**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.
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From the Back of the Book: Backstabber... It's pledge season for Pi Beta Alpha, and everyone in the exclusive Sweet Valley High sorority expects Sandra Bacon to nominate her best friend, Jean West. But Sandra's tired of always hearing about Jean's perfect figure, terrific grades and fantastic cheerleading. The sorority is the only thing Sandra has that Jean doesn't, and even though Jean is her best friend, Sandra wants to keep Pi Beta Alpha for herself. When Sandra unwillingly becomes Jean's pledge sponsor, she's determined to do everything she can to insure Jean doesn't make it through pledge period. But how far can Sandra go and still remain friends with Jean?
Meet the Cast
*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.
*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies
*EvilNed Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer
*VileAlice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer
*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole
*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type
*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag former boyfriend currently exiled to Vermont
*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money
*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money
*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd
There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.
This book was published in 1986 and this is my first time reading it. I know I don't like any of these books but I'm really expecting to hate this one based on the description. Sandra sounds awful. As for the cover.....I'm not even going to lie.....eleven-year-old me probably would have killed for that pink satin jacket. I desperately wanted a satin jacket back then but the closest I got was a free nylon windbreaker that my dad got at work.
In the last canon book, Liz's middle-school BFF came back to SV and caused all kinds of problems between Liz and Enid. Amy ended up better suited to be Jess' BFF, though, and joined the cheerleading squad. In the last actual book, the twins and Lila went to Malibu for the summer to work as mother's helpers. Liz fell for a guy she thought was in his early 20's (he was actually a teenaged rock star on the run) and Jess saved a little girl that Liz had severely neglected all summer. I don't expect any of that to ever be brought up again.
Missing, Presumed Dead: Bruce and Regina are still underground keeping George company. Patty and Lynne who only existed for one book and then were never seen again are still maintaining their invisibility.
Released From the Wakefield Dungeon: I think Guy made it out. I think the band was at the dance so he must have been there.
We begin with VileAlice telling her sweet little twinsies over breakfast that the B-plot....ahem....I mean, Steven is coming home for a week and she wants to do something special for him. I'm surprised she even remembers she has children. Jess figures Steven will be spending all his time with Cara so she isn't sure why they should bother but Liz promises to think of something fun.
Kate William, our standard ghostie, uses this conversation to do her usual “the twins are so identical but SOOOO different spiel”. Today, Liz is described as “careful, thoughtful, honest, dependable and earnest” which are all damn lies. Jess is described as “impetuous, social and craving excitement” which is fairly accurate and much nicer than usual. How does William continue to get Liz so fucking wrong? It's like she doesn't even read what she writes.
William also takes the time to remind us about the sorority that the twins are part of: Pi Beta Alpha. Jess takes membership very seriously, throwing herself into every activity and meeting while Liz barely attends and doesn't care about it at all. Liz feels above it all which isn't surprising. Jess reminds Liz that they have a meeting that day to nominate new members and Liz says she'll be there but she's leaving early to go to the beach with Enid. Sounds super dependable, careful, thoughtful and earnest to me.
Jess tells Liz that she's going to nominate Amy which makes Liz happy. VileAlice gives the girls a lecture about not hurting anyone's feelings and that makes Liz remember the time the PBA girls blackballed poor Robin. I hated that book so I'm not going to reminisce with Liz.
We skip to the meeting and land in the head of Sandra. The meeting is being held at Lila's house and she's in awe of how big it is. Sandra feels out of place there and tells us how average she is in every aspect of her life. She hits us dead in the face with the A-plot, telling us how tired she is of being in Jean's shadow. Jean is her best friend – more of a sister really – and spectacular in every single way. She's beautiful and sylish, a great cheerleader, a good student and a fabulous cook. Everyone remembers Jean and no one remembers Sandra.
Sandra compares herself to Jean constantly and feels inferior. The only thing that Sandra has over Jean is that she's a member of PBA and Jean isn't. Sandra is determined to keep it that way. She doesn't want Jean invading the sorority and stealing all the attention. The only problem is, all the girls know how much Jean wants to join and Sandra knows it will look bad if she doesn't nominate her.
Nominations start. Jess nominates Amy and Cara seconds her. Seeing no way to save face if she doesn't nominate Jean, Sandra does so. Several girls second Jean. We don't really hear any others. As the person who nominated Jean, it's Sandra's job to be her “sponsor” and to tell her about all the events going on during the pledge process. Sandra's plan is to sabotage Jean during the pledge process to ensure that she doesn't get in.
(((Note from future me: I don't know what this pledge process entails because we only see one official event and one official pledge task. I don't know if William forgot to write about it or if she just didn't have the imagination to come up with more pledge events.)))
We end up back with Liz a few days later. She's watching Winston make “lovegrams” which are paper airplanes with messages inside that he throws at girls in the cafeteria. Liz finds it charming. She mentions that she wants to plan a surprise party for Steven and asks the people at the table if they can come. Sandra is eating with them and she accepts the invitation. Liz tells her to invite Jean and that prompts Winston to tell a story about Tom being pissed at Jean because she gave him the cold shoulder earlier in the day.
(((Note from future me: William made such a big deal about the lovegrams that I thought they were going to be important later. They weren't. Not only are they never mentioned again but neither is Winston. I have no idea why she put this in here.)))
We slide into Sandra's head in the middle of the chapter which always pisses me off. She's intrigued by the tea about Tom being pissed at Jean. One of the pledge assignments is to get a particular date to go with you to a PBA party. The sponsor gets to pick the guy and the pledge has to secure the date. Sandra was hoping to assign Jean an “impossible” date so that she'd fail the first task and be knocked out of the running. With this information, she figures she can assign Tom to Jean.
Sandra immediately goes over to Lila and tells her that she wants to assign Jean the task of getting Tom to go to the party. Lila balks. She knows Tom might refuse and she really wants Jean to get into PBA. The last girl Tom dated was Jess (in a subplot I've completely forgotten I guess) and he hasn't seemed interested in anyone since. Sandra insists that it will all work out fine and Lila gives in.
Sandra is satisfied with herself. She truly believes that keeping Jean out of PBA is the only way to save their friendship.
When Jean finds out about her assignment, she's dismayed. She asks Lila for advice and Lila tells her to go to Tom's tennis match later that day and praise him on his skills. Sandra is pissed.
We're with Jess and the B-plot now, much to my relief. I can't fucking stand Sandra. Cara is upset and Jess prods her until she spills the tea. Steven's roommate has decided to quit college to work on a cruise ship and he's convinced Steven to join him. Cara is in tears thinking she'll never see Steven again. You know, because once he sails away he'll be gone forever. She makes Jess promise not to tell anyone because EvilNed and VileAlice are going to be mega pissed when Steven drops out.
Steven's an idiot, y'all. I hate it that he's our B-plot for the book. We're going to end up spending way too much time with him.
We're back with Sandra and the A-plot unfortunately. She, Lila and Jean go to watch Tom's match. When he's done playing, the girls call him over so Jean can blow smoke up his ass about how well he played. He sits with them and soon he's warmed up to Jean's flattery. Lila mentions that Jean has been wanting tennis lessons in a very obvious move to hook them up and Tom immediately offers to give her some pointers.
Tom is apparently dense as a post.
Jean asks Tom to Cara's party as she's been assigned to do. To Sandra's dismay, he agrees to go. Now she has to think of another way to sabotage Jean. She decides to try to get Tom to stand her up so she'll look bad in front of everyone and fail her assignment. Two birds, one stone kind of thing.
I really hate Sandra.
We skip to Friday night (the night before the party). Sandra and Jean are hanging out together and Jean is nervous. She thinks things have been going a little too well for her lately. Apparently she got $100 from her dad and an A on her history exam and things have been going well between her and Tom. Sandra is livid but tries not to show it. She listens to Jean jabber on excitedly about PBA and her date, all the while thinking about how she can keep Jean from getting in. She's a bitch.
I never thought I'd be so grateful for the Wakefields and this asinine B-plot. They're hanging out on the back patio with Steven when he tells them that he plans to drop out in order to work on a cruise ship with his roommate. He says that he's sick of studying already and wants some real life experience. VileAlice and EvilNed aren't fans of the plan. EvilNed tries the tactic of “you can't get a good job without specialized training” which falls on deaf ears since Steven plans to work on the ship. He tells his parents that everything's decided and they can't stop him because he's an adult. With that mic drop, he walks back into the house.
Liz says they should try reverse psychology on Steven to get him to abandon his plan. She says they should throw him a Bon Voyage party and pretend to be 100% behind the idea. She figures Steven is just trying a little rebellion to push their buttons and he'll back off if he sees it's not working. Her parents think she's a genius even though it's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. It's like they think Steven is just dropping out to spite them or something. It makes no sense.
This has to be the dumbest B-plot we've ever had. Then again, I tend to block out the subplots so there's probably been dumber.
Damn it all to hell.
Saturday morning, Sandra goes to ambush Tom at work. She lets it slip that Jean only asked Tom to the party because it was a pledge assignment. She takes off and then we slip into Tom's head in the middle of the chapter because William is intent on infuriating me.
Tom is pissed. He's had a crush on Jean for ages and now he knows she's just using him to get into PBA. He feels betrayed and doesn't want to be made a fool of in front of the sorority.
It's still not a new chapter but now we're in Liz's head for the B-plot. I'm not going to protest. Anything to get me away from Sandra.
Holy fucking hell. William just made me glad to be in Liz's head. Pigs are flying, y'all.
Liz asks Steven if she can have his computer since he's going to be on the cruise ship for the foreseeable future. He hesitates and says he worked hard for that computer and doesn't want to just give it away. She reminds him that he won't have any use for it on the ship. Steven says he'll think about it. He's in a bad mood because he found out he'll be responsible for his own medical insurance if he leaves school. He seems suspicious that everyone is taking this so well but Liz says they all just figured they couldn't really stop him.
We hop into Jean's head. I hope it's nicer here than in Sandra's. She's really looking forward to her date with Tom. Despite thinking he's a little lame, she finds him easy to talk to and they've had some good conversations on the phone in the last few days. She's also suddenly attracted to him despite not being attracted to him at all a couple chapters ago. This can happen. Sometimes when you talk to someone, they get hotter in your eyes (or the opposite) but I'm inclined to believe that William just forgot she told us that Jean wasn't into him.
Tom doesn't show up to take her to dinner before the party. Jean is mildly concerned but figures he'll be there soon. The more time passes, the more she worries. If she doesn't get Tom to the party, she probably won't get into PBA. The sorority itself isn't too important to her but she wants to get in so she can spend more time with Sandra. She's felt like they're drifting apart lately and she thinks that they'll get closer if they're in the same group.
It's ironic because Sandra thinks they'll break up if they're in the same group.
I like how Jean is exclusively worried about being late to the party and failing her assignment but not worried that Tom could be dead in a ditch somewhere or tied up in the Wakefield dungeon.
Tom finally calls Jean an hour and a half after he was supposed to be there. He says that he wasn't feeling well after work and accidentally fell asleep. He tells her he's getting ready to leave and encourages her to eat something at home because they won't have time to go out for dinner. She's cool with that. It means they'll be a little late for the party but she figures the girls won't mind.
Forty-five minutes later, Tom calls again. He said he was on his way to her house but he started feeling sicker so he went to the ER instead. He has food poisoning and he's not going to be able to make it. She's crushed and offers to drive to the ER to keep him company. He tells her to go ahead to the party without him because he doesn't feel like seeing anyone.
Jean shows up without a date to the party, therefore failing her first pledge task. She's the only one who didn't manage to get their date there. When they ask, she tells them that Tom ended up at the hospital with food poisoning. Everyone seems willing to accept that this wasn't her fault, but Sandra says they really need to check the story out in the interest of fairness. Everyone is shocked that she's casting doubt on Jean but they agree that they need to confirm the story.
Jean calls the hospital, and this is back before HIPAA, so the receptionist cheerfully tells her that no one by Tom's name has been treated. Now everyone knows he lied to her and stood her up. Jean cries and asks if her chances of getting into PBA are ruined. Cara says they'll come up with a make-up task for her so she'll still be in the running. Jean proposes that she get revenge on Tom as her task. There's a dance the following Friday and she says she'll make Tom think she's into him and then dance with someone else instead.
The girls think it's the best thing they've ever heard and accept that as Jean's make-up task.
This is hella dumb, y'all.
Sandra protests that they are making allowances for Jean that they'd never make for anyone else. Again, everyone is shocked that she's protesting. Jean feels betrayed and instantly gets pissed off. The other members of SBA overrule Sandra and Jean's stupid revenge task stands.
Jean “explodes” on Sandra and accuses her of being disloyal. She tells Sandra to stay out of her life and stomps away.
We hop back into the B-plot and spend our time bouncing around several heads because William is nothing if not a lazy writer. Cara is sticking to the Wakefield reverse psychology plan and pretending that she's happy for Steven. She tells him that she's glad he has this amazing opportunity and she understands why he felt he had to seize it. But....she isn't interested in a long distance relationship – especially one where communication will be so difficult. Steven expects to be gone for 9 months at a time and Cara isn't interested in sitting around and waiting to see him maybe twice a year. She tells Steven that she wants to make a clean break with him before he leaves. Steve is “horrified” that she's going to break up with him and thinks she's selfish for not wanting a relationship with a partner who is never around. He storms out and she worries that their plan might not work after all.
It's a Wakefield plan, Cara. They always work even when they're dumb and improbable.
Back with the A-plot and now we're bouncing between Jean and Tom. Jean is “deeply wounded” by Sandra's behavior at the party and resolves not to speak to her until she apologizes. Instead of dwelling on her failing friendship, she decides to put her revenge plot into action. The first step is to make Tom think she believed his excuse for missing the party, so she makes up a care package with tea and magazines and heads to his house. When he answers the door, she tells him that he should be in bed resting. He tells her he's feeling much better but she makes him lay down on the couch and then fusses over him for an hour or so.
Tom is deeply touched that she brought him a care package and seemed to really care that he'd been “sick”. He apologizes for ruining her night but she tells him that it wasn't his fault. He can't believe she's not mad at him. He decides she clearly cares about him after all and Sandra must have been wrong in her assessment about the situation.
Back with the B-plot and Steven. He bitches to Jess about Cara not giving a damn about him. Jess points out that Cara probably thinks the same thing about him. After all, Steven decided to take a job where he'd be away from her 90% of the time without ever talking to her about it beforehand. Steven never thought of it that way because he's a self-absorbed dick. He's starting to have second thoughts about his plan.
I would say I'm having second thoughts about this book, but let's be honest, I knew it was going to be a shit show just from reading the description.
Back with the A-plot and a Sandra/Jean head combo. William isn't even trying to keep us in the same head for a scene anymore. She just flits around like a damn gnat. Sandra approaches Jean on Monday morning to apologize for her behavior Saturday night. She says that she's been getting a lot of pressure to keep things fair with the pledge season. It's not true but Jean believes it. Sandra says she only protested Jean's assignment because she didn't want to be accused of favoritism again and she's been in “total hysterics” all weekend over the state of their friendship. Jean forgives her and acknowledges that Sandra needs to treat her like everyone else during the pledge period. Sandra is happy to have Jean back and decides that she won't do anything else to keep Jean out of PBA.
How are we only 62% done with this book? This is excruciating.
Tom finds Jean at lunch and invites her outside where he's prepared a romantic little picnic on the lawn. Jean disdainfully thinks that the picnic is lame and he's “nuts” if he thinks it's cute.
Yes, folks, Jean is awful too.
Sigh.
William flits around between Tom's head and Jean's head now. Jean has a good time with Tom despite how lame she thinks his picnic is. Tom is completely smitten with Jean because he has no idea how awful she is. He asks her if she wants to spend time together after school and she agrees.
After school Tom takes Jean to an amusement park. She's internally disdainful about this too but pretends to be happy to be there. She's too good for amusement parks and picnics and Tom better get his act together if he wants to date her. They end up kissing on the Ferris Wheel and Jean decides that she doesn't really want to get revenge on Tom anymore.
I'm getting whiplash from this girl. She thinks he's lame and his date ideas are beneath her but she's also smitten and wants to be with him for real. I hate it here.
When she gets home, Jean calls Sandra to tell her that she has real feelings for poor Tom. It presents a conundrum though. If she doesn't humiliate Tom in front of the entire school at the dance, she won't get into PBA. Sandra feels awful for creating this situation but doesn't come clean. Jean decides that the sorority really doesn't mean that much to her. She was only joining to spend more time with Sandra anyway. She decides to choose Tom over PBA.
The next day, Jean and Tom are hanging out in his backyard. He confesses that he never had food poisoning and that he stood Jean up on purpose. He tells her about Sandra tipping him off about the sorority assignment and Jean using him for admittance. Jean is crushed that Sandra is clearly trying to keep her out of the sorority that she doesn't care about joining. She cries in Tom's arms.
This would have been the perfect opportunity for her to tell him that she was planning this big revenge mission but she doesn't. She figures it doesn't matter anymore since she decided not to do it. I don't know – if Jess or Lila tell him, he's going to be upset. It would be better for her to get ahead of that.
Then again, she probably doesn't need to worry about it. William's plotting isn't that complex.
Now we're bouncing around the Wakefields to check in with the B-plot. We start with Liz. She runs into Sandra and stops to be judgmental about Jean. Liz has heard about the revenge plot and comments to Sandra that she really thought Jean was better than that. Sandra immediately gets upset and says that none of this is Jean's fault. She runs off leaving Liz mystified in her wake.
Then we bounce toward Steven's empty head. He asks his parents what they truly think of his plan to go to sea. They say they just want him to be happy. He asks what he should do and they say he has to make his own decisions. For some reason, this pisses him off. He calls Cara to ask if she wants him to stay and she says she wants him to pursue his dreams. This also pisses him off.
Poor Steven. Everyone in his life is so supportive of his ability to choose his own fate. (Or at least pretending to be.)
It's dance night and we spend this section bouncing around between everyone involved in the A-plot. It's super sloppy writing but we're almost done with this abomination of a book so let's just push through.
Tom comes to pick up Jean with a dozen red roses. He tells her that he feels like the luckiest guy in the world to be going to the dance with her. If only he knew how lame she thinks all his date ideas are. She feels guilty about the revenge plot even though she's not going to do it.
Before the first dance, Jess and Lila check in with Jean to make sure the plan is going ahead. She tells them it is even though it isn't. I don't know why. When the time comes, Jean chooses Tom and the PBA girls are furious. They think she chickened out and therefore she isn't PBA material. Sandra rushes to defend her. She says that she interfered with Jean's pledge process and it's her fault Jean failed the first task. When Lila asks why, Sandra admits that she's jealous of Jean and PBA was the only thing Sandra had that Jean didn't. Sandra begs them to let Jean in.
Jean overhears the entire things somehow despite the fact she's supposed to be doing the big dance with Tom. Jean throws her arms around Sandra and forgives her for the entire book. The girls decide to let Jean in PBA even though she completed exactly ZERO of the pledge tasks. Jean and Tom dance and decide they're in love after one and a half dates. Sounds about right.
William sneaks in her C-plot by introducing a new boy to SVH. Y'all, Jeffrey French has finally entered the chat. Liz and Enid see him across the room and Enid is instantly smitten.
Wait.
Didn't she fall in love with that guy that Amy wanted in the last book? Someone from her old camp or something? What the hell happened to him? I'd add him to the missing list but I don't even remember his name.
I don't think Enid does either.
The next night they throw Steven's Bon Voyage party. It pisses him off. He thinks everyone can't wait to get rid of him, so just to spite them, he announces he's staying.
Mature.
The Wakefields take total credit for their hairbrained reverse psychology plot and everyone celebrates.
The C-plot arrives at the compound when Jeffrey is escorted in by Aaron Dallas. I forgot Aaron existed to be honest. Liz welcomes him and immediately starts plotting to get him and Enid together.
That's going to work out great.
The book blessedly ends there. I didn't think I was going to survive this one. Sandra and Jean were both terrible people and I hope they take up permanent residence in the dungeon with Patty and Lynne.
In the next book: Lila and Enid both want Jeffrey so Jess and Liz go head-to-head in the matchmaker ring. Does anyone bother to ask Jeffrey who he wants? I doubt it. Why would that matter?
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