Deceptions (SVH #14) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: Has Elizabeth found a new love?

From the Back of the Book: A tangled web.... Elizabeth Wakefield is stunned when Nicholas Morrow asks her for a date. A newcomer to Sweet Valley, Nicholas is fabulously wealthy and extremely handsome. Even though Elizabeth would never cheat on Todd Wilkins, her steady boyfriend, Nicholas is so attractive and sincere that she agrees to go out with him just once. To make matters worse, Jessica, Elizabeth's scheming twin, announces that Nicholas Morrow is the boy for her. Suddenly Nicholas is the only thing on Jessica's mind. Elizabeth is terrified to think what will happen if Todd or her twin finds out about her date with Nicholas. But who can keep a secret from Jessica Wakefield?

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

This book was published in 1984 and this is my first time reading it. I swear the guy on the cover looks like someone but there's no way I'll ever be able to figure it out. Can we talk about the blurb though? I mean how does Pascal even say “Elizabeth would never cheat on Todd but she fucking cheats on Todd by accepting a date with Nicholas” with a straight face? Does she even read what she's writing? I know, I know...maybe someone else wrote the blurb but surely she approved it. Also we're clearly set up to take Liz's side right from the beginning because Jess is referred to as “scheming” It sets her up as an unsympathetic character right out of the gate. To be fair, Jess has never really been a sympathetic character but I still find “scheming” to be a little manipulative, Pascal.

In the last book.......I mean, I'm not going to recap here what I bullet-pointed there. Liz was missing and then she wasn't. A new boy named Nicholas moved to town with his sister Regina. Jess fell head-over-heels for him immediately but he seemed to have eyes for Liz. Oh, and Max passed his English test. I actually forgot to mention that in my bullet point recap. Oops.

This book starts with Nicholas arriving at the Wakefield compound. Liz answers the door and notices that Nicholas is fatally hot. Pascal makes sure to tell us that Liz is definitely hot enough to match his hot. She describes the twins as being “perfectly proportioned” and “the envy of every other girl in Sweet Valley”. Do you hear that, Nicholas? You might be Prince Charming in human form but these girls are worshiped by absolutely everyone and you best not forget it. Pascal goes on to describe Jessica as “devious” and Liz as “fairness and honesty personified”. Seriously? Pascal, have you even met Liz? Because what you just described is not the girl we've spent 14 books with.

Liz brings Nicholas into the party where the Droids are playing. They switch to a slow song which is apparently about Liz and how happy everyone is to have her home safely. Because of course the local band would be singing songs about Liz. They worship her. We've already established that. Nicholas asks Liz to dance and she thinks she has to accept in order to be a good hostess.  As they dance, he blurts out that she's very pretty and it makes her feel weird so she changes the subject. We learn that Nicholas is taking a gap year between high school and college. He'll be working in his father's computer business. It's super vague.

The song ends and Liz excuses herself to go talk to Allen and Robin. Pascal makes sure to point out that Robin is drinking Diet Coke and not partaking of the party food. Fuck you, Pascal. Liz talks to them for maybe 30 seconds before Nicholas comes over to ask her for another dance. He's really coming on a little strong here and Liz should definitely nip it but she doesn't. You know, because she has to be a good hostess. When the song ends, she tries to extricate herself to go talk to her actual boyfriend but Nicholas says he wants to introduce her to Regina. Liz goes along to......you guessed it......be a good hostess.

Apparently, to Pascal, being a good hostess means putting yourself in situations you are uncomfortable with so you don't offend anyone else.  This is a good way to end up dead.  #fuckpoliteness

Liz meets Regina and is surprised to find that she's pretty. Apparently Liz thought being deaf meant you can't be pretty???? It's gross and made even grosser by the fact that Jess calls Regina a “poor thing” again. What is it with Pascal and deaf people?

Or people in general?

Later, Nicholas corners Liz again and tells her that he's falling in love with her. Despite the fact that he just met her like an hour ago. Sigh. Liz tells him that she's dating Todd but he's not really deterred by that. He tells her that she's too young to focus on only one guy and demands to know if she finds him attractive. She admits that she does and he takes that as a victory. He asks her to go out with him once and she tells him that she can't. He whines that it isn't fair and that she's rejecting him without giving him a chance. I'm having an r/niceguys moment here. This is disgusting behavior. No means no, Pascal.

Liz is torn. She wants to be loyal to Todd but clearly the idea of not dating Liz is really making Nicholas despondent. She feels like it's her duty to go out with him because she's an empathetic person. ((((((SINCE WHEN?????)))))) She justifies it in her head by saying that it isn't really a date. She's just having dinner with a new friend. She doesn't say that part out loud, however, so Nicholas very much thinks it's a date she agrees to.

Everyone sucks here.

Liz scans the room and sees Jess talking to a boy named Randy. Liz tells us that Randy is hopelessly in love with Jess because everyone in town is required to be immediately and hopelessly in love with the Wakefield twins, but Jess doesn't normally pay attention to him because he's tall, thin and wears glasses. Liz figures Jess is up to something because there's no way she'd be talking to Randy otherwise.

Because those are the thoughts of an empathetic person.

Now that she's done being judgey about her sister, Liz turns her attention back to Nicholas. He asks her to go out the next Saturday but she has a date with Todd so they agree on Sunday instead. Liz figures that will be fine because Todd will be spending the day with his mom for her birthday. She's already regretting accepting his dinner invitation but decides it would simply be bad manners to back out now.  

Nicholas leaves so Liz finally goes to look for Todd. She finds him sitting out back by himself. He's obviously upset that she spent the entire night with Nicholas and demands to know why. Liz tries to dance around the subject by saying Nicholas is just new in town and he doesn't know many people but even Todd knows that's #bullshit. Nicholas didn't really know Liz either before the party. Todd throws a little jealous fit which Liz soothes him out of with kisses. It's all very toxic. In the end, she decides not to tell Todd about her date with Nicholas.

#fairnessandhonestypersonified

After the party, Jess tells Liz that she's in love with Nicholas. Liz asks her what she was doing with Randy if she loves Nicholas. Jess reminds Liz that Nicholas works in his dad's computer business and Randy knows a lot about computers. Jess figures if she learns more about them, she and Nicholas will have more things to talk about. After listening to Jess rhapsodize about Nicholas for a very long time, Liz also decides not to tell her that she's going on a date with him.

#fairnessandhonestypersonified

The next day, Jess won't shut up about wanting to date Nicholas and it's freaking Liz out. Jess even picks up on the fact that Liz gets all out of whack whenever Nicholas' name is brought up but Liz denies it.

Jess meets with Randy after school to learn some computer jargon to impress Nicholas.  I guess Randy/computers is going to be our B-plot.  Jess flirts heavily with Randy even though she thinks he is way too nerdy to ever be with a girl like her. Too bad Jess doesn't know that the smart boys are the best.

In order to make the B-plot feel intentional, Pascal crams in a couple of paragraphs about a computer being donated to SVH.  It will be their very first and it will be used to keep track of the students' grades.  Liz does a story on it and adds that there are “hackers” breaking into school computers all over the state to change students' grades. This gives Jess ideas. She thinks maybe Randy could be a hacker and maybe he'd be a good asset to keep in her back pocket for awhile.

Hackers.

Sigh.

I know this recap seems a little choppy but that's because the book is really choppy. It's like Pascal is writing from an outline without filling in any of the middles. I know later on that they are largely written by ghostwriters. I'm not sure when that started but I wouldn't be surprised if someone else wrote this one from a rough outline or set of notes. There's just no flow. We just move from incident to incident. It's not a fun read for reasons other than the usual ones.

Jess definitely wants Randy to hack into the school computer to change her math grade but she doesn't bring it up right away. Instead she asks him for a little extra tutoring. He agrees and they set it up to work after school later in the week.

Suddenly it's Wednesday night. Liz is expecting Nicholas to call to set up their date but when the phone rings, it's Randy to set up his tutoring sesh with Jess. Liz is a wreck. She can't concentrate on anything and she just feels awful inside. I don't feel sorry for her.

Nicholas eventually calls and Liz is full of butterflies even though she keeps trying to convince herself that she isn't attracted to him. He give her an easy out and asks if their date is still on but she says 'yes'. He suggests a super fancy restaurant for dinner and she eagerly accepts, thinking no one from school will be there to recognize her. She arranges to meet him there so he won't come to her house to pick her up and then goes into a general panic trying to figure out what to wear.

#fairnessandhonestypersonified

Liz calls Enid and pours out the entire situation. Enid agrees that Liz must go on this date so she doesn't hurt Nicholas' feelings but encourages Liz to tell Todd.

I have to pause here. YOU DO NOT ~ EVER~ HAVE TO AGREE TO A DATE WITH A PERSON YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH IN ORDER TO SPARE THEIR FEELINGS. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO MANAGE THEIR FEELINGS OR EXPECTATIONS. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH. YOU CAN SAY NO TO ANYONE. It's awful for Pascal to imply otherwise.

Jess meets up with Randy. He gives her a tutoring session over their current math chapter and then Jess steers the convo back to computers. She asks him how easy it is to “tap into” another computer. He tells her that it isn't hard but it's illegal. She bats her eyes and presses her boobs into his arms a little and he agrees to show her how to hack into some local businesses. It literally says this: “He plugged in a cable and pressed a couple of keys. The screen lit up, and the question 'Password?' flashed across it. Then he typed out something. In no time flat the screen was loaded with information about the sales of a real estate company in the valley.”

Okay.

A couple of things.

First of all, I'm impressed that this teenage boy has a computer in his room when the school – a school in a very rich area of town no less – just received their first one. This boy was very blessed. None of my friends had computers in their homes in 1984. My neighbor got a computer in 1989 and it was the most exciting thing that happened on my block. I didn't have one in my home until 1992. I typed all my papers on an actual typewriter. So the fact this random teen has one of his own is truly amazing.

I'm further impressed that this computer had a modem. You see, you can't do what he did by simply plugging in a random cable. He would have to have had a modem. I don't know how many home computers had those in 1984. I don't think they were standard back then. I could be wrong. Technology existed way before most people think it did but the average home didn't have it right away.

Also, the fact that he guesses the password right on the very first try is nothing short of miraculous. Did the real estate agency use 1234 or what? Not only does he get it right on the first try for this site, he repeats this three more times, easily guessing the password for each. How did he do this? Is he psychic? Does everyone in town use the same password? This makes no sense. I think Pascal watched 'War Games' and decided that was all the research she needed to do.

Randy hacks into several businesses somehow and then Jess asks him if can get into the school computer. He tells her that it's possible but he wouldn't feel right about it. She legit pouts until he gives in. Again, he guesses the password immediately and finds the file with all the students' grades. I'm telling you that the staff of SVH must have worked around the clock with no breaks to get that all entered in so quickly. They just got the damn computer a couple of days ago and someone would have had to sit and manually put in all that data. And you know Agnes the school secretary has probably never used a computer before in her life. How did she do this so quickly? I hope she's okay. Has anyone checked on Agnes? Does she need IV fluids or anything?

#saveAgnes

Randy and Jess discover that she is getting an 'F' in math. She starts sobbing into her hands that her parents are going to ground her and make her quit the cheerleading squad. She asks Randy to change the grade but he isn't so sure about that. She sobs some more and he relents again. He quickly changes her grade to a C-. I call major #bullshit on this one. I know I've been calling #bullshit on this whole thing but this really pushes it over the edge. I don't think there's any way he'd be able to actually alter anything on the school's computer. It isn't as easy as TV would lead you to believe, Pascal. Getting into something to look at it is one thing. Being able to alter things on another computer in 19-fucking-84 is another ballgame entirely. NONE OF THIS IS RIGHT.

Randy asks her to go to Dairi Burger after altering her grade but she says she needs to go home. This has all been too much for poor little Jess to handle. She barely gets home when Randy calls her to ask her out again for some reason. She turns him down again and hangs up the phone with a bang. It rings again and this time Liz picks up. It's Randy and before Liz can hand the phone to Jess, Randy blurts out that he's feeling guilty about changing her math grade. He realized that it could fuck up his entire future so he decided to change it back but the school had changed the password. He thinks this means that the school is on to them and he's in a major panic.

Randy tells her that he's going to go turn himself into the principal and he wants Jess to go with him. Liz assures him that “she” will be there and then stomps off to confront Jess. Jess wails that it isn't fair and she shouldn't have to go but Liz forces her. When they get to the school, Randy is already meeting with the principal. Jess tries to play the entire thing off as her and Randy just playing around on the computer and not really knowing what they were doing but the principal doesn't buy it. He threatens to suspend them both but Liz steps in and gives him an impassioned speech about how human beings make mistakes and ruining their lives over this is excessive and how they learned their lesson and will never do this again. The principal tells them that they aren't suspended because Liz's amazing speech changed his mind.

Sigh.

So Jess and Randy get zero punishment for this crime they committed and that part of the plot is all wrapped up. That was fast.

We rush past another school day and suddenly it's Saturday night. Liz goes out on a date with Todd, intending to tell him about her date with Nicholas the next day but gets distracted when Betsy and some dude come into the Dairi Burger drunk. Betsy is Tricia's sister and is always described as “trash”. After Betsy and the dude leave, Liz brings up Regina in the most awkward way possible in an effort to segue into a conversation about Nicholas but Todd shuts it down pretty quick. He doesn't want to talk about the Morrow family so Liz just decides to drop it. She asks him what his plans are with his mom the next day and Todd just says they're all going out. Liz is suspicious that he won't give her details but she's the one with a fucking date so I don't know what her actual problem is.

We skip to the next night. Liz puts on a silk dress and heels to get ready to meet Nicholas at the restaurant.

Fucking hell. I just realized what's going to happen. She's going to end up at the same restaurant as Todd and his family. That's why Pascal wouldn't let Todd tell Liz where they were going. This is so damn dumb.

When Liz gets to the restaurant, Nicholas is wearing a fucking ascot. What 19-year-old wears a fucking ascot? Does Pascal actually know any teenagers? Liz asks Nicholas to order for them both so he orders “smoked salmon followed by tournedos Rossini, puffed potatoes and haricots verts”. I know what salmon is but I looked the rest up. The tournedos thing is a fancy steak topped with duck liver and black truffles. Haricots verts are essentially green beans only longer and skinnier. I think I'd skip both the meats and only eat the veggies.

The two of them have dinner and talk. Nicholas manages to mention how hard it is to be rich an alarming number of times. It's pretty gross to be honest. But Liz finds him charming. At the end of the meal she firmly friendzones him and he accepts it graciously since she gave him the chance to woo her that he asked for. She's feeling pretty satisfied about everything when she sees Todd and his parents walking across the restaurant toward them. Todd catches sight of her and stops in his tracks so Liz pretends she's Jessica. Luckily Nicholas seems to catch on pretty quickly and he doesn't fuck it up for her. Todd seems skeptical but moves on.

#fairnessandhonestypersonified

Liz thinks she's out of the woods but there's still 30 pages left in the book. Todd is feeling so bad about thinking that Jess was Liz that he gets it into his head that he needs to immediately go over to Liz's house to apologize to her. There's no logic to this but Pascal has never bothered herself with logic. As soon as they get home, Todd jumps in his car and drives straight to the Wakefield house. Jess answers the door in a towel and Todd kisses her thinking it has to be Liz. When he realizes it's Jess, he clings to the hope that she simply got home before him since her dinner was ending just as his family was going to their table. He mentions going to the restaurant to see if she'll say “duh” but she sighs and says she wishes someone would take her. Then it all comes crashing down.

Todd tells Jess that he obviously saw Liz on a date with Nicholas and Jess is instantly furious. She's been telling Liz how much she likes Nicholas for days and she can't believe her own sister would betray her like this. Todd is also feeling betrayed and he slams his fist into the door frame and yells at Jess that things are over between him and Liz. Sigh. Just Todd being violent when he's angry again. That's our leading man, y'all. One half of the couple we're supposed to be shipping.

When Liz gets home, Jess confronts her. Liz is surprised that she got found out and insists that she didn't mean to hurt anyone. Jess tells her that she has a funny way of showing that. Liz whines that she felt like she owed it to Nicholas to get to know him but Jess counters that Liz owed it to Todd not to cheat and to her not to steal the boy she liked. Liz tries to call Todd but his mom says he isn't taking calls so Liz goes to bed miserable.

Todd ignores Liz at school all the next day. To make things worse, Mr Collins, the questionable journalism teacher, assigns Liz to cover the championship basketball game that evening. I don't know why the championship game is on a Monday but whatevs. This is Pascal's fucked up world and I'm just blogging about it. Liz tries to get out of covering the game but the questionable Mr Collins won't hear of it and forces her to go.

Todd plays horribly all through the first half and Liz knows it's all her fault. At halftime, Nicholas comes over to talk to her and she spills out the whole story. He vows to set things straight with Todd and heads for the locker room.

You know, Nicholas doesn't even go to school there. How the hell does he know where the locker room is? And furthermore, why would anyone let this man go into the locker room where high school boys are doing whatever they do during halftime?

Sigh.

Nicholas tells Todd that he basically forced Liz to go out with him which isn't exactly true. He put a lot of pressure on her but she was free to say 'no'. Pascal pretty much wrote it as if Liz wasn't free to say 'no' but she absolutely was. Nicholas wasn't threatening her. There was no real power imbalance or consequences for Liz if she'd refused. She made the choice. But apparently Todd also things that girls are just required to say 'yes' when asked out because this makes perfect sense to him. Nicholas assures Todd that he's been friendzoned and Todd decides that everything is just fine. I guess it didn't really matter that Liz wasn't honest with him. Nothing matters because she's Elizabeth fucking Wakefield.

#fairnessandhonestypersonified

Todd goes back out and saves the game because of course he does.

Liz doesn't feel like going to the after party so she gives Jess the keys to the car even though Jess isn't allowed to drive it anymore due to parking tickets. Super responsible, Liz. She's moping away from the school when Todd chases her down and kisses her senseless. He tells her that he knows she was forced to go on the date and all is forgiven. SHE HAD A CHOICE!!! He convinces her to go to the after party because he wants to bask in the adoration from his classmates.

They're barely at the party when Alice Wakefield calls. She asks Jess and Liz to come to the hospital right away because Tricia is near death. The book ends there.

This book is infuriating. I hate how Pascal paints Liz as this big victim who had no choice but to cheat on her boyfriend because another boy asked her out. Liz had choices and she made those choices. She 100% betrayed her boyfriend. No one forced her to do that. She could have said 'no'. She should have said 'no'. I can't believe everyone is just going to let her get away with that shit.

Coming up next: Tricia dies or something.

Kidnapped (SVH #13) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: Elizabeth's nightmare is about to begin....

From the Back of the Book: A living nightmare... Elizabeth Wakefield never imagined that her evening of volunteer work would turn into the most horrifying night of her life. <REDACTED DUE TO CONTENT> Somehow Elizabeth must escape before it's too late.

Blogger's Note: I know that the subject matter of this book will trigger one of my readers. I also know that she will read this recap anyway to “prove” that she can. ((You don't need to prove anything, beautiful girl. I know how strong you are.)) But because I love her very much and I refuse to be the instrument that harms her, I am choosing NOT to recap this book in the usual way. I will be giving you all a very bare bones bullet list of plot points. We will pick up the regular recap in the next book.

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

This book was published in 1984 and this is my first time reading it. The cover is nothing special but at least I don't have to redact that too.

In the last book, we had WAY too many plots to keep track of and none of them were executed well. People moved to town. TV stars were injured in skiing accidents and then repeatedly victimized by Jess. Tricia was diagnosed with fatal leukemia and tried to hide it by breaking up with Steven so he wouldn't get hurt when she died. Which was dumb for so many reasons. The twins volunteered at the hospital (mostly so Jess could stalk that TV guy) and Liz met a creepy orderly who decided to kidnap her at the end of the book.

Commence bullet points.

*The book literally starts with Jess running into Steven's room to ask him to zip up her dress and he's dressed only in a towel. He tells us that even a burlap sack couldn't hide Jess' “perfectly proportioned figure” I know it's not necessarily problematic but the fact that he'd thinking about her “figure” while she's literally half-dressed just makes me feel icky. Was that really necessary, Pascal?

*Jess decides Nicholas Morrow will be her next conquest. Predictable. She's supposed to ride to his party with Liz but decides not to wait for her and goes with Cara instead.

*Jess meets Regina Morrow and finds out she's deaf but can read lips. Jess responds by calling her a “poor thing” which is just super gross.

*Nicholas is apparently “Adonis personified”. Which.....I mean, I know Adonis was described as beautiful but the only physical representations we have of him are marble statues so does this guy look like a marble statue? Because he might want to get that checked out.

*Max (that guy from the band who needed Liz to tutor him) is grounded from his guitar until he brings all his grades up. If he fails English in particular, he can't play with the band ever again so stakes are high.

*When Liz doesn't show up for their tutoring session, Max goes to the hospital to look for her.

*When Todd asks Jess where Liz is, she lies and says Liz is babysitting for the questionable Mr Collins. I have NO idea why she does this. None.

*Liz realizes that Carl, the creepy orderly from the hospital, is the one who is hosting her.

*Todd waits for half an hour and then calls Mr Collins' house to check on Liz. He's told she isn't there. He confronts Jess who finally realizes something is wrong.

*Liz and Todd leave the party and drive along the route Liz should have taken in case her car broke down.

*Carl tells Liz he loves her because she was nice to him and he wants her to live in his house forever.

*The Wakefields check with Max and find out that Liz never came by and now Max is gone too. Ned calls the police.

*Meanwhile, Max has located Liz's car in the hospital parking lot. He sees the door is partly open and investigates. Her purse is under the driver's seat. I have no idea why. Surely she didn't put it there. He dumps it out to find some kind of clue. I have no fucking idea what he thinks he's looking for. It makes no sense. He's going through the glove box when the cops show up. He's arrested because they think he was trying to steal her car. They don't even seem to know she's missing at this point.

I guess Pascal is just going to ignore the fact that Max probably destroyed evidence.  Do you think she knows????????

*Max is held for four hours before being released to his parents. Eventually he IS questioned about Liz but he doesn't know anything.

*The police decide Liz probably ran away. I have no idea how they came to this conclusion but I guess statistics or something.

*Carl tells Liz that he plans for them to change locations the next day.

*The entire school suspects Max. For reasons I guess. I mean, everyone loved him a few books ago when he was playing with the band. Now everyone thinks he hangs with a “rough crowd”. Like....the band? I'm confused. Pascal really doesn't believe in continuity.

*After school the next day, Todd, Jess and Max go to the hospital to see if they can find some clues. Suddenly everyone is Nancy Drew.

*Carl has been going into work to avert suspicion. When he sees Jess walking around, he panics and runs over to ask “Liz” what she's doing there. He asks her how she escaped and Jess realizes that he knows where Liz is. She plays along to get him to talk. He doesn't reveal much but what he says reassures Jess that her sister is alive.

*Carl is arrested and tells the police where Liz is. She's rescued in a very anti-climatic scene that only takes two paragraphs. Sigh.

*Over the next few days, Liz resists any attempt anyone makes at getting her to talk about what she's been through. She wants to forget about it and insists on throwing a party.

*Out of nowhere, we get two paragraphs from Alice thinking that she's afraid Liz might be getting too serious with Todd and that they might have sex. She wishes Liz would date other people and not commit herself so young.

That was weird.

*Nicholas comes to the party and it's pretty clear that he's immediately enamored with Liz. The book ends with these ominous words...... “Will Elizabeth leave Todd for Nicholas? Find out in Sweet Valley High #14.” So we have that to look forward to.

This book was.....disappointing. There was never any tension or sense of danger because Liz was never in any peril and Carl wasn't really very threatening. I know what happened to her was awful but Pascal wrote it as the most mild crime in the history of the world. I get that these books were aimed at fairly young readers and maybe Pascal didn't want to scare them, but if you weren't going to do the story justice, why bother writing it at all? There was no real reason to include this story in the line up. Another one could have easily taken its place. I don't understand why she chose to take us on this journey only to have Liz spend two days reading books about making investments and caring for farm animals while Carl feeds her fast food and buys her cardigans so she isn't chilly. The story was so bland that it was ultimately useless and a waste of time. I'm not saying I wanted anything bad to happen to Liz even though I mostly hate her. I'm saying I can't figure out why Pascal wrote this particular story at all. The same could be said for the weird second book in the Canby Hall series. Did publishers just insist on this kind of story back then? I'm going to have to check out other series and see if they included something similar as well.

When Love Dies (SVH #12) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: What terrible secret is Tricia keeping from Steven?

From the Back of the Book: The end of romance...The Wakefield twins' older brother, Steven, is heartbroken. His girlfriend, Tricia Martin, no longer seems interested in him. She breaks their dates and doesn't return his calls. Steven can't understand why Tricia's feelings have changed so suddenly. Jessica is thrilled that Steven isn't dating Tricia anymore. She sees it as the perfect opportunity to pair him with her best friend Cara Walker. Elizabeth, Jessica's twin, thinks that scheming, gossipy Cara is all wrong for Steven. She's determined to find out the reason for Tricia's strange behavior – and horrified when she discovers the awful truth.

TRIGGER WARNING: At the very end of the book, there is an abduction. I do not describe it in detail but you might want to skip the last paragraph in this recap if that's something that will distress you. (Also, you're going to want to skip the next book if that's a tough trope for you.)

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

In the last book, Jessica and some random named Suzanne traded places for a couple of weeks. Jessica went to New York City where she learned she isn't as sophisticated as she thinks she is. She spent time with Suzanne's boyfriend and he tried to get her drunk and then assaulted her but luckily Suzanne's parents came home and stopped it in time. Back in SV, Suzanne won everyone over with her charm and then accused Mr Collins of sexual assault because she was mad that he turned down her advances. Everyone eventually learned the truth and all was well. I guess. We also learned that Tricia has been avoiding Steven which leads right into this book.

We begin with Jess finding Steven brooding in the kitchen and Pascal gives us this stunning description of the twins: “They shared the same sun-streaked golden hair and dazzling white smiles, the same delicate features and perfect size-six figures. Together they formed a double image of sun-kissed, all-American loveliness.”

She forgot about the part where they're both wretched, evil, reckless and self-absorbed. Truly, they are the personification of selfishness.

Jess asks Steven why he's moping around and then takes a few digs at Tricia who she feels is below them because her family is poor and her dad drinks too much. Steven reacts angrily to Jess's opinion of Tricia and tells her to leave him alone. She stomps away, irritated that he won't see things her way.

Liz comes in and chastises Jess for being insensitive. She says that Steven is heartbroken that Tricia has been so distant and they need to support him. Jess counters that he never should have been dating Tricia in the first place because it's super embarrassing to Jess to be associated with “that family”. This is a conversation we've heard time after time over the course of several books and I'm bored already.

Liz reminds Jess that just because Tricia's family is a mess doesn't mean that Tricia is. In addition to the drunk and disorderly father, Tricia's sister Betsy has a “bad reputation”. I'm so glad Pascal is back on the slut shaming train. It's such a fun ride.

Jess switches topics and asks Liz to borrow a pair of red shoes. Liz says 'no' because the last time Jess borrowed them, she broke a strap and it cost Liz six whole dollars to fix. Jess sighs and says she'll just have to go barefoot then and she'll step on some glass and die. Martyr Liz immediately relents and lets Jess have her shoes. And that paragraph perfectly sums up both of them.

Chapter two puts us in Steven's head. He's determined to find out what's going on with Tricia, so he just drives over to her house to confront her. He makes sure to point out to us that Tricia lives in the poor part of town and it's so very different to the luxury he's used to. I hate Steven too.

He gets to Tricia's “shabby” house and knocks on the door. Her drunk father answers and tells Steven that Tricia is in her room but she doesn't want to see him. Steven doesn't take no for an answer and he just shoves Tricia's father aside and heads back to her room. He doesn't even knock or ask permission to enter her room. He just slams open her door and barges in, demanding to know why she's been avoiding him. Tricia is startled by his sudden appearance and then a little annoyed by it. Not annoyed enough. She has a suitcase on the bed and she tells him that she's going out of town for the weekend. Steven gets shouty and demands to know where she's going but Tricia evades.

Steven grabs her by the shoulders, gripping her hard enough to make her wince. Tricia says that maybe they should see other people and he asks her if she's going away with some other guy for the weekend. This is.....awful. Steven is awful. Tricia should run far, far away. The entire Wakefield family is dangerous. Tricia doesn't say anything and Steven takes that for confirmation. He releases her and then stomps out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

We move into Tricia's head now, thank goodness. I'm so disgusted by Steven that I don't even want to think about him anymore. Tricia is shaken by the encounter. She thinks to herself that it's better this way. He'll hurt less thinking she doesn't love him than he would if he had to sit by her side and watch her die. Tricia has been diagnosed with leukemia and the doctors have given her roughly six months to live. Her mother also died of leukemia so Tricia doesn't hold out much hope for any kind of medical intervention saving her. She figures a breakup will hurt Steven less in the long run.

Like he's not going to hear that she died? Like he's not going to care that she died because she broke up with him? This is all very dumb already and we're only on chapter two. I do not have high hopes for this book.

We skip ahead to a new day. I have no idea how much time has passed. Jess and Cara are on a bus together for some reason. Cara asks if the rumors about Steven breaking up with Tricia are true and Jess confirms everything. Cara expresses interest in Steven and Jess is thrilled. She thinks this will be a much better match for her brother and she promises Cara that she'll help get the two of them together.

The plot suddenly splits off and Cara starts talking about a guy named Jeremy Frank. He's the host of a local TV program and everybody pretty much thinks he's ever so dreamy. Cara tells Jess that he skied into a tree and broke his leg so he's currently laid up at the local hospital. Jess immediately starts scheming about how she can meet him and make him fall in love with her. I think he's like 30 or something. I hate these books.

Cara also mentions that someone new is moving into one of the mansions up on the hill. Jess has always been awed by the house and is very curious who the new family might be. I don't know if they're a C-plot or if they're the next book.

(((Note from future me: it's both.  The C-plot is pretty much just a line here and there but it exists.)))

Jess goes home and tells Liz that she thinks they should start volunteering at the hospital. It's all a ploy to meet Jeremy but she doesn't clue Liz in on that aspect. Liz is surprised that Jess wants to do any kind of good deed with her spare time. Liz should know Jess well enough by now to see through this sudden bout of altruism but she takes it at face value and agrees that volunteering would be a good thing for their souls and their college applications.  Plus it's the B-plot so she really doesn't have much choice.

At dinner, the twins run their volunteering plan by Ned and Alice who can barely bring themselves to care. Jess asks Ned if he knows anything about the C-plot moving in and he tells her that Mr Morrow used to play football professionally and now he and his family are moving to SV. They're due to arrive the following week. They have a son Steven's age and a daughter the twins' age who will be starting SVH. 

Seriously, Pascal can barely handle one plot with any degree of proficiency. I really wish she wouldn't attempt three because none of them are going to turn out well.

I say that as if any of them would turn out well if they were on their own.  😆

The next day, the twins go to the hospital to fill out the volunteer paperwork. The lady behind the desk tells them that they'll mostly be fetching water and magazines for the patients as well as delivering gifts and keeping patients company. Jess barely listens as she imagines saving Jeremy's life. She pictures herself noticing he's in distress and calling for medical intervention just in time. She's sure she's going to end up famous for this.

The level of delusion in this girl is fascinating.

Jess ends up assigned to the maternity ward which sounds like a dream to me but makes her very unhappy. By break time, she's sick of looking at babies and bitches to Liz about her assignment. Liz spent her time running things to patients and one of those patients was Jeremy. Jess listens in a jealous rage as Liz describes her conversation with him and the fact that he asked her to sign his cast. She asks Liz to switch assignments with her and that's when Liz finally figures out that Jess had an ulterior motive for volunteering.

It took her long enough.  

They twins part ways again after break and Liz continues on her assignment. On her way down a hall, she encounters an orderly with dark eyes and a “hawkish” nose who immediately drops the tray he was carrying. Stuff goes everywhere. Liz rushes to help him and he introduces himself as Carl. When her fingers inadvertently touch his as she hands him a paper cup she feels “a cold shock” and thinks to herself that there's something odd about Carl.

Seriously, Pascal? You aren't really attempting a D-plot here, are you?

As Liz continues down the hall she sees the A-plot in the distance. She calls out to Tricia to remind her that she's in this book but Tricia just bolts without acknowledging her in any way. I wish I could get away with that. I'd love to go through life not acknowledging Elizabeth Wakefield in any way.

In the meantime, Jess is working on our B-plot. She sneaks onto the regular ward and heads right for Jeremy's room. He greets her warmly, thinking she's Liz but she quickly sets the record straight about that. He's still pretty cordial until she tells him that she wants to be an actress and then he shutters down pretty quick. She asks if she can sign his cast and he tells her she can. While she's leaning over to look for a space, she loses her balance and ends up stabbing him in the good knee with a pen. He jerks upright and that yanks one of the supports down for his traction. He slumps to the bed in pain and asks Jess to get a nurse for him. She's crushed, knowing she's probably ruining her only chance at love and a career.

HE'S OLD!!!

Pascal really needs to stop doing this.

Jess turns her attention back to the A-plot for a little while, remembering that she promised Cara she'd hook her up with Steven. To achieve this, she tries to get Steven to go to a party that Cara is having. Steven tells her that he's not in the mood and Jess is irritated. She tells him that he's going to ruin his reputation because everyone will think he's a “wimp” if he continues to mope around like this. Steven doesn't much care about this so Jess changes tactic. She says that Cara has been hearing a lot of juicy gossip about Tricia and how she's spending her time these days. If Steven wants to know, he needs to come to the party and ask Cara himself. For some reason, he agrees to this.

It's like Liz and Steven have never met Jess in their fucking lives. They KNOW who she is and what she's up to. Why do they allow her to manipulate them like this? I think they're both idiots.

I say that like we didn't already know it.

Turns out Cara wasn't even having a party at all and now she's panicked because she has to somehow throw one in just a few hours. She has no idea how to get people to come on such short notice but Jess says to leave everything to her.

They get to the 'party' and find that Lila and her date are the only other ones there so I guess Jess didn't even bother to handle it after all.  So shocking.  Cara tries to cover it up by saying a bunch of people canceled. Steve has a hint of awareness when he sees how much skin Cara is showing and regrets coming at all. He wonders what Tricia is doing at that moment and who she is doing it with. He still can't believe they broke up.

Cara reminds us that there is a C-plot by telling Jess that Regina Morrow is going to be throwing a party soon to get to know the town. Jess is annoyed she didn't hear about it first but excited about getting to go to a party at a mansion.

Cara brings out beer – which Steven refuses – and then puts on some music. Jess and her date disappear out onto the dark patio and are soon followed by Lila and her date. Steve finds himself alone with Cara who gets all up in his personal space pretty quick. She tells him that she heard about his breakup and expresses some insincere condolences about it. He asks her if she's talked to Tricia because, of course, that's what Jess had told him to get him to come to this party. Cara tells him that she's heard Tricia has a new boyfriend. A friend saw Tricia with some man at the pharmacy recently and she was “draped all over him”. Steven pretends not to care as he dies inside. He grabs Cara and tells her he wants to dance. As they're dancing, he thinks about Tricia being with another man and kisses Cara. He doesn't feel anything but she's elated.

The fake party eventually ends and Steven decides to take Cara out for pizza. She asks him to drive around a little after and he thinks it's because she wants to be seen with a prize catch like him. I swear, the ego on this guy. It must be a dominant Wakefield trait. Even though he feels nothing for Cara at all, he decides to keep dating her to stick it to Tricia. Cara is kind of awful but I feel bad for her because she actually has feelings for this douche.

On Monday, Liz sees Tricia eating lunch outside alone. She goes out to check on her and the two have an awkward conversation. Tricia tries to explain away her appearance at the hospital as visiting a friend. Liz subjects her to what can only be called an interrogation, asking her question after question about this friend and her illness. It's really invasive and absolutely none of Liz's business. Jess and Cara rock up and start talking about how Cara is dating Steve now. He's going to take her to a college party the next weekend. Liz can tell that the talk upsets Tricia even though she tries to pretend she doesn't care.

Privately, Tricia is crushed. She thinks about her first date with Steven and their first kiss. She remembers how polite he always was to her drunk father. She loves him so much it hurts and she has the impulse to call him and tell him everything that's going on because she needs his support and love to get her through. But then she decides that he's much better off without her and it will hurt less for him if he's dating Cara when Tricia dies.

It doesn't even make sense. This whole plot is so dumb.

We revisit the B-plot after school. Jess strides into Jeremy's room without knocking, a pitcher of ice water in her hands. She's determined to make up for the fact that she injured him last time. There's a nurse with him but Jess ignores that and approaches the bed. Jeremy is 100% naked getting a sponge bath and Jess is so shocked at the unexpected view of his....ahem....credentials (if you know what I mean), that she dumps the entire pitcher of ice water directly onto his stomach. Jeremy howls in pain (this is the word Pascal used) and tries helplessly to get away from the water as the nurse dabs at him with a towel. They both yell at Jess who feels like they're being way to harsh on her.

Jess tells Liz about it later and Liz realizes that she needs to do something to keep Jess away from Jeremy entirely. She knows threats won't work but historically Jess tends to lose interest in a guy as soon as they start liking her back. Liz wonders if she can get Jeremy to pretend to like Jess so that she will lose interest in him. It's a risky gamble in the first place because it could backfire so easily AND any adult who does not live in SV would never agree to do something like this. I mean, he's an adult and she's a literal child. He could get arrested. Lose his job. Canceled on Twitter. Of course, we know he'll agree to it because everyone in SV does everything the Wakefields say.

I hate this fucking town.

Liz runs into the D-plot after break. She notices that Carl is watching her and tells us that she's caught him doing that several times. It makes her uncomfortable and he definitely gives her the creeps. She asks one of the nurses about him and finds out that Carl is a loner who lives on the edge of town. I'm not feeling better about Carl but Liz seems to think a friendship with her is all he really needs. She still can't shake the prey feeling he gives her but chooses not to listen to that little bit of intuition.

Is Carl the next book? I bet he is.

Just a little public service announcement......  If you ever come across someone that makes you feel like prey, don't try to befriend them. There's a reason you feel that way. Liz is an idiot.

Liz ropes Jeremy into “Operation Hurricane” somehow. He must be as dumb as all the others. His first strike is to give Jess a dozen roses that someone from the TV station sent him. Jess thinks this is the first step for their love story. She admits that Ned and Alice might have a problem with their 16-year-old daughter dating a 25-year-old man. I doubt Ned and Alice will even notice but the local police department might have a lot to say about it. I hate everything about the B-plot.

Liz goes to visit a new patient and is shocked to discover it's Tricia. Tricia admits that she has terminal leukemia and makes Liz promise not to tell Steven. Liz protests that Steve would want to be there for Tricia but she continues to insist that “it's better this way”. Liz promises but feels miserable about it. Tricia tells Liz that she really loves Steven but she thinks it will be easier on him if she dies while he's mad at her. This girl knows nothing about emotions and grief. It's actually going to be WAY harder on him because he has all these other feelings mixed up in it now and he was cheated out of spending time with her. I hate everything about the A-plot.

A week passes. Liz is tormented by this secret she's been asked to keep. She feels like it's destroying both Tricia and her brother. In desperation, she turns to the questionable Mr Collins for advice. He listens and then tells her what I've been saying all along – that this will only hurt Steven more in the long run. He tells Liz that sometimes people make a “bad promise” because they aren't aware of all the information or ramifications and that they don't have to keep the promise in these instances. It's actually pretty good advice and I'm a little surprised.

He also ruins everything by introducing a fucking E-plot. Yeah. Pascal shoved a 5^th plot line into a book where she is handling 0 plot lines well. This is just ridiculous at this point. Anyway, Max is in danger of failing English and he wants Liz to tutor him. We met Max a few books ago. He's a member of that band that thought they were getting their big break when they were only being scammed.

I'm so over all these plots.

Back to the B-plot. Jeremy asks Jess to come see him. When she does, he immediately proposes. It freaks her out and she panics, protesting that she's only 16 and still in high school. He says he'll wait but she tells him she doesn't love him and flees the room with a “frightened” cry. He literally scared her. That's not cool. None of this is cool. I hope this plot is over now because it's disgusting.

We skip ahead to the weekend. Steven is taking Cara to some kind of college party even though his heart isn't in it. They dance and she invites him to Regina's party the next weekend. He hedges, saying he'll get back to her on it. The lack of enthusiasm pricks at her and she tells him he needs to show her more affection now that they're a couple. Stupid Steven tells her that he wasn't aware they were dating which is just.....I can't even with these people.....you've been taking her out on dates, Steven. What do you think dating means? She's upset but he tells her that he's still in love with Tricia and then he takes her home.

Meanwhile, Jess has gotten over her panic and she decides that she's going to accept Jeremy's proposal after all. She figures they can have a long engagement and she'll keep it a secret from her parents until she graduates. She heads to the hospital to surprise Jeremy.

Damn it. The B-plot resurfaced. Just when I thought it was safe to read another chapter.......

Jess goes to Jeremy's hospital room and tells him that she's going to accept his proposal after all. The asshole literally laughs at her until he cries. He tells her that he and Liz cooked up this scheme to scare Jess away and she's hurt that they'd both do something so awful. She starts to cry even as she's thinking in her head that there's probably a way she can get something out of this. Jeremy finally feels bad for his appalling behavior and asks her if there's something he can do to make it up to her.

Sigh.

Steven comes home from the party feeling glum. Liz decides now is the time to tell him everything so she goes to his room and fills him in. He immediately leaves to go to Tricia's house. I guess she's out of the hospital now??? When she answers the door, she tries to tell him that she's waiting for her new boyfriend to arrive but he says “Trish, baby, I know” and she collapses into his arms, sobbing.

They talk it all out and she explains her reasoning and he explains why her reasoning sucks. She decides that it's better to have him with her and they say “I love you” a bunch of times and kiss over and over. So I guess that's pretty much wrapped up.

I know. I've said that before.

The conclusion of the B-plot barely gets a mention. I guess Jess appeared on a segment of Jeremy's show or something.

(((THIS IS THE LAST PARAGRAPH. PLEASE STOP READING HERE IF THE TRIGGER WARNING APPLIES TO YOU.)))

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We move back to the C, D, and E plots now. Liz is scheduled to work a shift at the hospital, then go tutor Max, then go to Regina's party with Jess. As she's walking across the parking lot of the hospital, she keeps thinking that someone is following her. After she gets in her car, she hears a tap on her window and sees Carl standing there. He tells her that one of the nurses needs to talk to her before she leaves and Liz gets out of the car. He immediately kidnaps her and I'm not going to go into detail about how that happened out of respect for one of my readers in case she ignored my trigger warning as she so often does. Carl tells Liz that they'll be together forever and then the book ends.

Coming up next: The D and E plots combine in a very peculiar way.  ((That's tutoring Max and the Carl thing in case you lost track.  I had to write them down so I'd remember them.  I hate Pascal.))

Too Good to be True (SVH #11) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: Is Suzanne as perfect as she seems?

From the Back of the Book: A devil in disguise...The Wakefield twins are wild with excitement.  Glamourous, sophisticated Suzanne Devlin is coming to Sweet Valley from New York City.  For two weeks, Elizabeth will show her around town while Jessica has the time of her life in New York.  At first, Suzanne seems to be the most perfect girl in the world.  She's beautiful and friendly and not the least bit stuck-up.  All the boys of Sweet Valley are absolutely crazy about her.  But when Suzanne accuses Mr Collins of trying to seduce her, Elizabeth knows there's more to Suzanne than meets the eye. 

TRIGGER WARNING: As you can tell from the description, there is a false accusation of sexual assault in this book.  There is also a very real sexual assault in this book that is not at all handled in any kind of way.  I will be careful how I describe both, but please click away if it will harm you in any way.

This book was published in 1984 and this is my first time reading it. The cover is pretty boring and basic. Not much to say about it.

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

In the last book, people slut-shamed Annie to the point where she did something drastic but then Jess saved the day by making her a cheerleader. We were also introduced to the plot for this book when the Wakefields announced that one of the girls would be allowed to go to New York City for a couple of weeks while a girl named Suzanne takes her place in SV.

We begin around the dinner table with the entire Wakefield clan. Jess is dramatically saying she'll simply waste away to nothing if she isn't chosen to go to NYC. She even threatens to bunk off college if she isn't allowed to go. I have no idea how Ned and Alice let her get away with this crap. They really do suck as parents. Jess envisions herself going to exclusive parties at disco clubs because Pascal still thought disco was a cool thing in 1984. She pictures herself meeting Mick Jagger and getting swept off her feet. Ew, Jess. Aim higher. Seriously.

After the Jagger fantasy she pictures herself walking through Tiffany's and the owner is so bowled over by her beauty that he gives her an expensive diamond and emerald necklace. Then she pictures herself getting discovered by a modeling agency and having her face on Cosmo. She really is taking a trip on the Delusional Express today.

Liz suggests that Ned flip a coin because there's really no fair way to decide. Steven and Alice both think that's a good idea so that becomes the plan. Pascal decides to lengthen the tension a bit by launching into a description of the twins. Sunshine blonde hair, dimples, blah, blah, blah. Liz is described as “fairness personified” which just tells me that Pascal doesn't know her own fucking characters AT ALL. Jess is described as “clever and devious” which feels a little more accurate. Anyway, Liz wins the coin toss and Jess spends the rest of the dinner sobbing into her potatoes.

Odds that Liz The Martyr will decide to let Jess go instead: 52%

Odds that Jess will perform some kind of trickery to go instead: 48%

Either way, Jess is definitely going to go to New York City.  You know it and I know it.

Jess starts in on Liz right after dinner. She tells Liz not to worry about Todd because she's sure plenty of girls will be willing to keep him company while Liz is gone and then alludes to the fact that Lila has a big crush on him. Liz comments that she can tell that Jess is trying to talk her out of going and Jess takes that as victory, yelling to Ned and Alice that Liz said she could go instead. Liz does absolutely nothing to correct this misinformation.

So I guess both of those predictions ended up being right.

By the time the trip happens, Liz has talked herself into thinking she's happier staying home. She's planning to spend a lot of time with Todd and to write an article for the school paper about the class picnic. It's pretty riveting but at least she doesn't think she's going to get a free necklace from Tiffany's.

Jess leaves and the Wakefields wait for Suzanne to arrive. We're told that she enjoys lots of rich girl activities and that she's spent most of her life in boarding schools. Alice comments that she could never send her children away to school like that which is pretty hilarious since she never knows what the hell her kids are doing. Ever. Suzanne finally appears and she's described as stunningly beautiful with long, dark hair and violet-blue eyes. She speaks with a vaguely British accent which Liz attributes to all those years in European schools.

Suzanne appears nice at first and Liz likes her immediately. She's looking forward to playing hostess for awhile. Suzanne tells Liz about her boyfriend Pete but for some reason Liz is too shy to reciprocate and tell Suzanne about Todd. She tells Suzanne that she'll meet everyone at the picnic the next day. It's a really weird moment that I don't really understand. It feels like Pascal is trying to set up a scenario where Suzanne meets Todd but doesn't know who he is and hits on him. Surely not. We can't do another 'is Todd cheating on Liz' story. It's been done to death.

(((Note from future me: this actually goes nowhere.  Pascal spent time setting up a scenario that would provide actual, believable conflict and then she didn't bother to use it.  It was a complete waste of our time.)))

Pascal takes a hard right and suddenly starts talking about how Steven and Tricia are having issues in their relationship. It's completely out of the thin fucking blue and I have no idea why it's here. Liz tells us that Tricia has been upset since her father was arrested for hitting a pedestrian while intoxicated. He's out on bail now but Tricia seems sad every time Liz sees her. She wonders if that's why Tricia is pulling away from Steven and wonders why Tricia wouldn't want her boyfriend to comfort her at a time like this.

Well, that was weird.

We veer back into the main story. Liz and Suzanne change into bikinis and head down to the backyard pool. Liz tells us that Suzanne is so hot it makes her “self-conscious about her own lovely size-six figure”.

For fucks sake, Pascal. 💣💥😡

As they swim, Suzanne tells Liz that while Pete is incredibly in love with her, she's not so sure she wants to be tied down. She feels like her parents want her to marry Pete right after graduation so they won't have to deal with her anymore. She goes on to describe zipping around Manhattan in a convertible and skiing in Aspen. Liz ends up pretty jealous of Suzanne's fabulous life.

As if Liz isn't living a fabulous life of her own.

(((Blogger's Note: I'm not going to lie.....Suzanne is pretty indistinguishable from Jess. Pascal is writing her the exact same way. It's like she only knows how to write two kinds of characters – superficial and martyr.  You could literally replace Suzanne's name with Jess's throughout this story and it would still make sense.  It makes me wonder what the point of this book was.)))

We skip ahead to the picnic at the lake. Every guy in the vicinity is hitting on Suzanne including Bruce and Winston who we don't hear much from. Enid notes that Jess would be super jealous of all the attention Suzanne was getting and I'm kind of sorry she isn't there because that would probably have been entertaining at least. Liz thinks to herself that Enid is surprisingly attracting some attention as well even though she “wasn't stunning”. Wow, Liz. Way to be a bitch.

Mr Collins, the slightly inappropriate journalism teacher, is there to chaperon all the bikini-clad teens because of course he is. Suzanne seems super interested in him and Liz thinks that's okay because he's one of the best looking teachers at SVH. No, Liz. {{{swats her nose with a newspaper}}} Bad! I really hope Pascal isn't taking us down this disgusting path. PLEASE.

(((Blogger's Note: so clearly I don't read the back of the book before I start reading. 😆  My shameful secret has been accidentally revealed.)))

The kids eat and then play some volleyball before getting into the lake to cool off. Most of them stay by the shore to have a water fight but Suzanne swims out pretty far all on her own. Suddenly Liz realizes that Suzanne seems to be struggling and she alerts Mr Collins. He swims out to save the day and carries Suzanne back to shore. She cries that she was terrified and clings to his chest for comfort.

Fuck me.

Pascal, I begged you not to do this.

BEGGED!!!

Liz is so relieved that Suzanne is okay that she makes out with Todd in celebration. She's such a good friend, our Liz.

We hop over to Jessica for Chapter Four. She's home alone when someone knocks on the door. The guy is completely gorgeous so she invites him into the house even though she doesn't even know who he is.

Protagonist seriously needs to watch an episode of Dateline? Check.

Seriously, Jess has ZERO survival skills.  Who lets a stranger into the house just because he's hot?

The guy introduces himself as Pete and says that 'Suzy' told him that Jess would be there. So this is the boyfriend I guess. Jess tells us that he keeps giving her 'sleepy, seductive looks' and I'm trying to picture what that would even look like but we all know I can't do that so I don't know why I keep trying. I Googled 'sleepy seductive' and this guy came up so I guess we'll go with that.

From this point forward, that guy ^ will BE Pete as far as I'm concerned.

Jess fills us in on her first two days. She and the Devlins took a rented limo back from the airport because Mrs D thinks that taxis are “dreadful contraptions driven by dreadful little men” which is just such a rich bitch thing to say. They went shopping on Fifth Avenue and had lunch at the Russian Tea Room and Jess is having the time of her life.

But so far no free necklaces from Tiffany's or meetups with Mick Jagger.  Sadge.

Back to the present, Pete has stopped by to see if Mr and Mrs D want to use some concert tickets that he has for that evening since Suzanne is out of town and can't go with him. Jess tells him that the D's are going to a party that evening but she's available. He hesitates but then tells her to be ready by 5:30 because they “might as well have dinner first”. It's not the most enthusiastic invitation but Jess is thrilled to be going out with such a sophisticated and attractive man.

Jessica spends the next several hours getting ready. She uses Suzanne's bath oils, creams and make-up and then takes a cocktail dress from Suzanne's closet. All without permission. Pete doesn't show up on time and she's nearly in tears by the time he arrives. He doesn't acknowledge he's late or apologize but she lets him off the hook because he's so damn hot.

For a narcissist, Jess has no idea of her self-worth.  It's confusing.

Pete doesn't tell her that she looks nice which Jess takes really personally. He also doesn't respond to any of her flirting and when she asks him to come up with her after the concert, he declines. He doesn't kiss her goodnight or ask her out again and she is so furious over this that she has herself a little cry in the apartment afterward.

We go back to Liz for Chapter Six.

Suzanne is fitting in just fine with everyone in Sweet Valley. She's extremely helpful around the house and always willing to cook or do the dishes.  It doesn't feel true to the character we were described early on in the book but I'm not surprised.  Pascal can't even stay true to the characters she's spent 11 books writing.  There's no way she'll stay true to a new one.  Suzanne even spends time with Steven, helping him varnish his canoe which is NOT a euphemism even though it would be a damned good one. All of Liz's classmates seem to love her and the guys are practically falling over themselves to get with her. 

We get our first glimpse of the real Suzanne when Liz's precious necklace goes missing.  Suzanne pretends to help Liz look but the necklace is in her pocket all along.  She's decided to steal it as a souvenir of her trip.

Liz, Todd and Suzanne head out for the beach but Liz asks Todd to swing by Mr Collins' house first so she can drop off some things for the paper. Suzanne volunteers to run the stuff in to Mr C while Liz and Todd wait in the car. We hop into Suzanne's head at this point. She hears water running in the backyard and follows the sound to see Mr C watering his shrubs. Suzanne gives him the envelope from Liz and then asks him if she can take a drink from his hose. I assume that's not a euphemism but who the hell knows at this point. She makes sure to soak the front of her tshirt with the water so it's completely see through and she tells us that Mr Collins definitely takes a nice long look.

This is so gross, Pascal. Bad!

We go back to Jess in the middle of a chapter. She's feeling homesick and a little lonely. She's been spending time with some of Suzanne's friends but they're not the kind of people she's used to hanging out with. They mostly drink champagne and talk about their trust funds.  Not only can Jess not relate, but they all think she's immature and stupid.  She ends up drinking more than she should because she feels socially awkward and then she makes a huge fool of herself which just cements their opinion of her.

Now we're back with Liz. Todd gets last minute tickets to a Lakers game and he really wants Liz to go with him but she's supposed to babysit Mr Collins' son Teddy. Suzanne volunteers to babysit Teddy instead so she can have another excuse to get close to Mr C. Liz says she needs to call Mr C first to make sure it's okay but Suzanne convinces her that it isn't necessary.

We fly into Suzanne's head as she arrives at Mr C's house to babysit. He's annoyed that Liz didn't clear the switch with him. She plays it up, pretending like she loves kids and she's just so happy to spend the evening with Teddy but as soon as Mr C leaves, she drops the act. She tells Teddy to go watch TV and proceeds to ignore his requests for stories and play time. She leaves him alone in the living room and spends the entire evening search through Mr C's room and taking a bath in his bathroom. She's hoping he'll come home early and find her naked in the tub. He doesn't.

When he finally does come home, she's pretends to be sleeping on the couch. He wakes her up and she snuggles up to him, trying to get him to kiss her. He almost does which is just super gross but eventually pulls away from her and tells her to get her things because he's going to take her home. She vows to get even with him for rejecting her.

The fact that he came so close to kissing her really gives me the heebie jeebies.  I'm not so sure this man should be working with children.

Suzanne tears her blouse and fake cries as she heads back to the Wakefield house. You all know where this is going.

We're back with Jess which is a relief. She and Pete are taking a carriage ride around Central Park. She's laying it on thick, trying to seduce him but he's not biting. In fact, he tells Jess that he's only with her as a favor to the Devlins who wanted to get Jess out of the house for awhile. She's completely humiliated by this and frustrated that she can't seem to hook him. He takes her home and when he finds the apartment empty, he proposes they have a drink. Jess agrees, hoping it will help him loosen up so she can snag him.

After having some brandy, Pete suddenly makes a move on Jess. At first she's thrilled but it becomes pretty clear that Pete has more in mind than she's comfortable with. She tells him to stop but he doesn't and a struggle ensues.  During this struggle, Jess is definitely touched in a very non-consensual way.  The Devlin's come home to find Pete on top of her and the chapter ends.

We're back with Liz. Suzanne has arrived home all disheveled and upset. Liz asks her what happened and Suzanne makes up a story about Mr C trying to assault her. Liz doesn't believe her and asks her if she could be mistaken. If Suzanne wasn't lying, this would be an unforgivable response. Suzanne manages to convince her and Liz is responsible enough to go tell her parents at least.  Ned goes to talk to Mr C and then to the principal I think?  Or the head of the school board.  I can't even remember.  At any rate, someone in authority is told and word quickly spreads about Suzanne's accusations.

Liz is pretty torn about the entire thing. She wants to believe Suzanne because she seemed so upset but she just can't believe Mr C would do such a thing. Their peer group is pretty divided about it as well with some believing Suzanne and some thinking she's making things up. They all feel sorry for her, however, and decide they want to chip in to buy her a pretty blouse to make up for her trauma.

This is so weird. Who does that?

I mean truly.  Who hears that a girl was potentially assaulted by her teacher and decides that a new blouse will heal her trauma?  This whole town is pretty fucking weird.

They buy the blouse and gift wrap it for Suzanne. Liz decides to sneak it into her suitcase so she'll find it after she gets home. When she puts it in there, she finds her missing necklace among Suzanne's clothes. Confused, she simply fastens it around her neck and says nothing. Later she and Todd are on their way to Lila's birthday party when she asks him to take a detour to Mr C's house so they can get his side of the story. Todd agrees this is a good idea.

Liz comes right out and asks Mr C if he assaulted Suzanne and, instead of answering, he just asks her what she thinks. That's enough for her to decide he's innocent.

WHAT???

Okay, I KNOW he's innocent but no one else knows that. HE DIDN'T EVEN DEFEND HIMSELF! HE NEVER DENIED THE ACCUSATIONS! Liz just decided he didn't do with NO EVIDENCE WHATSOEVER!

What the fucking hell, Pascal?

Liz begs for his forgiveness despite the fact that he never offered any kind of denial or proof that he was innocent. Then she kisses his cheek which is just hella inappropriate and he allows it despite the fact he should have learned a lesson about how he interacts with his students. Liz vows to fix things.

Liz and Todd go the party where Suzanne is charming everyone as usual. Suzanne notices that Liz is wearing the necklace and immediately tries to figure out an explanation for how it got into her suitcase. She says that maybe it got caught on the arm of her sweater and she didn't notice it and then packed the sweater in her suitcase. Liz doesn't buy it and tells Suzanne that she's going to tell everyone she's a liar. Suzanne vows to ruin Liz's life if she tries.

As soon as Liz walks away, Suzanne flags down Cara who is the biggest gossip in the school. She tells Cara that Liz hit her head on the side of the pool the day before and she's been acting weird ever since. She insinuates that Liz is having issues like she did after her motorcycle accident and that people shouldn't pay much attention if she starts saying or doing weird things. Cara eats this up and rapidly spreads it all around the party.

Liz gets wind of it and goes to confront Suzanne. She starts screaming in the middle of the party which just makes Suzanne's accusations look like they have merit. Especially when Liz accuses Suzanne of stealing the necklace that she's clearly wearing. Things are definitely going Suzanne's way until Winston accidentally spills punch on her white dress and Suzanne gets angry with him. This is enough to convince everyone that Suzanne is evil and they all instantly believe Liz.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

These kids are stupid. They're all just fucking stupid. 

Suzanne yells at Winston for ruining a VERY expensive dress and suddenly everyone that loved her now hates her. IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!

We skip ahead a day and Jess arrives home. She and Liz don't really tell each other anything about their adventures. Liz makes it sound like everything was rainbows and unicorns with Suzanne and Jess lies about how Pete was “dreamy” and how he's madly in love with her even though he definitely assaulted her.

Wait a goddamned minute.

So Pascal spends like two chapters talking about the fallout of Suzanne's false accusations.  She talks about how people are torn on whether to believe her or not and how tormented Mr C is that he'd be accused of something that he actually considered doing.  BUT WE GET NOTHING ABOUT JESSICA'S ACTUAL ASSAULT.  We're told that the Devlin's kicked Pete out of the house and forbade him from seeing Suzanne anymore but that's it.  No actual punishment was given to Pete.  We're never told how Jess felt about the attack and how she dealt with it.  Pascal doesn't fucking care about the real assault that happened but she dedicates PAGES AND PAGES to the fake assault.

I'm so mad, y'all.

Coming Up Next: The last four pages sets up the story for the next book. Steven is crushed because Tricia keeps canceling all their dates. He tells Liz that he knows something is really wrong with her but she won't talk to him. Jess thinks Tricia's probably cheating on Steven and advises him to break up with her but he's way too in love for that.