When Love Dies (SVH #12) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: What terrible secret is Tricia keeping from Steven?

From the Back of the Book: The end of romance...The Wakefield twins' older brother, Steven, is heartbroken. His girlfriend, Tricia Martin, no longer seems interested in him. She breaks their dates and doesn't return his calls. Steven can't understand why Tricia's feelings have changed so suddenly. Jessica is thrilled that Steven isn't dating Tricia anymore. She sees it as the perfect opportunity to pair him with her best friend Cara Walker. Elizabeth, Jessica's twin, thinks that scheming, gossipy Cara is all wrong for Steven. She's determined to find out the reason for Tricia's strange behavior – and horrified when she discovers the awful truth.

TRIGGER WARNING: At the very end of the book, there is an abduction. I do not describe it in detail but you might want to skip the last paragraph in this recap if that's something that will distress you. (Also, you're going to want to skip the next book if that's a tough trope for you.)

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

In the last book, Jessica and some random named Suzanne traded places for a couple of weeks. Jessica went to New York City where she learned she isn't as sophisticated as she thinks she is. She spent time with Suzanne's boyfriend and he tried to get her drunk and then assaulted her but luckily Suzanne's parents came home and stopped it in time. Back in SV, Suzanne won everyone over with her charm and then accused Mr Collins of sexual assault because she was mad that he turned down her advances. Everyone eventually learned the truth and all was well. I guess. We also learned that Tricia has been avoiding Steven which leads right into this book.

We begin with Jess finding Steven brooding in the kitchen and Pascal gives us this stunning description of the twins: “They shared the same sun-streaked golden hair and dazzling white smiles, the same delicate features and perfect size-six figures. Together they formed a double image of sun-kissed, all-American loveliness.”

She forgot about the part where they're both wretched, evil, reckless and self-absorbed. Truly, they are the personification of selfishness.

Jess asks Steven why he's moping around and then takes a few digs at Tricia who she feels is below them because her family is poor and her dad drinks too much. Steven reacts angrily to Jess's opinion of Tricia and tells her to leave him alone. She stomps away, irritated that he won't see things her way.

Liz comes in and chastises Jess for being insensitive. She says that Steven is heartbroken that Tricia has been so distant and they need to support him. Jess counters that he never should have been dating Tricia in the first place because it's super embarrassing to Jess to be associated with “that family”. This is a conversation we've heard time after time over the course of several books and I'm bored already.

Liz reminds Jess that just because Tricia's family is a mess doesn't mean that Tricia is. In addition to the drunk and disorderly father, Tricia's sister Betsy has a “bad reputation”. I'm so glad Pascal is back on the slut shaming train. It's such a fun ride.

Jess switches topics and asks Liz to borrow a pair of red shoes. Liz says 'no' because the last time Jess borrowed them, she broke a strap and it cost Liz six whole dollars to fix. Jess sighs and says she'll just have to go barefoot then and she'll step on some glass and die. Martyr Liz immediately relents and lets Jess have her shoes. And that paragraph perfectly sums up both of them.

Chapter two puts us in Steven's head. He's determined to find out what's going on with Tricia, so he just drives over to her house to confront her. He makes sure to point out to us that Tricia lives in the poor part of town and it's so very different to the luxury he's used to. I hate Steven too.

He gets to Tricia's “shabby” house and knocks on the door. Her drunk father answers and tells Steven that Tricia is in her room but she doesn't want to see him. Steven doesn't take no for an answer and he just shoves Tricia's father aside and heads back to her room. He doesn't even knock or ask permission to enter her room. He just slams open her door and barges in, demanding to know why she's been avoiding him. Tricia is startled by his sudden appearance and then a little annoyed by it. Not annoyed enough. She has a suitcase on the bed and she tells him that she's going out of town for the weekend. Steven gets shouty and demands to know where she's going but Tricia evades.

Steven grabs her by the shoulders, gripping her hard enough to make her wince. Tricia says that maybe they should see other people and he asks her if she's going away with some other guy for the weekend. This is.....awful. Steven is awful. Tricia should run far, far away. The entire Wakefield family is dangerous. Tricia doesn't say anything and Steven takes that for confirmation. He releases her and then stomps out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

We move into Tricia's head now, thank goodness. I'm so disgusted by Steven that I don't even want to think about him anymore. Tricia is shaken by the encounter. She thinks to herself that it's better this way. He'll hurt less thinking she doesn't love him than he would if he had to sit by her side and watch her die. Tricia has been diagnosed with leukemia and the doctors have given her roughly six months to live. Her mother also died of leukemia so Tricia doesn't hold out much hope for any kind of medical intervention saving her. She figures a breakup will hurt Steven less in the long run.

Like he's not going to hear that she died? Like he's not going to care that she died because she broke up with him? This is all very dumb already and we're only on chapter two. I do not have high hopes for this book.

We skip ahead to a new day. I have no idea how much time has passed. Jess and Cara are on a bus together for some reason. Cara asks if the rumors about Steven breaking up with Tricia are true and Jess confirms everything. Cara expresses interest in Steven and Jess is thrilled. She thinks this will be a much better match for her brother and she promises Cara that she'll help get the two of them together.

The plot suddenly splits off and Cara starts talking about a guy named Jeremy Frank. He's the host of a local TV program and everybody pretty much thinks he's ever so dreamy. Cara tells Jess that he skied into a tree and broke his leg so he's currently laid up at the local hospital. Jess immediately starts scheming about how she can meet him and make him fall in love with her. I think he's like 30 or something. I hate these books.

Cara also mentions that someone new is moving into one of the mansions up on the hill. Jess has always been awed by the house and is very curious who the new family might be. I don't know if they're a C-plot or if they're the next book.

(((Note from future me: it's both.  The C-plot is pretty much just a line here and there but it exists.)))

Jess goes home and tells Liz that she thinks they should start volunteering at the hospital. It's all a ploy to meet Jeremy but she doesn't clue Liz in on that aspect. Liz is surprised that Jess wants to do any kind of good deed with her spare time. Liz should know Jess well enough by now to see through this sudden bout of altruism but she takes it at face value and agrees that volunteering would be a good thing for their souls and their college applications.  Plus it's the B-plot so she really doesn't have much choice.

At dinner, the twins run their volunteering plan by Ned and Alice who can barely bring themselves to care. Jess asks Ned if he knows anything about the C-plot moving in and he tells her that Mr Morrow used to play football professionally and now he and his family are moving to SV. They're due to arrive the following week. They have a son Steven's age and a daughter the twins' age who will be starting SVH. 

Seriously, Pascal can barely handle one plot with any degree of proficiency. I really wish she wouldn't attempt three because none of them are going to turn out well.

I say that as if any of them would turn out well if they were on their own.  😆

The next day, the twins go to the hospital to fill out the volunteer paperwork. The lady behind the desk tells them that they'll mostly be fetching water and magazines for the patients as well as delivering gifts and keeping patients company. Jess barely listens as she imagines saving Jeremy's life. She pictures herself noticing he's in distress and calling for medical intervention just in time. She's sure she's going to end up famous for this.

The level of delusion in this girl is fascinating.

Jess ends up assigned to the maternity ward which sounds like a dream to me but makes her very unhappy. By break time, she's sick of looking at babies and bitches to Liz about her assignment. Liz spent her time running things to patients and one of those patients was Jeremy. Jess listens in a jealous rage as Liz describes her conversation with him and the fact that he asked her to sign his cast. She asks Liz to switch assignments with her and that's when Liz finally figures out that Jess had an ulterior motive for volunteering.

It took her long enough.  

They twins part ways again after break and Liz continues on her assignment. On her way down a hall, she encounters an orderly with dark eyes and a “hawkish” nose who immediately drops the tray he was carrying. Stuff goes everywhere. Liz rushes to help him and he introduces himself as Carl. When her fingers inadvertently touch his as she hands him a paper cup she feels “a cold shock” and thinks to herself that there's something odd about Carl.

Seriously, Pascal? You aren't really attempting a D-plot here, are you?

As Liz continues down the hall she sees the A-plot in the distance. She calls out to Tricia to remind her that she's in this book but Tricia just bolts without acknowledging her in any way. I wish I could get away with that. I'd love to go through life not acknowledging Elizabeth Wakefield in any way.

In the meantime, Jess is working on our B-plot. She sneaks onto the regular ward and heads right for Jeremy's room. He greets her warmly, thinking she's Liz but she quickly sets the record straight about that. He's still pretty cordial until she tells him that she wants to be an actress and then he shutters down pretty quick. She asks if she can sign his cast and he tells her she can. While she's leaning over to look for a space, she loses her balance and ends up stabbing him in the good knee with a pen. He jerks upright and that yanks one of the supports down for his traction. He slumps to the bed in pain and asks Jess to get a nurse for him. She's crushed, knowing she's probably ruining her only chance at love and a career.

HE'S OLD!!!

Pascal really needs to stop doing this.

Jess turns her attention back to the A-plot for a little while, remembering that she promised Cara she'd hook her up with Steven. To achieve this, she tries to get Steven to go to a party that Cara is having. Steven tells her that he's not in the mood and Jess is irritated. She tells him that he's going to ruin his reputation because everyone will think he's a “wimp” if he continues to mope around like this. Steven doesn't much care about this so Jess changes tactic. She says that Cara has been hearing a lot of juicy gossip about Tricia and how she's spending her time these days. If Steven wants to know, he needs to come to the party and ask Cara himself. For some reason, he agrees to this.

It's like Liz and Steven have never met Jess in their fucking lives. They KNOW who she is and what she's up to. Why do they allow her to manipulate them like this? I think they're both idiots.

I say that like we didn't already know it.

Turns out Cara wasn't even having a party at all and now she's panicked because she has to somehow throw one in just a few hours. She has no idea how to get people to come on such short notice but Jess says to leave everything to her.

They get to the 'party' and find that Lila and her date are the only other ones there so I guess Jess didn't even bother to handle it after all.  So shocking.  Cara tries to cover it up by saying a bunch of people canceled. Steve has a hint of awareness when he sees how much skin Cara is showing and regrets coming at all. He wonders what Tricia is doing at that moment and who she is doing it with. He still can't believe they broke up.

Cara reminds us that there is a C-plot by telling Jess that Regina Morrow is going to be throwing a party soon to get to know the town. Jess is annoyed she didn't hear about it first but excited about getting to go to a party at a mansion.

Cara brings out beer – which Steven refuses – and then puts on some music. Jess and her date disappear out onto the dark patio and are soon followed by Lila and her date. Steve finds himself alone with Cara who gets all up in his personal space pretty quick. She tells him that she heard about his breakup and expresses some insincere condolences about it. He asks her if she's talked to Tricia because, of course, that's what Jess had told him to get him to come to this party. Cara tells him that she's heard Tricia has a new boyfriend. A friend saw Tricia with some man at the pharmacy recently and she was “draped all over him”. Steven pretends not to care as he dies inside. He grabs Cara and tells her he wants to dance. As they're dancing, he thinks about Tricia being with another man and kisses Cara. He doesn't feel anything but she's elated.

The fake party eventually ends and Steven decides to take Cara out for pizza. She asks him to drive around a little after and he thinks it's because she wants to be seen with a prize catch like him. I swear, the ego on this guy. It must be a dominant Wakefield trait. Even though he feels nothing for Cara at all, he decides to keep dating her to stick it to Tricia. Cara is kind of awful but I feel bad for her because she actually has feelings for this douche.

On Monday, Liz sees Tricia eating lunch outside alone. She goes out to check on her and the two have an awkward conversation. Tricia tries to explain away her appearance at the hospital as visiting a friend. Liz subjects her to what can only be called an interrogation, asking her question after question about this friend and her illness. It's really invasive and absolutely none of Liz's business. Jess and Cara rock up and start talking about how Cara is dating Steve now. He's going to take her to a college party the next weekend. Liz can tell that the talk upsets Tricia even though she tries to pretend she doesn't care.

Privately, Tricia is crushed. She thinks about her first date with Steven and their first kiss. She remembers how polite he always was to her drunk father. She loves him so much it hurts and she has the impulse to call him and tell him everything that's going on because she needs his support and love to get her through. But then she decides that he's much better off without her and it will hurt less for him if he's dating Cara when Tricia dies.

It doesn't even make sense. This whole plot is so dumb.

We revisit the B-plot after school. Jess strides into Jeremy's room without knocking, a pitcher of ice water in her hands. She's determined to make up for the fact that she injured him last time. There's a nurse with him but Jess ignores that and approaches the bed. Jeremy is 100% naked getting a sponge bath and Jess is so shocked at the unexpected view of his....ahem....credentials (if you know what I mean), that she dumps the entire pitcher of ice water directly onto his stomach. Jeremy howls in pain (this is the word Pascal used) and tries helplessly to get away from the water as the nurse dabs at him with a towel. They both yell at Jess who feels like they're being way to harsh on her.

Jess tells Liz about it later and Liz realizes that she needs to do something to keep Jess away from Jeremy entirely. She knows threats won't work but historically Jess tends to lose interest in a guy as soon as they start liking her back. Liz wonders if she can get Jeremy to pretend to like Jess so that she will lose interest in him. It's a risky gamble in the first place because it could backfire so easily AND any adult who does not live in SV would never agree to do something like this. I mean, he's an adult and she's a literal child. He could get arrested. Lose his job. Canceled on Twitter. Of course, we know he'll agree to it because everyone in SV does everything the Wakefields say.

I hate this fucking town.

Liz runs into the D-plot after break. She notices that Carl is watching her and tells us that she's caught him doing that several times. It makes her uncomfortable and he definitely gives her the creeps. She asks one of the nurses about him and finds out that Carl is a loner who lives on the edge of town. I'm not feeling better about Carl but Liz seems to think a friendship with her is all he really needs. She still can't shake the prey feeling he gives her but chooses not to listen to that little bit of intuition.

Is Carl the next book? I bet he is.

Just a little public service announcement......  If you ever come across someone that makes you feel like prey, don't try to befriend them. There's a reason you feel that way. Liz is an idiot.

Liz ropes Jeremy into “Operation Hurricane” somehow. He must be as dumb as all the others. His first strike is to give Jess a dozen roses that someone from the TV station sent him. Jess thinks this is the first step for their love story. She admits that Ned and Alice might have a problem with their 16-year-old daughter dating a 25-year-old man. I doubt Ned and Alice will even notice but the local police department might have a lot to say about it. I hate everything about the B-plot.

Liz goes to visit a new patient and is shocked to discover it's Tricia. Tricia admits that she has terminal leukemia and makes Liz promise not to tell Steven. Liz protests that Steve would want to be there for Tricia but she continues to insist that “it's better this way”. Liz promises but feels miserable about it. Tricia tells Liz that she really loves Steven but she thinks it will be easier on him if she dies while he's mad at her. This girl knows nothing about emotions and grief. It's actually going to be WAY harder on him because he has all these other feelings mixed up in it now and he was cheated out of spending time with her. I hate everything about the A-plot.

A week passes. Liz is tormented by this secret she's been asked to keep. She feels like it's destroying both Tricia and her brother. In desperation, she turns to the questionable Mr Collins for advice. He listens and then tells her what I've been saying all along – that this will only hurt Steven more in the long run. He tells Liz that sometimes people make a “bad promise” because they aren't aware of all the information or ramifications and that they don't have to keep the promise in these instances. It's actually pretty good advice and I'm a little surprised.

He also ruins everything by introducing a fucking E-plot. Yeah. Pascal shoved a 5^th plot line into a book where she is handling 0 plot lines well. This is just ridiculous at this point. Anyway, Max is in danger of failing English and he wants Liz to tutor him. We met Max a few books ago. He's a member of that band that thought they were getting their big break when they were only being scammed.

I'm so over all these plots.

Back to the B-plot. Jeremy asks Jess to come see him. When she does, he immediately proposes. It freaks her out and she panics, protesting that she's only 16 and still in high school. He says he'll wait but she tells him she doesn't love him and flees the room with a “frightened” cry. He literally scared her. That's not cool. None of this is cool. I hope this plot is over now because it's disgusting.

We skip ahead to the weekend. Steven is taking Cara to some kind of college party even though his heart isn't in it. They dance and she invites him to Regina's party the next weekend. He hedges, saying he'll get back to her on it. The lack of enthusiasm pricks at her and she tells him he needs to show her more affection now that they're a couple. Stupid Steven tells her that he wasn't aware they were dating which is just.....I can't even with these people.....you've been taking her out on dates, Steven. What do you think dating means? She's upset but he tells her that he's still in love with Tricia and then he takes her home.

Meanwhile, Jess has gotten over her panic and she decides that she's going to accept Jeremy's proposal after all. She figures they can have a long engagement and she'll keep it a secret from her parents until she graduates. She heads to the hospital to surprise Jeremy.

Damn it. The B-plot resurfaced. Just when I thought it was safe to read another chapter.......

Jess goes to Jeremy's hospital room and tells him that she's going to accept his proposal after all. The asshole literally laughs at her until he cries. He tells her that he and Liz cooked up this scheme to scare Jess away and she's hurt that they'd both do something so awful. She starts to cry even as she's thinking in her head that there's probably a way she can get something out of this. Jeremy finally feels bad for his appalling behavior and asks her if there's something he can do to make it up to her.

Sigh.

Steven comes home from the party feeling glum. Liz decides now is the time to tell him everything so she goes to his room and fills him in. He immediately leaves to go to Tricia's house. I guess she's out of the hospital now??? When she answers the door, she tries to tell him that she's waiting for her new boyfriend to arrive but he says “Trish, baby, I know” and she collapses into his arms, sobbing.

They talk it all out and she explains her reasoning and he explains why her reasoning sucks. She decides that it's better to have him with her and they say “I love you” a bunch of times and kiss over and over. So I guess that's pretty much wrapped up.

I know. I've said that before.

The conclusion of the B-plot barely gets a mention. I guess Jess appeared on a segment of Jeremy's show or something.

(((THIS IS THE LAST PARAGRAPH. PLEASE STOP READING HERE IF THE TRIGGER WARNING APPLIES TO YOU.)))

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We move back to the C, D, and E plots now. Liz is scheduled to work a shift at the hospital, then go tutor Max, then go to Regina's party with Jess. As she's walking across the parking lot of the hospital, she keeps thinking that someone is following her. After she gets in her car, she hears a tap on her window and sees Carl standing there. He tells her that one of the nurses needs to talk to her before she leaves and Liz gets out of the car. He immediately kidnaps her and I'm not going to go into detail about how that happened out of respect for one of my readers in case she ignored my trigger warning as she so often does. Carl tells Liz that they'll be together forever and then the book ends.

Coming up next: The D and E plots combine in a very peculiar way.  ((That's tutoring Max and the Carl thing in case you lost track.  I had to write them down so I'd remember them.  I hate Pascal.))

Too Good to be True (SVH #11) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: Is Suzanne as perfect as she seems?

From the Back of the Book: A devil in disguise...The Wakefield twins are wild with excitement.  Glamourous, sophisticated Suzanne Devlin is coming to Sweet Valley from New York City.  For two weeks, Elizabeth will show her around town while Jessica has the time of her life in New York.  At first, Suzanne seems to be the most perfect girl in the world.  She's beautiful and friendly and not the least bit stuck-up.  All the boys of Sweet Valley are absolutely crazy about her.  But when Suzanne accuses Mr Collins of trying to seduce her, Elizabeth knows there's more to Suzanne than meets the eye. 

TRIGGER WARNING: As you can tell from the description, there is a false accusation of sexual assault in this book.  There is also a very real sexual assault in this book that is not at all handled in any kind of way.  I will be careful how I describe both, but please click away if it will harm you in any way.

This book was published in 1984 and this is my first time reading it. The cover is pretty boring and basic. Not much to say about it.

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

In the last book, people slut-shamed Annie to the point where she did something drastic but then Jess saved the day by making her a cheerleader. We were also introduced to the plot for this book when the Wakefields announced that one of the girls would be allowed to go to New York City for a couple of weeks while a girl named Suzanne takes her place in SV.

We begin around the dinner table with the entire Wakefield clan. Jess is dramatically saying she'll simply waste away to nothing if she isn't chosen to go to NYC. She even threatens to bunk off college if she isn't allowed to go. I have no idea how Ned and Alice let her get away with this crap. They really do suck as parents. Jess envisions herself going to exclusive parties at disco clubs because Pascal still thought disco was a cool thing in 1984. She pictures herself meeting Mick Jagger and getting swept off her feet. Ew, Jess. Aim higher. Seriously.

After the Jagger fantasy she pictures herself walking through Tiffany's and the owner is so bowled over by her beauty that he gives her an expensive diamond and emerald necklace. Then she pictures herself getting discovered by a modeling agency and having her face on Cosmo. She really is taking a trip on the Delusional Express today.

Liz suggests that Ned flip a coin because there's really no fair way to decide. Steven and Alice both think that's a good idea so that becomes the plan. Pascal decides to lengthen the tension a bit by launching into a description of the twins. Sunshine blonde hair, dimples, blah, blah, blah. Liz is described as “fairness personified” which just tells me that Pascal doesn't know her own fucking characters AT ALL. Jess is described as “clever and devious” which feels a little more accurate. Anyway, Liz wins the coin toss and Jess spends the rest of the dinner sobbing into her potatoes.

Odds that Liz The Martyr will decide to let Jess go instead: 52%

Odds that Jess will perform some kind of trickery to go instead: 48%

Either way, Jess is definitely going to go to New York City.  You know it and I know it.

Jess starts in on Liz right after dinner. She tells Liz not to worry about Todd because she's sure plenty of girls will be willing to keep him company while Liz is gone and then alludes to the fact that Lila has a big crush on him. Liz comments that she can tell that Jess is trying to talk her out of going and Jess takes that as victory, yelling to Ned and Alice that Liz said she could go instead. Liz does absolutely nothing to correct this misinformation.

So I guess both of those predictions ended up being right.

By the time the trip happens, Liz has talked herself into thinking she's happier staying home. She's planning to spend a lot of time with Todd and to write an article for the school paper about the class picnic. It's pretty riveting but at least she doesn't think she's going to get a free necklace from Tiffany's.

Jess leaves and the Wakefields wait for Suzanne to arrive. We're told that she enjoys lots of rich girl activities and that she's spent most of her life in boarding schools. Alice comments that she could never send her children away to school like that which is pretty hilarious since she never knows what the hell her kids are doing. Ever. Suzanne finally appears and she's described as stunningly beautiful with long, dark hair and violet-blue eyes. She speaks with a vaguely British accent which Liz attributes to all those years in European schools.

Suzanne appears nice at first and Liz likes her immediately. She's looking forward to playing hostess for awhile. Suzanne tells Liz about her boyfriend Pete but for some reason Liz is too shy to reciprocate and tell Suzanne about Todd. She tells Suzanne that she'll meet everyone at the picnic the next day. It's a really weird moment that I don't really understand. It feels like Pascal is trying to set up a scenario where Suzanne meets Todd but doesn't know who he is and hits on him. Surely not. We can't do another 'is Todd cheating on Liz' story. It's been done to death.

(((Note from future me: this actually goes nowhere.  Pascal spent time setting up a scenario that would provide actual, believable conflict and then she didn't bother to use it.  It was a complete waste of our time.)))

Pascal takes a hard right and suddenly starts talking about how Steven and Tricia are having issues in their relationship. It's completely out of the thin fucking blue and I have no idea why it's here. Liz tells us that Tricia has been upset since her father was arrested for hitting a pedestrian while intoxicated. He's out on bail now but Tricia seems sad every time Liz sees her. She wonders if that's why Tricia is pulling away from Steven and wonders why Tricia wouldn't want her boyfriend to comfort her at a time like this.

Well, that was weird.

We veer back into the main story. Liz and Suzanne change into bikinis and head down to the backyard pool. Liz tells us that Suzanne is so hot it makes her “self-conscious about her own lovely size-six figure”.

For fucks sake, Pascal. 💣💥😡

As they swim, Suzanne tells Liz that while Pete is incredibly in love with her, she's not so sure she wants to be tied down. She feels like her parents want her to marry Pete right after graduation so they won't have to deal with her anymore. She goes on to describe zipping around Manhattan in a convertible and skiing in Aspen. Liz ends up pretty jealous of Suzanne's fabulous life.

As if Liz isn't living a fabulous life of her own.

(((Blogger's Note: I'm not going to lie.....Suzanne is pretty indistinguishable from Jess. Pascal is writing her the exact same way. It's like she only knows how to write two kinds of characters – superficial and martyr.  You could literally replace Suzanne's name with Jess's throughout this story and it would still make sense.  It makes me wonder what the point of this book was.)))

We skip ahead to the picnic at the lake. Every guy in the vicinity is hitting on Suzanne including Bruce and Winston who we don't hear much from. Enid notes that Jess would be super jealous of all the attention Suzanne was getting and I'm kind of sorry she isn't there because that would probably have been entertaining at least. Liz thinks to herself that Enid is surprisingly attracting some attention as well even though she “wasn't stunning”. Wow, Liz. Way to be a bitch.

Mr Collins, the slightly inappropriate journalism teacher, is there to chaperon all the bikini-clad teens because of course he is. Suzanne seems super interested in him and Liz thinks that's okay because he's one of the best looking teachers at SVH. No, Liz. {{{swats her nose with a newspaper}}} Bad! I really hope Pascal isn't taking us down this disgusting path. PLEASE.

(((Blogger's Note: so clearly I don't read the back of the book before I start reading. 😆  My shameful secret has been accidentally revealed.)))

The kids eat and then play some volleyball before getting into the lake to cool off. Most of them stay by the shore to have a water fight but Suzanne swims out pretty far all on her own. Suddenly Liz realizes that Suzanne seems to be struggling and she alerts Mr Collins. He swims out to save the day and carries Suzanne back to shore. She cries that she was terrified and clings to his chest for comfort.

Fuck me.

Pascal, I begged you not to do this.

BEGGED!!!

Liz is so relieved that Suzanne is okay that she makes out with Todd in celebration. She's such a good friend, our Liz.

We hop over to Jessica for Chapter Four. She's home alone when someone knocks on the door. The guy is completely gorgeous so she invites him into the house even though she doesn't even know who he is.

Protagonist seriously needs to watch an episode of Dateline? Check.

Seriously, Jess has ZERO survival skills.  Who lets a stranger into the house just because he's hot?

The guy introduces himself as Pete and says that 'Suzy' told him that Jess would be there. So this is the boyfriend I guess. Jess tells us that he keeps giving her 'sleepy, seductive looks' and I'm trying to picture what that would even look like but we all know I can't do that so I don't know why I keep trying. I Googled 'sleepy seductive' and this guy came up so I guess we'll go with that.

From this point forward, that guy ^ will BE Pete as far as I'm concerned.

Jess fills us in on her first two days. She and the Devlins took a rented limo back from the airport because Mrs D thinks that taxis are “dreadful contraptions driven by dreadful little men” which is just such a rich bitch thing to say. They went shopping on Fifth Avenue and had lunch at the Russian Tea Room and Jess is having the time of her life.

But so far no free necklaces from Tiffany's or meetups with Mick Jagger.  Sadge.

Back to the present, Pete has stopped by to see if Mr and Mrs D want to use some concert tickets that he has for that evening since Suzanne is out of town and can't go with him. Jess tells him that the D's are going to a party that evening but she's available. He hesitates but then tells her to be ready by 5:30 because they “might as well have dinner first”. It's not the most enthusiastic invitation but Jess is thrilled to be going out with such a sophisticated and attractive man.

Jessica spends the next several hours getting ready. She uses Suzanne's bath oils, creams and make-up and then takes a cocktail dress from Suzanne's closet. All without permission. Pete doesn't show up on time and she's nearly in tears by the time he arrives. He doesn't acknowledge he's late or apologize but she lets him off the hook because he's so damn hot.

For a narcissist, Jess has no idea of her self-worth.  It's confusing.

Pete doesn't tell her that she looks nice which Jess takes really personally. He also doesn't respond to any of her flirting and when she asks him to come up with her after the concert, he declines. He doesn't kiss her goodnight or ask her out again and she is so furious over this that she has herself a little cry in the apartment afterward.

We go back to Liz for Chapter Six.

Suzanne is fitting in just fine with everyone in Sweet Valley. She's extremely helpful around the house and always willing to cook or do the dishes.  It doesn't feel true to the character we were described early on in the book but I'm not surprised.  Pascal can't even stay true to the characters she's spent 11 books writing.  There's no way she'll stay true to a new one.  Suzanne even spends time with Steven, helping him varnish his canoe which is NOT a euphemism even though it would be a damned good one. All of Liz's classmates seem to love her and the guys are practically falling over themselves to get with her. 

We get our first glimpse of the real Suzanne when Liz's precious necklace goes missing.  Suzanne pretends to help Liz look but the necklace is in her pocket all along.  She's decided to steal it as a souvenir of her trip.

Liz, Todd and Suzanne head out for the beach but Liz asks Todd to swing by Mr Collins' house first so she can drop off some things for the paper. Suzanne volunteers to run the stuff in to Mr C while Liz and Todd wait in the car. We hop into Suzanne's head at this point. She hears water running in the backyard and follows the sound to see Mr C watering his shrubs. Suzanne gives him the envelope from Liz and then asks him if she can take a drink from his hose. I assume that's not a euphemism but who the hell knows at this point. She makes sure to soak the front of her tshirt with the water so it's completely see through and she tells us that Mr Collins definitely takes a nice long look.

This is so gross, Pascal. Bad!

We go back to Jess in the middle of a chapter. She's feeling homesick and a little lonely. She's been spending time with some of Suzanne's friends but they're not the kind of people she's used to hanging out with. They mostly drink champagne and talk about their trust funds.  Not only can Jess not relate, but they all think she's immature and stupid.  She ends up drinking more than she should because she feels socially awkward and then she makes a huge fool of herself which just cements their opinion of her.

Now we're back with Liz. Todd gets last minute tickets to a Lakers game and he really wants Liz to go with him but she's supposed to babysit Mr Collins' son Teddy. Suzanne volunteers to babysit Teddy instead so she can have another excuse to get close to Mr C. Liz says she needs to call Mr C first to make sure it's okay but Suzanne convinces her that it isn't necessary.

We fly into Suzanne's head as she arrives at Mr C's house to babysit. He's annoyed that Liz didn't clear the switch with him. She plays it up, pretending like she loves kids and she's just so happy to spend the evening with Teddy but as soon as Mr C leaves, she drops the act. She tells Teddy to go watch TV and proceeds to ignore his requests for stories and play time. She leaves him alone in the living room and spends the entire evening search through Mr C's room and taking a bath in his bathroom. She's hoping he'll come home early and find her naked in the tub. He doesn't.

When he finally does come home, she's pretends to be sleeping on the couch. He wakes her up and she snuggles up to him, trying to get him to kiss her. He almost does which is just super gross but eventually pulls away from her and tells her to get her things because he's going to take her home. She vows to get even with him for rejecting her.

The fact that he came so close to kissing her really gives me the heebie jeebies.  I'm not so sure this man should be working with children.

Suzanne tears her blouse and fake cries as she heads back to the Wakefield house. You all know where this is going.

We're back with Jess which is a relief. She and Pete are taking a carriage ride around Central Park. She's laying it on thick, trying to seduce him but he's not biting. In fact, he tells Jess that he's only with her as a favor to the Devlins who wanted to get Jess out of the house for awhile. She's completely humiliated by this and frustrated that she can't seem to hook him. He takes her home and when he finds the apartment empty, he proposes they have a drink. Jess agrees, hoping it will help him loosen up so she can snag him.

After having some brandy, Pete suddenly makes a move on Jess. At first she's thrilled but it becomes pretty clear that Pete has more in mind than she's comfortable with. She tells him to stop but he doesn't and a struggle ensues.  During this struggle, Jess is definitely touched in a very non-consensual way.  The Devlin's come home to find Pete on top of her and the chapter ends.

We're back with Liz. Suzanne has arrived home all disheveled and upset. Liz asks her what happened and Suzanne makes up a story about Mr C trying to assault her. Liz doesn't believe her and asks her if she could be mistaken. If Suzanne wasn't lying, this would be an unforgivable response. Suzanne manages to convince her and Liz is responsible enough to go tell her parents at least.  Ned goes to talk to Mr C and then to the principal I think?  Or the head of the school board.  I can't even remember.  At any rate, someone in authority is told and word quickly spreads about Suzanne's accusations.

Liz is pretty torn about the entire thing. She wants to believe Suzanne because she seemed so upset but she just can't believe Mr C would do such a thing. Their peer group is pretty divided about it as well with some believing Suzanne and some thinking she's making things up. They all feel sorry for her, however, and decide they want to chip in to buy her a pretty blouse to make up for her trauma.

This is so weird. Who does that?

I mean truly.  Who hears that a girl was potentially assaulted by her teacher and decides that a new blouse will heal her trauma?  This whole town is pretty fucking weird.

They buy the blouse and gift wrap it for Suzanne. Liz decides to sneak it into her suitcase so she'll find it after she gets home. When she puts it in there, she finds her missing necklace among Suzanne's clothes. Confused, she simply fastens it around her neck and says nothing. Later she and Todd are on their way to Lila's birthday party when she asks him to take a detour to Mr C's house so they can get his side of the story. Todd agrees this is a good idea.

Liz comes right out and asks Mr C if he assaulted Suzanne and, instead of answering, he just asks her what she thinks. That's enough for her to decide he's innocent.

WHAT???

Okay, I KNOW he's innocent but no one else knows that. HE DIDN'T EVEN DEFEND HIMSELF! HE NEVER DENIED THE ACCUSATIONS! Liz just decided he didn't do with NO EVIDENCE WHATSOEVER!

What the fucking hell, Pascal?

Liz begs for his forgiveness despite the fact that he never offered any kind of denial or proof that he was innocent. Then she kisses his cheek which is just hella inappropriate and he allows it despite the fact he should have learned a lesson about how he interacts with his students. Liz vows to fix things.

Liz and Todd go the party where Suzanne is charming everyone as usual. Suzanne notices that Liz is wearing the necklace and immediately tries to figure out an explanation for how it got into her suitcase. She says that maybe it got caught on the arm of her sweater and she didn't notice it and then packed the sweater in her suitcase. Liz doesn't buy it and tells Suzanne that she's going to tell everyone she's a liar. Suzanne vows to ruin Liz's life if she tries.

As soon as Liz walks away, Suzanne flags down Cara who is the biggest gossip in the school. She tells Cara that Liz hit her head on the side of the pool the day before and she's been acting weird ever since. She insinuates that Liz is having issues like she did after her motorcycle accident and that people shouldn't pay much attention if she starts saying or doing weird things. Cara eats this up and rapidly spreads it all around the party.

Liz gets wind of it and goes to confront Suzanne. She starts screaming in the middle of the party which just makes Suzanne's accusations look like they have merit. Especially when Liz accuses Suzanne of stealing the necklace that she's clearly wearing. Things are definitely going Suzanne's way until Winston accidentally spills punch on her white dress and Suzanne gets angry with him. This is enough to convince everyone that Suzanne is evil and they all instantly believe Liz.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

These kids are stupid. They're all just fucking stupid. 

Suzanne yells at Winston for ruining a VERY expensive dress and suddenly everyone that loved her now hates her. IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!

We skip ahead a day and Jess arrives home. She and Liz don't really tell each other anything about their adventures. Liz makes it sound like everything was rainbows and unicorns with Suzanne and Jess lies about how Pete was “dreamy” and how he's madly in love with her even though he definitely assaulted her.

Wait a goddamned minute.

So Pascal spends like two chapters talking about the fallout of Suzanne's false accusations.  She talks about how people are torn on whether to believe her or not and how tormented Mr C is that he'd be accused of something that he actually considered doing.  BUT WE GET NOTHING ABOUT JESSICA'S ACTUAL ASSAULT.  We're told that the Devlin's kicked Pete out of the house and forbade him from seeing Suzanne anymore but that's it.  No actual punishment was given to Pete.  We're never told how Jess felt about the attack and how she dealt with it.  Pascal doesn't fucking care about the real assault that happened but she dedicates PAGES AND PAGES to the fake assault.

I'm so mad, y'all.

Coming Up Next: The last four pages sets up the story for the next book. Steven is crushed because Tricia keeps canceling all their dates. He tells Liz that he knows something is really wrong with her but she won't talk to him. Jess thinks Tricia's probably cheating on Steven and advises him to break up with her but he's way too in love for that.  

Wrong Kind of Girl (SVH #10) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: Watch it, Annie Whitman!  Jessica's out to get you! (That's the stupidest tag line ever.)

From the Back of the Book: Jessica's at it again!  Jessica Wakefield has sworn never to allow Annie Whitman onto the Sweet Valley High cheering squad.  Annie may have the beauty, talent and spirit to be a cheerleader, but she also has the worst reputation in the school.  She goes out with a different boy every night and all the kids call her "Easy Annie" behind her back.  Jessica's pulling every devilish trick to keep Annie from ruining the cheerleaders' image.  Only Elizabeth, Jessica's twin, knows what Annie's really like.  But can she change her sister's mind before Jessica shatters Annie's dreams?

TRIGGER WARNING: This book mentions a suicide attempt. I will be cautious in how I blog it, but please be kind to yourself and click off this recap if it's something that will harm you in any way.

This book was published in 1984 and this is my first time reading it. I'm already dreading it, to be honest. I'm sure it's going to be a clusterfuck of slut shaming and I'm not really here for that. I'm going to try to make it through without bullet points but I make no promises. The girl on the cover really looks like a young, sad Courtney Cox. Here's a pic for reference.

Okay, I Googled it and that's probably her. She modeled for the cover of several YA books and it's widely believed that she is Annie on this cover. I'm just going to try to ignore that or I'll end up calling her Monica the entire book.

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

In the last book, Lila toyed with Roger's affections until he finally found a much nicer girl named Olivia to like. If that sentence sounded familiar, it's because I wrote an almost identical one for the “in the last book” segment of book #9. It was, and still is, ridiculous. Anyway, Roger was trying to keep the fact that he had to work for a living as a janitor to help support his family a secret and he ended up winning a big race that earned him adulation and a scholarship . Jess had an office romance with a boy who turned out to be younger than her and Liz and Todd......I don't actually remember what was going on with Liz and Todd and I'm not going to read the recap to figure it out. I know it's my job but I don't really care. Oh, and we met Annie who is slut shamed by absolutely everyone so this is going to be a super fun book.

Sigh.

We begin with Jess looking over a list of girls who want to try out for cheerleader. She's co-captain with Robin from way back in book #4 (which was so disastrous and toxic that I had to resort to bullet points just to get it on the blog) but she doesn't let that get in the way of her running the squad.  Jess is queen and everyone knows it.  Jess lists all the current cheerleaders for us (Jess, Robin, Helen, Jean, Maria) and tells us that they are all stunningly beautiful and stylish. I remember a time just six books ago that Jess didn't think Robin was so beautiful but I guess we'll just rewrite history and pretend that never happened.

Do not perceive it. It does not exist.

There are 2 spots open on the team and 75 girls trying out. Jess has more or less promised one of those spots to her best friend Cara. Cara and Lila had been on the team previously but had been suspended for a prank they pulled on an opposing team. The suspension is over and both girls are eligible again but Lila has too much pride to “come crawling back.” Jess goes over the list and is appalled to see that “Easy Annie” has added her name to the list. She goes off on a rant about how she doesn't want that type of girl on her squad and Liz begs her to give Annie a fair chance. Annie has worked hard to bring her grades up enough that she'd be eligible to try out and Liz believes she's trying to turn her life around. Jess says she doubts it since Annie was seen with Rick Andover just the day before. Rick is the dude from earlier in the series that took Jess to the bar and tried to get her drunk.

So we'll just forget that Jess went out with Rick too.

Annie needs help with math in order to stay eligible for tryouts so Liz volunteers to help her out after school. She goes to Annie's apartment for the first time and the two girls end up talking. Annie tells her that her mom was 16 when she had Annie and her dad didn't stick around so her mom raised her on her own. Annie is a pretty classic case. She never had love from her father or any other important male figure so she's looking for it from boys and doing all the wrong things to get it. Before the chapter ends, we meet Annie's mom who comes in drunk and Johnny, the mom's boyfriend. Johnny is super pervy and hits on Elizabeth making her very uncomfortable.

Meanwhile Jess is giving Cara private coaching for tryouts. Cara is worried she might not make the team despite Jess's reassurances. Steven rocks up and Cara tells us that she has had a crush on him forever. Jess knows about the crush and wishes that Steven would dump Tricia and get with Cara instead. I'd almost forgotten about Tricia. It makes sense that she'd reappear in this book because Jess also thinks Tricia is the 'wrong kind of girl' because her family is a mess. Cara leaves, crushed under the weight of unrequited love and Jess goes in to talk to Steven. He tells her that Tricia's dad is currently in jail for hitting a woman with his car. Jess is horrified to be tangentially associated with such a family.

I thought this was going to be the B-Plot but we literally never hear it mentioned again.

We skip to cheerleading tryouts. We get introduced to a character named Ricky who is described as small and shy. I think he's the equipment manager for the squad or something. I'm not really sure. Tryouts start and everyone but Jess can see that Annie is the best applicant. Jess refuses to even put Annie's name on her scoring sheet even though she impresses everyone in the gym. Annie ends up leaving afterwards with Tim who is Helen's brother and a senior that Jess is mildly interested in. This just makes Jess hate Annie more.

The first cuts are posted and the potential pool of cheerleaders is narrowed down from 75 to 25. Annie is thrilled to find that she made the first cut. She's so happy, she kisses Ricky when he posts the list. She's not the only girl who does this to poor Ricky but he doesn't seem to mind it from Annie. Liz is happy for her until Jess makes it clear that Annie will never be on the squad no matter how good she is.

I'm halfway through the book and I've taken less than two pages of notes. Nothing is happening in this book, y'all. Like there was an entire chapter about Liz tutoring Annie and Annie helping out an elderly neighbor that didn't move the story at all. It was just filler.

It's the weekend now and everyone is blowing off steam at the local Disco. You know, because we had so many fucking Discos in the 80's. Sigh. Annie arrives wearing something pretty scandalous with Bruce on her arm. A dance contest randomly breaks out because of course it does. Eventually everyone is eliminated except Jess and her partner Skip and Annie/Bruce. The manager of the Disco bases the winner on applause and he can't tell which pairing is getting more applause so he declares them both winners. Jess is super pissed.

We skip to the next week. The second round of tryouts is scheduled for that afternoon to narrow the pool of potentials from 25 to 8. Jess gives Liz the list of 8 before the tryouts even happen and Annie isn't on it. Liz refuses to accept the list even though Jess insists that she's simply trying to give Liz a “scoop” for the paper. They're standing there talking when Annie comes in to thank Liz for all the tutoring. As soon as Jess hears that Liz has been helping Annie, she calls her a traitor and stomps off.

Mr Collins the slightly-pervy journalism sponsor rocks up. Liz goes to great lengths to tell us how attractive he is which doesn't do anything to lessen the pervy vibes. He asks Liz why she seems out of sorts and she hesitates to tell him anything because she knows it will make Jess look bad. In the end, the conversation amounts to nothing. Four pages and it amounts TO NOTHING!!!!

We skip to tryouts. Annie does really well but Jess is confident that's managed to convince the other cheerleaders not to vote for her. She's been running a campaign since the last round to make sure that everyone knows that Annie would be the absolute worst thing for the squad. So it comes as a complete shock when all the other members of the team vote to move Annie to the next round. Jess is furious. She's spending a lot of time furious in this book.

Annie is elated to make the top 8. She tells Liz that she's starting to realize that she was dating all the guys to fix the empty feeling she had but it never worked. She feels respected when she's cheering and she's never felt respected by any of the boys she dated. She says she's going to stop going out with every boy who asks her and look for the right boy instead.

Jess corners Helen the next day after school and tells her that Annie is going to ruin all of them. She uses the “birds of a feather flock together” adage to convince Helen that people will think she's a slut if Annie makes the team. Helen is horrified. Jess knows that Annie can only make the squad if she gets three votes, so she tells Helen that their fate lies in Helen's hands. She makes Helen promise that she'll vote for Cara and Sandra to be on the squad. Jess feels pretty secure now because she knows Jeanie will also vote for Cara and Sandra since they're all best friends.

Liz gets wind of what is happening and she's conflicted. She doesn't want to do anything to upset her sister but she thinks what's happening to Annie is unfair. She's so wrapped up in trying to decide what to do that she completely ignores both Enid and Todd for a significant portion of the book. Enid is hurt but Todd just accuses her of cheating on him because that's the kind of toxic he is. She doesn't tell him what's wrong and when he guesses that it has something to do with Jess, she gets really angry with him. Even though it totally DOES have something to do with Jess. I don't get Liz at all. She knows full well who and what Jess is but if anyone else says it, she bites their head off.  She's constantly defending behavior that she knows is wrong.  It's disgusting.

Annie finally realizes she has a crush on Ricky who is also madly in love with Annie but too shy to say so.

Final tryout day finally gets here. Sandra falls during her routine which should, in all fairness, prevent her from winning a spot on the squad. Cara and Annie both perform flawlessly. All five cheerleaders agree that Cara should be on the squad. When it comes down to the second position, there's a split. Jeanie and and Jess vote for Sandra while Robin and Maria vote for Annie. The vote hinges on Helen who isn't as sure anymore what to do. Jess tells them that if “Easy Annie” is voted onto the squad, she's quitting. She won't be associated with that kind of girl.

The shaming in this book makes me very angry. Poor Annie. No one shames Bruce for doing the same thing. Or JESS.  Apparently everyone has forgotten all the boys that Jess has dated in this series.

At dinner that night, Ned and Alice announce the B-Plot.  It fucking took long enough.  They're going to have a house guest for for a couple of weeks.  Her name is Suzanne and she's the daughter of one of his college friends. She's lived in a lot of amazing places so Jess is already inclined to like her. They also drop the bombshell that one of the twins will be switching places with Suzanne and spending two weeks in New York City. For some reason. I don't know what this teenager exchange thing is about and I don't really care.

Jess wants Liz to help her set Steven up with Suzanne. She thinks that will finally get him away from Tricia who she considers as bad as Annie for different reasons. Liz refuses.

The next day Annie finds out she didn't make the squad. Apparently Jess's ultimatum worked. She's really upset and after crying in Ricky's arms for a few minutes, she grills him on what happened. He tries to evade but she is relentless. Finally he tells her that she had three votes but Jess talked them out of it. She demands to know why and tells him that if he cares for her, he'll just lay it all out on the table. So he does. He tells her that Jess brought up her reputation around the school for being “easy” and the other girls didn't want to be associated with that. Annie is horrified and runs off.

Annie doesn't come to school for three days. A rumor starts circulating that Jess called her “Easy Annie” to her face and that's why she's staying home.  Everyone seems to find it hilarious and Jess does nothing to stop the chatter.  Liz confronts Jess who denies doing it but it's clear she's enjoying the rumor anyway.

At the end of the fourth day, Ricky calls to tell Liz that Annie's been rushed to the hospital because she tried to kill herself. Liz forces Jess to accompany her to the ER where they find Ricky. He says he found Annie after becoming worried because she wouldn't answer the door or the phone. He lashes out at Jess saying it's all her fault and Jess starts to cry. The doctor comes out and says that Annie survived but she seems to have no will to live so he isn't sure what will happen next.

Jess breaks down and runs from the hospital. Liz catches up with her and listens as Jess blames herself for everything. Liz tells her that she did what she thought was right which is just what an enabler would say. Jess decides that she and she alone can save the day. She goes to tell Annie's doctor all about the cheerleading drama and the doctor solemnly asks her if she'd be willing to put Annie on the squad to save her life. Which is just fucking stupid but whatever. Jess says she will. The doctor tells her that she must convince Annie that she REALLY wants her on the squad, otherwise all might be lost.

This is really fucking stupid.

Jess spends hours beside Annie's bed telling her she made the cheerleading squad after all. Annie wakes up and everything is instantly resolved because a cheerleading sweater fucking cures anything.

Sigh.

This actually makes me angry.  It reduces suicide to a whim when life doesn't go your way.  There were serious things going on in Annie's life.  Her mother drank too much and didn't pay any attention to her.  People at school were bullying her and calling her names.  Boys were making up rumors about her.  There was her mother's extremely sus boyfriend who may have been behaving inappropriately with her since he had no problem hitting on all her friends.  All of these things contributed to her state of mind and none of them magically went away when she made the squad.  Annie needed therapy.  Maybe medication.  To say everything was solved with a pair of pompoms is disgusting and I'm very disappointed with Pascal.

What else is new?  Sigh.

The book ends with everyone praising Jess for saving Annie's life and me wanting to stab something.

Coming Up Next: I don't know. Someone goes to New York City I guess. Sigh.

Racing Hearts (SVH #9) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: Can Roger melt Lila's icy heart?

From the Back of the Book: Love on the run...Roger Barrett has always had a hopeless crush on glamourous, wealthy Lila Fowler.  The only attention Lila ever pays to him, though, is to make fun of him in front of her friends.  But why shouldn't she, he thinks.  After all, he's clumsy and shy and works secretly as a janitor after school.  When Rogers wins the qualifying heat for a big race, he becomes a school celebrity overnight.  And to his surprise, even Lila starts to chase after him.  But Roger knows if he runs in the race finals, he'll lose his job.  Will Lila still notice him when he's no longer a star?

This book was published in 1984 and this is my first time reading it. I tended to skip any book that didn't focus on the twins when I was younger. I don't know why. Now I'm just hoping that we'll get a little break from them. The cover is pretty unobjectionable. I thought Lila had shorter hair but maybe I just haven't been paying attention. That would be on brand for me.

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

(((Note from future me: I want to warn you that at some point while reading this recap you're going to feel like you've read it before.  You have, but the last time you read it the character names were Jess/Bill/DeeDee (or whatever her name was).  This time the character names are Lila/Roger/Olivia but it's pretty much the same thing.  I can't believe we're on book 9 and we're already recycling plots.)))

In the last book, Jessica toyed with Bill's affections until he finally saw the light and found a much nicer girl named DeeDee to like. Liz thought that Todd was cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend Patsy but that turned out not to be the case. In a very tiny subplot, we learned that Roger works as a janitor because his family needs money.

We begin with the twins in their parents' bedroom. Jessica is trying on one of her mother's business suits and rambling on about planning for the future and getting a head start on life. Liz is pretty confused. She thinks Jess is just looking for something to do since she's a single pringle at the moment but Jess says she's serious. To prove how serious she is, she marches downstairs to tell Ned and Alice that she wants to get an after school job.

We skip to Monday morning at school. Jess informs Lila that she'll be working at Ned's law offices after school from now on. Lila is horrified and worried that Jess's social life will suffer as a result. Jess is pretty confident she can manage both but tells Lila that she wants to be single for awhile. Lila is horrified again and asks if Jess is still planning to go to the big dance the following week. Jess is but doesn't know who she is going to go with. Lila doesn't either.

(((Note from future me: as I'm rereading this to edit it, I realized how fucked up the timelines are in this book.  In the beginning we're told the race/dance are a week away but I'm pretty sure several weeks pass by during the story.  Pascal isn't keeping track of her story again.  Sigh.)))

As they walk down the hall, Roger appears. He slips in a puddle and falls rather dramatically, flinging his books all over the hall. Jess tries hard not to laugh but Lila sneers at him and says “What's up, Doc?” because I guess she calls him Bugs Bunny behind his back. We hop into Roger's head just long enough to learn that he's completely humiliated because he has a huge crush on Lila.

We hop back into Jess's head as they walk away. Jess asks Lila why she calls Roger Bugs Bunny and Lila gives the incredibly lame explanation that it's because he bugs her.  She knows about his crush on her and she finds it annoying because he's so far beneath her on the social ladder. Jess says that maybe Lila should go out with Roger and make him over so that he's more acceptable. Lila finds the idea repulsive.

Now we're back in Roger's head. I'm getting dizzy.

Roger is beating himself up over falling in front of Lila. Olivia rocks up to ask him what's wrong. Roger tells us that she's one of the few people who is nice to him or even notices that he's alive so you'd think he'd be super nice to her. Well......not so much. Roger tells her that he was up until 3am studying and he's pretty tired. Then he tells her she has bags under her eyes and that her clothes are weird and she should stop at the mall like everyone else. I was hoping to have someone to root for in this book but I guess that was too much to ask.

We hop into the boys' locker room which isn't as exciting as you'd think. We're taking up headspace in both Todd's and Bruce's cranium simultaneously and it's a little too kinky for me. I prefer one head at a time, Pascal. Anyway, they're talking about some big race that's coming up. Bruce is sure he's going to win but Todd is feeling salty about it. He's still mad at Bruce for something he did back in book seven and upset that if Bruce wins the race, he'll get a scholarship he doesn't even need, taking it away from someone who does.

The boys gossip a bit. Bruce tells them that the coach threatened to quit at the last school board meeting because they didn't approve his raise. Rando Tony who has never had a line before, grumbles that it would be better if the coach did quit. He's okay as a football coach but sucks at coaching track which is Tony's main sport. There's really not much else to say about that, so they start talking about who they are going to take to the dance after the race. Bruce hasn't decided who to bring yet. Rando Tony says he thinks he'll ask Annie and the boys proceed to slut shame Annie for the rest of the section. It's pretty disgusting but about what I expect from Pascal.

We skip from that to Jess's first day at the law offices. She has grandiose ideas of being assigned to a case and helping her father in the courtroom. She plans to be just like the lawyer on Hill Street Blues. I never watched Hill Street Blues so I have no idea who she's talking about but I know there's no way Ned's assigning her to a case. Sure enough, he introduces her to the business manager Trudy who immediately puts Jess to work making copies. Jess is instantly bored and plans to quit at the end of the day.

At one point, Trudy sends her to a supply store to pick up some new forms. On the way, Jess runs into the hunk from across the hall. Dennis is around her age but he goes to the rival school. He's working for his dad's ad agency and he seems pretty taken with Jess right off the bat. She does some heavy flirting but then walks away “leaving him wanting more”.

The next chapter starts at the qualifying round for the big race. Pretty much our entire cast is either present in the stands or on the track. Liz asks Roger why he hasn't joined the track team which is kind of a dick move since she knows the answer. He can't go to practices because of work. Which she knows. Which he doesn't want anyone else to know. Roger is annoyed because it seems like Liz is trying to force him to reveal his secret. He tells her that he's just not interested in being on the track team but she refuses to let it go. She says that the scholarship would be totes beneficial to him – you know, because he's so fucking poor.

What. A. Bitch.

Lila overhears the conversation and decides to have a little fun. She calls out to Roger and tells him that she also thinks he should join the team. When he tells her that it's impossible, she gives him a pretty pout and says that she thought he was a strong, forceful alpha male but clearly she was wrong. That's all Roger needs to motivate him onto the track. He tells the coach he wants to run and I guess it's an open race because the coach tells him to get in place. He's wearing pants but there's no time to change.

Back in the stands, Lila is laughing herself sick. She really thinks that Roger is going to fail big time and humiliate himself in front of everyone. Liz is shocked when she sees Todd out on the track. Apparently he never told her he was considering running in the race. She thinks there must be some secret reason that he's taking part and vows to get to the bottom of it. Liz really fancies herself a Nancy Drew, doesn't she? I don't remember Nancy being this annoying but it's been a long time since I've read one of those books.

Do NOT suggest a Nancy Drew blog, people.  Don't do it.  

On the track, Bruce is doing his level best to bully Roger into leaving. Roger ignores him. Todd tries feebly to intervene but doesn't put much effort into it because Todd really doesn't care about other people very much. Roger is determined to beat Bruce if it's the last thing he does.

In the stands, Liz and Enid are talking about the coaching scandal. Apparently after the coach's little fit at the school board meeting, he was read the riot act. Rumor is, if one of the SVH boys doesn't win the big race in a few days, the coach will be fired and replaced with someone much younger. SVH hasn't won this race in more than 30 years and their odds aren't good this year either.

The race starts and Bruce takes an early lead. It seems like no one is going to be able to catch him but ¾ of the way through, Roger begins making his move. As he gains on Bruce, the crowd in the stands begins to chant his name. Jess points out to Lila that the winner of the race will be pretty popular and that she might want to rethink her stance on 'Bugs' before it's too late. Lila seems to take her advice, because after Roger wins the qualifying round, she runs onto the field to throw her arms around him. He can't believe his good luck. Olivia is crushed because she's been secretly in love with Roger for ages.

You know, like DeeDee (or whatever her name is) was secretly in love with Bill even though he had a crush on Jessica in the last book.  It's annoying how similar these plot threads are, especially since they came in back-to-back books.  Maybe if Pascal had spaced them out a little better we wouldn't have noticed so much.  Being in consecutive books just makes it glaringly obvious that she's recycling plots already in the series.

Sigh.

Roger is on a high from winning but it all comes crashing down when he's reminded that practices conflict with work. He tries to explain things to the coach who refuses to let him even get a complete sentence out. Roger doesn't know what to do. He can't miss work because his family needs the money but winning the big race would mean a scholarship that he desperately needs. He goes to talk to Olivia but she's too hurt by seeing him with Lila to even say more than 'congratulations' before she runs off to lick her wounds.

Roger is shocked when he finds out he ran the mile in 4 minutes 5 seconds. I'm shocked too. Not many people run a four minute mile. Especially without training and/or preparation. He didn't even stretch first. The principal calls him into the office to fawn at his feet for a few minutes. He's given a special SVH warm-up suit to change into so he doesn't have to wear the clothes he ran in to class.

Wait.

What?

Wasn't this after school?  I remember one of the twins mentioning coming from a class.  Did they really have the race trials in the middle of the school day? Why would they do that? I swear this school makes no sense at all.

Roger dreams of running in the race and achieving notoriety so he can go to college and perhaps run in the Olympics someday but he can't figure out how to manage practice and work at the same time. He doesn't bother to mention this to anyone who might be able to help him figure it out, though. He just decides to angst about it internally because that will solve the problem.

Roger changes into the warm-up suit and suddenly everyone at the school treats him better. I hate this fucking place. Lila is surprised at how cute he is with a better outfit and says she might try to get with him for real. She invites him to eat lunch with her and flirts with him pretty heavily. He's completely gobsmacked by her and can't believe his own dumb luck. This isn't luck, Roger. This is the opposite of luck. But since you're a horrible person too, I'm not even that sympathetic.

John, the sports reporter from the school paper, comes over to interview Roger during lunch. Roger tells him that he started running to build up his heart because heart disease runs in his family. Apparently his mom has some kind of heart problem that forced her to stop working and that's why he has to, but he doesn't tell anyone that. John makes some crack about him knowing his own biology which is just stupid and Roger responds that he wants to be a doctor when he grows up. This increases Lila's interest in him yet again.

We hop over to Liz's lunch table where she's eating with Todd and Enid. Todd tells her that he heard the coach is really sick and going to retire after the race. Liz finds that confusing since she heard that he was about to get fired. Todd says the rumor mill is now saying that the coach has cancer.

Back with Roger, he sees Olivia eating by herself and goes over to see if she's okay. She lies and says she's fine even though she's feeling jealous and hurt. He picks up on her mood and probes a bit to see if something's wrong but she won't confess her feelings to him. It's actually a sweet moment and I almost like him again before he starts bragging about how much people love him now. He's really clueless to the fact that it's not a good thing that people just like him because he might win a race for the school.

We hop into Jessica's head at work. She's been planning a way for her to see Dennis again that involves sabotaging the copy machine so she'll be forced to go across the hall to the ad agency to make the copies her dad needs. It works like a charm and she ends up in a locked copy room with Dennis in no time at all. They do some flirting and he definitely implies that he'd like to collate Jess's copies if you know what I mean but Jess stops it before it gets too far. He asks her out after work and she asks him to meet her at her dad's office instead.

Back at the office, Jess tells her dad that she has a lot of homework to do that night and she'd like a quiet place to do it. She gets permission to stay at the office after everyone else has left. Ned's only condition is that she get the night security guard to walk her to the car.  This is some top tier parenting here.  Ned knows who is daughter is and how her mind works.  He should be suspicious right now but he's far too clueless.

Or maybe he just doesn't give a fuck.  Even odds.

We time hop to 9:30 that evening when Jess gets home. She tells us that they did some pretty heavy making out but didn't go too far with it. She plans to meet him again the next evening after everyone else leaves the office.

We skip ahead two more days. Lila is annoyed that Roger isn't paying enough attention to her. She thinks he should be falling at her feet now that she's decided he might be good enough to date.

I hate all these people.

We skip ahead another few days. Roger has spent an entire week avoiding the coach because he doesn't want to tell him that he can't practice after school. Finally coach has enough of him missing practices and calls Roger down to his office. Roger screws up his courage, fully intending to explain everything to the coach but he never gets the chance. Coach goes into this long spiel about how Bruce is showing more dedication and how important the race is and how much Roger could benefit from the scholarship. Roger literally can't get a word in before the coach just abruptly leaves the room. It's a frustrating few pages to read and a very lazy plot device. I hate it when the whole conflict of the book could be solved with one simple conversation that the author refuses to let the characters have.

Roger is torn about what to do. He finally decides that it's not in his best interest to run the race. He has a good chance of getting an academic scholarship anyway and his family needs the money from his job to pay the bills. If he quits the job to practice and then doesn't win the race, he'll be left with nothing. So I guess he's decided to not run. Except he doesn't tell anyone so I really think it was just page filler.

Lila tracks down Roger to read him a poem she wrote about him. I'm just going to quote it.

“Roger Barrett, a boy so fine.

His speedy running is so divine.

In school, too, he is very smart.

He'll walk away with the trophy at the Bart.

In everything he operates at the highest stratum.

We at Sweet Valley are so proud we have him.”

To be fair, it's supposed to be awful. Roger thinks it's awful. He thanks her, though, and tells her it was very thoughtful of her to write a poem about him. She asks him over to her house after school but he tells her he can't. She's upset at being turned down again.

We skip to the end of the week. I think. Jess has been spending every evening at the closed law offices. She's telling Ned she's doing homework and telling Liz that she's organizing the supply room. Liz is suspicious and goes one evening to check up on her. She stands outside the door and eavesdrops. Somehow she can see everything too which makes very little sense but whatevs. I'm so done with Pascal at this point.

Jess and Dennis are making out again. Jess hints that she'd like to see Dennis outside of the office but he tells her that he wants to take things slow and get to know her better. Which is so sus it's ridiculous. He probably has another girlfriend stashed somewhere. Jess pouts and Dennis offers to take her out to dinner that night. She tells him she'll need a ride home after but he says his car is in the shop. On their way to the elevator, Jess crosses paths with Roger and Liz knows that his secret will be all over school the next morning.

(((Note from future me: in this scene Jess mentions how frustrating it is that Dennis won't take her out on the weekends and he'll only spend time with her during the week.  This implies that at least one weekend has passed right?  Which means at least a week has passed during the course of the story?  I don't know.  I just think that if you add up all the time we skipped ahead a few days, it's been way more than a week but what do I know about the linear passage of time?)))

Roger is in a panic by the time he gets home. He calls Olivia and explains everything to her. She doesn't understand why he thinks he has to hide the fact he has a job and tells him that if people tease him about it, they aren't his friends. He also admits that he's not going to be able to run in the race because his boss won't give him the time off. Olivia asks him if he talked to his boss about it but Roger says he's too afraid to approach him. He had to take time off a week ago to take his mother to a doctor's appointment and his boss told him any further requests for time off would mean termination. Olivia is angered that his boss is so unreasonable and vows to find a way to help him.

In the meantime, Liz is blackmailing Jess. If Jess tells anyone about Roger's job, Liz will tell their dad about Dennis and the real reason Jess is staying late at the office every night. Jess is pissed that Liz is using her own tactics against her but reluctantly agrees to keep Roger's secret.  She has no intention of actually doing so, however.  She's planning to find some way to spread it around without Liz knowing it was her.  She can't wait to see how humiliated Lila - HER BEST FRIEND - is when everyone finds out she's trying to date a janitor.

Lila calls Jess to get advice on how to land Roger. Jess thinks that she can use this to her advantage somehow in her janitor reveal.  She suggests that Lila throw a party for the coach after the race but before the dance. That will be a sure way to get Roger to Lila's house. I'm not sure how getting him to Lila's house is going to make him more inclined to date her but there's no use looking for logic here. Pascal doesn't know what it is.  Jess figures once everyone is there, she can casually whisper to someone that it's amazing that Roger had time to practice what with his janitor job and all and the secret will spread from there.  It's a dumb plan.  Liz is going to know it came from Jess.  The person who spreads the gossip will naturally tell who she heard it from.  I guess Jess hasn't met logic either.

Olivia calls Liz and fills her in on everything. Liz ends up taking the case to Ned who agrees to talk to Roger's boss on his behalf. This is all so stupidly complicated and I really don't care. Do you care? I mean really? Do you care if he runs in the race? Do you care if Dennis is married? Do you care if Todd is secretly running a prostitution ring out of the alley behind the Dairi Burger? No? Me neither.

The next day, Roger is headed into the coach's office to tell him everything when he's waylaid by Lila. She wants some of his attention but instead he tells her all about his job. She's as horrified as we all imagined she'd be and instantly decides that the party isn't happening. She just hopes the word hasn't gotten out and no one else knows about his job because that would be just awful for her.

Roger never goes to the coach because Pascal needs to drag this nonsense out for another chapter or two.

Eventually everything gets sorted. Ned talks to Roger's boss who agrees to let Roger come in to work an hour late for the rest of the week so he can practice and gives him Saturday off to run in the race. Which is super cool except for the fact that Pascal has told us at least twice that the race is on Sunday. Sigh. KEEP TRACK OF YOUR FUCKING STORY, YOU NO-TALENT, LAZY HACK OF A WRITER WHO MAKES STINE LOOK LIKE A LITERARY GENIUS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I could say I felt better after that but only the ending of this book will make me feel better.

Roger goes to Olivia and pours out his feelings just like Bill did to DeeDee or whatever her name was in the last book. I swear it was the same exact scene. Maybe Pascal thought we wouldn't notice. Olivia is happy to forgive him for being an asshole for some reason and the two of them end up an item.

Jess confronts Dennis about why he won't go out with her on weekends. She assumes that he has another girlfriend too but it turns out he's just 15 and doesn't have a driver's license. Jess knows that everyone will tease her if they find out she's dating a baby so she tells him she's breaking up with him because he lied to her.

I hate everyone.

Roger ends up running the mile in 3:59 which is almost world record speed and totally believable. I mean, I believe it. You believe it too, right? Pascal wouldn't just throw some ridiculous number out there if it wasn't believable. She's way too good of an author for that. He totally almost smashed a world record as an untrained 16 year old. Totally.

Lila comes up to Roger after he wins and gives him a big kiss.  I don't know why.  I think Pascal forgot she finds him repulsive now because of his job.  Or maybe she just wanted to throw one more wrench in the plot.  It was a miss, though, because it made NO sense.  He rejects her and goes to make out with Olivia instead. Lila is humiliated which she definitely deserves for being such a bitch.

The book ends with Annie approaching Jess about cheerleading tryouts. Jess takes the opportunity to remind us all what a slut Annie is and I'm really dreading the next book.

Why were these things so popular? I thought the girls of the Canby universe were awful but the Sweet Valley hellscape trumps it big time. I've never read a more unlikable cast of characters in my life and I've read more than my fair share of Young Adult fiction. The only person I can even remotely stand is Enid and that's probably because she has less than three lines per book these days.

Sigh.