. It really doesn't. She fucking wrote him as a predator for an entire book and I will never see him as anything other than that. Jamie/Tony wants to keep dating her. Liz isn't sure.
Jamie/Tony ends up going to the hospital and Liz follows. She runs into Jess who debriefs her on the entire Taryn situation. Liz tells her about Jamie/Tony and Jess can't believe she lived with an actual rock star for a few days without knowing it.
Taryn recovers because Jess gives her the will to live and then her family is healed by the Wakefield magic. They live happily ever after I guess.
Liz ends things with Jamie/Tony because she knows it will never work. There's no way a relationship with a rock star is feasible for an average California martyr. He ends up giving a charity concert in town and Cliff convinces Liz to attend. Jamie/Tony sings a song called “Summer Girl” that he dedicates to Liz and she cries because it means he actually did care for her and it wasn't all a lie. She knows she'll never see him again but knowing it was “real” is enough for her.
Except it wasn't real. He lied about everything. She doesn't even know who he really is other than he's famous.
Whatever.
The book ends there, thank god. I swear Pascal just gets worse with every book.
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