Rags to Riches (SVH #16) by Francine Pascal

 

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: Look who's after Roger Barrett!

From the Back of the Book: Roger Strikes it rich...No one would have guessed that Roger Barrett, the poorest boy in Sweet Valley, was really one of the Patmans, the wealthiest family in town. But when Roger's mother dies, the secret of his birth is revealed and overnight he becomes a millionaire! Immediately, Jessica Wakefield sets her sights on Roger and his newfound wealth. Only one thing stands in her way – Olivia Davidson, Roger's longtime girlfriend. But not for long. Jessica has a surefire plan to take care of her!

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

This book was published in 1985 and this is my first time reading it. The cover couldn't be any more 80's with that ridiculous popped collar. Why did we ever think that was cool? Roger looks like a douche. Honestly, if I didn't know it was him, I would assume it was Bruce. The character seems more in line with Bruce than Roger.

In the last book. Tricia died and Steven made a promise to watch out for her sister Betsy who quickly developed a crush on him. Jess wasn't pleased about this because Betsy had a horrible reputation. She turned out to be a good artist, though, and by the end of the book she was a completely different person due to the attention of the exalted Wakefields. In a barely acknowledged C-Plot, Roger's mother died and there was a big reveal that he was really a Patman. Also, Winston ate a lot of pizza.

We begin with Roger and his girlfriend Olivia having lunch at SVH. It's Roger's first day back to school since his mom died a week ago. He recaps his minuscule C-Plot for us, but since I already did that, I'm skipping it. Olivia tells us that Roger is now living with the Patman's and he's already managed to get himself contacts and better clothes.

Apparently Roger's dad knew he existed but since he was married to another woman, he couldn't marry Roger's mom. Instead of, you know, paying fucking child support or something, he willed his entire fortune to his child but stipulated that the kid couldn't know about it until he was 21 or until his mom died, whichever happened first. Roger's dad really sucked. Roger grew up in absolute poverty because of the way that will was written. Apparently Bruce's dad did try to get Roger's mom to take some money at some point but she refused which means she also sucked. Her child was getting absolutely bullied in school because he was so poor and he had to work at night to help pay the bills instead of enjoying his childhood because she was too proud to accept the help that was OWED to Roger.

I'm already mad and we've barely started. This doesn't bode well.

We head hop to Jess who is teasing Lila about Roger being the one who got away. Several books ago, Roger had a huge crush on Lila but she turned him down because he was so poor. Lila pretends she doesn't care how rich Roger is now. She still thinks he's too “scruffy”.

Pascal takes a minute to remind us how perfect the twins are with their hair of sunshine and their “perfect size-six figures”. It's super annoying and my least favorite part of any book.

Jess is pretty excited because the Patman's are going to throw a huge party to welcome Roger into the family officially and she's looking forward to being in the mansion again. Jess loves that house and used to dream about being mistress of it by marrying Bruce. Of course, Bruce is a predator asshole so Jess had to abandon her dream. Now that there's a new Patman in the ranks, she wonders if her dream could actually come true.

We hop into Liz's head for a fraction of a page. It's just long enough for Todd to introduce our apparent B-Plot of this book. Apparently something mysterious is going on with Regina but he leaves Liz hanging and says they'll talk after school. ((Regina is the little sister of that guy Liz cheated on Todd with a couple of books back.))

We're back with Roger now. He's finding it difficult to fit in at the Patman's mansion. Bruce doesn't want him there and Mrs Patman takes every opportunity to tell him that he's doing things wrong. He doesn't wear the right clothes or use the right fork at dinner and he's continually embarrassing her in front of her snooty friends. Roger feels out of place and lonely. Mr Patman tries to make him feel welcome but it doesn't undo the damage being done by the other two.

It's weird that Mr Patman is our nice guy in this book.  In previous books, Pascal has definitely painted him as an asshole.  It just proves she doesn't retain any information about her characters from one book to the next.  It's a trait her characters share as well because none of them ever seem to remember what Jess is like either.

Todd finally calls Liz after school to fill her in about Regina. He says that Regina has been leaving school early lately and he hardly ever sees her in their last period English class. She's also been spending a lot of time alone and acting nervous. He says he has some kind of plan but again won't tell Liz about it until the next day.

What's with Todd and his weird teasers? He's the human version of click bait in this book.  If I were Liz, I'd definitely kick him in the shins.

Todd reveals his grand plan to Liz the next day. They're going to skip their last class and try to see where Regina goes when she leaves the school. Liz is scandalized at the idea of skipping school but agrees that they need to find out what's going on in case Regina needs some kind of help. Because the Wakefields are the only people who could ever offer anyone help. They follow Regina to some kind of medical center where she's met by an older man who kisses her cheek and escorts her inside.

(((Note from future me: Pascal refers to this building as a medical center the entire book but it's actually some kind of plaza where a lot of different kinds of businesses rent space.  You know what I mean.)))

We skip to Saturday which is the day of the big “Welcome Roger” party. Liz notices Olivia moping about in a corner alone and goes to ask her what's wrong. Olivia tells her that Bruce's mom was really cold toward her and she's worried that Roger will be influenced to break up with her. Liz reassures her that Roger loves her and he won't let his aunt tell him what to do. Meanwhile, Jess is turning on the charm toward Mrs Patman and the woman is falling for it hook, line and sinker. She goes on and on about how considerate and lovely Jess is and then corners Jess to ask her about Roger's other friends. In particular, she seems interested in Olivia. Jess tells her that she doesn't know Olivia very well because Olivia is incredibly shy. Mrs Patman reacts as if being shy is the worst thing a person can be. She tells Jess that Roger needs to date someone more social from a good family and insinuates that Jess would be the perfect person. Jess is thrilled.

For some reason that I can't figure out at all, Olivia approaches Jess later in the buffet line and comments that she wishes she could be confident like Jess. This makes no fucking sense in any way. Olivia doesn't even like Jess. Why would she just go up to her and say she wishes she could be like her? Give me a break, Pascal. At least try to make it make sense. Jess senses an opportunity and figures she can sabotage Olivia while making it look like she's helping. The first thing she does is encourage Olivia to make herself two plates of food because there's nothing more embarrassing than a girl eating a hamburger AND a brownie amirite?

I hate everyone.

Sure enough, Bruce teases Olivia for actually eating and Olivia is humiliated.

What the fuck does Pascal have against girls eating? I sense some deep-seated issues here in Pascal's own life.

Later, Jess talks Olivia into diving and Olivia does a belly flop and embarrasses herself even further. I guess we're supposed to believe that Jess set that up too but there's no conceivable way that Jess could have predicted that would happen. Pascal thinks we're all idiots. Then she plans for Roger and Olivia to join her and Bruce for a game of doubles tennis. Roger is a track dude and Olivia doesn't sport so Jess is sure this will lead to further humiliation for Olivia while simultaneously making Roger see how awesome Jess is on the court.

On Monday afternoon, most of the student body of SVH are lounging around outside after school for some reason instead of going home like normal people, when a beige Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. The attractive older man that Liz and Todd saw Regina with earlier in the book gets out and approaches Lila asking her if she could direct him to Regina. Regina comes running out of the school calling the man Lane. They get into his Ferrari and take off. Rumors begin to fly.

While that's going on, Olivia and Jess are at the mall to look at tennis clothes for the tennis shenanigans the next afternoon. Olivia tries on some tennis shorts and a polo shirt and instantly feels ridiculous. She tells Jess that she'd rather just wear her gym shorts and Jess agrees that it might be best. She leads Olivia into a dress shop and asks what she's wearing to the country club dance. Olivia has picked out some fabric to make her own dress but Jess confides in her that Roger is having a hard time with his aunt and it might make things easier on him if Olivia was a little more classy and tried harder to fit in. Olivia thinks to herself that Jess is right – she's just one big embarrassment and not right for Roger at all.

Hold up. Olivia knows Jess. She knows what Jess does and how she operates. Why is she trusting her here? It makes no logical sense. It's like Pascal expects us to believe that no one ever remembers what Jess does except Todd.

The next day at school, Lila is super busy telling everyone who will listen that Regina is probably having sex with Lane. Caroline, the biggest gossip at SVH, absorbs the info and Lila congratulates herself at taking Regina's reputation down a few notches. Pascal really hasn't explained Lila's motives at all. She wrote in a brief paragraph where Todd speculated that Lila didn't like having another rich girl in town but it didn't make much sense and feels pretty weak. I don't know what I was expecting.

Caroline asks Lila and Jess who they are taking to the country club dance and they both evade the question. Lila doesn't have a date and Jess is still hoping to end up with Roger. Caroline says that her boyfriend Adam won't be able to make it because he lives two hours away. Lila is instantly suspicious. She's never heard of this Adam guy and she starts interrogating Caroline about him. Caroline says they met at a party and he's been writing her daily letters ever since.  I guess this is our C-plot for the book.

We skip to the tennis match. Jess suggests that they play boys against girls first. I'm not sure why. Olivia is a disaster. After each mistake she makes, Roger tries to call out something helpful she can do to improve and Jess can tell that Olivia is getting pissed off about it. She makes sure to tell Olivia how well she's doing for a beginner so Olivia feels like Jess is on her side and Roger isn't. After two games, Olivia tells them that she wants to go home. Roger is disappointed and tries to convince her to stay but Jess offers to drive her home. She doesn't want Olivia and Roger to have time alone and work things out.

The next day, Regina approaches Liz and asks her to come to her house after school. Liz agrees, hoping she'll get to the bottom of the B-plot. It turns out that Lane is a model scout and he discovered Regina downtown one day. She's been doing a photo shoot for a magazine and they decided to give her the cover for the next month's issue. Liz is excited for her. Regina asks her to keep it a secret until the magazine comes out. She gives some weird reason about fighting her own battles and not giving into rumors which really doesn't make much sense but nothing else in this book has either. Later, Todd asks Liz what she found out and Liz says that she can't tell him. Todd acts like a four-year-old about it as usual.

At school the next day Olivia betrays us all by introducing a D-plot. There's some kind of playwriting contest that she tells Liz about. Liz wants to enter but there's only a month until submissions have to be in. I'm sure this won't cause any conflict with her super mature boyfriend when she has to write instead of spending time with him.

Jess rocks up and tells Liz that she and Olivia are going to Olivia's house to hem a dress for the country club dance. Liz is a little suspicious about Jess's motives since Jess doesn't sew but decides to keep her nose out of it for once. Jess goes back to Olivia's house where she's dismayed to discover that the dress is cotton. Olivia defends it, saying that the fabric is imported from Greece. She's designed the dress so it has a V-neck and a sash around the waist and Jess thinks it would make a lovely swimsuit coverup but a lousy dress for the dance. She tells Olivia that it's too informal and all eyes will be on her since she's there with Roger. She hints that the dress will be a huge embarrassment to Roger and that Olivia should buy a new one.

Olivia doesn't have the money to purchase a new dress so she's feeling pretty lousy. Jess drives the sword a little deeper by saying that the Patman's are all Roger has left in the world and it's Olivia's responsibility to make sure that Roger makes a good impression because if he doesn't, his life is going to be completely miserable in their house. Olivia is crushed. She knows there's no way that she can go to this dance with Roger. She'll just end up ruining his life. In fact, there's no way the two of them can stay together.

Jess really is a master.

Meanwhile, Mrs Patman is calling Roger into her room to talk to him. She asks about his hobbies and then looks down her nose at them, declaring running to be sweaty and not very social. She asks about his future plans and then expresses dismay when he tells her he wants to be a doctor because it's “messy”. Then she asks who he's taking to the dance. When he says Olivia, Mrs Patman gets all fluttery. She implies that Olivia won't be suitable at all and suggests that Bruce can set him up with someone who won't embarrass the entire family. Roger wants to go with Olivia but feels bad about going against his aunt who has taken him in when he had nowhere else to go. He tells her he'll think about it. He's determined to make the Patmans proud of him to pay them back for all they've done.

The next day, Regina tells Liz that she's meeting with Lane to go over the photo proofs for the magazine. Somehow Lila manages to overhear the part about meeting Lane but not the part about the photos or the magazine. It's really dumb and unbelievable but Pascal thinks we're idiots. Lila decides to hang out in the parking lot and follow Regina to see where she's going.

Regina and Lane go to his office with Lila not far behind them. She overhears the receptionist and an assistant talking about Regina being in the magazine and she freaks out. She fantasizes about Lane seeing her and deciding that she should be in the magazine instead which also doesn't make sense because Lane ALREADY SAW HER AT THE SCHOOL. He talked to her. So if seeing her was going to change his mind, it would have already been changed. Fucking hell, Pascal. Anyway, Lila makes an appointment to see him later in the week, thinking her beauty will definitely get Regina fired.

We skip to Olivia and Roger outside of the school. She tells him that she can't go to the dance with him after all because she feels like she won't be able to be herself around his family. She admits to him that the Patmans make her feel really uncomfortable and she feels like a clod around them. He protests that it's going to be really embarrassing for him if she backs out because he already told everyone that she was going with him. She accuses him of being more worried about his feelings than hers and this pisses him off so they break up.

When Jess hears about the breakup, she immediately goes to the Patman mansion to talk to Roger. Mrs Patman answers the door herself which is so unrealistic that it knocks me right out of the story. Mrs P would never deign to answer the door herself. If they don't have a butler, she'd certainly have a maid do it. Anyway, she's thrilled to see Jess and leads her out to the patio where Roger is reading. Jess goes on full-sabotage mode, telling Roger that Olivia broke up with him so he'd go to the dance alone and everyone would laugh at him. She says that Olivia's jealous of his new life and wants him to go back to being poor and unhappy. Jess lets it slip that she doesn't have a date for the dance and Roger immediately asks her.

Honestly, Olivia is better off without him. If he'd believe those things about her, he obviously doesn't know her very well or think very highly of her. Plus, he's also aware of who Jess is and everything she's done before. He's supposed to be smart. He should know better than to believe her.

When Roger tells his aunt, she's thrilled. Roger is happy that he's finally pleased her but down deep he misses Olivia.

Sure you do.

Lila goes to her meeting with Lane and finds out that Regina is not only in the magazine, but on the cover and it's already gone to production. She's upset that there's nothing she can do to prevent Regina from being in the magazine. Lane adds insult to injury by telling Lila that she doesn't have the bone structure to be a model and her face would photograph really flat. It's not a nice thing to say but the modeling industry isn't nice. Lila leaves fuming.

We skip to the day of the dance. Roger is in his uncle's room looking for some cufflinks to wear when his aunt comes into the attached sitting room. She's on the phone and doesn't know he's in there. He keeps quiet because he's afraid he'll get in trouble even though his uncle gave him permission to look for the cufflinks. His aunt is talking to a friend about how happy she is that Roger broke up with Olivia. She mentions that she thinks Jess had something to do with it but THERE'S NO WAY SHE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE THIS FUCKING INFORMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pascal's not even trying at this point. It would have made more sense for Roger to overhear JESS talking about the things she did to break them up. Mrs Patman would know NONE OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roger is upset that he hadn't been suspicious of Jess spending time with Olivia. I'm upset too because you're all fucking idiots.

Roger calls the Wakefield house and asks to meet with both Liz and Jess together before the dance.  Jess has been getting ready and Liz has been doing research for our D-plot but they agree to meet with him.  When he arrives, he tells them that he's made a horrible mistake and that he needs to fix things with Olivia. Jess can't exactly talk him out of it with Liz standing right there but she's furious. Roger tells Jess that he can't take her to the dance and then he and Liz leave to go talk to Olivia. Jess calls Neil and surprises him with the news that he can take her to the dance.

I don't remember who Neil is.  I also don't care.

Roger and Liz get to Olivia's house. He starts apologizing right away. He tells her what Jess did (EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT SHE DID BECAUSE ALL MRS PATMAN SAID WAS THAT SHE SUSPECTED JESS HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT. BUT SUDDENLY ROGER IS SPOUTING INFORMATION ABOUT HOW JESS WANTED TO MAKE OLIVIA FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AND ROGER FEEL LIKE SHE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. THERE'S NO WAY FOR HIM TO KNOW THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

He tells Olivia that he wants to take her to the dance to prove to his aunt that being a Patman isn't going to change who he is. Olivia agrees but then takes Liz aside to show her the dress and ask her if it's okay to wear. Liz assures her that it's a beautiful dress and Roger will love her in it.

When Liz gets home, she confronts Jess. Jess puts on her innocent eyes and tells Liz that she was truly only trying to help Olivia and she just made a mess of things because she didn't realize how insecure both Olivia and Roger are. Liz buys it because she's a fucking idiot. Jess then shows her the magazine with Regina on the cover and says that Todd called three times while Liz was gone. Liz figures he saw the magazine and he's upset with her for keeping the secret.

I don't really know what happens between Liz and Todd because Pascal doesn't bother to write it. She just has them come into the dance all lovey-dovey as usual so I guess the B-plot had finally reached it's conclusion.

Mrs Patman pulls Roger aside after the receiving line at the dance is over to tell him he's an embarrassment. Mr Patman overhears and chews his wife out for not being welcoming to their new nephew. When she leaves, Mr Patman tells Roger that he's proud of how well Roger is adjusting to everything and he doesn't want him to change who he is. Roger is grateful. Mr Patman also says that Olivia is a lovely girl and she's always welcome in their home and at their events.

We end the book with our C-plot. Lila leaves her date Drake-not-Aubrey to fix her hair in the ladies' room. A whole bunch of girls are there fussing over Regina. Lila is furious about the attention Regina is getting. Caroline accuses her of being jealous so Lila retaliates by asking her where this boyfriend of hers is. Caroline instantly gets flustered and says he couldn't make it. Cara and Lila clearly don't believe in the existence of this boyfriend, so Caroline pulls a letter out of her pocket. Imma just leave this here.....

“How I wish I could be with you tonight at the dance. But, Caroline, as long as you know I love you, everything will be all right. You asked me the other day how much I loved you. Caroline, it's pretty heard to measure how I feel. Let me put it this way: I love you to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach when feeling out of sight. And if you'll be mine, nothing shall ever keep us apart. I'll love you even more after our deaths.”

Um.

Is that a threat?

That feels like a threat.

Caroline, honey, you should take this to the police.

Lila and Cara make fun of the letter for obvious reasons. It's pretty cringey. Cara still doesn't believe in George Glass.....ahem....I meant Adam....and basically asks Caroline to produce him in person for proof. Caroline gets more nervous and says he's going to try to get the car so he can visit soon.

The book ends with Caroline feeling worried about the week ahead.

I'd be more worried that Adam wants to reenact Romeo and Juliet.

Coming up Next: IDK. Caroline either has or doesn't have a boyfriend that either wants or doesn't want to murder her.

Promises (SVH #15) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: Somehow, Jessica will get rid of Betsy.

From the Back of the Book: Bad girl in town....Steven Wakefield is crushed when his girlfriend, Tricia, dies after a tragic illness. The only things that keep him going are the memory of their love and his promise to Tricia to take care of her sister, Betsy, after she's gone. Betsy Martin's wild exploits with drink, drugs and boys have left her with the worst reputation in Sweet Valley. But when Steven takes her into the Wakefield home, Betsy makes a promise to change. And as her goodness grows, so does her love for Steven. Jessica, Steven's conniving younger sister, doesn't like this one bit. She makes a little promise of her own – to get Betsy out of the house and out of Steven's life...forever!

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

This book was published in 1984 and this is my first time reading it. My only comment on the cover art is that Betsy looks like a 30-year-old cafeteria worker. This is the second book in a row that has completely thrown Jessica under the bus before the first chapter even begins. Last book she was referred to as “scheming” and this book calls her “conniving”. Listen, I'm not Jessica's biggest fan – I truly believe everyone in this universe is evil – but this is a little much. It's another example of Pascal telling us what she wants us to think instead of showing us behavior and letting us draw our own conclusions.

In the last book, Liz cheated on Todd with Nicholas. It was okay, though, because she only did it to be polite. Because it would be bad manners to turn down a date with a boy even if you don't want to go and are in a committed relationship with someone else. Sigh. #fuckpoliteness Everyone forgave her because of course they did. Elizabeth Wakefield can do no wrong. Oh, and Jess almost got in trouble for hacking into the school computer and changing her grade but she was forgiven too. Because....reasons.

So I've been working on recapping “The Wrong Girl” by R. L. Stine pretty much since I put up the last SVH recap last month. It's....um....it's not going well. The book is long and stupid and I'm struggling to get through it. I'm about 66% done but I needed a break from it so I decided to do this one instead. I'm not sure it was the best course of action.

Odds I will regret all my life decisions: 96%

We begin in Tricia's hospital room as she nears the end. Jessica tells us that Tricia is exhibiting the bravery of “a female Luke Skywalker”. It sounds so ridiculous. Tricia's family is not present so it's a good thing the entire Wakefield clan is there. Ned, Alice and the twins step out into the hall to give Tricia and Steven a moment alone. Tricia asks him to promise to look after Betsy. Steven isn't very happy about it, but he does it because he loves Tricia. 

And then she dies.

As the Wakefields are leaving the hospital, Betsy comes in drunk and demanding to see her sister. Apparently she just got word that Tricia was nearing the end. Steven tells her the news and Betsy breaks into hysterical sobs. Steven holds her for a minute and then Ned takes over. He tells Betsy that she can come sleep at their house for the night because there's no one at her house to take care of her. Jess makes some snide comments in order to slut-shame Betsy as usual and Liz tells her to be more sympathetic.

Betsy is so upset that she missed her sister's final moments that she swears never to drink or do drugs again. Jess doesn't believe her for a single second. She's hella pissed that her dad offered to let Betsy stay with them. If anyone finds out, this could ruin Jess' reputation forever.

#everyoneistheasshole

Chapter two is entirely Jess slut-shaming Betsy and Liz telling her to be nice. For five pages. The same thing over and over again. Liz does admit that she hopes Betsy won't stay with them long but it has nothing to do with her reputation. Liz thinks Steven won't be able to “get over Tricia” with Betsy in the house. It's amazing she thinks he'll get over Tricia at all. We don't get over these things, Liz. We get through them.

Half of chapter three is spent describing Winston eating four pieces of pizza in four minutes in order to win some kind of bet with Bruce. It's boring and useless and I don't know why it's here other than to show us that Liz is already putting Tricia's death behind her because she has such goofy friends.

#WTFPascal

After school, Liz goes home to find the radio in the study blaring. That's where Betsy is staying because there's a couch in there for her to sleep on and she has a measure of privacy. Liz imagines a drunk, drugged up Betsy fucking some random dude on the couch but when she goes into the room, she finds Betsy drawing at the desk. The fact that she thought Betsy might be having sex but still went into the room anyway is pretty hilarious to me. Maybe Liz likes to watch. Anyway, the two of them talk for a bit about how Liz uses writing as a coping mechanism and Betsy uses art. It turns out Betsy was drawing a picture of Tricia and Liz tells her that she should give it to Steven. Bitch, maybe she wanted to keep the picture of her sister for herself and now she feel obligated to give it to your brother. Not everything is about the Wakefields, sweaty. I know that probably just blew your mind but it's true.

It's the day of the funeral. Jess is elated because she thinks Betsy is going to be going home afterwards and they'll be rid of her. She tells Liz that she heard Betsy come in super late the night before and she assumes Betsy was out getting drunk and railed. When confronted about it, though, Betsy says she went back to her house to go through some of Tricia's things and ended up falling asleep on the couch. Jess doesn't believe her but Liz is willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

What a saint.

Steven walks in and hands Betsy a box. Inside is a set of paints and brushes. He tells her that Liz mentioned she liked to sketch so he thought she might like to try painting. Betsy is touched. No one has ever given her a gift before.

Tricia's dad doesn't come to the funeral so Ned and Alice offer to let Betsy stay for a few more days until they can locate him. Betsy has a moment after the service where she wants to go to the bar and slip back into her old habits but Steven stops her. He reminds her of her promise while remembering his own to look after her. He tells her that she's welcome to stay with them forever which is not an offer he can realistically make. He doesn't even live there. He lives in the dorms. I think Ned and Alice might be interested to know they just gained another daughter. They can't even manage the two they have with any degree of competency.

So I had no idea that Winston and his weird eating contests were going to be the B-Plot but here we are. Sigh. I'm honestly going to skip over these sections because it borders on something problematic and I'm not going to trigger any of my readers over something so asinine. If anything pertinent to the plot happens, I'll let you know. Otherwise we'll just carry on.

{{{Note from future me: it's never pertinent to the plot.  Are we surprised???}}}

Jess whines to Cara and Lila about Betsy being a new resident of Casa Wakefield. Lila tells her to go through Betsy's things and find some kind of contraband that would force Ned and Alice to kick her out. They're discussing how Jess can play it off when they hear Roger yell from across the quad. We had a book about Roger awhile back. He's the poor track star who moonlights as a janitor to support his sick mother. Pascal introduces a C-Plot when we're told that Roger's mother has had a heart attack and isn't expected to make it.

I guess Pascal was hungry for blood in this book.

#Wakefieldsnextplease

Jess goes home and carries out her search. She doesn't turn up anything except aspirin. Frustrated, she looks through Betsy's sketches. Most of them are of her family but there's one of Steven. Jess has an epic meltdown about this sketch, claiming it's proof that Betsy is in love with Steven. I know she's right because Pascal is a very lazy author, but I really find this assumption to be a HUGE leap. Just because you sketch a person doesn't mean you love them. If that were the case, I'd be hugely in love with Lambchop because I used to draw that stupid puppet a lot for some damn reason.

For the record, I hate Lambchop. She was just easy to draw and my friend at the time was obsessed with her so I think she got stuck in my brain.

Jess goes to Liz at Defcon 1 to tell her they have to get rid of Betsy before she has a litter of kids with their brother.

The next chapter is nothing but Jess fretting over Steven falling in love with Betsy. It's repetitive and unnecessary and I think Pascal was just padding out her word count.

We skip ahead to the weekend. I think. Pascal is never super clear with her timeline. Everyone is at some disco club listening the The Droids play. Pascal gives us this: “Inside, Jessica whirled across the dance floor, stretching, strutting, kicking her legs up, and spinning around and around.” Um. Are we supposed to think that sounds good? I'm picturing that in my head and it sounds like she's having some kind of episode. Maybe medical intervention is in order.

Speaking of medical intervention, while at the dance club, Cara fills Jess in on the latest about Roger's mother. She needs some kind of open-heart operation that she can only get in Houston so Roger is trying to figure out how to get her there. The only problem is that he's poor which Jess is quick to point out. The conversation ends there. I don't think Pascal is very invested in her C-Plot. The stupid B-Plot about Winston's eating escapades comes up way more often. I guess Pascal thinks a pizza eating contest is more important than Roger's poor mother.

Steven and Betsy are also at this club. People are slut-shaming her left and right and Betsy is pretty humiliated. Steven tells her to ignore it but it's clear that it's getting to her. She confides in him that she'd like to leave town and start all over where no one knows her. Steven tells her that she can't solve her problems by running away and encourages her to stick it out and work through it. She tells him that she thinks he's really special and he gets all embarrassed. Luckily for Steven, his friend Jason interrupts them. Steven asks Jason to join them and it's pretty clear that Betsy is annoyed by this. Steven chalks it up to her being uncomfortable with strangers because he's a fucking idiot.

It turns out that Jason is conveniently an artist and he teaches a life drawing class on Saturday mornings that Betsy has been dying to go to but feels too insecure to try. Both Steven and Jason encourage her to try the class and she eventually agrees. Jason tells her that he's heard a lot about her talent from Steven and Betsy is thrilled that Steven has been talking about her in such a positive way to his friends. She seems to read a lot into this which is really stupid because Steven is clearly still mourning her sister. Betsy is also a fucking idiot.

#idiotsasfarastheeyecansee

Jason is thrilled that Betsy has agreed to take the class. I don't know why. Betsy also doesn't know why and thinks he's just happy because he's heard she sleeps around and is expecting her to clean his brushes if you know what I mean. She snaps and tells him that she's not going to fuck him in exchange for art lessons and it embarrasses both him and Steven. Jason rushes to explain that he's not expecting any kind of sexual favors and that he isn't in the habit of sleeping with his students. The moment passes awkwardly and then Steven asks Betsy to dance again because he's too dumb to realize she's not seeing any of this as a friendly gesture.

The next morning, Liz gently talks to Steven and tells him that she thinks Betsy is getting the wrong idea from all the attention he's showing her. Steven gets all stubborn and tells Liz to mind her own business. He really is incredibly dumb. For some reason, he hasn't told anyone about his promise to Tricia and I'm not entirely sure why. It doesn't make any sense.

Betsy comes home from her art class really upset. She tells Liz that she thought Jason genuinely thought she was talented but then he asked her out and she knew he was just after her....ahem....kitty if you know what I mean. Liz tries to tell her that Jason might be interested in her as a person and not as a fuck buddy but Betsy is so jaded by past experiences with men that she doesn't believe it for a second. Liz decides that trying to be Betsy's friend is too exhausting and she just gives up. Honestly, Betsy is better off without her.

Pascal finally deigns to revisit the C-Plot for a few paragraphs. She tells us that Bruce's father has decided to pay for Roger's mother's operation. No one can figure out why he's doing this because Mr Patman isn't really known for his random acts of kindness.

Super quickly that gets dropped and we're back to the Steven/Betsy saga that Pascal apparently thinks is riveting. {{{Spoiler Alert: she's incorrect}}} Jason drops by during a Wakefield brunch to give Betsy her sketchbook because she left without it the day before. He tells her that he thinks she's really talented and she should consider applying to art school. He says that the Los Angeles Academy of Fine Art is doing a talent search and the three winners will get four years worth of tuition, room and board.

Jason says he know one of the people on the committee and he thinks he can get them to accept Betsy's portfolio for judging if she gets it together right away. She acidly asks him what he'll be expecting in return and he says nothing. He even offers to help her put her portfolio together. She accuses him of just wanting to fuck her and storms out. Steven tries to smooth things over with Jason, telling him that Betsy's had some bad experiences with men. Jason is pretty great about it. He seems like a really nice guy so I'm not sure what he's doing in this series.  He should save himself while he still has a chance.  Liz suggests they submit Betsy's application without her knowledge and they all agree this fraud is a good idea.

Steven goes back to college. Finally. Betsy is super upset to see him go and the Wakefields are all uncomfortable with this but no one says a fucking word.

Betsy's father eventually shows up at the Wakefield house. Betsy immediately calls Steven to ask him what she should do. Steven skips his classes to run right home. I guess Betsy decided not to go home with her dad because the next chapter has Ned having a serious talk with Steven about him putting his life on hold for Betsy. Steven finally tells him about the promise he made to Tricia and Ned points out that he doesn't think Tricia meant he should sacrifice his own life for her sister. Steven stubbornly insists that it's exactly what's he meant to do and the conversation ends.

Jess was eavesdropping of course and she wastes no time telling Betsy that the only reason Steven is being nice to her is because he promised Tricia. Betsy gets pissed off and starts yelling at Jess about how awful all the Wakefields are. I don't disagree with her but I think she's being a little dramatic here. She had to know all along that the Wakefields were only helping her out because she was Tricia's sister. It makes no sense that she'd be pissed about it. I think everyone's intentions were pretty clear. Maybe Steven's were confusing but the others were pretty open about what they were doing and why.

Betsy ends up leaving and going to some bar. A little while later, Steven and Jason arrive at the Wakefield house looking for her. Betsy has won the contest because of course she did. When they find out she left, they go searching all the bars for her. When they finally find her, she makes a big show about being a "bad girl" and screams at them to leave her alone which prompts the guy she's with to start swinging at Steven in her defense.  The brawl is pretty lame and short-lived.  Jason turns out to be a brown belt in karate because of course he is. Betsy is so enamored of his fighting skills that she forgets who Steven is and this plot is wrapped up in the stupidest way possible.

The book ends with the news that Roger's mother died. Afterwards, Roger finds out that the man he thought was his father wasn't his father at all. His real dad was a man named Paul Patman. He was Bruce's uncle and a very wealthy man who died in a plane crash years ago. Now Roger is suddenly rich and going to live with the Patman's.

Sigh.

It just gets dumber and dumber.

By the way, I DEFINITELY regretted pausing the Stine to read this.  I can't be trusted to make these decisions.

Coming up next: Jess decides to make another play for Roger now that he's not poor.

Deceptions (SVH #14) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: Has Elizabeth found a new love?

From the Back of the Book: A tangled web.... Elizabeth Wakefield is stunned when Nicholas Morrow asks her for a date. A newcomer to Sweet Valley, Nicholas is fabulously wealthy and extremely handsome. Even though Elizabeth would never cheat on Todd Wilkins, her steady boyfriend, Nicholas is so attractive and sincere that she agrees to go out with him just once. To make matters worse, Jessica, Elizabeth's scheming twin, announces that Nicholas Morrow is the boy for her. Suddenly Nicholas is the only thing on Jessica's mind. Elizabeth is terrified to think what will happen if Todd or her twin finds out about her date with Nicholas. But who can keep a secret from Jessica Wakefield?

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

This book was published in 1984 and this is my first time reading it. I swear the guy on the cover looks like someone but there's no way I'll ever be able to figure it out. Can we talk about the blurb though? I mean how does Pascal even say “Elizabeth would never cheat on Todd but she fucking cheats on Todd by accepting a date with Nicholas” with a straight face? Does she even read what she's writing? I know, I know...maybe someone else wrote the blurb but surely she approved it. Also we're clearly set up to take Liz's side right from the beginning because Jess is referred to as “scheming” It sets her up as an unsympathetic character right out of the gate. To be fair, Jess has never really been a sympathetic character but I still find “scheming” to be a little manipulative, Pascal.

In the last book.......I mean, I'm not going to recap here what I bullet-pointed there. Liz was missing and then she wasn't. A new boy named Nicholas moved to town with his sister Regina. Jess fell head-over-heels for him immediately but he seemed to have eyes for Liz. Oh, and Max passed his English test. I actually forgot to mention that in my bullet point recap. Oops.

This book starts with Nicholas arriving at the Wakefield compound. Liz answers the door and notices that Nicholas is fatally hot. Pascal makes sure to tell us that Liz is definitely hot enough to match his hot. She describes the twins as being “perfectly proportioned” and “the envy of every other girl in Sweet Valley”. Do you hear that, Nicholas? You might be Prince Charming in human form but these girls are worshiped by absolutely everyone and you best not forget it. Pascal goes on to describe Jessica as “devious” and Liz as “fairness and honesty personified”. Seriously? Pascal, have you even met Liz? Because what you just described is not the girl we've spent 14 books with.

Liz brings Nicholas into the party where the Droids are playing. They switch to a slow song which is apparently about Liz and how happy everyone is to have her home safely. Because of course the local band would be singing songs about Liz. They worship her. We've already established that. Nicholas asks Liz to dance and she thinks she has to accept in order to be a good hostess.  As they dance, he blurts out that she's very pretty and it makes her feel weird so she changes the subject. We learn that Nicholas is taking a gap year between high school and college. He'll be working in his father's computer business. It's super vague.

The song ends and Liz excuses herself to go talk to Allen and Robin. Pascal makes sure to point out that Robin is drinking Diet Coke and not partaking of the party food. Fuck you, Pascal. Liz talks to them for maybe 30 seconds before Nicholas comes over to ask her for another dance. He's really coming on a little strong here and Liz should definitely nip it but she doesn't. You know, because she has to be a good hostess. When the song ends, she tries to extricate herself to go talk to her actual boyfriend but Nicholas says he wants to introduce her to Regina. Liz goes along to......you guessed it......be a good hostess.

Apparently, to Pascal, being a good hostess means putting yourself in situations you are uncomfortable with so you don't offend anyone else.  This is a good way to end up dead.  #fuckpoliteness

Liz meets Regina and is surprised to find that she's pretty. Apparently Liz thought being deaf meant you can't be pretty???? It's gross and made even grosser by the fact that Jess calls Regina a “poor thing” again. What is it with Pascal and deaf people?

Or people in general?

Later, Nicholas corners Liz again and tells her that he's falling in love with her. Despite the fact that he just met her like an hour ago. Sigh. Liz tells him that she's dating Todd but he's not really deterred by that. He tells her that she's too young to focus on only one guy and demands to know if she finds him attractive. She admits that she does and he takes that as a victory. He asks her to go out with him once and she tells him that she can't. He whines that it isn't fair and that she's rejecting him without giving him a chance. I'm having an r/niceguys moment here. This is disgusting behavior. No means no, Pascal.

Liz is torn. She wants to be loyal to Todd but clearly the idea of not dating Liz is really making Nicholas despondent. She feels like it's her duty to go out with him because she's an empathetic person. ((((((SINCE WHEN?????)))))) She justifies it in her head by saying that it isn't really a date. She's just having dinner with a new friend. She doesn't say that part out loud, however, so Nicholas very much thinks it's a date she agrees to.

Everyone sucks here.

Liz scans the room and sees Jess talking to a boy named Randy. Liz tells us that Randy is hopelessly in love with Jess because everyone in town is required to be immediately and hopelessly in love with the Wakefield twins, but Jess doesn't normally pay attention to him because he's tall, thin and wears glasses. Liz figures Jess is up to something because there's no way she'd be talking to Randy otherwise.

Because those are the thoughts of an empathetic person.

Now that she's done being judgey about her sister, Liz turns her attention back to Nicholas. He asks her to go out the next Saturday but she has a date with Todd so they agree on Sunday instead. Liz figures that will be fine because Todd will be spending the day with his mom for her birthday. She's already regretting accepting his dinner invitation but decides it would simply be bad manners to back out now.  

Nicholas leaves so Liz finally goes to look for Todd. She finds him sitting out back by himself. He's obviously upset that she spent the entire night with Nicholas and demands to know why. Liz tries to dance around the subject by saying Nicholas is just new in town and he doesn't know many people but even Todd knows that's #bullshit. Nicholas didn't really know Liz either before the party. Todd throws a little jealous fit which Liz soothes him out of with kisses. It's all very toxic. In the end, she decides not to tell Todd about her date with Nicholas.

#fairnessandhonestypersonified

After the party, Jess tells Liz that she's in love with Nicholas. Liz asks her what she was doing with Randy if she loves Nicholas. Jess reminds Liz that Nicholas works in his dad's computer business and Randy knows a lot about computers. Jess figures if she learns more about them, she and Nicholas will have more things to talk about. After listening to Jess rhapsodize about Nicholas for a very long time, Liz also decides not to tell her that she's going on a date with him.

#fairnessandhonestypersonified

The next day, Jess won't shut up about wanting to date Nicholas and it's freaking Liz out. Jess even picks up on the fact that Liz gets all out of whack whenever Nicholas' name is brought up but Liz denies it.

Jess meets with Randy after school to learn some computer jargon to impress Nicholas.  I guess Randy/computers is going to be our B-plot.  Jess flirts heavily with Randy even though she thinks he is way too nerdy to ever be with a girl like her. Too bad Jess doesn't know that the smart boys are the best.

In order to make the B-plot feel intentional, Pascal crams in a couple of paragraphs about a computer being donated to SVH.  It will be their very first and it will be used to keep track of the students' grades.  Liz does a story on it and adds that there are “hackers” breaking into school computers all over the state to change students' grades. This gives Jess ideas. She thinks maybe Randy could be a hacker and maybe he'd be a good asset to keep in her back pocket for awhile.

Hackers.

Sigh.

I know this recap seems a little choppy but that's because the book is really choppy. It's like Pascal is writing from an outline without filling in any of the middles. I know later on that they are largely written by ghostwriters. I'm not sure when that started but I wouldn't be surprised if someone else wrote this one from a rough outline or set of notes. There's just no flow. We just move from incident to incident. It's not a fun read for reasons other than the usual ones.

Jess definitely wants Randy to hack into the school computer to change her math grade but she doesn't bring it up right away. Instead she asks him for a little extra tutoring. He agrees and they set it up to work after school later in the week.

Suddenly it's Wednesday night. Liz is expecting Nicholas to call to set up their date but when the phone rings, it's Randy to set up his tutoring sesh with Jess. Liz is a wreck. She can't concentrate on anything and she just feels awful inside. I don't feel sorry for her.

Nicholas eventually calls and Liz is full of butterflies even though she keeps trying to convince herself that she isn't attracted to him. He give her an easy out and asks if their date is still on but she says 'yes'. He suggests a super fancy restaurant for dinner and she eagerly accepts, thinking no one from school will be there to recognize her. She arranges to meet him there so he won't come to her house to pick her up and then goes into a general panic trying to figure out what to wear.

#fairnessandhonestypersonified

Liz calls Enid and pours out the entire situation. Enid agrees that Liz must go on this date so she doesn't hurt Nicholas' feelings but encourages Liz to tell Todd.

I have to pause here. YOU DO NOT ~ EVER~ HAVE TO AGREE TO A DATE WITH A PERSON YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH IN ORDER TO SPARE THEIR FEELINGS. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO MANAGE THEIR FEELINGS OR EXPECTATIONS. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH. YOU CAN SAY NO TO ANYONE. It's awful for Pascal to imply otherwise.

Jess meets up with Randy. He gives her a tutoring session over their current math chapter and then Jess steers the convo back to computers. She asks him how easy it is to “tap into” another computer. He tells her that it isn't hard but it's illegal. She bats her eyes and presses her boobs into his arms a little and he agrees to show her how to hack into some local businesses. It literally says this: “He plugged in a cable and pressed a couple of keys. The screen lit up, and the question 'Password?' flashed across it. Then he typed out something. In no time flat the screen was loaded with information about the sales of a real estate company in the valley.”

Okay.

A couple of things.

First of all, I'm impressed that this teenage boy has a computer in his room when the school – a school in a very rich area of town no less – just received their first one. This boy was very blessed. None of my friends had computers in their homes in 1984. My neighbor got a computer in 1989 and it was the most exciting thing that happened on my block. I didn't have one in my home until 1992. I typed all my papers on an actual typewriter. So the fact this random teen has one of his own is truly amazing.

I'm further impressed that this computer had a modem. You see, you can't do what he did by simply plugging in a random cable. He would have to have had a modem. I don't know how many home computers had those in 1984. I don't think they were standard back then. I could be wrong. Technology existed way before most people think it did but the average home didn't have it right away.

Also, the fact that he guesses the password right on the very first try is nothing short of miraculous. Did the real estate agency use 1234 or what? Not only does he get it right on the first try for this site, he repeats this three more times, easily guessing the password for each. How did he do this? Is he psychic? Does everyone in town use the same password? This makes no sense. I think Pascal watched 'War Games' and decided that was all the research she needed to do.

Randy hacks into several businesses somehow and then Jess asks him if can get into the school computer. He tells her that it's possible but he wouldn't feel right about it. She legit pouts until he gives in. Again, he guesses the password immediately and finds the file with all the students' grades. I'm telling you that the staff of SVH must have worked around the clock with no breaks to get that all entered in so quickly. They just got the damn computer a couple of days ago and someone would have had to sit and manually put in all that data. And you know Agnes the school secretary has probably never used a computer before in her life. How did she do this so quickly? I hope she's okay. Has anyone checked on Agnes? Does she need IV fluids or anything?

#saveAgnes

Randy and Jess discover that she is getting an 'F' in math. She starts sobbing into her hands that her parents are going to ground her and make her quit the cheerleading squad. She asks Randy to change the grade but he isn't so sure about that. She sobs some more and he relents again. He quickly changes her grade to a C-. I call major #bullshit on this one. I know I've been calling #bullshit on this whole thing but this really pushes it over the edge. I don't think there's any way he'd be able to actually alter anything on the school's computer. It isn't as easy as TV would lead you to believe, Pascal. Getting into something to look at it is one thing. Being able to alter things on another computer in 19-fucking-84 is another ballgame entirely. NONE OF THIS IS RIGHT.

Randy asks her to go to Dairi Burger after altering her grade but she says she needs to go home. This has all been too much for poor little Jess to handle. She barely gets home when Randy calls her to ask her out again for some reason. She turns him down again and hangs up the phone with a bang. It rings again and this time Liz picks up. It's Randy and before Liz can hand the phone to Jess, Randy blurts out that he's feeling guilty about changing her math grade. He realized that it could fuck up his entire future so he decided to change it back but the school had changed the password. He thinks this means that the school is on to them and he's in a major panic.

Randy tells her that he's going to go turn himself into the principal and he wants Jess to go with him. Liz assures him that “she” will be there and then stomps off to confront Jess. Jess wails that it isn't fair and she shouldn't have to go but Liz forces her. When they get to the school, Randy is already meeting with the principal. Jess tries to play the entire thing off as her and Randy just playing around on the computer and not really knowing what they were doing but the principal doesn't buy it. He threatens to suspend them both but Liz steps in and gives him an impassioned speech about how human beings make mistakes and ruining their lives over this is excessive and how they learned their lesson and will never do this again. The principal tells them that they aren't suspended because Liz's amazing speech changed his mind.

Sigh.

So Jess and Randy get zero punishment for this crime they committed and that part of the plot is all wrapped up. That was fast.

We rush past another school day and suddenly it's Saturday night. Liz goes out on a date with Todd, intending to tell him about her date with Nicholas the next day but gets distracted when Betsy and some dude come into the Dairi Burger drunk. Betsy is Tricia's sister and is always described as “trash”. After Betsy and the dude leave, Liz brings up Regina in the most awkward way possible in an effort to segue into a conversation about Nicholas but Todd shuts it down pretty quick. He doesn't want to talk about the Morrow family so Liz just decides to drop it. She asks him what his plans are with his mom the next day and Todd just says they're all going out. Liz is suspicious that he won't give her details but she's the one with a fucking date so I don't know what her actual problem is.

We skip to the next night. Liz puts on a silk dress and heels to get ready to meet Nicholas at the restaurant.

Fucking hell. I just realized what's going to happen. She's going to end up at the same restaurant as Todd and his family. That's why Pascal wouldn't let Todd tell Liz where they were going. This is so damn dumb.

When Liz gets to the restaurant, Nicholas is wearing a fucking ascot. What 19-year-old wears a fucking ascot? Does Pascal actually know any teenagers? Liz asks Nicholas to order for them both so he orders “smoked salmon followed by tournedos Rossini, puffed potatoes and haricots verts”. I know what salmon is but I looked the rest up. The tournedos thing is a fancy steak topped with duck liver and black truffles. Haricots verts are essentially green beans only longer and skinnier. I think I'd skip both the meats and only eat the veggies.

The two of them have dinner and talk. Nicholas manages to mention how hard it is to be rich an alarming number of times. It's pretty gross to be honest. But Liz finds him charming. At the end of the meal she firmly friendzones him and he accepts it graciously since she gave him the chance to woo her that he asked for. She's feeling pretty satisfied about everything when she sees Todd and his parents walking across the restaurant toward them. Todd catches sight of her and stops in his tracks so Liz pretends she's Jessica. Luckily Nicholas seems to catch on pretty quickly and he doesn't fuck it up for her. Todd seems skeptical but moves on.

#fairnessandhonestypersonified

Liz thinks she's out of the woods but there's still 30 pages left in the book. Todd is feeling so bad about thinking that Jess was Liz that he gets it into his head that he needs to immediately go over to Liz's house to apologize to her. There's no logic to this but Pascal has never bothered herself with logic. As soon as they get home, Todd jumps in his car and drives straight to the Wakefield house. Jess answers the door in a towel and Todd kisses her thinking it has to be Liz. When he realizes it's Jess, he clings to the hope that she simply got home before him since her dinner was ending just as his family was going to their table. He mentions going to the restaurant to see if she'll say “duh” but she sighs and says she wishes someone would take her. Then it all comes crashing down.

Todd tells Jess that he obviously saw Liz on a date with Nicholas and Jess is instantly furious. She's been telling Liz how much she likes Nicholas for days and she can't believe her own sister would betray her like this. Todd is also feeling betrayed and he slams his fist into the door frame and yells at Jess that things are over between him and Liz. Sigh. Just Todd being violent when he's angry again. That's our leading man, y'all. One half of the couple we're supposed to be shipping.

When Liz gets home, Jess confronts her. Liz is surprised that she got found out and insists that she didn't mean to hurt anyone. Jess tells her that she has a funny way of showing that. Liz whines that she felt like she owed it to Nicholas to get to know him but Jess counters that Liz owed it to Todd not to cheat and to her not to steal the boy she liked. Liz tries to call Todd but his mom says he isn't taking calls so Liz goes to bed miserable.

Todd ignores Liz at school all the next day. To make things worse, Mr Collins, the questionable journalism teacher, assigns Liz to cover the championship basketball game that evening. I don't know why the championship game is on a Monday but whatevs. This is Pascal's fucked up world and I'm just blogging about it. Liz tries to get out of covering the game but the questionable Mr Collins won't hear of it and forces her to go.

Todd plays horribly all through the first half and Liz knows it's all her fault. At halftime, Nicholas comes over to talk to her and she spills out the whole story. He vows to set things straight with Todd and heads for the locker room.

You know, Nicholas doesn't even go to school there. How the hell does he know where the locker room is? And furthermore, why would anyone let this man go into the locker room where high school boys are doing whatever they do during halftime?

Sigh.

Nicholas tells Todd that he basically forced Liz to go out with him which isn't exactly true. He put a lot of pressure on her but she was free to say 'no'. Pascal pretty much wrote it as if Liz wasn't free to say 'no' but she absolutely was. Nicholas wasn't threatening her. There was no real power imbalance or consequences for Liz if she'd refused. She made the choice. But apparently Todd also things that girls are just required to say 'yes' when asked out because this makes perfect sense to him. Nicholas assures Todd that he's been friendzoned and Todd decides that everything is just fine. I guess it didn't really matter that Liz wasn't honest with him. Nothing matters because she's Elizabeth fucking Wakefield.

#fairnessandhonestypersonified

Todd goes back out and saves the game because of course he does.

Liz doesn't feel like going to the after party so she gives Jess the keys to the car even though Jess isn't allowed to drive it anymore due to parking tickets. Super responsible, Liz. She's moping away from the school when Todd chases her down and kisses her senseless. He tells her that he knows she was forced to go on the date and all is forgiven. SHE HAD A CHOICE!!! He convinces her to go to the after party because he wants to bask in the adoration from his classmates.

They're barely at the party when Alice Wakefield calls. She asks Jess and Liz to come to the hospital right away because Tricia is near death. The book ends there.

This book is infuriating. I hate how Pascal paints Liz as this big victim who had no choice but to cheat on her boyfriend because another boy asked her out. Liz had choices and she made those choices. She 100% betrayed her boyfriend. No one forced her to do that. She could have said 'no'. She should have said 'no'. I can't believe everyone is just going to let her get away with that shit.

Coming up next: Tricia dies or something.

Kidnapped (SVH #13) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: Elizabeth's nightmare is about to begin....

From the Back of the Book: A living nightmare... Elizabeth Wakefield never imagined that her evening of volunteer work would turn into the most horrifying night of her life. <REDACTED DUE TO CONTENT> Somehow Elizabeth must escape before it's too late.

Blogger's Note: I know that the subject matter of this book will trigger one of my readers. I also know that she will read this recap anyway to “prove” that she can. ((You don't need to prove anything, beautiful girl. I know how strong you are.)) But because I love her very much and I refuse to be the instrument that harms her, I am choosing NOT to recap this book in the usual way. I will be giving you all a very bare bones bullet list of plot points. We will pick up the regular recap in the next book.

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

This book was published in 1984 and this is my first time reading it. The cover is nothing special but at least I don't have to redact that too.

In the last book, we had WAY too many plots to keep track of and none of them were executed well. People moved to town. TV stars were injured in skiing accidents and then repeatedly victimized by Jess. Tricia was diagnosed with fatal leukemia and tried to hide it by breaking up with Steven so he wouldn't get hurt when she died. Which was dumb for so many reasons. The twins volunteered at the hospital (mostly so Jess could stalk that TV guy) and Liz met a creepy orderly who decided to kidnap her at the end of the book.

Commence bullet points.

*The book literally starts with Jess running into Steven's room to ask him to zip up her dress and he's dressed only in a towel. He tells us that even a burlap sack couldn't hide Jess' “perfectly proportioned figure” I know it's not necessarily problematic but the fact that he'd thinking about her “figure” while she's literally half-dressed just makes me feel icky. Was that really necessary, Pascal?

*Jess decides Nicholas Morrow will be her next conquest. Predictable. She's supposed to ride to his party with Liz but decides not to wait for her and goes with Cara instead.

*Jess meets Regina Morrow and finds out she's deaf but can read lips. Jess responds by calling her a “poor thing” which is just super gross.

*Nicholas is apparently “Adonis personified”. Which.....I mean, I know Adonis was described as beautiful but the only physical representations we have of him are marble statues so does this guy look like a marble statue? Because he might want to get that checked out.

*Max (that guy from the band who needed Liz to tutor him) is grounded from his guitar until he brings all his grades up. If he fails English in particular, he can't play with the band ever again so stakes are high.

*When Liz doesn't show up for their tutoring session, Max goes to the hospital to look for her.

*When Todd asks Jess where Liz is, she lies and says Liz is babysitting for the questionable Mr Collins. I have NO idea why she does this. None.

*Liz realizes that Carl, the creepy orderly from the hospital, is the one who is hosting her.

*Todd waits for half an hour and then calls Mr Collins' house to check on Liz. He's told she isn't there. He confronts Jess who finally realizes something is wrong.

*Liz and Todd leave the party and drive along the route Liz should have taken in case her car broke down.

*Carl tells Liz he loves her because she was nice to him and he wants her to live in his house forever.

*The Wakefields check with Max and find out that Liz never came by and now Max is gone too. Ned calls the police.

*Meanwhile, Max has located Liz's car in the hospital parking lot. He sees the door is partly open and investigates. Her purse is under the driver's seat. I have no idea why. Surely she didn't put it there. He dumps it out to find some kind of clue. I have no fucking idea what he thinks he's looking for. It makes no sense. He's going through the glove box when the cops show up. He's arrested because they think he was trying to steal her car. They don't even seem to know she's missing at this point.

I guess Pascal is just going to ignore the fact that Max probably destroyed evidence.  Do you think she knows????????

*Max is held for four hours before being released to his parents. Eventually he IS questioned about Liz but he doesn't know anything.

*The police decide Liz probably ran away. I have no idea how they came to this conclusion but I guess statistics or something.

*Carl tells Liz that he plans for them to change locations the next day.

*The entire school suspects Max. For reasons I guess. I mean, everyone loved him a few books ago when he was playing with the band. Now everyone thinks he hangs with a “rough crowd”. Like....the band? I'm confused. Pascal really doesn't believe in continuity.

*After school the next day, Todd, Jess and Max go to the hospital to see if they can find some clues. Suddenly everyone is Nancy Drew.

*Carl has been going into work to avert suspicion. When he sees Jess walking around, he panics and runs over to ask “Liz” what she's doing there. He asks her how she escaped and Jess realizes that he knows where Liz is. She plays along to get him to talk. He doesn't reveal much but what he says reassures Jess that her sister is alive.

*Carl is arrested and tells the police where Liz is. She's rescued in a very anti-climatic scene that only takes two paragraphs. Sigh.

*Over the next few days, Liz resists any attempt anyone makes at getting her to talk about what she's been through. She wants to forget about it and insists on throwing a party.

*Out of nowhere, we get two paragraphs from Alice thinking that she's afraid Liz might be getting too serious with Todd and that they might have sex. She wishes Liz would date other people and not commit herself so young.

That was weird.

*Nicholas comes to the party and it's pretty clear that he's immediately enamored with Liz. The book ends with these ominous words...... “Will Elizabeth leave Todd for Nicholas? Find out in Sweet Valley High #14.” So we have that to look forward to.

This book was.....disappointing. There was never any tension or sense of danger because Liz was never in any peril and Carl wasn't really very threatening. I know what happened to her was awful but Pascal wrote it as the most mild crime in the history of the world. I get that these books were aimed at fairly young readers and maybe Pascal didn't want to scare them, but if you weren't going to do the story justice, why bother writing it at all? There was no real reason to include this story in the line up. Another one could have easily taken its place. I don't understand why she chose to take us on this journey only to have Liz spend two days reading books about making investments and caring for farm animals while Carl feeds her fast food and buys her cardigans so she isn't chilly. The story was so bland that it was ultimately useless and a waste of time. I'm not saying I wanted anything bad to happen to Liz even though I mostly hate her. I'm saying I can't figure out why Pascal wrote this particular story at all. The same could be said for the weird second book in the Canby Hall series. Did publishers just insist on this kind of story back then? I'm going to have to check out other series and see if they included something similar as well.

When Love Dies (SVH #12) by Francine Pascal

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know what cold-hearted-bitch move the twins made this book.

Tag Line: What terrible secret is Tricia keeping from Steven?

From the Back of the Book: The end of romance...The Wakefield twins' older brother, Steven, is heartbroken. His girlfriend, Tricia Martin, no longer seems interested in him. She breaks their dates and doesn't return his calls. Steven can't understand why Tricia's feelings have changed so suddenly. Jessica is thrilled that Steven isn't dating Tricia anymore. She sees it as the perfect opportunity to pair him with her best friend Cara Walker. Elizabeth, Jessica's twin, thinks that scheming, gossipy Cara is all wrong for Steven. She's determined to find out the reason for Tricia's strange behavior – and horrified when she discovers the awful truth.

TRIGGER WARNING: At the very end of the book, there is an abduction. I do not describe it in detail but you might want to skip the last paragraph in this recap if that's something that will distress you. (Also, you're going to want to skip the next book if that's a tough trope for you.)

Meet the Cast

*Elizabeth Wakefield – identical twin of Jessica and massive fucking martyr.

*Jessica Wakefield – identical twin of Elizabeth with narcissistic and histrionic tendencies

*Ned Wakefield – neglectful patriarch of the clan and successful lawyer

*Alice Wakefield – neglectful matriarch of the clan and an interior designer

*Steven Wakefield – older brother, university student and general asshole

*Enid Rollins – Liz's best friend and generic good-girl type

*Todd Wilkins – Liz's douchebag boyfriend and star of the SVH basketball team

*Lila Fowler – Jessica's self-absorbed best friend and representative of SV new money

*Bruce Patman – school dick and representative of SV old money

*Ken Matthews – star quarterback and resident jock stereotype

*Winston Egbert – stereotypical school nerd

There are more but these are the main characters that plague us book after book.

In the last book, Jessica and some random named Suzanne traded places for a couple of weeks. Jessica went to New York City where she learned she isn't as sophisticated as she thinks she is. She spent time with Suzanne's boyfriend and he tried to get her drunk and then assaulted her but luckily Suzanne's parents came home and stopped it in time. Back in SV, Suzanne won everyone over with her charm and then accused Mr Collins of sexual assault because she was mad that he turned down her advances. Everyone eventually learned the truth and all was well. I guess. We also learned that Tricia has been avoiding Steven which leads right into this book.

We begin with Jess finding Steven brooding in the kitchen and Pascal gives us this stunning description of the twins: “They shared the same sun-streaked golden hair and dazzling white smiles, the same delicate features and perfect size-six figures. Together they formed a double image of sun-kissed, all-American loveliness.”

She forgot about the part where they're both wretched, evil, reckless and self-absorbed. Truly, they are the personification of selfishness.

Jess asks Steven why he's moping around and then takes a few digs at Tricia who she feels is below them because her family is poor and her dad drinks too much. Steven reacts angrily to Jess's opinion of Tricia and tells her to leave him alone. She stomps away, irritated that he won't see things her way.

Liz comes in and chastises Jess for being insensitive. She says that Steven is heartbroken that Tricia has been so distant and they need to support him. Jess counters that he never should have been dating Tricia in the first place because it's super embarrassing to Jess to be associated with “that family”. This is a conversation we've heard time after time over the course of several books and I'm bored already.

Liz reminds Jess that just because Tricia's family is a mess doesn't mean that Tricia is. In addition to the drunk and disorderly father, Tricia's sister Betsy has a “bad reputation”. I'm so glad Pascal is back on the slut shaming train. It's such a fun ride.

Jess switches topics and asks Liz to borrow a pair of red shoes. Liz says 'no' because the last time Jess borrowed them, she broke a strap and it cost Liz six whole dollars to fix. Jess sighs and says she'll just have to go barefoot then and she'll step on some glass and die. Martyr Liz immediately relents and lets Jess have her shoes. And that paragraph perfectly sums up both of them.

Chapter two puts us in Steven's head. He's determined to find out what's going on with Tricia, so he just drives over to her house to confront her. He makes sure to point out to us that Tricia lives in the poor part of town and it's so very different to the luxury he's used to. I hate Steven too.

He gets to Tricia's “shabby” house and knocks on the door. Her drunk father answers and tells Steven that Tricia is in her room but she doesn't want to see him. Steven doesn't take no for an answer and he just shoves Tricia's father aside and heads back to her room. He doesn't even knock or ask permission to enter her room. He just slams open her door and barges in, demanding to know why she's been avoiding him. Tricia is startled by his sudden appearance and then a little annoyed by it. Not annoyed enough. She has a suitcase on the bed and she tells him that she's going out of town for the weekend. Steven gets shouty and demands to know where she's going but Tricia evades.

Steven grabs her by the shoulders, gripping her hard enough to make her wince. Tricia says that maybe they should see other people and he asks her if she's going away with some other guy for the weekend. This is.....awful. Steven is awful. Tricia should run far, far away. The entire Wakefield family is dangerous. Tricia doesn't say anything and Steven takes that for confirmation. He releases her and then stomps out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

We move into Tricia's head now, thank goodness. I'm so disgusted by Steven that I don't even want to think about him anymore. Tricia is shaken by the encounter. She thinks to herself that it's better this way. He'll hurt less thinking she doesn't love him than he would if he had to sit by her side and watch her die. Tricia has been diagnosed with leukemia and the doctors have given her roughly six months to live. Her mother also died of leukemia so Tricia doesn't hold out much hope for any kind of medical intervention saving her. She figures a breakup will hurt Steven less in the long run.

Like he's not going to hear that she died? Like he's not going to care that she died because she broke up with him? This is all very dumb already and we're only on chapter two. I do not have high hopes for this book.

We skip ahead to a new day. I have no idea how much time has passed. Jess and Cara are on a bus together for some reason. Cara asks if the rumors about Steven breaking up with Tricia are true and Jess confirms everything. Cara expresses interest in Steven and Jess is thrilled. She thinks this will be a much better match for her brother and she promises Cara that she'll help get the two of them together.

The plot suddenly splits off and Cara starts talking about a guy named Jeremy Frank. He's the host of a local TV program and everybody pretty much thinks he's ever so dreamy. Cara tells Jess that he skied into a tree and broke his leg so he's currently laid up at the local hospital. Jess immediately starts scheming about how she can meet him and make him fall in love with her. I think he's like 30 or something. I hate these books.

Cara also mentions that someone new is moving into one of the mansions up on the hill. Jess has always been awed by the house and is very curious who the new family might be. I don't know if they're a C-plot or if they're the next book.

(((Note from future me: it's both.  The C-plot is pretty much just a line here and there but it exists.)))

Jess goes home and tells Liz that she thinks they should start volunteering at the hospital. It's all a ploy to meet Jeremy but she doesn't clue Liz in on that aspect. Liz is surprised that Jess wants to do any kind of good deed with her spare time. Liz should know Jess well enough by now to see through this sudden bout of altruism but she takes it at face value and agrees that volunteering would be a good thing for their souls and their college applications.  Plus it's the B-plot so she really doesn't have much choice.

At dinner, the twins run their volunteering plan by Ned and Alice who can barely bring themselves to care. Jess asks Ned if he knows anything about the C-plot moving in and he tells her that Mr Morrow used to play football professionally and now he and his family are moving to SV. They're due to arrive the following week. They have a son Steven's age and a daughter the twins' age who will be starting SVH. 

Seriously, Pascal can barely handle one plot with any degree of proficiency. I really wish she wouldn't attempt three because none of them are going to turn out well.

I say that as if any of them would turn out well if they were on their own.  😆

The next day, the twins go to the hospital to fill out the volunteer paperwork. The lady behind the desk tells them that they'll mostly be fetching water and magazines for the patients as well as delivering gifts and keeping patients company. Jess barely listens as she imagines saving Jeremy's life. She pictures herself noticing he's in distress and calling for medical intervention just in time. She's sure she's going to end up famous for this.

The level of delusion in this girl is fascinating.

Jess ends up assigned to the maternity ward which sounds like a dream to me but makes her very unhappy. By break time, she's sick of looking at babies and bitches to Liz about her assignment. Liz spent her time running things to patients and one of those patients was Jeremy. Jess listens in a jealous rage as Liz describes her conversation with him and the fact that he asked her to sign his cast. She asks Liz to switch assignments with her and that's when Liz finally figures out that Jess had an ulterior motive for volunteering.

It took her long enough.  

They twins part ways again after break and Liz continues on her assignment. On her way down a hall, she encounters an orderly with dark eyes and a “hawkish” nose who immediately drops the tray he was carrying. Stuff goes everywhere. Liz rushes to help him and he introduces himself as Carl. When her fingers inadvertently touch his as she hands him a paper cup she feels “a cold shock” and thinks to herself that there's something odd about Carl.

Seriously, Pascal? You aren't really attempting a D-plot here, are you?

As Liz continues down the hall she sees the A-plot in the distance. She calls out to Tricia to remind her that she's in this book but Tricia just bolts without acknowledging her in any way. I wish I could get away with that. I'd love to go through life not acknowledging Elizabeth Wakefield in any way.

In the meantime, Jess is working on our B-plot. She sneaks onto the regular ward and heads right for Jeremy's room. He greets her warmly, thinking she's Liz but she quickly sets the record straight about that. He's still pretty cordial until she tells him that she wants to be an actress and then he shutters down pretty quick. She asks if she can sign his cast and he tells her she can. While she's leaning over to look for a space, she loses her balance and ends up stabbing him in the good knee with a pen. He jerks upright and that yanks one of the supports down for his traction. He slumps to the bed in pain and asks Jess to get a nurse for him. She's crushed, knowing she's probably ruining her only chance at love and a career.

HE'S OLD!!!

Pascal really needs to stop doing this.

Jess turns her attention back to the A-plot for a little while, remembering that she promised Cara she'd hook her up with Steven. To achieve this, she tries to get Steven to go to a party that Cara is having. Steven tells her that he's not in the mood and Jess is irritated. She tells him that he's going to ruin his reputation because everyone will think he's a “wimp” if he continues to mope around like this. Steven doesn't much care about this so Jess changes tactic. She says that Cara has been hearing a lot of juicy gossip about Tricia and how she's spending her time these days. If Steven wants to know, he needs to come to the party and ask Cara himself. For some reason, he agrees to this.

It's like Liz and Steven have never met Jess in their fucking lives. They KNOW who she is and what she's up to. Why do they allow her to manipulate them like this? I think they're both idiots.

I say that like we didn't already know it.

Turns out Cara wasn't even having a party at all and now she's panicked because she has to somehow throw one in just a few hours. She has no idea how to get people to come on such short notice but Jess says to leave everything to her.

They get to the 'party' and find that Lila and her date are the only other ones there so I guess Jess didn't even bother to handle it after all.  So shocking.  Cara tries to cover it up by saying a bunch of people canceled. Steve has a hint of awareness when he sees how much skin Cara is showing and regrets coming at all. He wonders what Tricia is doing at that moment and who she is doing it with. He still can't believe they broke up.

Cara reminds us that there is a C-plot by telling Jess that Regina Morrow is going to be throwing a party soon to get to know the town. Jess is annoyed she didn't hear about it first but excited about getting to go to a party at a mansion.

Cara brings out beer – which Steven refuses – and then puts on some music. Jess and her date disappear out onto the dark patio and are soon followed by Lila and her date. Steve finds himself alone with Cara who gets all up in his personal space pretty quick. She tells him that she heard about his breakup and expresses some insincere condolences about it. He asks her if she's talked to Tricia because, of course, that's what Jess had told him to get him to come to this party. Cara tells him that she's heard Tricia has a new boyfriend. A friend saw Tricia with some man at the pharmacy recently and she was “draped all over him”. Steven pretends not to care as he dies inside. He grabs Cara and tells her he wants to dance. As they're dancing, he thinks about Tricia being with another man and kisses Cara. He doesn't feel anything but she's elated.

The fake party eventually ends and Steven decides to take Cara out for pizza. She asks him to drive around a little after and he thinks it's because she wants to be seen with a prize catch like him. I swear, the ego on this guy. It must be a dominant Wakefield trait. Even though he feels nothing for Cara at all, he decides to keep dating her to stick it to Tricia. Cara is kind of awful but I feel bad for her because she actually has feelings for this douche.

On Monday, Liz sees Tricia eating lunch outside alone. She goes out to check on her and the two have an awkward conversation. Tricia tries to explain away her appearance at the hospital as visiting a friend. Liz subjects her to what can only be called an interrogation, asking her question after question about this friend and her illness. It's really invasive and absolutely none of Liz's business. Jess and Cara rock up and start talking about how Cara is dating Steve now. He's going to take her to a college party the next weekend. Liz can tell that the talk upsets Tricia even though she tries to pretend she doesn't care.

Privately, Tricia is crushed. She thinks about her first date with Steven and their first kiss. She remembers how polite he always was to her drunk father. She loves him so much it hurts and she has the impulse to call him and tell him everything that's going on because she needs his support and love to get her through. But then she decides that he's much better off without her and it will hurt less for him if he's dating Cara when Tricia dies.

It doesn't even make sense. This whole plot is so dumb.

We revisit the B-plot after school. Jess strides into Jeremy's room without knocking, a pitcher of ice water in her hands. She's determined to make up for the fact that she injured him last time. There's a nurse with him but Jess ignores that and approaches the bed. Jeremy is 100% naked getting a sponge bath and Jess is so shocked at the unexpected view of his....ahem....credentials (if you know what I mean), that she dumps the entire pitcher of ice water directly onto his stomach. Jeremy howls in pain (this is the word Pascal used) and tries helplessly to get away from the water as the nurse dabs at him with a towel. They both yell at Jess who feels like they're being way to harsh on her.

Jess tells Liz about it later and Liz realizes that she needs to do something to keep Jess away from Jeremy entirely. She knows threats won't work but historically Jess tends to lose interest in a guy as soon as they start liking her back. Liz wonders if she can get Jeremy to pretend to like Jess so that she will lose interest in him. It's a risky gamble in the first place because it could backfire so easily AND any adult who does not live in SV would never agree to do something like this. I mean, he's an adult and she's a literal child. He could get arrested. Lose his job. Canceled on Twitter. Of course, we know he'll agree to it because everyone in SV does everything the Wakefields say.

I hate this fucking town.

Liz runs into the D-plot after break. She notices that Carl is watching her and tells us that she's caught him doing that several times. It makes her uncomfortable and he definitely gives her the creeps. She asks one of the nurses about him and finds out that Carl is a loner who lives on the edge of town. I'm not feeling better about Carl but Liz seems to think a friendship with her is all he really needs. She still can't shake the prey feeling he gives her but chooses not to listen to that little bit of intuition.

Is Carl the next book? I bet he is.

Just a little public service announcement......  If you ever come across someone that makes you feel like prey, don't try to befriend them. There's a reason you feel that way. Liz is an idiot.

Liz ropes Jeremy into “Operation Hurricane” somehow. He must be as dumb as all the others. His first strike is to give Jess a dozen roses that someone from the TV station sent him. Jess thinks this is the first step for their love story. She admits that Ned and Alice might have a problem with their 16-year-old daughter dating a 25-year-old man. I doubt Ned and Alice will even notice but the local police department might have a lot to say about it. I hate everything about the B-plot.

Liz goes to visit a new patient and is shocked to discover it's Tricia. Tricia admits that she has terminal leukemia and makes Liz promise not to tell Steven. Liz protests that Steve would want to be there for Tricia but she continues to insist that “it's better this way”. Liz promises but feels miserable about it. Tricia tells Liz that she really loves Steven but she thinks it will be easier on him if she dies while he's mad at her. This girl knows nothing about emotions and grief. It's actually going to be WAY harder on him because he has all these other feelings mixed up in it now and he was cheated out of spending time with her. I hate everything about the A-plot.

A week passes. Liz is tormented by this secret she's been asked to keep. She feels like it's destroying both Tricia and her brother. In desperation, she turns to the questionable Mr Collins for advice. He listens and then tells her what I've been saying all along – that this will only hurt Steven more in the long run. He tells Liz that sometimes people make a “bad promise” because they aren't aware of all the information or ramifications and that they don't have to keep the promise in these instances. It's actually pretty good advice and I'm a little surprised.

He also ruins everything by introducing a fucking E-plot. Yeah. Pascal shoved a 5^th plot line into a book where she is handling 0 plot lines well. This is just ridiculous at this point. Anyway, Max is in danger of failing English and he wants Liz to tutor him. We met Max a few books ago. He's a member of that band that thought they were getting their big break when they were only being scammed.

I'm so over all these plots.

Back to the B-plot. Jeremy asks Jess to come see him. When she does, he immediately proposes. It freaks her out and she panics, protesting that she's only 16 and still in high school. He says he'll wait but she tells him she doesn't love him and flees the room with a “frightened” cry. He literally scared her. That's not cool. None of this is cool. I hope this plot is over now because it's disgusting.

We skip ahead to the weekend. Steven is taking Cara to some kind of college party even though his heart isn't in it. They dance and she invites him to Regina's party the next weekend. He hedges, saying he'll get back to her on it. The lack of enthusiasm pricks at her and she tells him he needs to show her more affection now that they're a couple. Stupid Steven tells her that he wasn't aware they were dating which is just.....I can't even with these people.....you've been taking her out on dates, Steven. What do you think dating means? She's upset but he tells her that he's still in love with Tricia and then he takes her home.

Meanwhile, Jess has gotten over her panic and she decides that she's going to accept Jeremy's proposal after all. She figures they can have a long engagement and she'll keep it a secret from her parents until she graduates. She heads to the hospital to surprise Jeremy.

Damn it. The B-plot resurfaced. Just when I thought it was safe to read another chapter.......

Jess goes to Jeremy's hospital room and tells him that she's going to accept his proposal after all. The asshole literally laughs at her until he cries. He tells her that he and Liz cooked up this scheme to scare Jess away and she's hurt that they'd both do something so awful. She starts to cry even as she's thinking in her head that there's probably a way she can get something out of this. Jeremy finally feels bad for his appalling behavior and asks her if there's something he can do to make it up to her.

Sigh.

Steven comes home from the party feeling glum. Liz decides now is the time to tell him everything so she goes to his room and fills him in. He immediately leaves to go to Tricia's house. I guess she's out of the hospital now??? When she answers the door, she tries to tell him that she's waiting for her new boyfriend to arrive but he says “Trish, baby, I know” and she collapses into his arms, sobbing.

They talk it all out and she explains her reasoning and he explains why her reasoning sucks. She decides that it's better to have him with her and they say “I love you” a bunch of times and kiss over and over. So I guess that's pretty much wrapped up.

I know. I've said that before.

The conclusion of the B-plot barely gets a mention. I guess Jess appeared on a segment of Jeremy's show or something.

(((THIS IS THE LAST PARAGRAPH. PLEASE STOP READING HERE IF THE TRIGGER WARNING APPLIES TO YOU.)))

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We move back to the C, D, and E plots now. Liz is scheduled to work a shift at the hospital, then go tutor Max, then go to Regina's party with Jess. As she's walking across the parking lot of the hospital, she keeps thinking that someone is following her. After she gets in her car, she hears a tap on her window and sees Carl standing there. He tells her that one of the nurses needs to talk to her before she leaves and Liz gets out of the car. He immediately kidnaps her and I'm not going to go into detail about how that happened out of respect for one of my readers in case she ignored my trigger warning as she so often does. Carl tells Liz that they'll be together forever and then the book ends.

Coming up next: The D and E plots combine in a very peculiar way.  ((That's tutoring Max and the Carl thing in case you lost track.  I had to write them down so I'd remember them.  I hate Pascal.))